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ashley Jun 2013
engulfed
in a darkness
so thick
it can
blanket the universe.

thoughts
racing
and mixing
throughout
your mind.

tears
that stream
down your
pink cheeks
and make
waterfalls
down your neck.

these are
what 4am
consists of:

thoughts,
hopes,
and crushed
dreams.

*a.m.
It's 5:13 here so I thought I'd write a poem to distract me from tumblr.
ashley Mar 2013
I want you to hold me, love me, give me attention.
To guide me, engulf me, kiss me with affection.
I crave the touch of your soft lips on mine,
The adrenalin in my veins will be a sign
of our love.
Do you love me as much as I love you?
I love you a lot, that much is true.
Your gorgeous eyes and soft caring smile
can make me swoon for quite a while.
Maybe you're in denial
of your love for me.
When I see you my heart skips a beat.
I get flushed and want to retreat,
but instead I stand there, admiring your grace,
the cute little freckles scattered on your face.
If I run would you chase
me?
Although we are young, our love is pure.
I know you're the one, I'm honestly sure.
Our love blooms like a budding rose
As delicate as the white specks called snow.
It's a miracle how our love is so close
To being so real.
I wrote this when I was "in love" with my best friend. Turns out, I wasn't of course. It was just one of those phases where you think every little thing is turning into love.
ashley Mar 2013
it's true, what they say
that everyone is broken
darkness covers day
and clouds the heartbroken

the light tries
to outshine the dark
your weary cries
create a bright spark

the stars shine bright
and strike to take aim
they shine down upon the night
thee raging red flame

your bones are crushed,
and thy soul captured
thy whispers hushed
a heart still fractured

to repair the pain
you have to dig deep
you have that to gain
thy soul to keep

now look up at the sky
and into the flaming sun
diminish thy trapped cries
because now, you have won
ashley May 2013
it's hard to be fake to someone
who was once your best friend.
ever since he got to you
and ******* up your
mind, you've changed.
you're not yourself anymore;
you've merged into him.
every conversation
we have,
he suddenly becomes the
main topic.
sorry, but this is all your fault.
we tried to warn you,
to help you,
but did you listen?
no, you went crawling back
to him like a lost puppy,
clinging onto your one
last string of hope.

too bad you lost some friends
on the way.

*a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
A young girl sits alone, scrunched in a corner of her room. She

Bawls her eyes out as tears fall onto her little blue dress.

Crying has become somewhat normal for her now.

Days like these, she tries to shut out the scenes of her father's raging

Eyes, dark and cold as he comes to attack her once again. For years, her

Father has been doing this to her. The worst thing is that she can't do anything about it.

Growing up without her mother to protect her, she doesn't see the point in living anymore.

Hatred fills her father's eyes as he looks her over.

In an instant, his fist connects with her tear-stained face, cheeks aching from the pain of his

Jolting actions. She holds her cheek as it pulsates under her fingertips. Her father's

Knuckles are ****** and bruised from impact, but he just shruggs it off as if it's nothing.

Looking around the room helplessly, the girl clasps onto her locket, dangling around her neck.

Mommy, she whispers, why aren't you here? Why can't you save me from Daddy?

Now is when the tears come flooding back, pouring down her face. If

Only she could run away. If only someone would notice the bruises that cover her

Pale skin. Why can't they see it?

Questions race through her mind: Why me? Who will save me? She

Realizes she doesn't know the answer to either of them. She doesn't know what else to do but

Sit in that corner, curled in a fetal position on the hardwood floor.

Time passes by before her eyes, each and every day.

Under her, she hears her father's footsteps inching closer and closer. At first they're soft,

Very, very soft. Almost as quiet as a whisper. Then, they increase speed, coming forth.

When he suddenly approaches, a smirk plays on his lips. She plays with the small

Xylophone perched by her frail legs, hoping the sound will drown out her father's.

You can only pray, a voice whispers in her ear. She focuses on that voice,

Zoning out the voices of terror inside her head.
ashley Mar 2013
the kisses you leave
become etched
into my skin,
they sting with
pure ice as you
press into my lips,
down my neck,
on my fragile bones.

you **** gently
on the skin of my neck,
nibble a little,
give me a tickle,
and sometimes,
a red mark will show;
a trophy of some sort,
a pedestal i've been placed on,
one that claims me
as your own.

your smile
that radiated through
each kiss that touches my lips;
give me a bite
and i'll smile too,
a smile so wide
and devilish
that it urges you
to keep going.

your hands
are a boat;
they travel across
my body;
up, down, side to side;
you search for
the endless depths
of the Dead Sea.
your fingers
interlace with my hair,
touch my warm pink cheeks,
fall
all the way down
to my waist.

it all feels so good,
like something inside of me
went off and erupted;
a feeling so great
and enticing
that it becomes addicting;
your touch,
your kisses,
the way you please me
becomes something
that's completely out
of my control.

but i'm not afraid.

are you?

afraid of
what could become
of this heavy satisfaction?
afraid of
the consequences?
of the aftermath
that follows the touch
of your hands?
of the feelings
that'll grow
more and more
between us?

tell me.
are you afraid?


a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
Once my parents leave I lock my bedroom door
And then I plop down and sit on the floor.
Under my bed is where the **** is stored
I think, At least I'm not out on the streets like a ***** *****.
I beg you, please, give me more.

