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419 · Jul 2016
basement: a haiku
you descend alone
exhaling a soul empty
entering your tomb
so easy to forget
for those who do not
feel deeply
for those who cannot
extract empathy
for those who are so
self absorbed
for those stuck
in infancy
for those wielding all the
sharp objects
for those delivering
every stab
so easy to remember
with the constant reminders
open wounds
bandages
scars
and that shiny blade
sliding in and out
I will press on and try to view the world as a safe place through the eyes of my beautiful and amazing children.
Someone said this to me
recently
So I am reminded
to stay  mindful
of the sensations that saturate
Deliverance
Rescue
and
Salvation
have set me free
413 · Feb 2016
How to trace a whisper
It's there
     in the shiver of my spine

Only when I convince
         myself
         that
         in fact
you (never) could've been mine

finding myself
     lost
within and without

          always and ever about
you

I follow the fading path
          merely a dull throb

that undulates
        and
reverberates
at
     the
          atomic
               level
an echo audible only in my marrow
407 · Jul 2013
love *must* be blind
He speaks with words
that exude
some sort of
false
exhaltation
Pretend adoration
for
all the years of
us.
No longer
can I trust
as I feel blindly
in the
emotional dark
I find myself
dwelling in.
I'm told by several sources
That my one and only flaw
Is that I'm

Not here
Not there
Not where they
Need me
Want me
To be

I can agree
With the flaw part
But not the one and only
Because I'm neither

Here
Nor
There
Or
Anywhere

My imperfections are infused
Skin deep
To the depths of my
Soul
But since I am
Nowhere
I guess it matters not a bit
405 · Jan 2016
No substitute
Baby
I know how you like it.....

Settling for the saccharine sweet.

Well,
You'll never get any better than
Sugar.

The real deal

Raw
Pure
and
Rare.
Anything less leaves you so unsatisfied.....You must be so hungry.....
404 · Jun 2013
May 24, 2010
Soul searching
Surprising catalyst provokes
thoughtful reflection of
what is and
never was
He is here and there and
Everywhere
Inside me I find I am
lost inside me I find
I am lost
Inside me I find
You
Him
I
am
lost
Over the top and
Under the surface
Where have I gone
The reflection in the
mirror and his eyes
is
Unrecognizable.
I am lost.
Searching for my soul.
403 · Jan 2014
good riddance
Don't

Can't

Lame

J**oke
never a bad thing to have one fewer pollutant :-)
400 · Aug 2014
Dichotomies: A series
A2

Retreat

a place of privacy or safety (Merriam-Webster)

Who would've imagined this old place...gutted and made to be pretty...?  That staircase wasn't there before....where the dance floor used to be. There's the stage door....still in the same place...opening right onto the busy street.   How many times was I snuck in attached to one band or another....jokingly labeled a groupie but really just passionate about being lost in the music and dancing.  The cheap beer didn't hurt.   I close my eyes and I'm transported to another time.....another place....and with my eyes closed I can sense that old warm energy licking my skin and my hair....warming my heart within the frozen casing of armor.  A moment can last forever in my vivid memory.
What a beautiful moment...took me by surprise.
399 · Jul 2014
5 W's
Who do you seek when your spirit is weak?

What do you do when the bluest of blue pumps throughout you?

Where do you go when darkness grabs hold and turns your heart cold?

When do you cry after the years of tears have run dry?

Why do you let your heart be ravaged and torn apart?
398 · Jul 2015
On becoming satisfied
My thirst is
quenched,
for the moment
your heartbreak
-a balm-
on the wounds
wrought by you,
the burns of
your malice
swollen, all these years,
softening
with the knowing
of your heartbreak
Your loss, your pain, my analgesia
398 · Jul 2013
Loose ends
Wanting to be *******

With winding ropes

Woven on your loom
396 · Nov 2016
Stash of old love letters
The clarity came on

came in

came to me

came to be

I came

from where

I came
Yes ...... and .......yes
396 · Oct 2013
I've poured myself empty
The last crimson drop

I gave away to you

Now all that's left

Is the crusty residue

The stain of emptiness

Permanent-has become my vice

Despite drowning myself

In seas of amber and ice
396 · Jun 2013
9-17-12
This life with you
     without you
     has driven me
     mad
The
Swirling
Twirling
Hurling
Whirling
Riddles that represent
This life with you.
Without you
I am nothing
     and
with you even less
who knew....
could have predicted
This carefully orchestrated
Mess?
Only you
394 · Dec 2013
"Writer's" lament
A warm feeling-
or rather a layer of ice melting off
my frozen heart-
washes over me
when I read of
your
Alone-ness

