Loving you
is as charismatic
as nothing

The very thought of you
is as beautiful
as heaven itself

Loving you
is as charismatic
as nothing.

Bit by bit
my faith fled
leaving only pieces
and shards of evil,

The darkness that dwells within me
the hurt that excruciates within me
it all showed
in form of hate,

The walls of my heart vandalize
leaving behind scars and pained memories
it was not me
it was what society made me.

Why does life seem so meaningless
Why does it feel so hurtful yet painless?

It seems so vague
yet so understood
it is as sharp as a shard
yet it doesn't hurt when it cuts me through

Why does life seem so meaningless
Why does it feel so hurtful yet painless?

Words come out regardlessly
And scar me
Leaving behind bruises and marks
So poignant yet mild

Why does life seem so meaningless
Why does it feel so hurtful yet painless?

Hearing stories once untold
Bizzare hallucinations capture me
Dreams of loss and despair
Yet so bearable

Why does life seem so meaningless
Why does it feel so hurtful yet painless?

When life had me in shackles
I had known
that this was reality for sure,

Dreams once lit holistically
showered my life with love and compassion
they took me where there's serenity and peace,

But when arose the demons of terror
the nightmare of deceit and hurt
then came rushing in actuality,

Twas my life that had fallen apart
my soul that went in abyss
and my heart that was scarred,

I was blinded by superficiality
by the ugly lies that I was told
and the flamboyance of people,

It had then struck me
I was nothing but alone
oblivious of the dark secrets kept from me and the hate amidst this world.

Slowly and gradually I drift amidst my thoughts,
In depths and in extremes-
of an intensity, quite mere.
Could it be,
Or could it not,
the resonance of a vague sound,

From a distance it travels;
and calls me where there's peace and sanity,
Nothing less just-
The audible sounds of the wind;
Blown from beyond the coast to where i reside,
Whispering and confabulating with me,

In days of isolation or in days when in pain,
It soothes me and hums sweet melodies,
Always accompanied in joy or when in vain,
Knowing fully that I'd be deprived of a companion,
The winds call for me exterminating my despair,
Tis an endless friendship till the time I live.

I brush my hand over my
exposed, scarred flesh
over the tormented bumps
and reddish blue bruises

I was once so open
so free to spread my wings
be myself
and to flee to places that were forbidden

But it all ended
in despair
with my heart composed
and my body sold

I was so submerged
with my surroundings once
I was so devoted to my friends
that I got carried away and got hurt

I became fragile
and frail
to an extent where I'd say that
I am now vulnerable

I trusted so blindly
I cared so thoughtlessly
that I forgot how it'd feel to suffer
to bleed and die from the inside

Now all I'm left with is
pain and poignant memories of yesterday
bits by bits I join them together
yet I am lonely

I was once so happy
once so juvenile
it all was taken away
because I trusted the unexpected, what can I say?

Never did I think
that days like these
would come our way
where misinterpretation
and frustration
would lead to ending things

I never imagined
our fights so ferocious
your heart so cold
and your words so harsh
never thought that your demented thoughts
would lead to such imprudence

Never did I think
that days like these
would come our way
where misinterpretation
and frustration
would lead to ending things.

Could it be a call from the meadows
with the swirly sounds of the wind
and the teary dark clouds of monsoon

could it be the silence of the waves
with the radiance of the moon lit
casting a reflection of serenity

could it be the stormy nights of December
with the sound of destruction
and the deathly rattling of the windows.

And I found peace
in your prayers
And I find solace
when bowing and crying in front of you,

Every tear that I shed
all my regrets
all my sorrows
they all decayed the moment I called on to you,

The poignancy in my heart
the impossibilities
and the hurdles I faced
all I ever did was cry in front of you,

I felt like I sinned a lot
I was grieving
the pain I carried was so immense
And all I said was 'Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem' all that I had on my mind was no more.

A sedation that leaves only thirst for more
a desire unsaid of love and wreck
a mixture of two odds
sinful, yet irresistible

A bond of two
sensationally and physically tied
strengthened by a charismatic bond
so involved, so intimate

A journey to depths
in a state of euphoria
existing in a place like utopia
where there's only passion for more and more

A craving for you to come close
a relentless yearn of not letting go
such little time but such long distances
leaving behind everything and going faraway

A feeling of emptiness on the skin
tears involuntarily stream down touching the corners of the lips
'tis the last time in a long time that we meet
'twas the departing of the lips that silently whispered, 'Until next time'!

What is it about you that's so captivating?
What is it about the way you smile that leaves me breathless?
What is it about your touch that makes me numb?