I roll the joint with gentle care
As if it were the only one left to share.
Go and light it if you dare,
You whisper. I light the joint and watch it flare.

I take a hit, one full of delight
As I absorb the smoke and look out into the night.
My head feels light and my body goes numb.
The buzz in my veins is more than enough
To get me high after a well-given smoke.
I've used up all my cash, now I am broke
But at least I still have a decent amount of ****
To satisfy my cravings and control my need.
ashley Mar 2013
My mind is an attic
And I have locked it for safe keeping
I will no longer be an addict
I will no longer be weeping.
I’ve locked the attic
And thrown away the key
For my thoughts are too traumatic,
To harsh and cruel for me.
I cannot endure this pain
I cannot keep thinking of these horrible sights
I want to become happy again
To take away all the fright.
I need you to save me
To help me through
I need you to love me
And for you to promise you will be true.
Wrote this when I was depressed. I used to write a lot when I was depressed, actually...
ashley Mar 2013
Somewhere right before my eyes,
encased in a thick sheet of glass,
holds an undescribable world.
One where no one gets harmed,
one where being yourself
is appreciated,
as well as accepted.

I've tried my hardest to find
this world,
but it seems as though it is
lost within the depths
of my imagination,
or maybe it escaped in the heavy
winds that cast themselves
upon the land;
or maybe it is simply
a dream,
one only visible when I
close my eyes.

One way or another,
wherever it may be,
I can go visit my land,
my own imaginary land,
as real as any other,
without having to travel
the endless sea
or the vast natural green forrests
of the Amazon,
or even travel
through all the clouds
in the sky.

No,
this world is easily accessable
through my own mind,
one that haunts my dreams
and becomes a reality.

A world where no one
can be harmed,
a world where all the stars
shine as bright as intricate diamonds,
where the sun
always greets you with a
warming smile.

A world of magic
and mysterious discoveries.

A world of adventure.


a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
you know,
when you're younger,
you think boys are icky.
mean boys that push you
in the sand on the playground,
stupid boys that call
you names
and make fun of you for
being a '*****.'

when you're younger,
you think girls have cooties.
silly girls that play
on the swings
and talk about
the wind,
girls you try to avoid
at all costs.

but once you grow up
and stop being so small,
you come to realize that
boys are far from icky,
except for the fact
that they still pick their
noses and chew
with their mouths full;
and girls are far
from having cooties,
unless you consider
STD's as cooties, these days.

now,
girls and boys
are attracted to each other
by an unmistaken force,
one that's so strong
it feels like a magnet
is conjoining the both
of you.

or at least,
that's what they claim.

but really,
our generation is
obsessed with the
facination
of being rebellious,
of not caring about the rules,
or doing what they want
whenever they want.
we're obsessed with
the motto that
having *** at 16,
getting drunk at parties,
and doing drugs
is okay.

the problem?
we'll never know.
everyone will always
have different thoughts,
views, opinions
on how our generation
came to be as
disasterous as it is:
the media: music videos,
movies; the music,
what kinds of messages
rappers are conveying
in their songs;
but no matter
what we think
or what we say,
we'll never know.

we're the kids
your parents
warned you about --
or rather, didn't.

nowadays,
losing your virginity
is becoming something
of a contest to see
who can lose it first,
who can get this girl
laid, who can
sleep with the most
girls in their entire school.
today, girls are willing
to lose it, all because they're
under pressure, or being
influenced by the wrong
crowd.

nowadays,
going to ravid parties
and having
'a few drinks'
is something to celebrate.
"come on, have a drink,"
and even if they don't want one,
even if they don't want
to accept,
they somehow get convinced
otherwised.
then 'just a few drinks'
turns into a rollercoaster
that gets you spiraling
out of the earth's
gravitational control.
your mind goes haywire
and you might even do
something you never imagined
you'd do. all because of
'a few drinks.'

nowadays,
rolling a blunt
and smoking ****
is something
everyone does;
if you don't smoke,
if you aren't a stoner,
then you're considered
'abnormal,' or 'odd,'
or even 'weird.'
roll a blunt,
pass it around,
take a hit
or two
or three,
until it feels like your
soul is being detached
from your body,
floating into the
horizon,
being swallowed by
darkness,
vanishing into the
atmosphere.

nowadays,
everyone's
trying to **** themselves
from the harsh words
being thrown at them
like daggers to the heart.
everyone's
cutting themselves,
a temporary way
to solve a problem
that seems
incapable of living through.



