I've grown out of being humble like I've grown up from being awkwardly limited.
Before my sunnier days, my heart was hanging in my chest like a rigorous bird cage
and it took one word
one simple action
to release my happiness, sadness, anger, glamor and marvel to wander amidst splendor and ordinariness of the planet Earth.

So I became a poet
gave life to a couple hundred poems
that I defend with life period.

If I dipped my head in stardom
and were to shine down upon millions
I would never show up in a black suit and a tie

I didn't choose the language that my soul speaks
and I'm proud.
I never wanted my art to be evaluated
interpreted wrong
because my art is my gladness, my fear, my sadness, my smile, my thunder, my hail and my hotness.
For I change like the weather and I love this climate.
Like the wildest river I meander and I know no ocean to fade into.

No matter the pressure, I won't snap like a rubber band
I won't let the world **** me
Or stamp my precious flowerbeds
Spill water of misconception on my poems
I won't let them

And when the time comes to defend my legacy
I won't show up in a black suit and a tie.

You tore my heart in half, but I fixed it.
You told me I was bad, I could fix it, you said.
It’s just that wolves howl, they can’t change it.
And fire’s meant to burn, can extinguish, but why?

First you vilify me, then you victimize me.
I’m only human, but I’m no victim of my lust.
It’s intrusive to me, so jeopardizing.
Think you missed your point.

I’m not one of your cult.
No.
I’m not one of your cult.

I’m talking to you like a friend.
Harm’s the last thing in my intent.
I can listen and decipher what you say to me.
And I’m grateful for my own sexuality.
I’m so open and honest like a loose door.
Still no excuse for them to label me a *****.

I’m not letting anything obscure you.
No.
I’m not letting anyone obscure you.

Just why?
Tell us why did you do what you did?
Are you on the run or losing it?
Why did you ruin everything we’ve worked to keep?
You always ruin everything!

Alright, here it is.

Just why, why’d you cut us off after everything that we’ve been to?
Just think, if I made the decision to cut y’all off I had reasons to.
And what was that you posted when you have all that anxiety?
Well, to update y’all, it was just me tryna please everybody.
I ain’t got beef with anybody and I ain’t a vegetarian.
I don’t spill blood battling with my haters, instead I bury ‘em.
I don’t let intrusive thoughts affect my decision making.
I do turn on a whim, but I ain’t lost, I got priorities.
I could’ve been a savior, hell, I could’ve been a hero.
I could’ve been a full-time villain but got better ideas.
At first I gave y’all complications only so I could spite ya.
Now they’re making compilations that I ain’t even a part of.
Never skype ya.
Never talk to ya.
I ain’t buying what you selling.
Before y’all criticize that too, listen to what y’all  been saying.

So I won.
So I won.
Anton?
Why that name?
What you on?
I thought
it could be
a fresh start.
So I won.
Yeah I won.
Uh-huh.

I changed my name, like I reinvent myself yearly.
I check marked LA, shut your mouth, it is way too early.
To complain like that, wish I ain’t made it work, really?
I got my haters’ backs so I could stab them hoes there, easy.
What you talkin’ ‘bout? What the ******* mean by hoax?
Darkness in your basement, catch a light no wonder it looks sus.
I am on a level you ain’t dreamed of seeing, let alone reaching.
Your brains’ ain’t been lucid thinking, shoulda stuck to preaching.
Suits you.
Suits you, make you look more silly than you are.
If you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em, but I think I’d rather die.
I didn’t pave this road for ‘em to muddy it back up.
I’m a blueprint to myself, hate I take as a compliment.
Fruity and rocking Gucci, I’m an edible arrangement.

So I won.
So I won.
Anton?
Where the hell
‘d you get it from?
We thought
you were running
but you aren’t.
Yeah I won.
The marathon.
But I ain’t running.

I used to fear dentists, planes and social interactions.
Now I floss, I’m sky high and receive standing ovations.
These hoes oily, extra ******, when I eat I do it raw, stare.
These walking failures getting oral checked but at a dentist chair.
I sleep under palm trees *******, summer body done.
I can see y’all hoes are *******, acting downside up.
Before I let y’all disappear, you’ll see what you passed up on.
Give me a heads up, cover my ears before y’all wax on.
Wax on.
Wax on but as in y’all ******* babbling.
Still like bayou water but my jacuzzi bubbling.
I’ll send y’all postcards from vacays in countries round the equator.
Make y’all **** hurt, get y’all a good buttache alleviator.
If that doesn’t help, why don’t y’all get off my D?
If you so against me, why you fools stay fooling with me?
I keep it straight with me and I didn’t always do.
If it benefits me then that’s what I’m gonna do.
I thought they would like me if I changed a thing or two.
But that wasn’t me and I ain’t liked who I turned into.
I would leave them hanging if I felt so inclined.
For when I wanted realness but y’all ******* declined.
I’mma release poems on all my exs’ birthdays too.
Give me a fortnight,
I’mma make it too.
Starting now I should know that red and green differ.
Be this hot and I never signed a deal with Lucifer.
And next time y’all wanna kiss my ***, just say you need a ride.
I’mma pass, here’s a disclaimer, it’s me now I prioritize.