It could be the way you talk, the way you play with your words that touches my soul,
It could be the way you beam that attractive smile or laugh, when I talk ludicrous,
It could be the magnetism in your touch that leaves me marked all over,

What is it about your eyes that sinks me into their depth?
What is it about that laugh that gives me goosebumps?
What is it about the way you brush your hands through your hair that excites me?

It could be the sparkle in the way you look at me that makes me fall more in love with you,
It could be that when you laugh at my idiocy I know that you notice me and listen to what I say,
The reason could be that this happens in my presence, whenever you look at me you brush your hands through your hair.

People come and go,
Some vicious and monstrous,
Some convivial and angelic,

I've met people with split personalities,
People who empower their envious nature by destroying others lives,
People who's abhor over-rules them and vandalizes their humanity,

I've met people with a generous spirit,
People with an engaging smile and a heart of gold,
People with a captivating soul that seeks others and plunges them forward in helping,

Seven billion people in this world, mixed;
Some ghastly, some delightful,
And you came in and took my breath away.

I've stayed quite long in despair,
Lurked my fears, faked my emotions,
I've been asked by many if i was okay,
But I kept myself composed and engraved,
So many times i fell in abyss,
A different dimension with hopelessness contained,
I cried alone in the darkness,
Everytime that i was pale I'd say,'I'm okay!',
Slowly and gradually i lost my faith,
In burdening up sins and choosing to be left stained,
On losing a part of me i realized,
How alone i was and how regretful i was,
It was the emptiness in my soul that struck me hard,
It was the fraility in the choice of my words that sunk me in the dark,
Every tear that  I shed,
Every memory that i had,
All but a lie pulling me to my own death,
All the guilt that i had,
Scared of what I'd done and i how I'd face God,
I lost myself half way and the other half just faded away!

I was told the first time you lay your eyes on me,
It was not attraction it was love,

I was told about things you hadn't felt before,
For i was the reason that made you feel more alive,

But this time if something happens to me,
I'd say I'd be the reason of your salvation!

This worlds needs to change,
It needs revolutionized minds and sanes,

Politicians corrupt and misuse resources,
Voices of people interrupted and ignored,

What has this world come to?
Where have all these Mavericks and Dissidents run off to?

How is it that one preaches them?
Maybe a few of these can help reshape, remold and restructure the world.

Let not be rebuked
by what the society says,

Let yourself spark
and ignite like the incandescent light in a dark room,

Let there be words of wisdom
let others minds be blown away,

Let not despair stab you
or the crude harsh words back you down,

Be the guiding light of your tunnel
because it's you who can help yourself,

Of tyranny and brutality
let not your pride hurt someone's ego,

Let not others deceit break you down
always remember that every scar has an even deeper lesson to it!

Possession-ed kisses and passionate marks
under sheets of skin and layers of bites,
a shade of bluish and greenish bruises-
vibrantly sparks delight,

****** swoons bring in an urge
an unwanting sigh escapes
and leaves my trembling lips in thirst-
of a desire not yet suffice,

be it love or romance
the heart suddenly collides
shattered and beguiled by this beauty
replaces an arousing love bite.

I seek refuge in you
I embrace the solace windy nights of December
The love and the caresses
The strokes and kisses;
I now feel numb
Drifting amidst my hazy dazes
The sweet melodious lullabies that put me to sleep
Tis your shelter i seek
The aesthetic in you
The comfort that your heart gives me
It aches me to look you in the eyes
Perhaps it's the attraction that leaves me scarred
As your eyes penetrate through my soul and quench me, completely!

They say there's peace in his end,
There's serenity in heaven,
But what about the people he's left behind,

They say,'Don't worry, he's in a better place.' ,
They say he's doing well up there,
But what about the people he's left behind,

They say he's blessed to have fled away,
He's lucky not to see the atrocities that are seen,
But what about the people he's left behind,

He's up there looking out for us,
He's in our prayers and our tongues all the time,
But what about the people he's left behind.

It was him
It was the honesty in his eyes
The integrity and beauty of his heart-
That could mend my oh so broken heart
Fill up my scars and calm my troubled soul,

It was the way that he smiled at me
The way that he would say 'i love you'
It was the power in these words-
That could mend my oh so broken heart
Fill up my scars and calm my troubled soul,

It was his sincerity
His showered love for me
And his affection for me-
That could mend my oh so broken heart
Fill up my scars and calm my troubled soul.

Truth or lie,
Not so clarified,
Is it beauty that you seek or physical desire?
My heart pounds for you,
But there's poison in your head,
My heart is full of madness and regret,
Believing you and your small talking romance,
I'm tired of fantasizing love stories that start with, 'Once upon a time'!