nowadays,
no one has any respect
for themselves.
no one cares
if they don't get into
a decent college;
most don't even go.
no one cares
if alcohol is
causing them to become
addicts;
they disregard the signs
completely.
no one cares
if smoking ****
or doing drugs
is illegal;
now, they'll
expose it in the open.
no one cares
how their words
can affect people;
"fat," "ugly.'
they'll call people
***** that are still
virgins.

nowadays,
our generation
has turned into
something to be avoided,
an example of how bad
the world can become.


a.m.
ashley Jun 2013
you expect summer
to be full of
extravagant
adventures
you'll never forget
but instead
of tanning
at the beach,
getting away,
or hanging out
with your friends
24/7,
you're sitting at
home wasting
your life away
while the sun
continues to shine,
people continue
to laugh,
and flowers
continue to
grow

(alm)
I don't really post that many poems on here now. They're all mostly on my Instagram poetry account. If you wanna follow it, it's @amwrites.
ashley Apr 2013
lying in a field of dandelions
with our chests rising and falling
in the cool summer breeze

watching the clouds drift away
skin to skin
with my head resting upon your chest
listening to your steady heart beats
ba boom, ba boom, ba boom
against your rib cage

kissing so gently you could mistaken
it for a soft flutter of a butterfly's wing
my skin tingles with delight
and my body radiates with glee

what could be better than lying here
with my soul mate?
i couldn't picture anything in the universe
that could be more fulfilling
than hearing your strong breaths,
hushed whispers,
chest beating rapidly

with the hope
of what's to come


a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
Looking at the reflection in front of me,
I see a mirrored image of someone,
someone far from myself.

The person looking back at me
looks tired, dark circles under her eyes,
lids growing heavier with each second.

She looks drained,
physically, emotionally, and mentally
drained.

Hidden behind her eyes are
undiscovered secrets,
tucked away, never to be seen.

Lies hide behind her tears,
behind her glossy eyes
that cover her fears.

Her soul appears to be shattered,
broken,
but no one will ever notice.

No one will ever say anything,
because no one will ever care.

No one will care to find the secrets
hidden behind closed doors,

No one will see deep enough
into her soul to discover it's pain,
the desperation to be free.

She will continue to live as she is -
hidden, trapped, and broken.
I wrote this when I was depressed... thank goodness I'm not there anymore.
ashley Jun 2013
your lips
taste like
cigarettes
and alcohol,
with just a hint
of loneliness

i can tell
that your
heart is hurting,
and i can't help
but want to
swarm to your aid
and bandage
your fractured
ribs back
together

so kiss me
one more time;
breathe me in,
steal my soul,
take some of
my happiness
away
and into
your blackened
lungs

(alm)
ashley Jun 2013
I am literally
trapped in my own mind.
What could be worse
that being so morbidly
confused about your own
sexuality?
It makes me want to
claw at my own skin,
punch a wall,
drown myself in a bath
just to end all the
frustration and anger
and sadness.

What else can I
possibly do?

*a.m.
ashley Apr 2013
i would give
anything

to be in your
arms
right this
second;

for me to be
swallowed
whole
by the immense
amount of
love you
radiate
through my

body,
my veins,
my heart,
my soul.

just come
to me,
hold me
like i'm your
favorite sweater
on a cold,
sunday morning;

whisper
sweet nothings
into my ear,
across my skin;
your breath
sends chills
throughout
my heart.

but most
of all

i want you
to say that
one phrase:

eight letters

three words;

i love you.
ashley Apr 2013
I know I've been telling you
that I'm ready for it,
that he's my true love
and I wouldn't want it
with anyone else.

(but maybe I'm
not ready)

I keep thinking of ***
and what it really means.
how it's not just about
having fun
or feeling good

You have to feel it
inside of you:
in your heart
and bones
and veins
and soul.

You have to be confident
that that's what you really want,
and that you want to be
with that person forever.

(This, I don't doubt;
I love him with all my heart)

But what scares me the most
is how he'll react to my body:

The body i find imperfect,
with so many flaws
it's easy to lose track.
Too-large *******,
Not skinny enough,
or that birthmark
on my right thigh.

What will he think
once he sees this?
This shame of a body?

Will he run and hide
in fear?
Tell me how disgusting
I am?

In my mind, i know
he won't do those things.
But I can't help

but fear
the worst
because of what my own
self-image
and lack of confidence
has done to me


a.m.
ashley Apr 2013
you were a dandelion
in a garden
of roses and
tulips

amongst them,
i did not see you
buried,
hidden,
sprouting up from
the moist and heavy
dirt to greet
the world with
a smile

it was then
that i absolutely
could not
take my eyes
off of you

a.m.
ashley Jun 2013
there we sit enticed in a dark room,
the only things audible being
the sound of our heavy breaths
and heartbeats beating a mile a minite.
you grab my hand,
so tight and warm,
and lean in towards me.

