Parched lips sip at the rejoice of true love
Sheltering unto the embarks of greatness;
A beautiful journey- oblivious to heartbreak.
Intrigued by gleamy eyes, wet from crying-
Tears for hoax love,
The heart shatters at the sight of each tear drop
One kiss my dear and all pain shall go away.
There was something about the way he smiled
The way his body flexed with each move,
O how divine!
But it wasn't just his body i liked, it was his soul
Or atleast that's what i thought too.
Took me long to know of his deceitful facade;
And his false love
He was not what he claimed to be
He was but a monster in disguise, a true depiction of what we call a casanova.

I let go of my demons.
For a while now, i feel free and safe
I am more than who i was before
Yet there's this urge for wanting more
To explore who I am
I feel the need to find out who i am?
Why does my heart want more when i have enough?
Its not lust, it's not greed
Its something that's more darker than before-
I'm insatiable.

I vehemently try to trace the lost pieces of my heart
The ones shambled and hidden behind all the exterior
One's not accepted in the eyes of our society
These pieces, that awoke my soul and once made me who i am
Now insignificantly veiled, as if they were garbage
I try to find my insignia
One that differentiates me from the rest
My ambiguities, my hopelessness might as well be the root of all this lurking
Putting an end to my peace
And the constant rage n war that i so got caught up in
This could be my way to cope through this ghastly phase
All this vandalism and all these changes must stop
For i am the maker of my persona and i am the destructor of myself
I must rise, for its my time to ignite and shine
To once again show the world my true colors
I must embrace it all
Be it deadly, be it ugly
Yet, that's who I am, me!

I hear voices in my head
So real, as if someone's calling out my name
They are so loud and so clear
That at times when i want to shut away from the world
They petrify me and i fail to procure peace
When i lay down, wanting to sleep
My head explodes like a volcano
And once again, someone's voice erupts-
Calling out my name
It makes me feel so different and strange
I can't begin to explain how irritating it is at times
That i feel the urge to shoot myself
I want it to end
But for some reason they keep getting louder and louder when i try to resist them
I hesitate to carry on my day for this very reason
And let these voices flood in and slowly take me with them, piece by piece- till the day I'm gone!

I broke and i shattered
I fell and lost my way
I reviewed my mistakes
Couldn't find none, so fell even deeper in ache
I saw that spark in us
But maybe it wasn't meant to stay
Or maybe we weren't supposed to end it all this way
I was trapped in the darkside
Death enveloped me, despair came rushing my way
I deserved your loyalty, but love it wasn't you who was loyal
It was the pain, that everlasting pain that stayed and destroyed me throughout these days
I saw a glint in your smile
It made my whole life so eternal
But on reaching this stage of my life
I learned no one remains forever
Everyone either leaves or changes
I confess, i fell in abyss
I am depressed and there are days when i can't bear it
But my love, our past keeps me going
It will always push me
And because of one mistake of falling in love with you
Today I stand straight
Half of my body limp, scarred and wounded
But i learned so much more from our experience
That i came out strong, regardless of what others say
I actually feel weighed but sorry for you
Because you lost a part of me that i couldn't give to anyone but you
That part of me so resilient, so loving and so extraordinary that no one else may ever be able to give away.

I soar freely in midair
I drift the blue sky with the sun blazing
And go where the route takes me,

My destination comes at halt
Where the sea and the horizon meet
And aloof, I absorb the energy from the breeze, relieved.

They said the stars are the limit,
But it takes more than minimal to achieve,
That's when I struggled and put in a strenuous amount of effort to mold myself,
I blended amidst the mass, trying hard to be recognised,
Had i known earlier the difficulties that were likely to arise;
The challenges of maintaining an image,
The rumors and the lies that break you,
And the harshness of society and its demands that shatters you-
If only i knew, i wouldn't have taken down this road of turmoil and pretence.

An amalgamated smell of iron and metal diffuses in the air,
As blood drips from each cut, a smile erupts the face,
Somewhat satisfied with the pain,
The hand swiftly presses the blade to the skin,
And once more marks another hurtful memory.

