I don't know why
I cried so hard when
we broke up, because
truth is, I didn't love you

I just forced myself
into believing I did
so I could feel
something
besides sadness

(a.l.m)

I wished on
eyelashes
clovers
dandelions
and threw pennies
in wells
all so I'd have
the chance to
get to know you.
I felt that if I
wished for something
greater than that,
it would not come true.

For now I will wait.
I will wait for us to
officially meet, to
bump into each other
and apologize
and hopefully say
a lot more.

(a.l.m.)

your lips
taste like
cigarettes
and alcohol,
with just a hint
of loneliness

i can tell
that your
heart is hurting,
and i can't help
but want to
swarm to your aid
and bandage
your fractured
ribs back
together

so kiss me
one more time;
breathe me in,
steal my soul,
take some of
my happiness
away
and into
your blackened
lungs

(alm)

i have saved up
millions of
silver coins
and filled them
in a jar;
a jar that is
now overflowing
with hopes
and dreams
of breaking free
from this
hellish place.

now all i need
is for you
to join me.

(alm)

one day
we will wake up
from this fantasy
we're living in
and snap into
the darkness
that reality brings.

we won't be kids
anymore:
we'll be grown
up,
having a career,
trying to start a
family,
going to our
dream college.

and i can't help
but want to
be the one
you share
those milestones
with.

*a.m.

I am literally
trapped in my own mind.
What could be worse
that being so morbidly
confused about your own
sexuality?
It makes me want to
claw at my own skin,
punch a wall,
drown myself in a bath
just to end all the
frustration and anger
and sadness.

What else can I
possibly do?

*a.m.

I remember
as tears poured
down my cheeks,
trailed down my neck
and onto my blue shirt,
how you kissed me.

You took
your thumbs and wiped
my pain away,
and just to make sure
it was all gone,
you kissed my lips
with gentle care
and ****** all the
darkness away
with it.

And at that moment,
I knew how much
it would hurt
when you would
say goodbye

*a.m.

girls loving girls.
boys loving boys.
girls loving boys.
boys loving girls.

honestly,
what's the difference?

love is love,
you can't help who you
fall for.

so why should
a silly thing
such as gender

even matter?

*a.m.

These are the years
that define your whole life;
ones that dominate your
future,
extremely critical to
the years beyond.

These are the years
to experiment
with different things:
***,
drugs,
whether you're
attracted to the opposite
*** or not.

These are the years
where you find out who you are.

But the only thing I'm truly sure of,
is that it's already
more confusing
and overwhelming
than I ever thought

it could be.


*a.m.

my body
is your map,
so baby,
come explore
me

*a.m.

I wonder what
it feels like to
drown

To feel that
tight sensation
of water slowly
filling your lungs

Do you know
when enough
is enough?

Do you know
when it's time
to give up?

I wonder if
your body somehow
knows,
If it starts giving
its all
before it starts
shutting down
and giving up

Some people
think that suicide
is for cowards,
for people who
are "too scared"
or "not strong enough"

But that's not true

Suicide
is proof
that you've had
enough.
It shows
how strong you
once were

But even
the strong ones
have to give up

eventually


a.m.

I don't like crying in front of you
because it makes me
feel weak.

Even though all my feelings
and bones
are breaking
just like my fragile heart,
I don't want you to
know.
I don't want you to see me
break down and
crumble.

Why?

Because I know
you deserve someone
stronger,
better than I am.
Someone better-suited
that can deal with her emotions
instead of crying all the time.

You don't want to see
my blotchy pink cheeks
or my tears as they fall down
my hot neck.
You don't want to see
my eyes all sullen
and droopy,
or my fingers
tremble.

You deserve
so much better

than just me.

a.m.

Being in love is something not many people
will ever get the chance to experience.
That's how rare it is.
But that doesn't mean it's not powerful,
despite it's rarity among individuals.

But I can tell you.
I can tell you what being in love really feels like.

Actually, that's a lie.
And anyone that tells you that
obviously hasn't been in love;
because being in love is one
feeling that cannot be described.
It's just something amazing and incredible
and beautiful
that we feel - if you're lucky, of course.

But let me try my best
to tell you how it feels.

Being in love
feels like a thousand
butterflies taking flight
in your stomach.

Once you've found that person
you want to be with forever,
you'll know.
You won't have any doubts
or second thoughts
because in your heart,
you'll just know.
And that's when it becomes
impossible -
absolutely impossible -
to picture life without them
by your side,
smiling up at you in the early hours of the morning,
being there for you when you need it most.

Seeing your significant other,
even being in the same room as them,
makes your heart swell with joy.
And if you think just the sight of them
is amazing,
wait until you get time alone with them.

Every single inching second
seems like a gift,
yet it doesn't seem like enough.
Just imagine lying down in bed
with them, watching their chest
rise and fall,
feeling their eyelashes
flutter against your lush pink cheeks,
or being wrapped in their
gentle inviting arms.

