19 years reduced to
Meaninglessness
Nothing
The most tragic bystanders
Three innocent beautiful souls
Who never asked for this

You told me once
          of the distinctive jingle
          that announced my station
when I could steal away
for a few moments
     to speak
     to see
     to connect
Over that long distant airwave
You told me I was one
          of two
          the other your son
who you wanted to know
was on the other end
so you could be certain
to take the call
I wonder
     have I now been
          dismissed
          replaced
          discharged
­          reassigned
     to a lesser status
Or would you still get a tingle
if you heard my jingle?

Look at poor Alex slumped on the floor.
Preoccupied with her own inferiority, talking to Bob to try to escape the life she hates.
Her incoherent mutterings co-mingle with her dribbling drool.  
Poor, poor Alex living in the shadow of everything she thinks was stolen from her.
Alex has learned to cope through the haze of chemicals and denial as she percieves those flames of hell licking at her to be the warm sun.
Poor, poor Alex.
Always wishing there was something more.

Flibber flabber

          Jibber Jabber

I see the

          Flubber shudder,

Only a periphery.

          From my distance

And my perspective

           Matters of such unimportance

Sunken, rotting

          At the bottom of the sea

Yet again my radar malfunctioned.
Let me down.
Disappointed and reminded
That
Love
Of all things
Is apparently disposable
Like everything else
In this
World of waste

A luminous glow
                from
screens    fire        candle light
     allows the      masquerade
to continue
well           past midnight
        every
night
complacent
     the red chair
you
over                                          there
ton­gue(mine)silent
         belies the storm
                    raging
                              in­side

Only empty shells
     on either side of the Formica

gracing the stool
     you stoop
a level lower

Bottom of the barrel
     The bottle
           The banal

I rose above the facade of romance
      clinging to the stale smoke residue

True

Today
The
Perfect
Day

The memory is voracious
Imposing itself in real time
The flashbacks come
     Highly anticipated
Like a satisfied trauma survivor
     Actually waiting for
           the next movie showing in my mind
My mind is clear
     Eyes open
Such a microscopic line between
pleasure and pain
right and wrong
should and should not
can and
will

I realize I cannot get back to sleep
Fall back into the bittesweet dream
of you
All of my neurotic fears and
insecurities
Realized in that dreamscape
But at least I could touch you
And feel you
through the fog of sleep

A cough in the reeds
Reminds me that I am
Ever and never
Alone
Although
Alone
Is what I
Am
When I cannot
See my adversaries
and
When I cannot
Touch my lover
or
Breathe
my love

You came to me an empty shell. Or so you said. Your mask, your fake, your facade insidious with disregard. Take me take me take my broken spirit.....such an easy target....Kitchen Radio providing the soundtrack for the beginning of the end.  The end of chances to be the center of someone's universe. Mr. Kirby and Ralph can attest: I was just a target....a country to be conquered.  No war torn ruins for you to lord over. The only kingdom you rule is regret.  Shine on with your patina of tarnished deeds. Let your isolation feed your lonliness..... so desperately sad that no heart is safe from your wrath. Blow upon blow-your words and silence each a fist for your fix. Your love a poison without cure......like Midas with no use for gold.

It definitely was not a first kiss
     innocent and pure and so
          eagerly anticipated.
It could not have been a last kiss
     tragic and cold and so
           easily forgotten.
It was a kiss of death
It was a kiss of life
It was a kiss unlike any
     living
     breathing
     pulsing
     pulling
     shocking
     teasing
     reality
It was a kiss of a dream
     with a stranger or maybe
            with a danger
Left me
     aching
     burning
     yearning
     more or less....

1978:
Tonite
made a tie blanket with my daughter
AND
watched "Grease"
Even though they started out
looking old and sounding squeaky
she was
singing along by the end
We go together like sha-ma-la-ma-la-ma......
1985:
**** vampire
Camp (hint fright night)
Perfect reminder that
I once was

Why
am
   I
Waiting
for
     someone
to
  Worship

me
?

The lapping of the water
as the waves  lick the lake shore
leaves me feeling lonely
wondering where my rudder is
to steer me through
the murky waters ahead
Lost within the moon glow
under a sapphire sky
I shudder and shake
withholding the tears I cannot cry

lesson 1: Quotation marks



common symbol in written language to denote the replication or use of words from a source other than self or a time other than the present

at times citations (or footnotes) are utilized to give credit to said source

you may know them as "finger quotes"...

Most of us carry around the present and cumulative effects of many wounds. We've experienced uncounted broken promises, unkind words, and moments when our hopes for acceptance have been brutally crushed. Some of us have experienced more overt abuse and infidelity. How do we live with that pain? ....Other people hurt us because they are drowning and doing what it takes to fill their own emptiness.. (G. Baer, M.D.)

They are lurking everywhere
just waiting to pounce.....invade.....take
all for the sake of only
themselves.
They steal what is precious
from anyone they can
feeding hunger never sated
starving in their gluttony.  

Pay attention
                   *defective
Don't let them in
                   invasive
Protect yourself
                   vindictive
From their sin
                   *destructive

She's been a
lady in waiting

great expectations
          and
delivered treasure
     glistens
     glows
fills a void
she never knew

Man becoming

I have just one request
     To see the green
     And feel the cool
     To smell the clean
     And hear the rule
     To taste the dream
     And be the fool

The multi-colored mask
creates a scene of social shadings
All the senses mocked
by simple, slight evasions

I have just one demand
     To see the light
     And feel the sun
     To smell the night
     And hear the fun
     To taste the right
     And be the one

I'll place you on the pedestal
and surround you with the gold
But I am only human
with a heart that beats grey cold

I have just one day
     To see
     And to feel
     To smell, hear and taste
     And to be
     Just to be
     Real.

Dare to stand on the edge when your
Integrity has been called into question
Slanderous accusations bellowed
Malicious
Intent falls short of its goal
Soar above the fray and
Stay true, stay strong and in the
End honor and truth will prevail
D**are to care, even for the careless deviants

Ah, beautiful truth
such a visceral experience
I give life
I give love
The riches I receive in return
infuse and protect me
A safe haven
for me
in me
My beautiful truth
champions all

I am in a pink
     sheath
All straps and
     flesh
So wanting to wrap my legs
     around you
Wishing you were
     here
     to put me to bed
Knowing I will miss it
     for the rest of my
Life

Tangled in the twine

      of the title wife.

Not knowing

     what to be

Always for show

     but not for real

A useful item

     when used
     with
     proper intent
     and purpose.

A tie that binds.

     Bound.

The ropeburns shine

     Ablaze on my heart and mind

man child of mine
Too soon for your broken heart
or hers
Or Mine
Love will persist
divine in its being

Trust

Breathe

Be

She looks just like your type

The kind you leave eventually

     because she’s not me

I will see    you     again

.

No matter where you are
                     or where you've been.  
          our time together is
                     still rough spun........

Can't you see the
                    crystal shards
         a black light prism
                    heart's beat prison......?

My voice heard only in
                    black and white
           choked by your
                    unspoken truth..........

Will you ever stop
                    mourning the love
         you turned your back on.....smothered then
                    walked away from.....?

Will I ever feel
                    a pure heart
         beat......flutter......pump
                    al­ive.....?

walking away
           from
all you
                    gormless drones

master of my domain

finally
           the shackles of
CORRUPTION
                    melt
      away
                            and
I am truly free