AprilDawn

AprilDawn Jun 2014

in my lover's garden
wait for late
May
to bloom
these ***** pink flowers
burst out of their bush
Quick
round up
every crystal  vase
empty wine bottles
galore
before their heads
get too heavy
these vibrant days
are numbered
until their yearly
swan dive
face down
to the  fertile  ground

He does have the most lush peonies I have ever seen .

#peonyballet

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Can You

see me
out here
stripped raw
thin veneer
of laughter and hope
displayed
on my every day
face

Can You
see me
stranded
next to my bed
cascades of
screaming covers
at my feet
every
night

Can You
see me
feet planted
on the solid  ground
of your love
every memory
folded inside -
a tender caress
on
mussed  sheets

The first months of raw anguish, then the grieving years and for the past half decade or so the learning to love and live almost normally again.

#lovelossrecovery

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Widow

forced to find  the Me
without Him
lover, mother, wife
those golden years
forging  a life together
seem so long ago
while there was  strife and  toil
at the end of a long day
Love always  persevered
his absence
left  a darker world
wrapped  in brutal truths -
  his love
changed me
his life
changed me,
and  his death
     changed
        me.

No matter what else happens in my life , I will always still carry this title inside.I loved and lost .I was lucky to have been able to spend so many years with him.

#notsingle

AprilDawn Jun 2014

This year

it’s on a Monday
the momentum
keeps building
that  minute
your   time
with us
ran out
circled in my mind
as calendar pages
wear off
I’ll be
just fine
keep repeating
that
until some day
  it’s
true.

I try to remember his life and not just his death, but honestly that day is marked indelibly in my heart as the last hours of his life with us faded into the long goodbye .

#memoriesoftheheart

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Dead-end

They assured me
the 15 inch blunt
fingerprint- free knife
was wielded
with the stealth element
of surprise
in the midst of a normal
Sunday afternoon
behind a closed office door
he  never  knew
what happened
just dropped down
and died
my normal world
replaced by
a  true life  horror tale
my  knees
sparred  with gravity
while this   anvil of sadness
squashed my heart
wobbling  legs drove  me
mercilessly to  his
  serene good bye face
on a rolling table
with a sheet
up to
     his neck.

The day I had to identify him for cremation. It was him, but it wasn't.The second hardest day of my life to date.

#goodbyeforever

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Scribbles

on  old note pads
filled with
solemnly recited
ancient facts,
every official phone call
leading nowhere
the   penetrating
conclusion remains
the same
death came
calling for him
that afternoon,
he answered
     yet
so far
no one else
        has

My husband's ****** case changed governmental agency hands again , and every call leads to the same unsolved place.

#frustatration

AprilDawn Jun 2014

Scattered Blossoms

as though a small town
beauty pageant winner
paraded through
local roads
tossing sweet petals
like fist-fulls of  candy
from her seat perched high above
this fragrant litter
purged  in layers
as the Catalpa tree
with its divinely
designed
heart-shaped leaves
plainly remains
      an organic shade
for the neighbor's
ratty shed

.

This is a poem I began to write 7 years ago in Massachusetts ! I realized this tree also existed in my neighbor's back yard where I live now about 2 years ago , a truly delightful discovery.The shape of this tree was different and that had thrown me, in identifying it.One day my nose was clear enough to smell the flowers on the stepping stones on my way to the car and the fragrance catapulted me back to that big tree in New England.

#fragrantlitter