Like two torn apart and broken bodies
They meet with a ******
Heaving for breath and sharing warmth-
Closing the distance between them
All despair relinquishes;
Sculpting a magentism so strong
Of a perpetual romance, unutterable.

I tried to encase the demons within me
But they escaped and fed on me
Slowly and consequently controlled me and my actions
Oh God i shunned and acted astray
I did the unutterable and made quite a few mistakes
But it was not me
It was because of society that led me to commit such acts and awoke my demons
I was trapped amongst perfectionists and flamboyant people
I was so carried away by what others did, had i known earlier of the consequences, i would never have erred
Expectations and manipulation provoked me
I became so weak that i forgot what it means to be free
I tried to encase the demons within me
But they escaped and fed on me.

Convinced by the hurtful lies and beliefs of tomorrow
i probe deeper into my thoughts
and find myself fixated at this one incident that haunts me forever
since i was a child i was told that things get better
that times heals your pain
but now i know, it was all just lies
the promises made by people
the reassurance of my companions that they would stay by my side
everything is so clear now, i lost it all
all those poems and quotes that i once never understood
all the lyrics and the untold stories that i grasped from people who were depressed
they all seem now to have clouded my mind
these things were all going to happen
yet, i was ambiguous of the fact that they'd occur
reality is what hit me hard
all my expectations went down the drain leaving nothing, but me frail!

A gushing trail of tears drip down my face
from my sore cheeks to my nape
a pool of sorrows builds up within my poignant heart
i am what i feared to become
a self-claimed loner!
a suffice amount of people surround me
who show me their compassion and spark me their love
but i don't get why that it doesn't excite me
i once was juvenile and strong
now because of repeated deceit and abdication
i have become frail
sometimes the world seems not to accept me or my flaws
vindictive people encircle me
some apparent, some obscure
what is it that entices me?
how can i repair my wounds
and erase the paradoxical or frightful thoughts about tomorrow?
i am either stuck in my past or my future
how do people move on?
i live to see the day where i see at least one individual who is free from pain
i have yet to come across one, who hasn't shed a tear
who isn't aloof from the madness of this world
and hasn't seen the darkness within themselves erupt
i wish to see one
because i hear my mother say that no one can change how your mind thinks  
despite their help, they too are as wounded and troubled as us
i rethink this question, knowing that it is true
i deny these statements
but sadly in reality it is true.

Home is a place that does not dissipate
a place where ones safe and in peace
where you feel you belong
yet my mind falters to derive feelings from mine
the solidarity and serenity in your families company is joyous
but lately i sporadically ever feel that way
the significance of my home is long gone
i feel i am alone
since i grew old i have come to realize that a woman has no home
she belongs nowhere
she is just another human being, a stranger to her family
who comes in their lives and leaves, hopelessly and coaxed with words of love
alienated and distant by her own
a woman is regarded as only a caretaker and nothing more!

Everyone has this darkness within them waiting to be revealed
a darkness that no one can ever imagine
it takes a considerable time to trigger that feeling
for those who are away from it are lucky
but for those who know, always suffer
it is infused from the day you come to this world
and with you it exterminates
pain is what causes it to errupt
it chains all your feelings and extracts your emotions
you eventually become oblivious to pain
all you know is how your life is in shackles
how slowly, piece by piece you die out
like the incandescent light of a candle
it flickers in the darkness
and illuminates until someone blows it away
that is exactly how the life within you is blown away
your soul lifeless and you all alone

If only i had a chance to relive my past;
i would
i have a reputation of feeling worthless and not knowing what it really means to be loved
or does it eventually happen when you taste the true essence of life?
if i had a chance to undo my scars and heal from what i have experienced
i would start by conquering my fear and standing up for who i am
i let people overrun me
i let liars and my enemies manipulate me
and where has it left me?
nowhere!
if only there was still a way to remove all my sorrow or my pain
i know i would exultantly leap forward and take the step of erasing the wrongs i have done
and then making each moment precious by believing in who i am
also, rather than being told what to do
for once doing things my own way
i wanna be who i am and not lurk behind.

