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 Oct 2013 apathy
AJ
I would say my heart beats
Like the ticking of the clock.

But now that everything is so digital,
I can honestly say
I haven't heard the ticking of a clock
In well over four months.

Which goes just about the same
For the beating of my heart.
 Oct 2013 apathy
Emma
i'm so ******* sick of this
i want to give up
i want to slash at my skin
i want to blow my brains out and have you watch
i want to hang myself from the ******* front door
i want to lay in a bath of bleach
and scrub away with kitchen scissors
i want to bang my head over and over in the mirror
let the shards tear away at my face and **** me up
and throw myself off the stairs
and snap my ******* neck in two
i want to swallow all the ******* pills in the cabinet
and
rip out my hair
i want to slice my thighs and create a map
maybe then you'll find me
help
i'm a ******* disease and i'm beginning to consume my health
where the **** has my sanity gone
these thoughts are running rampant in my mind
and i can't ******* shut them up
SHUT THE **** UP!
LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE!
GET THE **** AWAY!

i'm sick of myself and
i
just
want to
*******
give up
I was selfish, when I was a little girl I would never share my graham crackers
because I wanted every sweet crumble in my mouth.
I am selfish because your love is more rare than any gem
but when it's shared with all of them the artists, the worthy
I feel as insignificant as the moonrocks I thought helped me soar through your galaxy
but were actually pure, poison. But no matter how toxic you believe yourself to be
every whisper of the wind reminds me of your melody.

There is a volcano of good inside you, I've seen it bubble and spurt
in your steamy passion for music and fashion, authenticity
is the heat eminating from the lava trapping everyone you meet
in a warmth so intoxicating, you make James Franco as dull as carbon dating
I saw that ****** volcano whenever you met someone new
I walked along its edge hearing the passion playing from your guitar,
strumming with dust, magic like a star

it's taken you trillions of years to get here so when I felt
your violent vibrations as you detoxed in my bed
I thought I'd hold the death of lightyears in my arms.
Like the medicated forever you lived for so long until you forgot
happiness was cleaner than any **** and brighter than any lightshow

But you know this, you knew this you hold libraries of knowledge in
every freckle on your body if I placed each one like a stepping stone
towards a computer I'd create a whole new wikepedia before iOs 8 was done
I'd predict it as predictable as your smile lifts the sun
and if those freckles were questions on a gameshow I already won

I will never know what goes on inside your head or to a comfortable point
but I prefer fluttering butterlies and a **** good joint
to any complacent ride and with you by my side I for once in this life
feel un-alone because being with someone who steps on their own
shards of glass every day because the pain is easier than bending
over to pick up the pieces pushes on the door of my opinion of evil
He could never be evil. He is delicate3 like the crumbling
of sweet graham *******

He is alive like the Happy New Year bellows we unisonly screamed with our
friends and the rest of toads after dancing for hours then dancing for more

You know my struggle, or try to know and that effort means more to me than
the fuel of a pollen to a buzzing bee
Your life, has been as ****** up as that time we almost died in your huge-*** truck
when you were higher than jesus and I went down on you in prayer
that moment, we got struck with inconceivable luck I thought I saw a *** of gold.

Your life, has been like elephants trying to juggle circus tents
if I could give you 22 years of reassurance that you are a beautiful boy
I would.
I'd like to believe you don't even want anyone to, I think you're through
with playing rockstar to a show that you can't even hear the music to

4 months without any substance in your body is an extraordinary
achievement and I am more than proud of you.  You've been a teacher to me.
You've been a prime example of needing someone as much as needing oxygen, or
loathing crawling through your veing towards the very thing that washed away the pain.

If I ever figure out the vernacular I'm not too embarassed to throwup in front of you,
I'd spill every nauseaus word proclaiming my fascination with your determination
to finding love in this life.
My memory is awful, so I exxagerate most, but I'll try to learn your lessons
I'll try to learn how to coast.
 Oct 2013 apathy
Danny Montoya
Say
 Oct 2013 apathy
Danny Montoya
Say
Just another addiction,
just another written problem,
other moment written with red ink,
red ink of your blood in the history of your short life

Thousand mistakes happen in one day,
and you know and delete them, but open,
open the old wounds of your most lost memories.
that are collecting dust in your mind.

And knows that the stars,
no longer shine for you,
know that the night around you and you know,
know that it is the time

Time to close your eyes
and listening to the heart,
and he tell you that hurts beat
for many wounds and blows that came
and the silence doesn't contradict,
just give him the reason.

That both speak at the same time
and being told you that the it was finished ink
That the papers want to burn
and they want to finish with everything

That you already arrived to the limit
Which doesn't have a new fence
That small fence that you always
in fits and starts would jump
That it  is your turn to give
and finish with all.
 Oct 2013 apathy
Ben Jonson
FALSE world, good night! since thou hast brought
   That hour upon my morn of age;
Henceforth I quit thee from my thought,
   My part is ended on thy stage.

Yes, threaten, do. Alas! I fear
   As little as I hope from thee:
I know thou canst not show nor bear
   More hatred than thou hast to me.

My tender, first, and simple years
   Thou didst abuse and then betray;
Since stir'd'st up jealousies and fears,
   When all the causes were away.

Then in a soil hast planted me
   Where breathe the basest of thy fools;
Where envious arts professed be,
   And pride and ignorance the schools;

Where nothing is examined, weigh'd,
   But as 'tis rumour'd, so believed;
Where every freedom is betray'd,
   And every goodness tax'd or grieved.

But what we're born for, we must bear:
   Our frail condition it is such
That what to all may happen here,
   If 't chance to me, I must not grutch.

Else I my state should much mistake
   To harbour a divided thought
From all my kind--that, for my sake,
   There should a miracle be wrought.

No, I do know that I was born
   To age, misfortune, sickness, grief:
But I will bear these with that scorn
   As shall not need thy false relief.

Nor for my peace will I go far,
   As wanderers do, that still do roam;
But make my strengths, such as they are,
   Here in my *****, and at home.
 Oct 2013 apathy
Corinne
you made me fly
like a cool breeze through a pile of dead leaves

i listened to you with my lips
when i wish i had been deaf

i watched you with my fingertips
turns out i needed glasses anyway
unfinished, i think.
 Oct 2013 apathy
maybella snow
i'm proud of my scars
wait, listen to me      
i'm not proud of          
the fact that i have them
i'm proud                    
of the        
fact that
they used to be cuts
and are now          
scars
because they've                      
healed
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