You tore my heart in half, but I fixed it.
You told me I was bad, I could fix it, you said.
It’s just that wolves howl, they can’t change it.
And fire’s meant to burn, can extinguish, but why?

First you vilify me, then you victimize me.
I’m only human, but I’m no victim of my lust.
It’s intrusive to me, so jeopardizing.
Think you missed your point.

I’m not one of your cult.
No.
I’m not one of your cult.

I’m talking to you like a friend.
Harm’s the last thing in my intent.
I can listen and decipher what you say to me.
And I’m grateful for my own sexuality.
I’m so open and honest like a loose door.
Still no excuse for them to label me a *****.

I’m not letting anything obscure you.
No.
I’m not letting anyone obscure you.

I was in the Hollywood Hills somewhere.
And baby I was feeling peaceful there.
Sitting in the back of a Starline car.
Drive wasn’t long, didn’t take me far.
I don’t really care now,
under the same sky with supernovas.
Been to hell and heaven now,
feeling alive since I got over.

Mount Lee.
Everything.
Everybody.
Red, yellow and pink.
Stan Lee.
Never seen.
But I believed.
Angels visit Earth frequently.
Sipping sangrias, driving Bentley.
Venice ***** on repeat it’s my way to get over everything, anything.
I’m drinking.

I met someone down at the Walk of Fame.
Hurt for too long, was it worth the wait?
Soon I’m packing up, leaving this city.
Thinking about her cause really she saved me.
I saw the sky turn dark blue.
Scared thinking I wasn’t honest.
Eclipse that later ensued.
Made me get over time another.

Peg, pick up the phone.
I’m not quoting you this time.
Peg, I’m home alone.
Falling off the edge of crying.
I failed, yes.
But I made me a life worth living.
I survived worse things and I’m still here.
I’m still not gone and I’m still here.

Mount Lee.
Dollar bills.
******.
Hard rain, rough wind.
Chun-Li.
Memories.
Things I’ve never seen.
Demons visit Earth frequently.
Emptying JD, driving Lambs and ****.
Hellfire’s on repeat it’s my way to get over everything, anything.
I’m still here.

86 Vee is a handsome man.
If you don’t believe me, go and see yourself.
His devotion - endless.
His commitment - endless.
No one believed me when I called him dangerous.

He sometimes went down and talked to his obsessed fans.
He even had a crown, but I tell you, I had to bounce.

He was a cult,
cult leader.
Of a cult,
cult he led.
I ****** up twice, couldn’t resist.
Been a long time, no word of him.
But on my life, I’m sure he’s still going.
They’re dumbly falling for he’s so loving
His cult,
cult bitter.
Like a cold,
cold winter.

86 Vee is a destructive man.
Every move of his, to my bones I felt.
Forced my knees bent.
Forced my letter sent.
Heard it happens every now and then.

He spread religion that went viral, slowly coiling around the world.
I couldn’t fathom their fascination, so I left him to avoid war.

He was a cult,
cult leader.
Of a cult,
cult he led.

Don’t you see how dangerous you are?
How the girls fall when you swing the door open?
You gotta put that cigarette out.
Gotta let me do my own thing.
There’s no use in talking to somebody drunk on his own ego.
Who adores the sound of bodies dropping on the floor.
Brush their hand against his and romanticize it.
I chased that high, it desensitized me.

You know the rest.

Love yourself like you wish to be loved.
Love others like it’s why you were born.
Love God for he answers all your questions.
I don’t have bad intentions.
I just want to spread love.

Love my daughter in heaven, forever.
My parents for giving me a life to build.
I don’t hate those who hurt me.
I forgave all just to save me.
Maybe this is how I’ll enjoy my life.

To keep my head above water.
Head above the blue.
If happiness’s a door
Maybe love’s the key, I can tell it’s true.

To keep me from losing my way.
To keep me from losing my faith.
Maybe if I keep on letting go.
I can move on without dead weight.