No matter what I do, what i become
I will still never be enough for you
deep down i know what runs in your mind
your expectations from me and what you want me to be
you know that and you think i will never deceive
i know you raised me and showed me the world
but where you're wrong is the fact that you taught me lessons
where were you when i was a victim to bullying?
where were you when i was scarred a gazillion times?
where were you once i was a victim of abuse?
i cried and slit my body so many times
i attempted a suicide
i nearly killed myself, but you were never there
and now if you say that you know me well, then i guess you're yourself living in delusions
you know nothing about me regardless of your control over me
you lost me halfway through my childhood because you never understood me
i just wish you knew me, guess its too late now you lost me!

What is life to me?
It was merely a speck of happiness to me
It came along bundled with expectations and mysteries
But ended with deception and pain,
I anticipated the world to be harmonious
I visioned peace and honesty
I believed and saw the good in everybody
But then discovered pretense personalities and hearts filled with hatred,
I believed that God entrusted everyone with integrity
I never judged another on the basis of their faith or character
To me all this didn't matter
But today I push back my thoughts and falter to state that this world is clustered with liars and envious people who earnestly indulge in despair.

Things have started to bug me
Conversations that were once vague
Now becoming understandable
Painful days are yet to come my way
For once again my depression will take over my emotions
My already poignant heart burdened
Why can't i remain exultant as i was before these hurtful days?
I confabulate with my brain
Trying to assemble the broken pieces
And containing my spilt tears
As these tears will forever shed
It is, but my lack of self esteem
My feeling of being sequestered that i fear
I can't lose more of my faith nor my sanity
Or I'll wither away with those who have already departed
Because frankly, from within I'm no more.

I feel like i have failed in life
Was once so content
Now not even fine
I used to stand upright
Was steady and focused
But now all that might shattered into bits
My soul withering gradually from my body
I have yet to rise
But things have led me to my own demise
Destructed from within
I smile to show others I'm alright
From within however I'm dead and empty
I have failed not only myself
But also the people around me
Now only left with hopelessness and self despise.

I surrender myself
and bend before You
for i know the sins I've done
and the distress i had to bear
I vehemently mend our bond
tying each loop end to end
i try to get closer to You
because if not You, then who?
I have uttered ghastly words in anger
i have made bad decisions in furry
yet i fall on my knees
and plead that You forgive me
I regret and write woeful ballads
for i seek Your eyes on me
for You to see my efforts
that i accept my wrongs and i fear Your potency.

I journeyed and traveled to faraway lands
searching for the meaning of life
i incurred much sorrow
and poignant pain
i met new people and lost the old ones
my heart drenched in my own despair
i was lost, and i was alone
all my hope fled
but back in my head i knew my life had a meaning
and then i found you
my heart once again revived
my memories once again started blank slate
now filled with joy and restored with happiness
it is you who completes me!

I have lived in fear
Petrified of the darkness that takes over my soul
Spoiled and scarred by the society
I've been taken advantage of
I've been taken for granted
My heart stabbed a million times-
Now shattered into bits
The strength that was once within me, exits my body
I feel hopeless and only it is death that envelopes me into its chains
I am held and tortured
My thoughts drift-
Gloom stricken, I lack the ability to endure
Which is why I have drowned in my own sorrow and regrets.

Darkness is what evicts my oh-so-cold soul,
anger and sorrow drips from within me,
my heart pitch black drips hate;
drenched in my coldness my scars ignite,
my skin slit and wounded consistently,
my abhor towards you increments,
if only you knew the pain you afflicted me with,
i take down the path to make you pay,
to regret on your doings,
a revenge not through actions,
preferably my silence,
my lack of expression and my ignorance towards you,
for you put me through so much agony-
that i had to sequester myself from the world,
and shut down all my emotions and extracted out my joy,
now i hope for you to learn from your mistakes,
for my avoidance and silence will make you realize my worth!

