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AprilDawn Jun 2014
in my lover's garden
wait for late
May
to bloom  
these ***** pink flowers
burst out of their bush
Quick
round up
every crystal  vase
empty wine bottles
galore
before their heads
get too heavy
these vibrant days
are numbered
until their yearly
swan dive
face down
to the  fertile  ground
He does have the  most lush   peonies I have ever seen .
AprilDawn Jun 2014
see me
out here
stripped raw
thin veneer
of laughter and hope
displayed
on my every day
face

Can You
see me
stranded
next to my bed
cascades of
screaming covers
at my feet
every
night

Can You
see me
feet planted
on the solid  ground
of your love
every memory  
folded inside -
a tender caress
on
mussed  sheets
The  first  months of raw anguish, then the grieving  years  and  for  the past half decade  or so  the learning to love and live  almost normally again.
AprilDawn Jun 2014
forced to find  the Me
without Him
lover, mother, wife
those golden years
forging  a life together
seem so long ago
while there was  strife and  toil
at the end of a long day
Love always  persevered
his absence
left  a darker world
wrapped  in brutal truths -
  his love
changed me
his life
changed me,
and  his death         
     changed
        me.
No matter  what else  happens in my life , I will always  still carry this  title  inside.I loved and lost  .I was lucky to have been able to spend so many years  with him.
AprilDawn Jun 2014
it’s on a Monday
the momentum
keeps building
that  minute  
your   time
with us
ran out
circled in my mind
as calendar pages
wear off
I’ll be
just fine
keep repeating
that
until some day
  it’s
true.
I try to remember his life  and not  just his death, but honestly  that day   is marked  indelibly   in my heart   as  the last  hours  of his life  with us  faded into the long goodbye .
AprilDawn Jun 2014
They assured me
the 15 inch blunt
fingerprint- free knife
was wielded
with the stealth element
of surprise
in the midst of a normal
Sunday afternoon
behind a closed office door
he  never  knew
what happened
just dropped down  
and died
my normal world
replaced by
a  true life  horror tale
my  knees
sparred  with gravity
while this   anvil of sadness  
squashed my heart  
wobbling  legs drove  me
mercilessly to  his
  serene good bye face
on a rolling table
with a sheet
up to
     his neck.
The day I had to identify him  for cremation. It was him, but it wasn't.The  second hardest day of my life to date.
AprilDawn Jun 2014
on  old note pads
filled with
solemnly recited
ancient facts,
every official phone call
leading nowhere
the   penetrating
conclusion remains
the same
death came
calling for him
that afternoon,
he answered
     yet
so far
no one else
        has
My husband's  ****** case  changed  governmental agency hands again , and every call  leads to  the same  unsolved  place.
AprilDawn Jun 2014
as though a small town
beauty pageant winner
paraded through 
local roads  
tossing sweet petals
like fist-fulls of  candy  
from her seat perched high above
this fragrant litter
purged  in layers
as the Catalpa tree
with its divinely
designed
heart-shaped leaves
plainly remains
      an organic  shade
for the neighbor's
ratty shed

.
This  is  a poem I began to write  7 years ago in Massachusetts ! I realized this  tree also existed  in my  neighbor's back yard where I live now about 2 years ago  ,  a truly  delightful discovery.The shape of  this tree   was  different  and that had thrown me, in identifying it.One day  my nose was clear enough to smell the flowers on the  stepping stones on my way to the car and  the fragrance  catapulted me back to  that  big   tree  in New England.
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