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AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2017
Sparks burst,
so many dazzling colors,
They illuminate the sky with a multicolored passion.
Their trails of smoke an aurora in the night sky.
Flashes of gold interlace with greens and fiery reds.
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017
I know it's just me,
It's just in my head.
These problems don't exist,
My worries are causing nightmares.
My heart is only human,
Filled with greed,
Burning with envy.
My own thoughts sending tears pooling,
Down my cheeks at the mention of your name.
I want to smile,
To laugh,
To not feel so empty inside.
Why can't you see this power you have?
How much sway your words have over me.
Letting me soar above the skies,
Or drown in the sea.
Yet you can't tell what causes this.
You don't realize this ability,
Why can't time stop when we're together,
And speed through moments apart?
I hate my own greediness,
For time spent with you.
AnnaMarie Jenema Apr 2014
All my life I've been protected,
I could've turned out to be my mom or my dad,
yet adoption saved me from their darkness,
I want to repay those who are my friends,
but thank-you's will never be enough,
I want to help who ever I can,
however, all I seem to be is useless,
mistakes are all I accomplish,
I can't do anything right,
My little sibling cries because of me,
and all I can manage when I want to help, is to hurt,
I'm a useless doll without her pretty face,
I want to bring smiles to those I adore,
yet all I can seem to give is tears.
Everyone tries to make me smile, to cheer me up,
all I do is bother them,
but they want to protect my feelings,
no matter how many times I effortlessly stab them,
they always put me first and wipe away my tears,
wether there's tears dotting their cheeks,
I'm useless and protected,
but I want to be useful, and protect those I love.
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2016
Air escapes me.
My breath made short
By the evading water.
My sight, falls to the floating bubbles,
containing precious air.
My gaze follows them, wishing, wanting needing
The salty air had a time before seemed exotic and was welcomed.
Now,
It mocks me and burns at my throat.
Tangy winds are replaced
By salty fluid that invades my lungs.
My sight is blurred
as only
**darkness approaches
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2018
On this path she walked down,
She found a wilting rose,
Alone in it's sorrows.
Once there stood names,
each containing a face she would never recognize,
A story her lips could never speak,
Unless she first asked.
These names were chairs,
waiting for someone to sit,
But their owners will never again visit them.
She found a wilting rose,
But once there were many,
Blooming Roses,
As red as the vibrant liquid that once filled these names,
Now empty words sitting on tongues unable to be whispered.
Bright White carnations,
Hoping for doorsteps to be walked on,
and the sweet sweet tune of, "I'm home"
To ring through the entrance,
Families would smoother their loved one,
Just for walking in the door.
But the wind pushes the flowers from their chairs,
To be trampled on the path.
She places them back in their seats,
As if she too believes the carnations lies.
The next day a name was removed,
An empty chair stood,
as if no one belonged there.
For who would dare remember a single name,
When a whole aisle stands before you?
Again she left the chairs to mourn their emptiness,
To forget their existence until the next time through.
But there were only flowers lining the grass where chairs once were,
As if the disappearance of a name reminded the others that they too would vanish,
And just like that,
The field was barren besides a single rose.
The snow turning to grass,
Winter to spring.
For the world moves on,
And names will go unspoken in time.
This rose will wither.
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017
If I were to see the night sky,
A vast sea through a telescope's lens,
depicting each star so brilliantly,
all my mind would travel to, was you.
Your my constant,
the sky above.
Each star reminding me of the twinkle that glimmers in your eyes,
The night sky as vast as the kindness that pools from your spirit.
I wish you could watch this sky with me,
hearing my thoughts,
understanding their origins.
Know how special and wonderful a being you are.
If only I could capture this moment,
pictured on this lens in my hue,
so you could see how you appear to my heart,
so you could see what everyone sees when you walk into a room.
How you have a glow about you,
that somehow manages to cheer a room up,
you bring an aura of fun and kindness where ever you tread.
Just ask anyone.
It's as plain as day.
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2015
Maybe My Life was meant to be t
                                                               ­ h
                                                              ­         a
                                                               ­                 t
of a G
                  h
                         o
                                s
                             ­         t.
Forever wandering,
                