Departed is my soul;
that fled ages ago,
from my mind and my heart,
in angst and sorrow,
chained by the perplexities of tomorrow,
I drag myself to my salvation,

pain is what defoliates me internally,
I defenselessly weaken my strengths and stumble on my own burdens;
stammer on my words and live in my past full of regrets,
for I may have erred;
which is why I am compelled to think of desolation,

since I fear to lose my companions and the people I adore the most;
i am shattered and feel no more,
all my once ecstatic energy fades,
yet I believe there is much to decipher;
to untie the knots within me,
and to mend my frail and lost soul.

A burdened soul has nothing but tears to shed,
A grieving heart has nothing but years to bear,
Pain so poignant that it can shatter a once promising future,
Reluctant to speak to others, it's only isolation that one needs,
Somewhere in the darkness, a corner where one can lurk and only encounter their silhouette,
But to fight this pain God is all we need,
He resides amongst us and within us,
Rather than sharing sorrow with others it's Him who can heal us,
It's His love for us that we need and that can make us go through this pain,
When in despair, call out His name,
He will respond when there's no one there.

I could not have been more sure about my feelings,
Until the day you and I began,
I knew for sure that it has always been you,
The one whom I have been waiting for,
You came in my life, like a bolt swifty taking all of me away;
Piece by piece,
I knew from the start that you would change my life,
I prayed for the day to come where God gives you a chance to prove to my family about your worth,
About the love that you have for me,
Our promises were not just put in words,
I carved each and every bit of detailed conversations we had to my heart,
I know you are my other half,
And I know that it's only you i want.

the inescapable terror that resides within my soul,
a maze paradoxically runs in my mind,
confused and clueless about why i see what i see?
why i feel what i feel?
how is it that I'm alive whilst I'm dead from the inside,
being shattered is one thing, being dead from inside is another,
there seems to be something lurking behind my smile,
something tricky that halts me from living,
something that I'm ambiguous to,
stranded on the edge,
i know not about the emptiness that haunts me.

if only i was in knowledge of the monster that hid within him
i would've been more cautious and my actions, controlled
how oblivious and frail was my heart to fall under his prey
i yearned his flawless presence as it quenched all my thirst
but little did i know his soullessness
he was dead and cold,

the hunger in his eyes starved for my flesh and his sadistic smile;
all he wanted was a body to complete him
he was not made for love, his promises were all lies
he feasted on his prey and moved on to the next
he was but a womanizer, a heartless lover
he was dead and cold

my life once revolved around him
manipulated by his orders, i was utterly in love with him
i cherished what little time we spent together
the exquisite memories that i reminisce, even now leave me in tears
oh how precious were they, but in the end nothing mattered to him
he was dead and cold

People know less
about the pain that's under all that smile
the tears that are shed
and the scars and wounds afflicted by the world

a pale skin
and a heart full of anguish
how much it had to bear
how much it took to repair

the sharpness in words
how it slits the edges of the heart
like a rose garden it spreads in the soul
a heart covered with thorns, a heart once soft now cold

how much torment the body took
the touch of hunger slowly dragging me in remorse
the untold story, the words that could have been uttered before
but my frightful soul is what kept silent all these years.

An awfully long period that we spent apart
wasn't as easy as it seems
but how easy is it for others
to say their side of goodbyes

I love you irrevocably
from the beginning till now
your presence, your everything
its lightens up my day

there's something about you
that keeps me from losing you
could probably be a restless soul
or could be the time we have had together wrapped in each others arms

once hesitant to fall in love
now it feels like eternity with you
though distant yet you reside in my heart
as I drift deep into my thoughts all that my lips ever speak about is you, you and you!

As I leap forward to touch
I pull myself in danger and terror
like the forbidden tree
I enter into a forbidden trance

A place where only desire resides
where hands are restless and reach for love
where bodies arouse
I enter into a forbidden trance

A mixture of feelings and emotions
a wave of fear that sweeps off the smile from my face
i touch my finger tips to yours and caress you
I enter into a forbidden trance

The thought of loss petrifies me
your soul conquers me
it is you that I yearn for knowing the consequences
I find myself entering a forbidden trance.