Such a deserved state
for one who took solace
from others
with
your
lies
and
double-crosses

When you pretend to be a friend
you will only have
pretend friends

Such a shame you
took
and
tore
the gift of a sacred heart
from one who embraced you

Perhaps you'd not be so alone
if only you could have made the choice
to be
true
authentic

*Pathetic
I am unable to muster any sympathy for someone who could hurt others so egregiously....perhaps I will work on this in my next life.
393 · Oct 2015
wanton whimsey
i want to write you
                                                             ­                       
                                        the stars in my eyes

send you swooning

     with awe

                                        from the breath of my sighs

follow me ever so secretly
     as i float on your gaze


                                          the tendrils of your worship
                                                      wis­h
                                                                ­ to
                                                                ­        trip
                                                    ­                            me up

follow me ever so desperately
     you'll never know


                                                i know you're there
1/30/15
393 · May 2014
....that feeds....
Always the hand
I remember
discipline
love's caress
a wave of acknowledgement

Strong
Firm
Guiding
Directing
Encouraging
Protec­ting
Possessing
Depending on the owner of the hand

The first hands
always able to envelop mine
The hands of a dad
cradling his only baby girl

Then a series of less important
man hands
never as unconditional
certainly serving a much different purpose

My own hands
miraculous in their achievements
never ceasing to surprise me
with their sensitivity

Fingers
Palms
Knuckles
Wrists
Surprisingly safe
Surprisingly ******
Think about it....
387 · Jul 2013
Today
No bells rang out
On that fine day
Each moment
Imprinted
In my mind
     Spilled red wine
     Sunshine chasing the clouds away
     Acres of shoulder high corn
     Spreading green
     As far as the eye could see
Now these memories
Tarnished
     with
Time
Boxed up
Locked up
So obviously
     obliviously
meaningless
meaning
Missing still
Silver band's embrace
Shiny shadow on that
     second finger
     left hand
Missing still
No bells ring out
On this fine day
386 · Jul 2013
Treads
Walking to write

To right the wrongs

Aching to be free from the
Mistakes
So many somebodies made

The moisture in the air
Ready to pop
To rain it's gentle wrath
As your reign over me
Explodes
Tightening its
Invisible grip
Of the
Doing of nothing

Writing to walk

To walk away
386 · Nov 2015
a tingle sell-out
your hot moan
sails over me
the rush
of
ice and fire
take
me
away
386 · Nov 2013
No bands of gold
He married twice
     once to her
     once to me
He married twice
     once to her
     once to her
I married once
     so says that faded piece of paper
     kept in a safe all these years

My heart knows
I've never been wed
Never been
     loved, honored, cherished
like all those hers out there
like I deserved to be
hurts when those you love are with another
385 · Mar 2014
Breakin the loop
Made the decision
I'm gonna grow down
Sink my roots deeper
Into the ground
Seen too much of life
To let myself drown
Shakin you up
Determined and bound
Got me
Got you
Let's get busy
Let's get found
385 · Oct 2021
arrow
I just want to numb out

She said

and then

she never said anything

Again
385 · Jul 2021
Seven 7 21
so sad that I can’t share this joy with you

telling that you’re not here
385 · Jan 2014
You just never know
Don't wait for time to be kind

Don't wait for life to fall on your doorstep

You can lose in the blink of an eye

What and who is held in your heart

Don't forsake the opportunities

To let love in

Hold those dear to you

Ever closer and prepare to let go

With grace and humility
For my dad who left us today
383 · Jun 2013
Dagger of Insight
I've always missed you
So what's different now?
Now
I miss the idea of you.
I've always loved you
So what's different now?
I just realized
Admitted to myself
That I'm in love with you.
Never the right time for us.
Never the right place.
Except in the quiet
Arms and legs
Entwined
Our world
381 · Apr 2015
I know you got my back
I can feel each and every blade you inserted

sharp
honed
serrated
surgical precision
sloppy
desperate
careless
Easy to be certain about some things
380 · Jun 2014
happy
I forgot about

the Squirrel Nut Zippers band

toes-a-tapping smile
Yes!
380 · Aug 2015
7five15
a good day

a smile on my face

my life touched with grace

**a good day
379 · Oct 2015
nocturnal transmission
I dreamt about you
my senses enslaved by your
scent
still a combo of coppertone and spearmint
touch
commanding
taste
salty surprise
sound
the purr that rumbles from the back of your throat
and yes, even
sight
*eyes still a-twinkle
It's amazing what the body remembers...
378 · Jun 2013
missing person
It's much easier
to miss me
when you're not missing
someone else.
Where did that eyelash land after I
made my wish?

