i always want what i can't have
and when i can have it
i don't want it.
it's a void i've been trying to fill.
i love the chase, the uncertainty.
i'm not ready to settle down.
i want to run free & make mistakes.
and when the time comes for love,
i will not be ready.
i don't want to be.
i don't want to spend my life preparing,
i want to live it.
but when the time does come
i want a man who's insane and makes mistakes.
i want someone to be adventurous with.
not by expediting on some journey,
but by making an adventure out of every situation.
i want to dance in the middle of a grocery store to a mediocre pop song.
i want to scare ducks instead of feeding them
i want to go to hidden cafes and find the best coffee in the city.
i want to stay in and make spaghetti.
i want to laugh and love with a whole heart
but as for now,
i cannot give you that.
for i do not have my heart
i'm still chasing it.
i know it's somewhere out there
i just have to find it.
i know it will be an adventure.
so when you are ready for me
and i am ready for you
chase me.

maybe in the past you would have given me butterflies but they have flown away. now you show me the sky and we sit in silence and gaze at the beauty of what could have been.

seeing you with her is like magic. you found your beauty and she loved your beast and you are riding off into the sunset with her. and i'm the step-sister- left behind to clean up your mess. (but i love you and i'm glad your fairy tale came true)

it hurts the most when i see how happy you are. not because i don't want you to be; because i do. that is my only desire in the world. but it reminds me of how happy you once made me, and of the possibility that, maybe for a short time, i was your happiness too.

she was not graceful although she always wanted to be. she could never ride the waves; she let them overtake her and carry her to shore.

her nail polish was always chipped
and her hair always knotted
she never knew what she wanted
but she loved the sky.
how she loved the sky.
the possibility of freedom
sent shivers down her spine.

you got scared and you gave up.
and for that,
i can never go back to you.

"I am all pieces that don't fit
But with you
I don't realize it."*

That's all I have ever wanted to be able to say



And meant