Covered in bruises
a face shadowed by guilt and shame
why was I to blame?

a trail of what seemed to be nightmares
actually flashbacks of my despair
not my fault, yet I was to blame

it all started with naivety
soon reached its peak taking away my innocence
not fully but mere, yet I was to blame

if I had the chance to speak
to shed tears of agony and regret of not recognizing the criminal
I would do so, yet I'd be the one to blame

you'll never know what it feels like
you'll never know the dread and horror
a ghastly monster that resides within him, yet I'd be the one to blame!

Connecting myself to your heart
I try to fathom the intensity of our love
the warmth of your touch
the concern that you shower me with
what is it that inclines me towards you?

It was perhaps the very sight
the glimpse of your first arrival
it was what took my breath away
and then I understood
I was lightning and you my thunder

A mixture of sedation and romance
how your words send goosebumps down my spine
the force of attractions that pull me towards you
it was all clear from that very day and I realized
I was madly in love with you!

I shovel down memory lane
trying to assemble pieces
scarce loops lumped together
untied chains and strings of God knows what
it is what perplexes my heart
a ray of light shadows on what seems like my life
all that I ever had, falling apart
could it be a test
or my hopelessness?

Feels like just yesterday
i realized my presence, a shadow
i merely let this shadow conquer me
i let my voice stay within myself, regardless of my rights
i let people manipulate me

i hid my feelings
i stopped my tears
i remained aloof from my heart
never understood what it was trying to convey
just listened to my brain, how selfish

i am what i was 8 years ago
dead from within
distant from sorrow and reckless with my heart
my soul cold and resistant to words of love
in actual i am reliving my past, have been and always will!

They say people get stronger with each scar,
people get wiser with every step,
but its all the total opposite,
scars make you weaker,
and experiences shatter you into bits and leave you restless.

I have become what you can't embrace
a silent killer yet in decay
someone who gradually prevails justice
through words in earnest ways
someone who lurks in isolation
who lives in darkness
soaring the sky like a nightingale  
although insane yet in decay
death making my way
fighting extremes and progressions
still i falter and fade away.

Senseless and sensual kisses cover my body,
trailing down from my lips to my legs,
your hands move slowly down my back
locking me in long breathless kisses,

The feeling of your lips on mine leaves me tangled
arousing each and every part of my body,
butterflies and knots tighten and loosen in my stomach,
it feels like haven in your arms,

The gap between the two of us closes
igniting ****** sparks and yearning our bodies for more,
you touch me in ways I can't explain
and my soul so mere, rejuvenates!

Pain over rules all
Regretful of my past, present and future
What is it with life?
People talk about ups and downs
Reminiscing your scars only aches
No sign of healing nor strength
Once so equiped with words
So sure of what to say,
Of what to write
Now, no more
It is not only actions but the impact of words
How you get pulled into abyss
How you're forced into isolation
Words are what matter
They compel you to think
They take you to places and touch your soul
Either poignantly or intimately
It is the impact of words
The harsh and crudeness in them
The hurtful things that you hear
They can take away all of you!

When in pain I write
words of grief that remain untold
the epitome of my heart
as the hurt penetrates through my soul pinching me
I cry with inexpressible words flooding my mind
my eyes wet and my hands trembling
my isolation is what kills me from the inside
people surround me yet i am alone
once so strong, i would hide my agony
now it started to show
started from pain and ended up as depression
with very less people to understand me
i take down to the path that calms me
i fight my depression and write, yet i falter!

An excruciating solace in her words
the sharpness of which cuts me through
a drop of blood is all that there is
its a family thing they'd say,

I try to break through
leaping forward to observe the wound
a poignant wave of terror swoons
the harshness in her expression could be the reason to undo the two,

To mend and bring back
i tried my utmost to seek through words
to beseech the two
and they pushed me saying let there be no one to intrude as it was a family feud.