So I won.
So I won.
Anton?
Why that name?
What you on?
My prime ****
to be exact
and ain’t no act.
So I won.
So I won.
Wax on, wax on.

Get me on that walkie talkie and for ******* what?
Sick of your fucky wucky so shut the **** up.
On a brighter note, I’mma dearly thank all of my homies.
Twenty years you’ve given me support through all of my wilding.
I’ll make sure to leave y’all my address in Rosemead when I finally go.
I’mma wrap this up now, catch you on the flipside, this is Bella Goth.

You are flaring
wild cherry wild mustang wild thoughts

My mindfulness and sun of winter
Home in space
opposite of lost
breathing poem I’ve discovered and rewrote in simpler language
World of fiction
only dream to chase

creator without a reason
with one confounding vision
capturing the moon the stars and evenings outside limbo
Rocks between these
Life is sweet and thriving in sunlight
and in reach.

But who I search for is a varying answer
I seek peace
decisions after

I narrate my voice gets quieter

I hush up my mind grows vaster

Carry this life with no questioning no asking
in moon valleys
planned metropolis
Whereas my destinesia wilts in springs where stars have shattered
into billions of pieces which dashed to the cosmos again
discovering newer clusters spellbind.

But I am here with you merely
you are my favorite reason
situated

In the core of my poetry
in the gold point
eccentricity
Touch of your electricity
Mind of yours a lukewarm ocean
You yourself:

I M A G I N A T I O N

You are the proof of my great development,
diary made of waves,

emotional gradient which occurred in the fifth grade,
witness of great change,
from one man to another,
during the last moon phase,

shallowness of my deepness was my ticket
to the land of harmony,

the keeper of all the evil must have opened the doors,
when we were unaware,
and happy,

and then I met you
and my mind went desaturated,
I remember Ivy,
no one else does,
no one has the keys to my precious vault, which I call home,
I carry it everywhere,

I took part in an unfair lottery hosted by the devil,
I walked into the dark tunnel,
and left two months later,

I got good at this vague game called ‘living’,
it’s Hardmode now,

but the Waxing Crescent told me telepathically, there are no losses on the acute horizon
upcoming,

there will be confetti,
biggest party of the decade,
you must be the perfect lover,
you won’t harm me,

I’m independent,
I know it,

after the distance that I’ve crawled it’s clear as the night sky,
all the stars say:

I got this.

sometimes i wonder:
what if you didn’t
take my happiness away,
but made me realise
that i never had it,
you taught me how to
actually fight for it,
when you broke my heart
and soul into pieces,
...
and here i am,
happy without you.

in summer i like to sit on my wooden patio
and watch the cars passing by
in the distance,
on the main road,
in the scorching sun,
hotter than in california,
between deciduous trees,
greener than ever,
i get a piece of crumpled paper
and a pen with black ink,
i describe the cars passing by on the road,
red,
yellow,
green,
black,
you must be in the air.

My unoccupied vastness
arched sky high in celestial patterns
Your precise touch feels like golden petals
which excellently reshape my natural hardness
into poetry.
The expected whys and hows in this tale take no place
I’m spectated attentively
smiling truly in pastels
exhibited solid strong and wondrously rich in details
Tall like mahogany
inhabiting moonlit valleys
Chosen to climb and absorb all light.
And my unorthodox nature carved out in monolith
relies wholly on my woodworker
Ruler
Architect
Four-leaved clover
My chase for sunlight my height my rock solidity of heart
all gathered into one
atypical poem.

Baby figured I was sore so he poured me a bubblebath
Brought a Bluetooth speaker and played my favorite track
Said I had to soar
To feel the clouds under my feet
Said I needed to spread my wings
If I dreamed of breaking out of here

Baby realized I was scared so he pulled the sun right up
Made it bright as day and blew away the caliginous clouds
Gave me a fair start
So I could fly where my eyes can’t see
Gave me a relevant reason to stay
And that was breaking out of here

So I flew
And I flew
Till I was sore
I looked behind
I’ve ran away
And we were happier than ever since

Hum into my ear, love song, hip hop, anything.
Pull me closer, hold me, let go, catch again.
Make me feel like I’m tipsy, make me melt like caramel candy, slow.
Make it like eternity, if there’s no afterlife all we have is now.
Don’t forget how I made you feel.
I remember how you made me feel lovable.
I’d experience it all again before I catch up with Amy and start blowing bubbles, evermore.
Be a fan of anything I do.
Don’t refrain from making me mad.
Be your sweetheart and *****.
You’re so warm but so frozen, I must not let you go or I’ll die.
You’re too like me to let someone else make you happy, I’ll make you happier.

Silk.
Caress.
Bleed.
Conquer and withstand and win.
Brutal.
Ethereal.
Sweet.
Yearn and compete and win.