"I can't see your lips,"
I say, quite terrified,
"How will I be able
to kiss you?"

"Don't worry,
just feel."

I traces my fingertips
across every nook
and cranny
of your features:
pronounced,
defined,
and came across your
soft rosebud lips.

we both leaned in
to water the flowers
and once we did
I couldn't help but
want to drown
in your love.

your kisses were
like sunshine
on a cloudy day,
each kiss being one
single ray of sunlight.

*a.m.
ashley May 2013
you've made roses grow
in the darkest parts of my soul,
and I don't know why
but sometimes I still cry
about things I can't control,
and I get ****** back in a vortex, a black hole.
what could possibly be worse
than feeling like you have been cursed
by a sadness so large
you can no longer reach for the stars.
I can only count on you
to rid the darkness and change my mood.

*a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
chills.
that's what happens
when you
cuddle,
kiss,
hold
me;
chills
that run all
over my body;
down my arms,
thighs,
even my
frozen fingertips.

chills
are what happen
when you
touch,
feel,
explore
my body;
trail your fingers
across my
thighs,
get your whispers
tangled in my
hair,
when you
touch me in
just the right way
to make me
scream your name.

chills
are what happen
when you snuggle
close to me,
head nestled into
my neck,
your body my
savior from
the haunting cold,
when you let
your thumb
graze across my
flushed cheeks.

chills
are what you
give me;
but baby,
don't stop.

a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
her eyes were the ocean:
deep and blue,
hidden by tears.

you tried to help,
you asked her
"what's wrong?"
"nothing, just tired,"
was what she had said.

but despite her words
you knew there was more;
something deeply hidden
in the depths of the ocean,
of the saltiness of
the gentle sea.

there was a battle
going on inside of her,
tearing at her rib cage,
paralyzingly her soul

but she wouldn't let you in;
her walls were too high.

inside she was
b r o k e n
a powerful sea of emotions,
but outside she was
s m i l i n g,
just what you knew
you wanted to see


a.m.
ashley Nov 2013
I never really knew
what love was
until I met someone
whose love for me
spilled endlessly from
every crack and crevice
of his body

Now my love for you
flows from the strands
of my delicate hair to
the tips of my toes

and I can't help
but want to spend
every second
of every day
with you

(a.l.m)
ashley Apr 2013
Description: Sam's not at all who people think he is. He might be quiet, he might be shy, but he also was diagnosed with cancer. When Briar moves to town, she catches Sam's eye. What will happen once the two get closer? Will Briar light a spark in Sam's heart?

-

Distant Memory

Dedicated to my cousin, Blake, who is currently fighting a horrific battle of Lymphoma.



You're probably thinking this is just some clichè love story, one about a girl having a crush on her best friend's brother, or how two people fall madly in love, but it's anything but. This is my story, with a twist unlike any other.

~

It all started in our Junior year of high school. You were new to Wakefield High, just moving here the previous year from New York City. On the first day of school, you were so unsure of yourself, not knowing what to do or where to go. I watched as you made your way through the halls, nudging your way through the crowded bodies as students made their way to class. Even though the halls were tremendously over-crowded, you were easy to spot. Your blonde hair and strikingly blue eyes stood out by the school's bland beige walls. You were more radiant, more powerful and glowing, than anything or anyone in the whole school.

Eventually, you made friends in all the clubs you'd joined - culinary club, photography club, and ASL. I don't know what made you stand out from all the other girls at Wakefield High, but whatever it was, it was strong. I felt drawn to you, like we shared a connection deeper than either of us knew. And it was then when I made it my goal to get to know you.

For the first few weeks, I'd tried bulking up the courage to speak to you. I had planned it all out in my mind. I would talk to you at lunch, right as you gathered your food and headed off to the library like you do every day. That was my chance, and I was determined to stick with it.

On that day, I was behind you in the lunch line. Once you got up there, you ordered a chicken empanada, then headed off to the library in the West wing. I quickly grabbed my lunch, a light Cesar salad, and trailed behind you.

You were walking faster than expected, and I was just too weak. I stopped, holding my knees as I gasped for breath. That was my chance to talk to you, to finally hear your beautiful voice, and I blew it.

It wasn't because of what you think. I couldn't keep up because I was lazy or out of shape, because I was neither of those.

I was diagnosed with Leukemia last October, and after tons of treatment, my doctor said I could try going back to school. I decided it would probably be best for me to live a normal life - as much as normal can get for a boy with cancer. Knowing that I was going to die soon - my doctor predicted I would only last for another year, tops - made me want to get to know you more.

After many wasted days of trying - but failing - to get your attention, I gave up. You were too wrapped up in your new life to even acknowledge my existence. Too busy maintaining your new found reputation, too busy dating a new guy every week. I always thought you were a ***** because of it, that you took advantage of different guys and then left them to crumble to pieces, but all of that changed on that faithful day.

