Staring at a blank piece of paper
Sitting in a state of emptiness
My fingers itching with the need to write
To express the intense emotions
Of which are overwhelming me

I fear my heart and soul are soon to combust
Simply because I cannot put these emotions on paper
My body feeling numb from the bombarding memories
Mind feeling almost too tense to stay conscious  
Breathe I must remind myself

Without thought my hand grasped the worn down pencil
Hovering lightly above the waiting sheet for a long moment
Suddenly the cracked tip of lead seemingly begins to whisper
As it moves almost unnoticeably and gracefully slow
Words seeming almost too fragile began to appear

Such relief poured from my tightened limbs
All anxiety gone so quickly it was as if it never existed
Writing such simple words is my safe haven
The vaccine that cured my brokenness
Slowly my smile slips back to where it belongs

Now I cry from relief


-ARI

Lovely little ladybug
Lovely little thing
Lovely little melody
Made from simple dreams

You think you know all you see
But nothing is ever as it seems
You don’t know much of anything
'Cause this Worlds much bigger than you or me

But don’t you worry Little one
We have the skies and we have the Sun
You have my heart now take my Hand
And we can ride to our promise Land

-ARI

I just found out the reason
Of why I hate you so much

Realizing you were the one
Who broke me first

Im not sure why it took so long
To notice the scars upon my heart

To remember the words of which you said
And the songs that you would sing

You pulled me in and wrapped me tight
To give me a false sense of safety

You held my hand and kissed my lips
But I ignored the abuse you gave me

Little by little you shrunk me down
Until you had every ounce of me

That is when you smiled
The cruelest smile I have ever seen

Funny how it takes me seconds
To notice even the smallest things

But it took me years to realize
You were the first to break me


-ARI

Head spinning from the words of disapproval
Pouring from her elders lips
Ears ringing with harsh cackling
Ripping apart her delicate thinking

Having no clue as to who she is
She digs her nails into her tender scalp
Praying she could scrape away
The poisoned memories in her mind

Feeling lost among such ***** rubble
Wishing to dig her way home
To a place filled with wondrous things
She will never have to fear

Though she knows that is impossible
A girl like her will never be free
She is trapped in a system of judgment
Just like everyone else her age

-ARI

Excited is how she feels,
As she watches the hands on her clock
Move closer and closer to midnight.
She knows she has made it,
Lived to be another year older
Even as many had doubted her.
Goosebumps cover her shaking arms,
She is so proud of herself
Until the clock strikes 12.
Then all of a sudden she feels like Cinderella,
All the magic of the night has disappeared
Leaving her to be the same sad girl she was before.
Only now she feels worse,
Knowing she had a taste of wonder
Fearing she will never have it again.
Not sure of what to do next,
She waits for someone to acknowledge her
To let her know her life is valued.
Instead the same thing as before happened again,
She was left alone to sing the saddest birthday song to herself
As she whispered "Hello 19"

-ARI

With my eyes cast upon the floor
I make myself walk away
I don't even care anymore
What those people have to say.

They can think what they want to
I know what's actually real
Because they don't even have a clue
About the way I feel.

They see the scars upon my skin
So they think they know my story
They say Im nothing but a sin
But they've no right to judge me.

Ive done many things I do regret
And have mended a few mistakes
Though I know I haven't finished yet
I keep going even as my heart breaks

-ARI

I watched you when we were younger
I listened to your words.
I played by your rules
And followed you tender laughter.
Years later down the road
We walked side by side always.
No secrets hung between us
Only shared stories surrounded us.
Then one day our nightmares broke free
Of the cages they were locked in.
Now Ive watched you die a hundred times
Yet each time felt brand new.
Ive watched you fall apart
And knew you couldn't see me anymore.
You only felt my arms wrapped around you
Keeping you from falling to the ground.
My words floating around you
Trying to caress your battered heart.
I tried to help you
But you were broken.
Now I lay here helplessly
Now youre gone and I am broken.
Im sorry I let you go
Im sorry I couldn't save you like I promised I would.

-ARI