Back then
the love
you always gave to me
knowing when my heart
was starving
and me
giving nothing back
the memory leaves
a sour taste
on my tongue

living from one breath to the next
in those forevers between
the ticking of the long hand
counts out our promises

i'm your tyler durden
i only come out
when you're asleep
because i love her
and she loves you
and no one loves me
the song of the universe, huh

do you see me?
it feels like you're looking at me too
i'd die for just a glance
from those diamond eyes
despite everything
my choice still
will always be you

i think
your smile
is what makes you desirable
i think
its the way you duck your head
when you laugh
as though to hide
your joy
your shy euphoria
and it's the last thing
i would expect to find
freezing in this wasteland
to be warmed
by the quiet heat
of a stranger's happiness

your words leave me as cold and as empty as the night sky
your love as distant and dark as a new moon
and my memories of you, scattered and sparkling like a million stars
pale imitations
of the bright
full moon you used to be
but isn't your light
that i so admire
just a reflection
of my own desire?
my own mirage?
my own purgatory
before the paradise?
will you ever be
that full moon again?
shining down so brightly
a smiling face
watching over me
but oh
i feel so lonely
just looking at you

grey
boring
ugly
i scuttle awkwardly
to get out of her way
so as not to sully the ground
that my goddess walks on
i hope
that her heart has hardened
so that she can finally
squash me under her heel
like i deserve

don't believe a word I say
promise me
confessions that come from my lips
are always wrong
I'm sorry
that I can't tell you the truth
about me
and about you
but most of all about us
I wish I knew how to say
the words
any words really
other than the crushing lies
that you believe