I had gotten dropped off late to school because I had to get tests run at the hospital that morning. I tried to get to class on time, running as fast as I could. Only that didn't work because before you knew it, I was out of breath once again.

I headed over to the restroom, hoping a cool splash of water on my face would do the trick, when I heard wailing in the girls bathroom. I looked over my shoulder before entering, just to be safe. As I closed the door, I locked it behind me.

You were leaning against the wall, knees drawn to your chest as you cried. Noticing a presence, you looked up at me, thick black mascara running down your rosy cheeks. Your eyes were puffy, and I could tell you'd been crying for quite a while.

I didn't know what to say or do at that point, so I did what my heart told me I should do. I held you.

I sat next to you and wrapped my arms around you. Your body seemed small and weak, heaving in my arms. You cradled your head into my neck as tears fell from your bright blue eyes. I didn't bother asking what was wrong. Figured I would at a better time.

Just then, you looked up at me, face flushed and blotchy, and grabbed my hand. It seemed to fit perfectly within yours, our frail fingers intertwined in each others.

I tucked a few of your light blonde strands behind your ears as your cries dwindled. Even after you'd finished crying, you sat with me.

"What's your name?" Your eyes shone with curiosity.

"Sam."

"I'm Briar."

Briar. What a beautiful name. I smiled in your tangled hair. I never in a million years thought I would ever talk to you, and even if I had, I never would have expected it to be quite like this.

"You like Ed Sheeran too?" You asked, your eyes widening in delight as you scanned my shirt. I watched a smile creep to your face, lighting up your gorgeous eyes.

"Yeah, he's my favorite singer," I smile shyly. I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks, and I feel embarrassed for acting this way.

Ever since then, we began talking. The more we talked, the more I knew how wrong I was about you. You weren't a ***** at all; all the guys you've dated broke up with you, but blamed it on you every time. That's how you got the title as biggest ***** of the school. I felt bad because you were one of the sweetest people I'd ever met, portraying someone you weren't.

I felt like that Ed Sheeran shirt brought me luck. It was the start to our budding friendship.

After a while, you completely changed. You stopped hanging out with the populars, claiming they were never into you anyway. And I found you enjoyed yourself more. I ended up joining the photography club later that year. Whenever we would go out on weekends, I was always taking pictures of you, catching the memories within a moment of time.

You always loved my pictures. As we sat in my bedroom, I'd let you pick out your favorites for you to keep, writing little notes on the back of each picture. Your absolute favorite one was that one of the two of us.

We were in a huge field, smiling as I held you in my arms wedding style. Your blonde hair flew around in all different directions and your eyes held happiness and joy. That was my favorite one too.

I had always had feelings for you, ever since that day in the bathroom, but I'd never have the chance to show you how I really feel. Even if I did, why would you love me back? I have no hair anymore since going through chemotherapy. My body's frail and weak, barely able to stand up on my own.

I had went to the doctors two days ago for more tests, and the doctor found that the tumor in my brain was growing more and more rapidly by the second. Therefore, I would be dying sooner than expected. I only had four days left. My mother held me in her arms as she cried, her wet tears staning my t-shirt.

That night, I called you and told you the news. You cried into the phone, and I wish I was there to hold you, tell you that everything would be okay, that I would be better soon. It was a lie, but I didn't want to hear you sad. I felt bad for being the cause of it.

The next day, I was rushed to the hospital after my mother found my collapsed in my room.

It was then I knew my life was coming to a close. I grabbed a pen and piece of paper, and wrote you a letter.

~

Dear Briar,

If you're reading this, I'm probably gone by now. I just woke up to the dimly lit lights flooding into my room, tubes and needles inside of me. My heart monitor is beeping weakly next to me, and I feel very frail. Cold, frail, and in tremendous pain. You're alseep on the couch right next to my bed and I watch you, take in your beauty for the last time. Your blonde hair is flowing around your head like a halo, your lips look like delicate red rosebuds. Even though I am weak, getting skinnier by the second, I make my way over to your side, kissing you lightly on the forehead.

I never told you about my cancer, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for causing you the pain of me leaving you. I never meant for it to be this way. All I wanted was to live a normal life, and you showed me that there's happiness even in the smallest of places.

When you miss me, look at the pictures of us, pinned to a board on your bedrooom wall. Remember the memories we've had together. Remember the way you always made me smile, the dozens of laughs you filled me with. You showed me how to enjoy life, Briar. And I could never ask for anything more.

You filled my gloomy days with so much laughter I could barely contain myself. Remember me like that, Briar. Remember me happy.

I never realized it before, but I've fallen in love with you; your glowing smile, eyes the color of the raging ocean. I'd never known what love felt like, but I found it with you.

I love you so much, Briar. Never forget that. And remember I'll always be with you.

Love forever and always,

Sam

~

Briar's POV

I woke up to Sam's heart monitor, constantly beeping.Looking at the monitor, I noticed his breaths were slowing.

