amongst the pains
burning up and down my spine
your heart reeks of darkness
like a volcano ready to burst
each living day, each loving girl
building on a mountain of ash
you don’t know what love is
corrupting souls, collecting wounds
how is it you feel, this broken chest
is fit for falling hearts?
when exposed all the fury
melts away at them
grasping, fighting for survival
when all in the end, on your terms
burns them alive

at least our story was ours
no one had any say
no cards or tricks to play
we had trust.
we had our jokes
our little traditions
like driving to the coast
we didn’t fret
we didn’t play games
kept our light flamed
for several years before god came
all I can say is
among the sad kids I know
love like that is rare
though it is unfair
I’m grateful for the love we bared
ending things may not have been ideal
even so we broke the wheel

and at least it all was real.

I wish I didn’t miss you
Not because you’re bad
Or you hurt me too badly
But because I loved you
Unconditionally
And failed
At my assertion

And now
The waters run deep
my heart is thriving
And I just wish
You could see it

I stayed at home
dived into books
into myself
I'm an introvert

I took the test
one then two
that told me lies
or so I knew

I met the kids
5 months after
showed me care
and love so true

an extrovert
it's who I am
unknown to me
it was a scam

loneliness can steal
your heart
take a drink
it's all a sham

Don't let the names
of psyche
take away from
who you are


a.s.

without intention
I miss you very badly
my mind soars through
good memories and
soft kisses
but
pain circulates in my chest
knowing that
no matter what
if we dwell on the past
there is no way we can love
in the future

a.s.

I woke up to orange skies
took a **** to clean my demise
drank a tea to open my third eye
pipe up
head down
eyes are pink
mind is black
I turn my back
trust you're not a shmuck
let the world soak you up

even when my mouth is dry
life's a breeze when you're high

a.s.

buried by my thoughts
yours came to visit again
the warmth of your chest
the deepness of your breath
all came back to me
like a crashing wave so strong
I'm drowning below the surface

down here
I want to trace your hands
whisper in your ears
and put it all behind us
hear the gentle strokes of your mind
painting the love you bear for me
curl up into the depths of your soul
so you can always protect me

why is it when I say your name
it pierces my ears
and I feel pain through my whole body
why is it that despite rationality
this doesn't seem rational
and indecisiveness takes over me

I can't seem to articulate this feeling
but I haven't forgotten
and I never will
and with a heavy heart
a heavy mind
and soul
I'm so sorry baby,
but we must have unfinished business

a.s.

hey
people of today
lets channel our
ethics, history, and emotion to
be a better civilization
to be a better human
to be a better lover, brother, and neighbor
we did not choose this life
one of corruption
and greed
dating back before
your grandad's uniform
before your grandad's grandad's uniform
before the war on the people
we are out here living it
the habits and decisions of the past
a system so outdated
where we are limited to
collapsing on ourselves
and though I always wish to act with love
I will not tolerate it
and someday

someday
no one will

a.s.

only those who are compassionate
find properity

a.s

when I was eight
my mother told me
honey, you will be a heartbreaker
and after my modest attempts to disbelieve her
it's ten years later and
my mother's silky, stabbing words
came to greet me again
to say
yes, honey. sometimes that's the way it is
and all I could do was
say
Okay

a.s.

You said the right words to me
and did the right things
made the right looks
and played my soft strings
but am I only speculating
before we get to round

three?

a.s.

how come
I never knew I was this beautiful
and I tired myself out for years
telling myself I wasn't

how come
throughout the years
my self worth was only found through perception
and the real truth is
that self worth is found in my insight

how come
I feel so insecure
and cry deep within the night
despite the constant support

I know why
it was the constant endurance
of a young love so true
but heavy with expectation
so heavy
you must let go
my only question is

universe,
what the ****
why would you do that to me

a.s.