Empty corridors, intruding into their spaces.
M                                                        ­                                  .
y                            ­                                                      
cries  ech­oing into their acoustic cavern,
                                                         ­                  T
                                                               ­ h
                                                     e
                                           y
fade as I realize how alone I really am,                                  .
M                         ­                                                                 ­                      .
y                                        ­                                                                
         Invisibility confines me to                myself, -----------------------------
                 Hides                                        
        me                        from
Their                 eyes.
          Filled           with hatred.
             I was             always alone,
                    from the day,         my calendars first flipped
                         A                                                                ­                       Not
                         kind                                                             ­     everything
                                warm family,               is as it seems                   .
                              A wave goodbye            as dad takes off in his truck,
seeing new sights and adventures,          without any thought to those   who                         are left behind,
                   A mom who's tried           so  much,                                                          
that her remarks                            and smiles seem to fade away.
a little sister hurt from torture,                      and beheaded by harsh words that seethe                                              as poisonous as venom
A birth family                   far from loving
friends that constantly leave,              who are as precious as gold,
but abruptly              disappear,
"everything will fade away, it will all disappear,
until
          only
                        I
       ­                           am
                                   ­             left,
To wander empty spaces for eternity.
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017
Snow falls gently beyond these windows,
Gleaming in the chilly air,
Music makes a harmonious atmosphere,
Laughter and chatter fill the house,
Yet my mind wanders.
Finding it’s way to you.
Imagining your smile,
Thinking back on happy memories we share.
The days lagging slowly behind,
When all I wish is to be with you once again.
AnnaMarie Jenema Mar 2018
The battleground lays between you and me,
A Patch of Earth build for this very cause,
'Neath rock and tree.

I see your army,
Laid out weapons at the ready,
Your soldiers carry guns loaded with ' never good enough'
And bows notched with 'ugly'
The soldiers let out a cry,
Letting me know I'm an unwanted foe.
They spit at my feet,
And laugh,
The grins displaying rotting teeth,
Covered in slime,
Laid thick from their poisonous words.

But I,
alone on my patch of grass sit back and smile,
Your wars begun,
But mine is already over.
Making my way across the field to you,

I take your men by the arm,
And weave mine through theres,
Hugging away the armor,
Away the guns,
And the annumition,
And say, "Go home to your families. Your loved."

Yet a single dagger pierces my chest,
As I fall and lay flat,
Hypocrisy drifts from the wound,
And the war starts again.
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2018
She is a waterfall,
Her hair cascades in giggles,
As it falls from her mouth,
And she chokes on the strands.
They were only tourists,
there to bask in her halo,
a veil of mist,
and sunlight reflected in her smile.
They could never see the caves hidden,
Smothered behind her rocky cliffs,
Nor would they ever visit such caverns.
She was one waterfall in billions.
Each shining in their own glory.
And yet she could never see her own brilliance.
AnnaMarie Jenema Oct 2016
I didn't believe they would reappear,
I never thought these feelings could confuse me so much.
Do I?
Do I not?
I'm so uncertain.
I thought I couldn't get over the past pain of rejection,
I thought moving on would take more time,
but could my heart be wavering to someone new,
Or am I just confusing myself further?
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017
Though this dull life of mine may wish,
may hope with every fiber of my being to bring you joy;
There are some things that I can never promise you.