I made my way over to his bedside, rubbing my thumb gently across his cheek. His eyes were closed as his chest rose every so often.

"If only you knew how much I love you, Sam," I whispered, a single tear falling from my eyes. I watched him smile as he dwindled away.

"Sam? Sam?" My eyes filled with panic as I shook him lightly. "Sam?" My voice rose as I looked at the monitor, seeing the thin red line.

"Help! Somebody help!" I cried. As soon as those words escaped my lips, his hospital room flooded with doctors and nurses. They surrounded him, pushing me away to see what had happened. But they didn't need to. I already knew.

A doctor with black curly hair came rushing over to me. "I'm sorry, but he's gone.."

He's gone... He's gone... He's gone...

Those words rung in my ears, filling my head. I ran over to your bedside, crying my eyes out and practically screaming your name, hoping you'd come back to me.

I lay my head on your unmoving chest, letting my tears soak into your shirt. I noticed a small white envelope on the table next to you, To my sweet love, Briar, was written on it in your handwriting. I stuck it in the back pocket of my jeans before heading out of the hospital, feeling numb and empty.

I reread the letter over and over, tears staining the white lined paper.

"I love you, Sammy," I said, looking up at the bright blue sky. Even though the world seemed empty without you, I know I had to be strong. For you.

On days where I feel I can't bear your absence, I look at the pictures you took, just like you'd asked. I never knew you would change my life in such a drastic way.
A short story I wrote on Wattpad; not that it's any good, but yeah.
ashley Mar 2013
i'm afraid one day
you're gonna wake up
and realize

i'm not as
pretty /
sweet /
thoughtful /
worth it /

as you thought
i was.
ashley Apr 2013
Eric Mohat,
a charming young child,
was being bullied at school
for quite a while.

He enjoyed music and drama
and was described as a "very gentle soul"
But he didn't believe the words
his mother had told.

Words like "***" and "gay"
were constantly dodged at him;
But people didn't understand
that their words were a sin.

They kept bullying him
until he couldn't take it anymore;
Unfortunately no one would be prepared
for what he had in store.

On March 29th, 2007,
at the simple age of seventeen,
Eric took his own life
so he would now be considered clean.

On that fateful day
his heart rested in our very hands
at the wonderful life the world has lost,
and now realize we should take a stand.


a.m.
So today's the day of silence and my story is of Eric Mohat. He was born in 1990 and died in March of 2007. This poem is a true story that I'd like to make people aware of. For more information, visit dayofsilence.org. 4.19.13
ashley May 2013
I never in my entire life thought that
we would be together; not because
I didn't think it was possible, but
because maybe it was too good to
be true.
But now that it's really happening,
I found myself falling deeper
and deeper in love with you
each day;
every morning as the sun of dawn
breaks through my window,
every time the moon peaks
out from behind the clouds,
every night when the stars
come to terms with how incredible
they are as individuals.
And even though I know
we're young,
so young to fall in love,
I can't help but believe
with all my heart
that you are the one for me
and that I am the one
for you.

*a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
each
and every
day,
I come
to find
that I am
f
  a
    l
      l
        i
          n
            g
more
and more
in love
with you.

That's the
thing about
love;
you fall
and expect
someone to
be there to
catch you.

Thank you
for holding
your arms
wide
for me.
ashley Jun 2013
I don't understand
why everything has to turn into
a fight.
If I say something,
you take it as an attitude,
and when I try
to defend myself
or my ideas,
you shut me out and accuse
me of
"talking back."
I seriously can't win
with you.
I feel like all you want to do
is badger me
and make me want to scream.

I just wish
you would leave
me alone.

*a.m.
ashley Nov 2013
They say your body is a temple
and that you shouldn't burn
it down. But how
can I not when all it
makes me do is frown?

My lips are too chapped
and my fingers too thin;
my features are the pet peeves
that get under my skin.
My eyebrows are thick
and my thighs are too wide,
and when I look in the mirror
all I want to do is cry.
My tummy isn't flat,
my nose is awkwardly shaped,
I somehow wish I could
find an escape.

My body is a temple and I
shouldn't burn it down

but I can't help
but want to be the one
to light the match.

(a.l.m)
ashley Mar 2013
we're all different,
sort of like flowers.

there's dandelions,
roses,
carnations,
tulips,
sunflowers.

but most of all,
i think i resemble
the wallflower.

quiet,
secretive,
hidden
in the shadows.

but i know
something
they don't:

the quiet ones
are the ones
that always
have the most
to say.
ashley Mar 2013
I whisper a secret in your ear

And you turn away. I try to tell

                                                                                         you

something, but you never listen.

It's like I'm invisible to you. Do

you even hear me when I speak?

                                                                                        Are

you even the slightest bit concerned?

Do you even care? I thought we were

friends. I thought I could trust you.

