Because the way her eyes shine is now becoming your only source of light and the way her hand feels in yours is the only source of comfort you've known. The way you hold her is becoming your religion,you only have faith in her,and the way her eyes s h i n e. The color of her eyes is becoming the ocean you want to drown in and the way her hair falls in her face makes you almost fall in love. Almost.
2. Because when she shows up at your house at 3 A.M.,crying her eyes away you hold her and tell her to stay strong because you are here and she is more than the words leaving their mouths. The salty taste that lingers between you two after the first kiss is giving you a feeling more than happiness. A bliss you've never known has captured your soul.The shock and adoration in her smile is making this moment become a snapshot,a memento that you keep close to your heart. The way her pain becomes your pain until both of you are hurting and loving because this moment,her eyes, are telling you this is p e r m a n e n t and you almost save her. Almost.
3. Because when she leaves,in the worst way possible,you wonder if her eyes are still shining in Heaven and you hope she isn't in Hell, despite what they say. "Its a sin." is the whisper that flows through the funeral and you cry her a grave made of everything beautiful in the world. The light is gone from your eyes now,they have been since you heard the words,kindly given,but with malicious intent hidden under their throats. "She killed herself." The world is spinning and everyone needs to be quiet, everyone needs to stop saying she is dead because she isn't. She lives in your memory,and yours alone and this pain in your chest is making it hard to breathe and you wish you were d e a d and you almost go too. Almost.
4.Because even now,twenty years later,you no longer hurt. You have a family now. Adoring kids and a wife who's eyes shine so b r i g h t. But every year,on her death day,you still pull out her picture and you smile with her smile and remember the days when she made everything big feel small. And you almost miss her. **A L M O S T