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A N Sweet Jun 2010
tomorrow i’ll be found
underneath a landslide of all my fears and doubts
dig myself a hole makin’ friends with the moles
makin’ mountains out of hills
and all the things that give me thrills are gone and going
i’m left behind with my crutches and my boundaries

it’s always the next step that’s the worst step
‘cause i’m afraid to lose my footing
and some days when i’m awake
i’m a little more than apprehensive
sitting on the fence of taking leaps or going back to sleep
A N Sweet Feb 2012
here you are.
at a ******* standstill.
sitting on the fence of taking leaps, or going back to sleep
breathing in all these insecurities.
it’s sick because theyre not worth a ****** thing, not a ****** thing.
cry for all the things you wont do
cry for your sick, sad world
cry for the doors you close, for the windows you wont open
suffocate yourself, discourage every spark from turning into a flame.
all the things that give you thrills are gone, and going.
******* fleeting.
look at you, left behind
alone with your crutches and your boundaries.
*******. *******.
i already have a poem named anxiety, but i like this one much better.
A N Sweet Nov 2011
by guess and by god, headstrong,
a recklessly charted course.
ruled by intuition and ammunition
we were captains together--but then the weather!
clouded our stars, washed away our vision, tore our sails.
my captain! i was desperate!
for you: i jettisoned my heart, threw overboard my sensibility,
let out all my rope until the Bitter End.

but you mean to abandon ship!
after all we've sailed through, and you mean to abandon ship.
you've left me with the devil to pay,
but instead i'll swallow the anchor, i'll swallow it whole.
forgive my mutiny,
but a dead captain is no captain, and the sea does own my soul.
A N Sweet Jun 2010
pullin' on my heart strings
feelin' like a bee sting
it was such a little thing
but the feeling was big.
A N Sweet Jul 2011
i set you free.
if you love me fly home to me. if you need a love fly back to me.
this town is a cage, but we have the key.
A N Sweet Jun 2010
feel unearthed doubt
bury anxious tears
seedlings of sadness
depression blooms.
A N Sweet Jun 2010
and yes, even stars die out someday
and even through the darkness of the shadows that you carry,
you’re the brightest one i know
and i can see you — dying to break the mold  and when you explode
and try to set your fears on fire with the ignition of your desire
but the shadows come cooling in to set you back where you begin

and begin again, but differently
pack up all your belongings and put them where you cannot see
say goodbye and take a step that’s fit for giants
you’ll take your shine leaving only mine and with every wish
i make for you it would extinguish
so if you leave it will be dark
i’ll light a candle for your heart
and from miles away i’ll fight your shadows
while you’re out there fighting someone else’s battle
A N Sweet Jun 2010
childhood is so undeniably attractive
in youth, with eyes like hearts because we perceived with our hearts
and minds filled with stars and naivete; captivated by nuance yet aroused by simplicity
speaking in dreams and romance,
living freely, boldly, and fictitiously in some elders' disregarded reality.
and we remember such, in fleeting hope
that our greying eyes may see in spectrum once again.
A N Sweet Aug 2017
i wanna be someone you don't yet know
i wanna be your promise of tomorrow
your calm of kisses before the storm

if i could be the first night girl again
i'd never let you in
i'd let you taste the sweetest parts of me
i'd only be your joy

i wanna be the first night girl
id sacrifice being whole
i'd save you from all the ugly parts
to be again your world
A N Sweet Jun 2010
we sat down and talked last night
beer buzzed and campy,
letting the smell of the fire penetrate
your sweatshirt (which you would lend to me)
and my hair (which you would later caress)
and we floated in our remember-when's and remember-who's.

i remember when
i remember who
me and you
when we were timid and we were shy
and the first time we met, it was with our eyes
i saw a green that stopped me in my tracks
because even at the naive age of five, i knew that it was the same green
as the onion grass in my backyard which
when spring came we always tasted
and always hated
*how it lingered even after we had our apple juice and snacks
A N Sweet Jun 2010
i am certain that i am
and that i am certainly ((not))
who i think i am.
but i wish i could be who i was.
*then
A N Sweet Jul 2010
self destruction lies underneath my skin.
i breed it in my bones
it boils in the marrow.
every move i make is against myself
commands from a sickened brain
it rules sadistically -- governed by anxiety
failure pays the taxes,
behold, a wealth of negativity spread throughout the rest of me.
and, what a mockery my teeth have made of me!
they only clench themselves and pretend.
because now -- salty tears.
bitter.bitter.bitter.
i drink them up, and my mouth is left dry.
it only waters my self destruction.
A N Sweet Jun 2010
i am a soul
which exists to exist.
but exist is such an understatement.
in truth, i exist to live & to live fully.
to taste joy & swallow sadness & let anger boil
and to pepper the world with my expression.
i want to touch the colors of the world and feel the cool blues and the warm reds
and let the purples sooth and caress and drip from me
& leave a pattern in my path.
A N Sweet Jun 2010
i opened the door
and crawled through the window
past your eyes
and into your soul
and i walked around
and i sat down
and i breathed you in
(inhaled so so deeply)
and i lied down
and i rolled around
and i cuddled with your whispers
and i tasted your sweetness
and i felt your smile
(a light so so warm)
and i absorbed it all
and i fell in love with it all
and i wrote it down
and now it is eternal.
you’re eternal
in my words
on a page
inside my notebook
inside my heart.
you are so absolutely lovely it drives me bonkers.
i love it when i see you. i love it when i look into your eyes.  i love that when you smile at me, you smile with your eyes.  it's like you're smiling with your soul.  that's how i feel.  i know you'll be leaving me soon and i'm not really okay with that.  i wish i could roll around in your soul forever and wrap it around me like a blanket and feel safe and loved and sit there and whisper with you for eternity.
at least on paper, you're eternal.  our moments are eternal. at least on paper.
A N Sweet Nov 2011
good-for-nothin'
belly-aching, belly-up
collapsed into a puddle, i drip into the gutter
can't separate my colors.
past art is perverted, salt-saturated drops have made my vision run
i am the river that i cannot cross
if you won't be my stepping stone, i'll meet you down-stream.
A N Sweet Jun 2010
waiting.
this is the kind of vicious silence that makes my stomach scream.
the hands of the clock claw at its own face,
as if to move on would excruciate, lead to self-destruct
time is forced; the minutes drag, kicking & screaming
and you say nothing.
my eyes burn, staring, pleading your mouth to move,
waiting in agony for your lips to quiver
in hopes that a sweet wind from your breath would pass through and destroy the quiet,
a quiet which is not entirely unlike being deaf,
except i can hear my own worried breaths which beckon you to speak.

— The End —