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe

you're

                                                                                       My

aquantance - someone close to you

But not close enough to tell secrets to.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're an

                                                                                       Enemy

That I haven't noticed. I was too blinded

to see. But now I realize you were never

good to me, never good for me. To me

you are nothing. Nothing but my enemy.
ashley May 2013
I wonder what
it feels like to
drown

To feel that
tight sensation
of water slowly
filling your lungs

Do you know
when enough
is enough?

Do you know
when it's time
to give up?

I wonder if
your body somehow
knows,
If it starts giving
its all
before it starts
shutting down
and giving up

Some people
think that suicide
is for cowards,
for people who
are "too scared"
or "not strong enough"

But that's not true

Suicide
is proof
that you've had
enough.
It shows
how strong you
once were

But even
the strong ones
have to give up

eventually


a.m.
ashley Apr 2013
your kisses
are enticed with gold
that drips from my skin

your touch
send shivers down my spine
like the first snowflake
or a cool breeze
in the wintertime

your hugs
wrap me in never-ending warmth,
just like how the sun begins
to peak put over the horizon
in the dazzling start
of summer

your laugh
is like the sound of crisp leaves
in autumn;
full, light,
soft

you are the seasons
that make up
my life

a.m.
idk; i need a title for this, any suggestions?
ashley Jun 2013
one day
we will wake up
from this fantasy
we're living in
and snap into
the darkness
that reality brings.

we won't be kids
anymore:
we'll be grown
up,
having a career,
trying to start a
family,
going to our
dream college.

and i can't help
but want to
be the one
you share
those milestones
with.

*a.m.
Her
ashley Nov 2013
Her
Last night I thought
of you in my arms --
not him, you

I hate the way you
make me feel guilty
about loving you,

but I love the boost
of energy I get when
you suddenly appear

Is it bad to say
I want you?
I can't sleep at night.
My arms are empty
and my heart aches
for you

Please be mine

(a.l.m.)
ashley Apr 2013
i used to think
there was beauty
in everything that
walked the face of the earth

but then i remembered
that's one of the biggest lies
because
(i'm one of them)

a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
His dark silver eyes glance over at me from across the room,

bearing into my soul, stripping me with his mind.

I feel his eyes scan my body, and I fold my hands

over my chest, feeling violated from the intesity of his gaze.

His jet black hair falls to his forehead, grazing the skin

of his upper eyelids. I can see him sneaking glances

at me from time to time and I cringe. Goosebumps

rose to my pale skin as if from the chilly air.

Once the bell rings, I grab my binder,

along with my notebook and lined paper,

and shove them deep into my bag.

I sling it over my shoulder and began walking at a

rough pace. Students crowd the hallways,

pressing into me from all sides. I feel small in comparison.

Not looking back, I continue to my destination

out through the school doors, but before I had the chance

to reach them, a cold, bony hand latches onto my arm.

He leans into me, his pale lips grazing against my earlobe.

I'm always watching, he whispers,

a cold huff of air sending shivers down my spine,

making my bright blue eyes turn icy.

He drops his frail fingers away from his grasp

and walks off, out into the frosty winter day.
ashley Mar 2013
in my dreams
your fingertips run
down my spine
and you trail kisses
on my collarbones

they sting,
like a flame that's just
been ignited for the first time
and my soul turns
into dark ash

your kisses like gold
and your touch like silver
i'm engulfed in your love,
passion, and warmth;
your touch makes me quiver

our skin never breaks contact,
your hands explore my body
as i lie there,
head arched,
and let you have your way
with me

my body feels alive
with the touch of your fingertips
running down my cheeks,
collarbones, *******, stomach;
all the way down my thighs
and into the cool depths
of my sanity.

you whisper sweet nothings
into my neck,
your breath hot against
my icy skin

"i love you"
"you're perfect"
"you're beautiful"
and in that moment of time,
i believe them;
i believe your thoughts,
your whispers.

i know it won't last
for long,
but it was great
while it lasted;
my heart like a flame
that you've ignited
with just one simple touch,
one spark,
of your hands
ashley Apr 2013
i'm homesick from places
I've never been
cities I've never wandered

but I'm also homesick
from your arms

a.m.
Stupid poem that really makes no sense but yolo.
ashley Mar 2013
every time you
touch me,
kiss me,
love me,
it feels
like the first
time.

with you
my stomach
turns into
a butterfly
garden,
my hands become
slick with sweat,
my eyes shimmer
and glow.

you make
me have a
hummingbird
heartbeat;
it races a million
beats, a gazillion
miles
per second;
travels all
across the states,
countries,
all around the
world and
skyrockets
through the
universe.
I don't even know...
ashley Jun 2013
sometimes I wonder
what life would be like
without him here,

but then I know
that there would be
no life

only death.

he is the air
that filters through
my lungs

he is the sun
that makes me
shine

he is the supplier
of my never-ending
happiness

without him,
there is no life

only death

*a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
sometimes
when i get really down and empty feeling
i just think about pulling out
the bottle of ***** under the cabinet
and downing the whole thing
or smoking a pack and a half
of freshly bought cigarettes.