I have felt powers of healing
and words vibrating to your core
felt the conscious I love you
from my higher self
why is spirituality
not taken seriously

I have given all my generosity
to you
so why do you think you love me
more

a.s

I have fought fear
like a crippling boxer
sweat dripping from my nose
and the physical rumble of my knees giving out
so tired
of the continuous swings and punches
without leading to defeat
now
blood is pouring down my teeth
and my fists are bruised
what is the answer
to my crippling fear
I'm on the ground
at its mercy
is it simply

you cannot let fear get to you?

I took a walk down memory lane
smoking from cans
and hanging with friends so bland
makes you curious of your path
Now I smoke from bongs
and cherish the souls of friends
Every path is different
who is to say what's right?
sympathy and empathy aside
who can truly relate to you?
Your mind is your armor
Your mind is your sheild
Use it to know, use it to feel
Soon there will be no one like us
eyes with hope of revolution
bodies pacing toward the goal
I'm with you
There is no reason to be afraid

My toes
shake
at the sound
of your
name

a.s.

can we just pretend
that cancer season is over
and we are all careless
because the laughter
of friends
is so rewarding
compared to the
somber melodies
I hum at night

can we just pretend
that all we need is
each other
to pass these dark days
and carry the
drunk
I don't give a ****
attitude
like at the peak of caughlin ranch
last night

I'm not a good liar
nor good at pretending
but how do we see
we have beauty like the sea
and the smell of flowers in spring
yet fail to realize
all of these things
to the inner
real
self critic

why

a.s.

In times of contemplation
I find myself gazing up
to create some hidden meaning in the stars
or down
to search for truth within works
but it's all the same

Sadness weaves meaning into most
of the things experienced
like an ancient sacred saying
that still applies today

That is
sadness is sacred
and in and of itself shows truth
emotions are the root
of all good work  
and lessons learned
suffering is the love we shall bear
the whirlpool of never-ending sorrow
and we may not give it up

if we expect to love the goal

Black Laces
and empty hearts,
drop
and stop
to realize your potential
I love you
Don't be afraid

a.s.

In the brisk of November
with a steady heartbeat
I saw you holding me,
your hands
so cool
so firm.

I sometimes draw
within the shapes your hand makes
I wonder what that would look like now?
Colorful scrambles of
a heart-felt love
inspired by moonlight and smiles,
Not only to realize
your touch grants me comfort
and stability.
my creativity preserved
by the continuous lines and shapes
unseen on your skin.
They say love wont last forever,  

But that will.

a.s.

Why are people so twisted
for their own sympathy*

a.s.

This is for all the people
who believe in pure sorrow,
and drink to stay awake,
and deal so fully with heartbreak,
the people who feel they've failed,
but
are so in love with the world,
that they forget about themselves,
and stand back
until everyone has gone by,
and you suddenly feel comfortable
walking around
once everyone disappears.
This is for the lonely,
but are okay with it,  
the people who are so in love with the loved,
the people who write,
sing,
and dance,
but don't let anyone see it
and walk away only to find themselves
within an abyss of themselves,
caught up in failures,
and wishes,
and eventually you fall
and it'll hurt,
it'll hurt so badly,
but only because it means
something.

a.s.

When I was six,
I loved a boy,
He proposed with a
Dora the explorer
gumball ring, and
It was the best day of my life,
until it wasn't.

When I was thirteen,
I loved another boy,
I kissed him,
and felt loved,
and it was the best day of my life,
until it wasn't.

When I was fifteen,
I fell in love with a boy,
and even now,
after so much time,
every day is the best day of my life,
and it always will be.

It's true what they say about young love,
Your mind is new,
and you don't know how you'll change,
but there are the youngins that love you,
despite all that.
believe me, I know.
Because I will always love a boy with
ocean eyes and a silly smile,
and you can just discard
what they say

a.s.

In the beginning it was hell
you couldn't tell
that our existence wasn't yet stale
but actually pale by comparison
thought never to combat again.
bang goes the earth
never to be the same again
Changed again
astranged again to the new upright walking beings
as different as it seems
it's still the same
burried secrets that still remain
and we learn to sustain
never knowing that we are the bane
of our beatutiful earth
not aware of its worth
consuming its girth
as time runs out we start to dectect
our selfishness and neglect
for the very thing we were made to protect.

as the earth deals with its adversity
we decrease our carcinogenicity
start respecting our maternity
but time can only heal the relationship of earth and humanity

a.s.