Or what about
the feel of their cool fingertips
against your cheek,
across your neck,
entwined in your hair.
Think about all the power
and magnificence a single kiss can hold.

Being in love
is something i never thought i would experience,
not in a million years.

But now that it's
happening,
I can't picture what life would be like
without him.
And maybe that's a dangerous thing.
Maybe that'll be out to get me one day.
But it could be an amazing thing too -
spending the rest of your life
with that one special person.

The one that
you can truly,
with all your heart,
say that you love.

a.m.

i used to think
there was beauty
in everything that
walked the face of the earth

but then i remembered
that's one of the biggest lies
because
(i'm one of them)

a.m.

Before you, I was broken
crushed into millions of
intricate pieces I couldn't piece
back together

My mind was covered
in a sheet of thick darkness;
demons
and
monsters
that swarmed my thoughts,
****** the only joy
I had left out of me

My eyes
had shed enough tears
to be compared to the
Pacific,
maybe even all seven seas
combined

My arms were covered
in battle scars,
symbols that represented
different memories
I couldn't endure,
memories where no one
was there for me

Now that you're here
I can say I'm much better;
My heart is healed
by the power of a thousand
angels that radiate
throughout the glorious skies,
my tears are saved by the
palm of your hands
and the soft gentle touch
of your fingertips,
my scars are no longer visible
or even remotely there,
only within the depth
of my own mind,
which I now know
has turned against me

But despite this,
I want you to know

(I am still broken)

I am happy when I need
to be
and sad when I am,
and I'm still trying to figure out
who I am
and why I'm here

But what I do know
is that you have enough
faith in me for
every single person
that walks the planet

And that's
what helps me
get along

That's what pushes me
to keep going:

The fact that i have
someone worth fighting for


a.m.

I know I've been telling you
that I'm ready for it,
that he's my true love
and I wouldn't want it
with anyone else.

(but maybe I'm
not ready)

I keep thinking of ***
and what it really means.
how it's not just about
having fun
or feeling good

You have to feel it
inside of you:
in your heart
and bones
and veins
and soul.

You have to be confident
that that's what you really want,
and that you want to be
with that person forever.

(This, I don't doubt;
I love him with all my heart)

But what scares me the most
is how he'll react to my body:

The body i find imperfect,
with so many flaws
it's easy to lose track.
Too-large *******,
Not skinny enough,
or that birthmark
on my right thigh.

What will he think
once he sees this?
This shame of a body?

Will he run and hide
in fear?
Tell me how disgusting
I am?

In my mind, i know
he won't do those things.
But I can't help

but fear
the worst
because of what my own
self-image
and lack of confidence
has done to me


a.m.

I realized
The only time I'm actually happy -
No, not the "fake" kind of happy,
Where I wear a fabricated smile as snug
As my favorite sweater -
Really happy;
The one where my smile is real
And shining so bright
It competes with the sun,
Where everything bundled up
Inside of me is relying on
My solid beating heart -

Is when I'm
With you

So, baby,
Please don't go.
Don't leave my fragile heart
Shattered into bits
I can't piece back together.
Don't make my glowing smile
Turn into a frown so low
People can see my pain.
No matter how hard it gets
Or how stubborn I become,

Please
d o n ' t  l e a v e

a.m.

lying in a field of dandelions
with our chests rising and falling
in the cool summer breeze

watching the clouds drift away
skin to skin
with my head resting upon your chest
listening to your steady heart beats
ba boom, ba boom, ba boom
against your rib cage

kissing so gently you could mistaken
it for a soft flutter of a butterfly's wing
my skin tingles with delight
and my body radiates with glee

what could be better than lying here
with my soul mate?
i couldn't picture anything in the universe
that could be more fulfilling
than hearing your strong breaths,
hushed whispers,
chest beating rapidly

with the hope
of what's to come


a.m.

sometimes you say things
without meaning to

and your words
get tangled on your tongue

and what comes out
is something you didn't mean

but although it hurts,
i just push it away

i never mention
how what you said has affected me

because you'll probably think
it's no big deal

so i just zip my lips
and purse them tightly

to hold in the words
i don't dare say

and bury them deep inside
my rib cage


a.m.

Eric Mohat,
a charming young child,
was being bullied at school
for quite a while.

He enjoyed music and drama
and was described as a "very gentle soul"
But he didn't believe the words
his mother had told.

Words like "***" and "gay"
were constantly dodged at him;
But people didn't understand
that their words were a sin.

They kept bullying him
until he couldn't take it anymore;
Unfortunately no one would be prepared
for what he had in store.

On March 29th, 2007,
at the simple age of seventeen,
Eric took his own life
so he would now be considered clean.

On that fateful day
his heart rested in our very hands
at the wonderful life the world has lost,
and now realize we should take a stand.


a.m.