and the sad part is
that i don't care
what it'll do to me in the long run.

i don't care
if the ***** will burn
as it travels down
my throat,
an enticing river
that corrupts in
flames;

i don't care
if the cigarettes
will end up giving me
a disease
i won't be able
to get rid of.

i'm beginning to wonder
how,
when,
and why
i started
not caring
anymore.

maybe
not giving a ****
is a part of me
that's been here

all along.

a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
if only they knew
of how we spend
our days;
stealing everlasting
dandelions from
the moist earth soil
of the meadow,
making wishes
on their tiny little
frollocks of magic
and watching them
blow endlessly
in the earth's
forgiving breath.

if only they knew
of the times
we escaped
to the beach,
running frantically
through the rough
grains of sand
and tangled seaweed,
through the
ongoing depths
of the ocean
and into the
earth's burning core.

if only they knew
of how we hid
silently beneath
the shadows
of unguarded areas;
of how we'd
go there whenever
things got tough
or just wanted to
get away from it all.

if only they knew
of all the places
you've explored
on the adventures
of my own body;
how your fingertips,
cold and endless,
discovered my
thighs,
how your warm
palms led to
my *******,
how your gentle
lips
found their way
to mine.

if only they knew
the secrets we shared
among the
both of us.

a.m.
ashley Apr 2013
i want you to know
that no matter what obstacles
we may face,
we'll face them together

I'll never leave you -
never


a.m.
ashley Apr 2013
i promise you
i'll love you
forever
and ever;
a  l  w  a  y  *s
my first 10w poem. too bad it *****.
ashley Apr 2013
Everyone tells me I'm crazy
Because I think one day
You'll be gone.
You'll wake up one morning
And realize you were  never
In love with me
And that you wasted your time.
You'll remember all the times
We had and quietly push them away
Into the far corners of your mind,
And forget my existence completely.

One day
You'll forget about us
And all the great times we've had:

Like when we went to the beach
For my birthday
And went on the pier to see the cruise ships
Take off

Like when we would sneak into
The instrument storage room
With our friends
And make out

Like when you came over my house
For the first time
And also met my grandmother

And how about that time
I first met your mother?

It doesn't scare me to say
That I want to be with you forever,
Because in my heart
I know that's what I want.

But what scares me is the sun,
The way it'll break through your window
and erase your memories
Of us
And our undying love.

a.m.
ashley Apr 2013
pale skin
rosebud lips
dark freckles
blue eyes

a heavy posture
long golden locks
bold eyelashes
small, gentle fingers

everything about her
was as close to perfect
as anyone could ever get

except
just below her neck
on the right side of her chest,

a deep blue and purple
hickey is planted
on her collar bone

despite this,
her imperfections
made her even more
perfect
than anyone ever thought
she could be
ashley Apr 2013
I know how bad it hurts you
To see me break inside,
But I just can't help myself;
All i want to do is cry.
My life is a big old mess
And I wish you really knew
How hard I've been trying
To match your point of view.
I hate the look on your face
When I tell you I'm cutting again
I hate to see the pain
Etched within days end.
And my heart can't help but break
At the thought of your worry
But I can't see into the future
Because my eyes have gone blurry.
I want to get better
And stop being so sad.
But it seems like that goal is hopeless
And gone completely off track.
You have so much hope in me;
You say you know I'll be okay,
But I'm sorry to tell you
That I've begun to fade away.


a.m.
ashley Mar 2013
i remember.
you may not
think i do,
but how could
i forget
someone so
cold
and
heartless?

i remember
how i thought
i loved you,
how i thought
the only way
i could survive
is if you were
by my side.

i remember
when you were
my one and only,
my world --
or at least,
thought
you were.

i remember
our first kiss,
and how
incredibly
awkward
it really was;
i remember
how your lips
tasted like
sour apple,
and how you
asked -- yes,
asked --
if you could
kiss me
again.

i remember
craving your
touch,
even when
your hands
were stiff
and your heart
was frozen solid,
and your
eyes were
nothing but
glass marbles.

i remember
the day you
hurt me,
when "my world"
was gone,
when
you left.

i remember
asking for
a reason,
a simple reason,
and you told
me that
i was never
important
to you;
with a voice
as cold
and bitter
as your own,
you told me
you never
loved me.

i remember
thinking
that you
were right;
thinking
that i was
a joke,
of complete
unimportance.

i remember
not coming
to school the
next day.

i remember
how many
tissue boxes
i went through,
trying to soak
up the many
puddles of tears
that you
created,
tears i wanted
to drown myself
in.

i remember
it all.
i remember
how much
you hurt me.

so don't expect
me to walk by
you and wilst
you away with
my mind
or the flick
of my finger.

because,
while i might
forgive,

i'll

never

ever

forget.


a.m.
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