AprilDawn

AprilDawn Sep 2015

Lazy

holiday
mid-afternoon
late
summer sun
played
hide and peek
through sky high
leaf umbrellas
we all scrambled
past the picnic table
for the perfect light
to frame
that young face
just right
her smile
is never really
in the shade
we finally found
some spots
that made the shots
and marked
another day
of family life
minus
you
in any frame

A labor day picnic , trying to move forward with loss, yet the undertone of sadness still peeks around everyday corners.

#picnicsnapshots

AprilDawn Sep 2015

Not Enough

to pour
anymore
a  sticky
residue
coats
unyielding
jug walls
it's spent body
tossed  on top
of the  kitchen trash
a sweet token
memory
of your last trip
up north
mapley
  contents spilled
over so many
waffle
nooks and crannies
like so many
tears
on your last days
here

Our last family waffle night this past Monday used up the last of the syrup Gary ( my fiancé's late father rip July 2015)had brought back from Vermont this past April with my step kids and his wife .We finished it, and as it lay there on top of the open kitchen trash I realized sadly that how short of a time it has actually been since they brought that back for us .Wasn't he just here with us all?

#remainsofdaysgoneby

AprilDawn Aug 2015

Calender

still opened to
June
your presence bookmarked
by well worn memories
that dwell in every corner
every space
on the wall
jam packed
with life treasures
my mind can't erase
your spot in this place
and struggles to accept
what actually is fact
remnants of you
are all
that exist

Saying goodbye to Gary a little bit more everyday

#missinggary

AprilDawn Jul 2015

Sun Room

rockers invited me
to set a spell
those hypnotic hummingbirds
buzz around
the sugar water feeder
right outside the window
by the wooden stairs
summer grass and rampant flowers
entice
the toddlers driving
electric cars
older kids
talking to each other
no cell reception here
adults loiter around the red barn
memories shared
stronger beverages in hand
it was almost like
any other family get together
Except
pizza boxes and pain
stacked the kitchen
while  the walls
displayed your conspicuous
absence
as
  we'd laid you to rest
with a 21 gun salute
just yesterday

missing Gary RIP
edited with my Eddie Jan 2016

#missinggaryrip

AprilDawn Jul 2015

Firecrackers

in the distance
Really ?
today is July 6
a slight breeze flutters
through sweetly bedded petunias
my shirt waves freely
after a long  day
of  goodbye
your
battle wearied  body
in  limbo
every hug ,tear and laugh
your  legacy of love
spans  the globe
fills  rooms
with memories
and regrets
that clock
is not your friend
it ticks away
menacingly
marking the last moments
spent in our midst
seems
not that long ago
we all watched
firecrackers
together
on your front porch

rip gary

#ripgary

AprilDawn Jul 2015

Wiped

that last glimmer of hope
off my face
unmasked sorrow
invades my  every thought
for everything
that comes
next
I see  that  slip of  space
between life and death
become thinner
and thinner

Dedicated to my fiance's father . His fight is hard , and we all care for him so.

#sayinggoodbyetogary

AprilDawn Jul 2015

Front row

and center
our  sad eyes
watch   you fade
into nursing home
bed sheets and blankets
hearts break
  with every
embattled breath
everyone
just trying to keep you
in some
sort of comfort
as you fidget and fuss
   propped up and down
moved about
like  a rag doll
not very long  ago
life was a bit more
normal
now your ravaged body
and  busy brain
are  totally out of sync
I didn't know you long
yet your life
has left  marks
on my heart
as your final days
loom
all too near
in the dead of night
I try to  comfort
your grown  son
whose lifetime  hero
is  leaving
this world
behind

My fiance's 72 year old father's fight with prostate cancer is nearing an end as it has spread.He put up a good fight and had a nearly normal life until about 2 months ago.Bed bound now his final days are agony to watch for his entire family and wife.I have only been a part of this family for 7 years and never watched a slower death like this , it is hard to witness.

#sayinggoodbyetogary