I can't promise you that there will be no more tears,
that sadness will not befall those precious cheeks.
That worries won't sprout and drown out the sun.
I can't promise you that anger will never arise,
and there won't be days were harsh words are said,
and mistakes made.
I can't promise you every second of my life,
my clock beating in constant rhythm to yours.
Nor can you promise me yours.
There will be sadness,
there will be pain.
Tough times will form,
and waves will clash.
But what I can promise you is the sun after the storm.
Just as bad times are inevitable, they will never out-weigh the good.
I can promise you smiles, giggles, and joy;
my heart longing only for yours.
Don't you see the spell you cast around my heart?
you bound it in your words,
chained in your smile.
Though troubling times will be present,
we can always move through the storm.
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2015
Fear prickles down my spine,
slithering it's way into my farthest reaches,
what will become of me?
If her words sting, as though time has lengthened each spite,
If the stage is busy, but without a crowd to watch?
What will become of me, if they ever find their way to me?
If art and music are no longer my only remedy,
What will become of me,
when I can only be surrounded by shadows and shards from long ago?
tears cease to fall, and all I am is numb.
What will become of me,
If I can meet new smiling faces once more?
If laughter surrounds the halls instead of evil cackles.
What will become of me years later, when my world renews itself?
AnnaMarie Jenema Oct 2015
They walk past it on the side walk,
sometimes they speak to it as though it still exists,
They see the dust of what it used to be,
and can feel the future that it will never have,
It had ambitions,
they no longer matter after the Earth took such luxuriances away.
The wind drags it into the night air,
where no one will see it.
It's shoes will be overflowing with the dust that was once flesh.
It's memories will carry on,
as those who had encountered it,
their memories deteriorate.
This is a future fretted over needlessly.
The idea that i am but a number,
one in billions.
one day i will disappear into the crowd,
my remains nothing more than a ghost of what I once once.
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Have you seen my head?
I think it fell off my shoulders.
And along with it rolled my thoughts.
They stumble and rattle,
Unable to be resolved.
I don't know what to do,
When just your presence makes me feel this way.
Have I stepped into a dream?
Im unable to beleive that this is real.
Where has that head gone off to,
Bringing my thoughts rolling along?
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2014
Which do you prefer?
Sour or sweet?
Sweet of course,
It reminds me of kind words,
that I wish would've been spoken,
of every time i was helped,
the sweetness in their hearts,
Which do you prefer?
blue or pink?
though it's called boyish,
blue is my adored color,
It sits in the sky watching,
observing,
the day pass by,
It's a solitary color,
but has the smallest hint of a smile,
Even so,
it's such a lonely color.
Pink is happy and kind,
it sings from above,
easily talking to other colors,
I admire it,
but could never care for such a color.
Which do you prefer?
Sunrises or sunsets?
sunsets are my choice,
they end the day,
as every thing will eventually come to it's own end,
It sits on the hill,
a beautiful lonely sight,
it waves goodbye to everyone as they go about their life,
Sunrises are happy, hyper colors,
that pierce the night with a call,
waking up friends and neighbors,
so that they may see the sun,
such a talkative and friendly sight,
I admire, but can't care for.
So now I ask you;
Which do you prefer?
AnnaMarie Jenema Oct 2016
No.
They do not cry out,
They do not groan,
But mumble and whisper their dissatisfaction.
They wish no one to know,
To carry the weight they bear.
They whisper their sorrows through words softly uttered,
And words carefully written,
But never read.
They see loneliness as a cloak
That covers them in busy rooms,
That mutes them to the smallest groups.
No ones there.
Everyone's there.
What's the difference?
When your locked in with your thoughts?
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Why am i not alone?
You have not left my side.
It's been about a week,
And yet here you are.
I'm so quiet,
I barely make a sound,
Conversations do not poor from me,
And yet you stay.
I'm not used to being liked,
I'm inexperienced,
And am shy about my affection,
And yet still you stay.
I talk too much,
I don't talk at all.
... why are you still here?
Can you really care about someone like me?
What's created from two monsters,
Could only ever be a monster,
But are you really okay with that?
All my problems and stress,.
I'd never want to put you through,
But even so,
Are you still okay with being by my side?
I don't deserve you.
Someone as sweet and kind as you,
Whose laughter brightens my day,
And smile makes my heart melt.
Why would someone as bright as you,
Ever like someone like me?
I'll never be good enough to deserve all your kindness.
AnnaMarie Jenema Feb 2016
Why do I speak out of turn?
Wy does my tongue despise me so?
It shoots out nonsense of which no one must suffer to.
Why do I write poetry for others to hear,
when my own voice is so unsure?
What right to I have to breathe life to these words,
when the courage to speak them is fading,
like the embers in a fireplace.
Why must I spout stupid ideas,
when no one shall ever like them?
Why must my mind be tainted with words that will just disappear into space?
Why am I so helpless?
AnnaMarie Jenema Sep 2017
The snow piles high,
I lay within the December storm,
As the sound of the wind envelopes me,
Filling me with peace.
AnnaMarie Jenema May 2016
I watch a love blossom from behind this pane.
I see the two figures meet for the first time.
It's only through a couple of typed conversations,
leading the girl to fall in love with his words.
Through my standing point I see her phone number across the screen,
wondering what she got herself into.
He replies,
and everyday it's the same.
She let the people she loves,
the other figures that walk around this house,
fall from her life.
They desperately try to be apart of her life,
so she locks her room door.
They knock,
ceaselessly trying to touch her heart.
She holds her hand over her ears,
texting with the other.
Barely making out the texts from my window view I see things no girl would want to hear nor say.
He hurts her emotionally and threatens her physically,
and she just wishes to disappear.
Finally light enters her room as I lift an arm to readjust myself to it.
She let's them in,
telling them to block him from her life.
Her sister sighs,
her worries quenched,
her bent over mom hugs her to try to fill her with warmth and love.
...
A couple of years pass and still I watch,
not much happening,
but the girl now falls away from her friends and family once more.
She has a new texting friend,
One her mother and sister adore,
rather she's hiding from shadows and shaking in her shoes.
Her sister worries,
but goes untold,
as the girl whispers to her mothers ear, "Do you see them too?"
Time goes on and her sister worries more.
Drawings are scribbled of creatures that would only exist in nightmares,
But they exist for the girl.
Years ago she could see them.
Her family believing it only a brilliant imagination.
But, no.
That's not so.
Her new love worries countess times until he pleads with her to tell her family.
I watch through my glass boundary,
a spectator who has been shown quite a tragedy,
The sister leaves,
off on a school trip,
than the girl is missing for a time,
The sister and mother leave the house once a week,
they're gone for a couple of days at a time.
two weeks pass and finally the girl returns home.
I try to listen through this screen,
hearing "psychiatry Hospital"
At night the girl takes prescribed pills,
they scare away her visions.
She goes to school - but comes back early
shaking and tired,
but at night,
not a single dream will come as she stares at the wall.
She does not smile,
and will not speak to friends she used to enjoy the company of.
But I have little I can do to become a performer in this play.
I am merely a spectator, a friendly everyday window watcher.
Or am I?