Unsure of my faith,
I take down to the path that's vague,
Where there's paradox and limitless clues-
That somehow intervene these strings of hope,
Loops and knots assemble one by one that cause recurrent pain,
Shadowed by the blanket of darkness,
Illuminated by the edge of dawn,
A low sigh escapes,
Breathless and outdated-
Remorse lurks behind the doors of ache,
Ready to be set free once every ending year

Infectious cravings strike,
Day by day materializing,
Away from purity and humanity,
Somewhere, infatuating over labels and glamour,
Does it matter that people are dying?
Silent echoes of the wind swirl pass,
It's the shop's they are gathered around-
Where you hear only people engage and sounds of clitter clatter.

I pour out my heart to you
With words of love and forever
Promises of today and tomorrow
I try to sedate you with words of compassion
Because I know you're the one!

My wounds slit open
With blood oozing out
Spilling and emptying from my veins
My flesh so deeply ruptured
My heart almost beats its end
Only a minute away from death
My desires unheard
My story untold
I regret as I was once an introvert
Wanted the world to know me more
But nearing my death, no more!
It's not me internally that departs
Not just my soul
But also my existence will now only be a secret
Veiled and buried forever.

The full moon rises
with an echo from the corner
creaking sounds from the distance
hallucinating in the darkness
as the silhouettes of the night awaken my senses
hearing each and every sound
understanding the pain of tortured souls
grieving over poignant memories
hearts of those withered and souls decayed
tis the drug inhaled causing such serene
and ability to hear the ache of others.

Three words,
A mixture of emotions,
But in the end all mean the same,
A continuous feeling,
Limited, yet pure,
A cluster of languages,
Different backgrounds,
Some true, filled with integrity,
Some unsure, filled with confusion,
Some gone, filled with hurt,
But in the end all mean the same,
The variance may matter regionally,
East or West,
North or South;
But all these fall in one category,
Some taken ignorantly,
Some taken by heart,
And some in pain,
But in the end all mean the same,
I LOVE YOU, as they say!

I fell hopeless and cried,
Not once, a thousand times,
I lost my strength, I died a million times,

I alone had to solve this paradox,
I got baffled but not once, a gazillion times,
I lost my way, I lost myself,

I found integrity in you,
But you broke me apart, piece by piece,
And I lost faith gradually, subsequently,

I was once lively,
Then I lost my soul,
I lost you, I lost us,

You stopped caring,
I perceived nothing but deceit,
But I just couldn't stop loving you.

A smile, a kiss a day,
Flushed cheeks, passion filled trance,
A complicated swoon drills in emotion,
A love so vast,
So preciously encased-
Elevates the beating of my heart,
Encages me in this beautiful romance,
A sense of infliction, a recurring obsession,
I tremble at each flashback,
With tears of joy and a twitch full of remembrance,
Replenished sincerity,
A proudness' of you being my man,
Being without you, I can't stand!

Seldom do I stand,
Mostly fall in my own hopelessness,
Out of desire I shed tears,
Shatter'd my heart bears pain,
I surrender in the name of love;
For what I've been seeking for,
But never sure if its true.

I dreamt last night of death,
I saw myself enslaved on the burdens of my sins,
The weightlessness of my virtue,
I saw before death the last tick of the clock-
But hopelessly I couldn't do nothing,
I prayed and cried for forgiveness,
Repented on my sins after my soul departed,
But I was too late,
I was already gone.

Startled and horrified by society,
A silhouette of a petrified soul crumples in the darkest corner of the night,
In tears and remorse,
With slit arms and blood flowing through each wound,
Droplets of tears and blood drip, forming a pool of water n' rust,
The scars on her heart deepen and stain her body,
The dark circles under her pale eyes, moist,
An urge to smoke or drink escapes her lips as a sigh,
Not caring about what's harmful and what's not,
Just a sip or a puff of smoke can shackle all her hurt,
Vandalized from within,
Completely shut and worn out-
Thanks to one mistake they take her innocence away,
An unforgetful dread, a frightful nightmare!

I will forever be yours,
Chained and engraved-
By the powerful knots of love,
The fiery burst and the irrevocable words,
They leave me baffled and in paradox;
For I love you, indeed,

Your electric touch,
And your warmth,
It drives me crazy-
Leading me out of my past,
My ghastly, terrorizing past, you drag me out from,
Knowing how much you mean to me.

As time passes, enemies become friends and friends become enemies. You never expect that you'd ever embrace deceit from someone you were once so close to. But then again time changes situation and the person itself.

I get threatened to be killed,
But little do they know I'm already dead from the inside,

They say they'll hurt me,
But little do they know I'm already scarred,

They want to break me apart,
But little do they know I'm already broken,

Melting and haunted from within,
My demons lurk and escape out when I'm alone,

They say they will imprison me,
Little do they know that I'm already chained in despair,

They say they will make me regret,
Little do they know the remorseful memories I have to bear with,

They say they will sadden me,
Little do they know I'm already in a state of abyss and terror.