That rush that runs my veins uneasy feels like lemon in the wound.
Correspondingly it wears me out to an extent a bath can’t fix.
I just want a kiss that feels right, like an arm’s brush over dew.
But instead I’m forlorn in a labyrinth of stars hung from deciduous trees.

Metal.
Burn.
Blossom.
Cry and contemplate and adore.
Monumental.
Skyward.
Impossible.
Dream and capitulate and succeed.

I can’t love anyone or so I think cause I’ve never been happy.
*** isn’t sweet without strings of attachment tied around us.
All I ever attempted was to make myself feel worthy of loving.
And when I catch a ray of stardust I feel out of time to follow it up.

It ain’t perfect, love is so hard but soft and so am I.
It ain’t a walk in the park or a summer beach day but a fall down the well of my heart.
It ain’t easy, love is so ugly and pretty and so am I.
It ain’t anime, I’m not a protagonist of any kind, I don’t get happy endings.

But I tried.

Caffe latte
sunday morning no rush after
resident of the white hour
endless minutes spent on laughter.
You in the doorway
with your old luster
Yerba mate in your veins eyes green standing firm like a dream
perfect disaster
like a substitute for what’s about to happen
worth to question
what’s it all for?
Will your tenderness be the embrace of the summer and its grace
down the roads
of desert worlds
only sand no water ponds
just one road
headed to
Heavens’ floor
or how you call
that one place where I belong with you.

you party during summer
you cry during winter
I’m the thinker not getting over your hot flawless mind
in vast lush living dream
faustian to the fullest but
Forgiven

Over the past year
stood strong and undercover
Untouched attending thriving sessions in the blue sun
Crimson & Clover
Hot forever forever burning
aflame cause of my lover
Quintessential you all desire from me
Out now.
circulating in and out for ages
Existentially sober

Sunlit like Yosemite
hot like exact noon
head up at zenith observing plainly
clear gallon up high no cotton candy tonight just blue
All the time is light
futuristic thoughts ruled our minds
carried from you
To my restored ballroom
Lit by the sun

Everything worked out for me
You are mine
I am yours

magnificence touched my skin got taken to the eternally sunny Malibu
or dreamlike wonderland in which I
flew to you
I wrote my future I aim to maintain stable now it began to breathe
Your boo
I am a thing in motion
On the way to somewhere else where no roads reach
and aim to
undiscovered planetarium which is a show of blue runaway
how it is supposed to be played
projected in technicolor
Straight
To yellowness.

Ichor
Cypress
On the backyard table wine is for you
doing nothing in particular since it stays indoors away from view
irregular story
peace is dripping off of you
your eyes are like lakes
I love what
i got into

Try to be stronger
Overtake your blues

Everything sky clear now
Sunny days
Doing living partying crying
Always next to you.

Basically what I wanted to write down I had in my head,
but when it comes to you,
it’s fleeting,
like a thunderbird,

it feels good to say,
you have not your favorite park or radio station,
but your favorite person,
and that person is you,

but you can’t lose me like your car keys,
with that heart-shaped charm I gave you,
I won’t burn out like gasoline in your car,
even though I feel I burnt out long ago,
the roadless,
New York,
Topanga,
no matter where you take me,
your car keys fit in my heart’s lock
and I can’t do nothing about it,
the night,
the day,
my head,
no matter when you take me,
I’m hung up on you
and I like it,

it was like a lightning strike,
momentary,
however spectacular,
love is my working tool and poetry’s the playground,
I don’t know if I still love you,
but I will because I like it,

like a thunderbird,
like lightning,

and I like it.

new life,
new summer,
new lover,
new love song,
i’m aware it’s wrong but i sing along anyway,
now that i’ve found someone two times better,
geometrically,
and just overall,
it’s a summertime thing but i sing along anyway,
shortly i’m about to move away
like a yacht on a wave,
headed towards a lighthouse.

I rediscovered you in my notepad today...

it takes just one innocent gaze to get lost in the misty word you carry,
it takes one ephemeral look to travel to the Hollywood Boulevard,
it takes one brief touch to turn your life into a good romantic movie,
so much can cost so little,
and life easily turns so hard,

it burned out like a match,
overnight,
reasonless,
but let’s remain where we are,
in the spotlight,
or the avenues,
not our favorite boulevard,
like in autumn,
and February,
if you got rid of my love letter,
let me repeat,
what was said,

I’m your star,
only yours,
I shine bright,
just for you,
I shine brighter than most quasars do,
if there’s anything I won’t do for you,
then forget it,
cause I’m here to love you,
and you’re here to direct
the best love story ever written.

I’m in the highest tower picking petals off of flowers.
Listening to the sound of silence, this is what I do for hours.
It never was about the extremities of youth which everyone had.
I lay on the bed.
I keep account of the boys I yearned for but I never had.
Like a princess in the highest tower I spent my best years.
An endless pandemic it is.
I do dust angels, dust angels.
I’m a ******.
I’m a harlot.
I’m God’s favorite.
A dragonslayer’s love interest.
But in this tower I’ve no choice but to stay.
My prince must’ve died on his way.