Sincerely
                      The sister
My little sister is going through a ton of stuff right now, and I'm not able to say details, but this is something I really wanted to share that doesn't quite tell too much.
AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2016
The moon holds the sky together,
The fragments of stars and planets,
Lighting our path as we enjoy a winter night.
Snow angels sing from their chilly beds,
The snowman makes a merry tune as we befriend him,
Giving away hugs warmer than he'd enjoy,
And holding stick-like arms to wave hello.
The air is intruded by snowballs,
Energized by the fresh wind that sends downy glitter to Earth,
Only for us to fall back,
In each others embrace and look upon the sky and trees.
Until numbness sets in,
Telling us to leave.
Piping hot cocoa revives our limbs,
Time flying by with effortless chatter.
A winter wonderland well spent.
AnnaMarie Jenema Oct 2015
Just learning to hold our tongues,
we fall in order to rise.
"Shut up"
a simple phrase said when we're annoyed,
but what of it's consequences?
The last words he had ever heard after meowing so loudly.
"I love You"
a commonly used phrase by many,
but only unrequited love would follow.
So we hold our tongues,
not speaking our heart's longing so that they may mend,
"She'll finally understand me"
we wish for this,
but it will only come after death has parted us,
when her mind is healed.
A mistake made year, after year,
now atoned when a cancerous tissue appears.
"I don't mind that you'll never love me."
the discovery bringing change as we wish for her life.
"Please don't leave us"
a selfish person who is incapable of loving anyone but herself due to a mental illness,
yet we desire her praise,
her love,
death will open her eyes to our hearts,
making her whole again,
seeing us that she discarded,
life will allow her to remain with us.
this was created after I learned that my birthmother has lung cancer from all the years that she smoked.
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
I wish you could understand how often I have these thoughts,
these wants of mine,
that I slowly tolerate and repress.
The joy of wanting to surprise you with a sudden hug,
or to lay my head against your shoulder.
But I am a mouse,
too afraid to come out from my hole,
too worried about how my heart will burst from my chest.
yet these thoughts remain.
Nagging at me,
wishing I could bring up my courage enough to.
AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2017
You are sparkling darkness,
shining in hopelessness,
shivering flames,
a flicker of longing.
AnnaMarie Jenema Sep 2017
Awe filling my lungs,
"The sky is so pretty,"
"But not as pretty as you."
Regret filling my lungs,
I had meant what I said,
Your beauty runs parallel to that of the sky,
Guilt filling my lungs,
But do my words scar your soul?
A feminine word such as pretty,
Defining your charming nature?
Shame filling my lungs,
I hadn't meant to hurt you,
My only wish was to tell you,
That you can be compared to the sky,
You emcampus my world.
Passion filling my lungs,
As love bubbles forth.
AnnaMarie Jenema Dec 2017
My Sky,
You fell to the ground,
The clouds rained to Earth,
Sunlight poured out
Until
            Only
                        Darkness
     ­                                         Remained.

My Sky,
You fell to the ground,
And though the puddles belong there,
I find myself scooping them up,
And desperately throwing handfuls,
As if to pick you back up.
But My attempts only result in failure.

My Sky,
You fell to the ground,
But you are still charming,
Still lovable.
Yet I find a knife in my side,
Telling my heart to die.

My Sky,
You fell to the ground,
But that does not mean I need to follow.
Maybe I could become the sky for another one day?
AnnaMarie Jenema Nov 2016
Your eyes portray a childish gleam,
hopeful and bright,
as if excitement was second nature to you.
They cast diamonds of light,
holding traces of warmth.
The sky resides within you,
the stars twinkling back with each glance.
It's not as though that sky has never seen clouds in it's forecasting,
It's because of the rain that they gleam so brightly.
No sky could exist without it.
And yet these stars are a galaxy.
They hide the soul,
keeping stories upon stories on each new star.
Undiscovered and shining more brilliantly than the last.
It's a wonder to behold,
And I count myself lucky to have seen this treasure trove of stars.
AnnaMarie Jenema Jan 2017
You say you don't understand yourself,
That your childish.
You say so many things about yourself,
but why can't you be permitted to see through my gaze?
The line of sight that's locked with yours?
I say you don't know the half of it.
You have no idea of how your presence lights up a room.
I know I'm in the same boat,
I can't see myself through your perspective,
and this is just a game of words,
on repeat,
But my heart aches to explain to you these little things,
to show you how amazing you truly are.
Society can fall to ruin,
taking it's principles and corrupt morals with,
But I fell for you and that shining personality.
Not with the beliefs of the system in mind,
But simply because your you.
The wonderful, amazing person that you are.

— The End —