Have you seen the rainbow with
colors that don't exist?
I have .....

Dreams make anything possible
Fortune is me-made
Desire can burn a
fire through a soul
smolder and smoke
inhale and choke
We learn to live
love
fall
fly
Why do we pretend that we'll
never die?
You
gradually
ghosted
gracefully
out
as
subtlely
as
you
spirited
in.
374 · Jul 2014
Sweet solace of alone
Oh can't we just steal away....?
          Taste the magic for a day.....?

Displace the dread
living in my head

Just
me
myself
&
I

We'll abandon the ghost town.....
          In Nowhere I can pretend to drown.....

Not another soul
just
me
myself
&
I

here in this place
Anywhere
I can be in peace.
370 · Apr 2016
boom
life
is
half
over
and over before you know it...,
370 · Jul 2015
bullseye
point
shoot
score
...starting to feel sorry for you
369 · Jun 2014
Wrong Tree
Oh please...
I've grown so tired of
your yipping and yapping,
random running from
stump to twig
leaving a trail of **** behind you-
desperate efforts to be wanted-
to belong.
But no marking allows you to possess
what doesn't belong to you.
All that you leave behind
your legacy
are piles of steaming waste
and stains dripping down bark and leaves
and that sour stench
creating the perimeter that constructs your cage
and leaves the rest of us to walk with
grace and love
in the unsullied home of our hearts.
this one's for me
367 · Mar 2014
Common Ground
I'll take that compliment
my "friend"
as I can see that we agree
on one (and only one) thing....
my superiority
365 · Oct 2014
A perfect circle
Indulgence


                                                    ­            freedom



                      Forever



commitment
365 · Apr 2015
A lyric worth repeating
"I stood in the doorway
half into the room waiting there
for something more than
what I've known before
She said that the girl you came to see
is now the girl I used to be
She doesn't live here any more
so won't you close the door"

Strangers...definitely
and your fingers play my rhythm still
a rip off from my days of youth
364 · Sep 2013
I wanted it to be me
My hand to hold
My heart to keep
My thigh to caress
My gaze to capture
My fingertips to ****
My ****** to coax
My fire to burn
364 · Jun 2015
A day at the beach
The perfect blend
sun
sand
laughter
Tipsy with love
Surrounded by mine
Ever connected
Today is a great day!
362 · Aug 2014
Contagion
I see you over there
frozen in that chair
shame oozes from your pores
and miles of open sores
slashing
and
burning
has
left
you
lonely
and
yearning
for
love
you'll
never
be
deserving
362 · Oct 2013
resurrection
sometimes
it feels as though
I've died
a thousand times
this minute
this day
this year
this life
always to
reawaken
missing
one more piece of
my heart
my mind
my soul
wondering if
there will come
a time
of
sweet
nothingness
360 · Oct 2017
Voluntary lapse of reason
The rumble of a lawn tractor next door...
     reminds me of.....
the guttural snare in the back of your throat
as you
     lean in to nuzzle my neck with your nose
   I feel your hands on my hips
anticipating

     more
359 · Jan 2016
Later: (sometime in 2011)
This is what its all about.
This is what's familiar.
The shiny ribboned gift of doubt
The silence like a shimmer.

Wonder
Wonder
Worry
Will it ever cease?

Worry
Worry
Wonder
Will there ever be peace?

Its tricky on this slippery *****.
Its treacherous on this journey.
Emotions like wild animals trampling hope
Knowing my vulnerability.
359 · Jun 2013
The Best We Never Had
I didn't know
     I just wasn't ready
To say goodbye
I loved the way
     I felt with you
Probably because
    I got to be me
Except for that last time
When I wasn't
     Free to be me
I never wanted to be
     Anyone
     Or
     Anywhere
Else
Except for that last time
When I wasn't
     Free to be me
357 · Apr 2018
Chronology of a user name
(Nick)
With him I found my body and my heart
(Jamie)
He provoked confidence that led to a series of firsts and adventures
(Brad)
Hit and run but I had no visible injuries
(Craig)
Electricity without the bill, if you know what I mean.....?
(Brad)
Again.....a worthy distraction
(Ted)
I learned patience (and idolatry)
(B)
So inexplicably sad....a tragedy
(Brad)
The one that always and never could be

And in the end of the perfect day
Just me
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