I visited that crazy tower
of beautiful architecture
and magnificent history
and never had I ever known
how places that beautiful
can make you feel like your problems
are such a minority in this world,
I know terrible sorrow has come across us all  
and there's no such thing as never being sad
or judgmental,
but despite that
wonderful places like here
show me how life is so grand
thank you London

a.s.

And the way your ocean eyes lit up,
made a storm rage in the depths of my soul.
The sweet silhouette of the waves
that danced within you.

It was everything to my beating heart,
and suddenly my brokenness felt whole.

a.s.

I sleep in the clouds, dream in the sky,
I'll keep dreaming as life passes me by,
I think my dreams keep me sane,
I dream of happiness, a life without pain,
some people say I'm stuck in this place,
and I'll never go anywhere,
but in my dreams I've already been there,
I know some day I'll have to wake up,
but I feel the real world is more like a nightmare,
I'm safe in my closed eye wonderland,
this poem goes to all the dreamers that understand,
no matter what they say...
keep your dreams but don't dream your life away.

a.s.

A weak bellowing echoing across the dunes
One last call for help
Heat shimmering across the sand
Sun slowly drying
A beautiful giant of the sea
Once so free, so strong and powerful
Now stranded - helpless

Footsteps on the sand
A sound of hope for a dying soul
Cool, lifegiving water splashed across parched skin
The slap of a flipper on the sand
A push, a shove
This kind human providing a saving hand

Can you imagine
his feeling of setting a captive free?
Can you imagine
the joy there would be?

To hear that haunting song
To see the wave of a flipper in the distance
One last final thanks
To kindness across humanity.

a.s.

There is unanimity in the presence of
Thought,
Desire,
and life.

There is universality in
Love,
Pain,
and shame.

A consistence of connection,
Proved by sympathy and empathy,
But humans still feel alone.

Our thought is based on what we've known,
Our desire based o how we've grown,
and life is just a thing we do, it's vague.
I know, but it's true.

Love is often unrequited,
Pain divergent in attack,
Shame is often isolating,
and a façade of loneliness is left.

But listen, speak, relate, and think,
Widen your perspective.

We can change the world someday,
Because we're different yet still connected

a.s.

In secret
Words prepare dialogue transporting emotions like pilots
With no mercy words turn around and get messy
Placing Vaseline on dry throats speaking levy
Lips on skateboards sniffing the ground for reality’s ride
Electrifying plots against blurry words with
no physical basic thoughts thinking dialogue cravings
Untidy tiding plots buried in baritones hurried to hire imaginary thoughts
With no mercy things get messy

Stainless inks get messy

Poetry comes in speed bumps
Never the less poetry comes in speeds
Bumping speed bumps

Bump all slumps
Bluffing word bumps
Bump all stunts
Puff them hard till words provoke gumboot sounds        
Bump all ink pumps and thirsty thumbs                                                        
Speed bump conclusions jumping resolutions around
words spoken in gibberish gigabytes per seconds smelling leverage
Amplifying televised revolution on repetition far from average
                                                      
Paralyze those walking eyes
Bumping rhythms
Dusty broken chests serving overcrowded greeting lines
On solo mode
Flirtalicious solo chaotic modes                                                            ­
Bumb connections around chairs warmed up by bums
Speaking the same womb and rhythms

Brothers and sisters chained up in pairs and bums
enslaved by messy word poetry speed-bumbs
Words get messy with no mercy on lip bumps

Those messy words camp behind bushy brains
Rail track through lips with no vibrating mercy veins                                              
Affiliate with true bones
Crossbones carrying history's forgotten side bums
Instrumental bones
Stinking hip hop bums speed flossing word stunts        
Words dig up chaos with no mercy                  

Armed with no rounds
Pounds stolen before two rounds
Sheriffs secretly scared of their own uniform sounds
Shortlisted words saving society's bums
Words are just messy and profound

a.s.