A quixotic paradox,
Sinking me into utopia,
Unimaginable occurrences,

Learnt and observed,
No one warns you about the amount of heart breaks and dishevels in growth,
An irreparable ache,

A void untouched,
Scarred and defoliating on its outer core,
Turns into dust n' ash, subsequently,

An aggression of pain,
A collective group of insane,
Ludicrous and high on looped smoke,

Torture,
Vexated and erred,
Dropping slowly in abyss and isolation.

Shadows haunt me,
I crumple in the corner of my room trying to release my aggravation,
Exiling my monotonous routine-
Of forcefully smiling,
I tremble at the twitch of the corners of my lips,
My tears flow hastily down my cheeks,
Pausing on every bump,
The coldness in my heart and my soul increments as I gradually fade away with the wind,
Crude words; half broken, half unspoken try escaping my mouth,
But not a word is said,
As if a lumpy feeling rages from within and a soundless whisper comes out,
Tortured and chained relentlessly in the dungeon of fear.

He doesn't understand how much she struggles,
He doesn't see the love she holds for him,
He doesn't know how much she's breaking from the inside,
He doesn't feel the ache of her scars-
Or see her lurking in the dark,

She only see's her struggles
She loves him more than anything in this world,
She feels hopeless like she's dead from the inside,
But what she doesn't know is, there's a light igniting at the end of the tunnel,
A guide against her fears.

Distorted heart -
Breaks and shatters a millionth,
Agonizing on the torment it had to bear,
Withered and terminating till its last,

Abdication has left me frail,
A void that now resides in the center of my heart, diffuses,
Penetrating torturous scars and bruises,
Aching from within,

Like a broken wing,
Or a leaf defoliating,
My heart slowly turns pitch black,
Ready to face extinction,

A wave of despair,
Constricting the walls of my veins,
A lumpy formation in the middle,
Not blood, just loss!

Speaking of sorrow,
Speaking of pain,
My heart aches constantly for you my dear,

I have experienced deceit,
People shatter me repeatedly,
A broken trust and a lonesome soul,

My unendurable scars,
My shallowness-
Sinks me in my own depth,

Speaking of sorrow,
Speaking of pain,
My heart aches constantly for you my dear.

Many times has it occurred to me that love was a mixture of happiness and haven. Where you feel so comfortable with your partner and savor the intensity and grandeur of it.
Many times have I erred, that falling in love with you would change my life completely. My imprudent heart so frail, surrendered fore you.
Now that it struck me hard, a broken heart is what you get from love. Either its caused by someone's demise or a broken promise. It takes you to the path where your demons that were once hidden, lurking in the shadow of your soul, capture you and pull you into abyss. Where only shattered memories and a scarred soul reside.

I constantly tell myself everyday before going to bed that I'll move on and that I'll stop thinking about you, but never has there been a day that I didn't shed tears. In everything that includes pictures, music, movies, books, my mind is compelled to reminisce about you.

The day I promised to love you solely and forever, the day you said you want forever with me, but that never really happened. You only left me shattered and heartbroken. My demons haunt me every night, my scars deepen and ache.

In this baffled state, sequestered and isolated, I keep my hopes alive that one day you will want me and accept that I am the one for you!

Seldom has it occurred to me that if I never loved you, my life would not be a mess as of now, where I'm already living on the edge of death. Externally I am alive but from the inside; broken and torn apart. I cry and wish to die. I wish that death finds me in the most darkest place and extracts my soul out. The pain and bruises already ache so much that now I don't even think taking away my soul harshly would even matter. I'm already so frail from the inside. Numb and scarred, yet I'm delighted that I experienced this pain and I now distant myself from anyone who tells me that they love me.
I may not move on, but I'll hope that you experience all I've been through once and know how bad it hurts.

The luminous cascading of light-
Penetrates through my soul,
The warmth of the radiance,
The glow within the pores of my skin,
Alights my heart and yearns for more,

Acknowledging the deprivation and the cold,
Stranded in a meadow shattered and alone,
My eyes shed poignancy,
And my heart remorse,
What you don't know is you're my shelter as a whole.

I've been deceived by many,
Devastated and aggravated to epitome,
But I have not once avenged any,
I silently suffered and embraced the pain,

It killed me a millionth time,
That I wanted to make them pay,
But I dissolved the abhor,
For hate can strengthen and my virtue might decay,

I could have played along,
Maybe adopt evil and hurt people,
But what was the worth,
Because I know I learned that revenge cannot do any good.