I was once in isolation
alone in bifurcation
nobody to love and yet so pleased

but then you came in
taking my breath away
my heart beat elevated with every word you'd say

the very first time we met
I was unsure what was to come forth
the very first time we talked and our shoulders touched, I remember

on February we started singing serenades of our love
oh so absolute, so divine
it was that we amalgamated

our thoughts coincided
we met and shared our first kiss
it was so precious and the moment too

how our fingers entwined
how our bodies grooved
our eyes confabulated the truth

our love so true, so real
my heart feels so weighed and eyes so teary
how you managed to carry me along with you

its been an 8 month tenure
oh how time passes
if only we'd have a clue!

You conversing
with others
Or eyeing on me
through your references
is not what bothers me,

You not talking to me
you arguing with me
or even ignoring me
due to reasons
is not what bothers me

You not opening up to me
because of your insecurities
or hiding a secret
because you can't tell me
is not what bothers me

But if you hold me
responsible for all our feuds
or find ways to guilt me
in covering up your flaws
In easy words, what bothers me is that you lied to me.

I marked my heart
with scars and blemishes
some of today and some of tomorrow
Oh how time flies
once I was a dreamer
now hopelessly dead,

I had the strength to seek
the power to interpret and analyze things
the willingness to feel the pain and sorrow of others
but now all that fades away
once blessed to feel emotions
now cursed- emotionless,

Deceit and heartbreak
decayed all that was around
heart once so loving and soft
perished everything one by one
changing not perceptions
but also me on the way.

If only i could distinguish between love and hate,
If only i could differentiate between what is and isn't,

I'd say I lack the ability to set apart,
Things may seem right but they aren't,
All seems sane but it's not,
Its the eye of optimism that blinds reality;
that covers all the lies,

If only i could distinguish between love and hate,
If only i could differentiate between what is and isn't,

My way of handling,
My way of bearing;
It's just not satisfying,
I should be the one to make my own decisions,
But I'm now only dependent on others,

If only i could distinguish between love and hate,
If only i could differentiate between what is and isn't,

I'm so under control,
I can't defy my taker;
Can't take my own steps,
I am frail,
I am a woman, so that is what society has to say,

If only i could distinguish between love and hate,
If only i could differentiate between what is and isn't,

My power to nurture,
My power to assemble;
It's nothing compared to what's being said about me or any other that can relate,
I am best at what I do,
Yet I'm weak to pave away,

If only i could distinguish between love and hate,
If only i could differentiate between what is and isn't.

Flowers blossom the terraces
the garden filled with a familiar smell
an aroma of love
and a fragrance of hurt
there in the ditch I stumble and fall
reality is revealed
and so is the deceit that I embraced.

As I leap forward to touch
I pull myself in danger and terror
like the forbidden tree
I enter into a forbidden trance

A place where only desire resides
where hands are restless and reach for love
where bodies arouse
I enter into a forbidden trance

A mixture of feelings and emotions
a wave of fear that sweeps off the smile from my face
i touch my finger tips to yours and caress you
I enter into a forbidden trance

The thought of loss petrifies me
your soul conquers me
it is you that I yearn for knowing the consequences
I enter into a forbidden trance.

My heart feels so low
sinking in its own depths
slowly losing its true color
the joy and spirit it once held
all's fading away,

I used to be so happy
my heart so calm
so full of life
and held such beauty
but now no more,

The vulnerability that it now feels
ceases me from doing what I once loved
pushing away all the people that I was once so attached to
the limitless boundaries of freedom now tear apart
vexating my heart and drowning me,

I could once face all my fears
i once clarified all my ambiguities
but now suddenly they burden up
clouding and clustering my frail heart
that now breaths its end.

How hard is it to make you understand-
the risks I take,
the things I have to bear,

I really don't know how to please you;
whether to ignore or not,
You have no idea how hard it is,

Putting up with others accusations;
criticism amd rumors so remorseful,
yet you only see what I haven't done,

Wish I could make you understand-
that how much you mean to me,
because that is all that matters to me.

dripping love
romance so feisty
****** and seductive moans

soft touch
and heaving chest
breathing so synchronized

under the light of a candle
in silence
two bodies collide

sharing passionate kisses
caressing each bump
all worry fades away.