Thanking you
For the kindness
That lives inside your heart.
You are a friend that’s treasured
You are truly a work of art.

Your sincerity
Shows in everything you do
And people like me are thankful
For wonderful people like you.

a.s.

Inevitable in life,
the new life draws in me: a small
sun with roots that I will have to water deeply
and push to fights their own battle
against the weeds.*

a.s.

The thirst is real,
it’s a desert out in the real world.
Most want more,
though identifying selfishness,
does not affect this society.
Almost everyone wants a full cup
and it will most likely get filled to the rim,

Then spill.

a.s.

I have known the taste of salt water,
and the smell of decaying forests,
and the cracks in hundreds of sidewalks,
I have loved the gas petal,
and the airport concourse,
and the ever-changing time zones.
In all of these places,
I've found a home in not having one,
ready to admit,
you'll never catch up.

a.s.

Children are nicer than adults
Animals are nicer than children
You say that thinking that way
I have to claim
That the closest to my heart is
Protozoan paramecium

So what

Paramecium is closer to my heart
Than you, you *******

a.s.

The world seems
painted in a
mask of blue

A deafening
thick of
swelling silence

My wandering
heart drowned by
thoughts of you

A timeless love
to sooth the
sea's violence

a.s

Do you remember
The night we drove
Out into the inked darkness
Until the hum of the city
Evaporated into contrails streaked above us
Like some ******* canvas
That night I looked up at the sky
And it's infinate display and I said
"Doesn't it make you feel better
To know you're made of star dust?"
And you laughed quietly and said
"You'd rather be up there, wouldn't you?"
And I think that's when you knew
I would always be tripping over things
Because the ground didn't intrest me
in the slightest


a.s.

How does it feel
When life doesn't seem real
And you're floating about on your own
Your life seems uncertain
So you draw the curtain
Pretending there's nobody home
Don't theorize
Look in your eyes
They can't tell lies
Though you may disguise what you see
The mirror is free
Song birds are talking
And runners are walking
Be yourself
Be yourself
Be yourself
Be yourself
We need a tutor
So we built a computer
And programed ourselves not to see
The truth and the lying
The dead and the dying
A silent majority
Don't theorize
Look in your eyes
Are they telling lies
The ones that they learn on T.V.
What a way to be free
Be yourself
Be yourself
Then you can free yourself
Free yourself
See yourself
Then you can see yourself
Be yourself


a.s.

After all was lost
I thought of you again
your voice played
somber melodies
and triggered memories
of falling into your arms
I woke up cold and idle
cause I've lost your aesthetic
somber lullabies
and it was beautifully heartbreaking


a.s.

As she hugged
me even tighter,
I felt a tear stream
down my face.


a.s.

She's so young
and with her pale
blue eyes she
blinks at a life
containing only
melancholy.

Drinking
Cough Syrup
when you don't
have a cough
is ironic,
because in
reality
you are sicker
than you thought.

How can I
sleep,
If I don't have
Dreams?
I just have
nightmares.*

a.s.

To spend my spare time
making tie dye shirts,
and watching flowers
blow in the wind
is actually fulfilling.

To drive in my van
and draw on the street corners
is actually fun for me.

To play my guitar on the street
for people to listen
and perhaps make their day
is a moment of clarification
that I love what I'm doing.

I like to go to concerts
and really listen to the lyrics.

I like to smell the plants in the breeze
and to plant trees to represent life.

It's really time to stop being sad.
Because this life is meant to do something.
And maybe it's just being a hippie.

a.s.

It's quite sad
how people make promises
about the future
because they have no idea
what happens in the future

People say things like
I will always love you
I will always be here for you
And things will get better

I promise

But
It's 6 months later
and you don't love me
You aren't here for me
and things haven't gotten any better

There's those songs
That you put on repeat
That make you cry
Yet you still listen to them.
Because of the memories
They always bring back to you.

Likewise
There are those people
That make you cry
And hurt you to the extreme
Yet you still want them
In your life
Because of the memories you shared
That always come back to you
And they are hard to let go of.

a.s.