i want to punch you in the face
with my lips, darken
the nape of your neck
black and purple and blue
it's indecent how you roll my name
like a toothpick caught between your smirk,
and my lips ghosting across your jawline
is my deepest fantasy,
the bane of my existence,
and your eyes, those
gemstones embedded in hot white
sand, a sparkling sweet
hawaiian ocean blue
and god, don't i want to drag my fingers
through that radiant golden hair
and drag you down to my level,
here in the seventh circle of hell.

we're both a little ****** up,
maybe me more than you,
but tell me that this doesn't feel
like an aching, forgotten truth;
tell me that this doesn't feel
like catastrophic madness,
like ordained sin to you?
the timbre of your voice
can only get deeper, can only quake
my ******* bones - down my bones,
i feel a holy shiver
i want to kneel at your altar,
pay homage to the gods, regardless
if you believe or not.

because surely, a being as
flawless and sublime
cannot exist naturally;
surely, your very essence was raised
from the divine?

To the girls who are secretly so broken
You WILL be alright
I know you have scars on your soul
Maybe your heart
Possibly your wrists
None of this is your fault
And even if you think it is
Let it go
Not that you can, that easily
But try
I know you are broken
I know you're not okay
Especially when people ask how you are and you answer "I'm fine"
When what you really mean is "I'm alive"
But what do you really care about your own survival anymore
Well I just want you to know
There is beauty in broken glass
And to me
There is immeasurable beauty
In broken girls
So don't you ever forget
You cannot be defined by pain
You're too beautiful for that
Stay strong, broken girl
Nothing is ever really broken

i keep falling in love with boys
who have bright blue eyes,
who have smiles that glitter
and gleam like something terrible
and sweet, brutal and mean

i think about it a lot -
these boys that circle me,
one old and one new,
one golden, one silver,
both wrapped in shades of blue

navy and cerulean;
it's a drastic difference, i know
but they're literally as different as day and night,
one open and clear,
one vast and cold

the gold one was perfect, in all possible ways
he sang and played instruments from a-z,
he strummed chords and crafted melodies
like apollo in the sky,
immortally ignorant of real life

the other one, the silver one,
he's quite the gloomy character
he likes it loud and rough, wears black
and looks so ******* tough,
my heart takes off on a high paced run

and yet i find qualities
that remind me of the other,
the way they've torn my words away,
scattered them on the pages,
ripping thoughts from my lips and fingers

they make me like the dam, burst
and overflowing,
both boys are so distant,
too much of a leap,
yet i can't help my fascination with those i cannot reach

so yes, these boys are different
the prep and the loner
but alike, they've stolen my heart
and those blue, engulfing eyes
have dragged me continuously under

i want to crawl inside of you,
know all the things you know,
duck in the corners of your mind,
drink your pain and swallow,
slurp every toxic shot down, down,
my throat, lose my inhibitions,
fall down the rabbit hole

i want to dig myself into
your godforsaken bones,
wrap myself around you and blow,
squeeze some life into your eyes,
those blue-black, bottomless holes,
the windows to your battered, ravenous
soul
let me breathe into your mouth,
hot and wet and whole,
until i'm drowning and you've been
sewn, sewn, sewn,
broken heart beating again,
until you've been filled to the brim,
until my body runs dry
and i remember i can't swim,
until i'm a canyon of ruthless
desolate despair,
until i'm just a vessel
that Hades found of use,
bleeding through your fingertips
to scorch me inside out,
and all is dust and ash

sacrifice is such a common theme;
i'm ruined so entirely that it's beyond tragic,
yet even Juliet never looked
quite so **** classic

don't carve their name in trunks,
with your father's father's father's blade
don't scrawl across your papers
initials and immortal dates
don't buy a pet together,
don't let them into your bed.
nothing is permanent,
not even the ticking time bomb
dangling high above,
don't let them be everything,
don't attach them to your soul,
until there's nothing that's quite yours,
until you're one being, fused and whole
don't let them touch your heart,
or say that you are their's.
with every utterance of "mine",
a piece of your being dies, right there.
you can't get back the words
you strung across their lips, for
nothing can return
when it's touched new skin.

i kind of want to *******
and be through
with that smug smirk
gracing angelic lips
and the infatuation brewing
in the folds of my washed out brain
like i have the patience,
let alone the time,
to sit here aimlessly
and fantasize.

there's something wicked
in how your hips move
stealthy like a panther,
midnight inky blue,
something bitter in my mouth
like your ******* attitude.
you don't say my name,
you don't bother to know it,
i don't share it;
got no reasons to show it
waves upon waves,
blazing brilliant azure
sin walks alive, fractured
and malignant
your lips twitch sinister,
and i find myself enraptured, captured,
fixated
on your voluminous luxe cherry lips
how delicately your tongue slips
god your hands should be here
i need them on my hips
gentle pressure from the very tiptips
is this what it's like,
weightlessness?

each day i see a shade of you,
crimson bled, royal hue
shadows stretch inside my head
while you break the springs of my bed
demons wrestle; my fingers grip your head
i let you create chaos and slay fleeting time
set ablaze, burning alive
i'm paralyzed here in the heat of the day
your toxins thrum on,
zinging through my addict's veins

i think i need to *******
before i'm swallowed whole
a million little pieces suspended,
helplessly on hold,
in a moment, london comes crashing down
and i'm broken, unable to make even
a fraction of coherent sound
you filthy beast, on the prowl
now i'll steal every precious hour
go on and lock me in
your ivory tower
let your hair down, ***** gold as corn
i'm forever yours,
no longer forlon

let's be candid, here.
this is a **** joke, your
ability to waltz back into
my world as though you didn't
make your escape, leave me to my
peace, pick up your cap
on the way out
it hurt; it hurts because
it mattered, you matter,
still, after all this time
you were more than something -
you were everything.
everything i hung my hopes on,
the coat rack for my dreams.
the day you left was the best thing
that's ever happened to me, so
why are you still here,
haunting me like the Holy Spirit
in the doubtful parts of my brain
take your charm and words,
serve up that famous smile to some other
poor girl, give my condolences
to the next body first in command
on the unrequited train to hell.
no return tickets. no turning
back, either crash or die here, doomed
unless there's an emergency escape hatch
so how dare you come back
here, how dare you show your face?
leave. get out. find another soul
to terrorize with your laugh.
you're not welcome here. never, ever
come back.