I’m doing it for you and for me.
Living, not sure if I’m meant to be happy.
But I’ll keep on breathing.
Believing.
Forgiving.
Because my intentions aren’t bad.
I’ll do good, promise to God.
I’ll make my family real proud.
I’ll see my kid again, daddy loves you, I’ll be there at the rainbow gates.
And I’ll keep living.
And living.
And living.

If this were a song, I’d hush at the thought of singing it.
And if this were a poem, I’d close my eyes to not see it.
There’s a graveyard of fruit flies trapped inside a painting.
Behind a layer of glass.
From a few springs ago.
At this moment I’m having this sweet epiphany.
Like balloons my worries are aloft.
At the thought of falling back into the dark depths of my mind I’d run where one won’t find me.
I’m just bored of being afraid.
Letting it ruin my day.
My fears are only as strong as I let them be.
And I don’t feel like they’ll grow stronger if I just let them be.
If I were someone else, I’d give me a hug and say something nice.
If I had given up, I wouldn’t have been so hopeful after a fight.
Someone dear to me said “Don’t give up on yourself”.
No matter how hard it gets.
And I’m not gonna fall back down again into the depths.
I’m just bored of being scared.

Troy says beach walks are all the rage.
I’m a city kind of guy.
He could play guitar till the end of day.
And I’d drink beer till night.
He hates to vape and I really hate it.
That strawberry smoke tastes better when he exhales it.
I’m chopping wood to keep up the fire.
Fire lasts, feeling expires.
What now?
He treats me like the weaker one.
He treats me like the weaker one.
He treats me like the weaker one.
And the RV doesn’t feel like home.

I wanna remain faithful.
Make him happy but I can’t.
Pour grenadine into his glass with a shaky hand.
He tells me to chill.
But knows **** well I can’t.
I wanna hold onto him but I can’t even hold myself.

I don’t wanna go on a roadtrip or the store that’s a couple miles away.
I’m good overthinking, smoking, swimming at the shore of the bay.
I feel the sand falling down in between my fingers on the ground.
Does he mind a reassurance ******’s rant, I hate that sound.

Troy thinks that the bygone era’s gone by for good.
I’m all that’s left.
I need just Joni and a whiskey to touch down.
He likes grass instead.
He hates to show off and I’m losing patience.
God, if he could just manspread on the chair and let me watch.
I’ll just wash clothes in the river and live on.
Without him or with him.
What now?
I got a whole country to cross.
I got a whole country to cross.
I got a whole country to cross.
Cause one plus half ain’t two.

I love how his hair comes down.
How he lets me down.
It’s so attractive.
I love him with his glasses on.
That just turns me on.
Like a light switch.

I wanna remain faithful
I wanna remain-
I wanna remain faithful
I wanna remain-
Sorry if I come out hateful
But you get in my way
I’d give you all my warmth
But you’re pushing me away

I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad case.
You keep pushing me away.
I wanna remain-
I should’ve remained-
I’m a bad, bad, bad, bad case.
You keep pushing me away.
I wanna remain-
I should’ve remained faithful.

i sit next to that vintage candelabra, that i found in the attic,
i get a pen and a blank page on which i write what i think,
when i’m done i rethink and rewrite my poetry with blood on a parchment,
but i get distracted by the church bells ringing from 2 streets away,
it gets louder and louder,
at times they sound like ******* racing cars on tracks,
then they get quieter,
they sound like sunken singers, hitting high notes from underwater,
in the meantime demons escape from the catacombs,
hidden deep beneath the chapel,
and put gargoyles to life,
and all of that - 2 streets away,
i turn off that vintage candelabra, but i keep on writing,
i listen closely to my pen’s sounds and try to imagine them louder,
want them to be louder than racing cars,
louder than a rocket blasting off,
i write so fast and it feels so loud, that i enter a different dimension,
a world where matter is made of words,
i want to stay there forever, whenever i get there,

that’s exactly how to disappear
c o m p l e t e l y
a  n  d
n   e   v   e   r
b    e
f      o     u     n     d.