he says,
with the passion of stars dying,
in their final breaths explode,
that i am his.

he says,
with the love nobody else felt so deeply for me,
in due time surely i'll marry this man,
that i am his.

and i say,
after all my talk of nothing being guaranteed,
with an absolute that i will never make for anyone else,
that i will stay always.

stars taken down from the heavens spun
spun in the darkened corners of my vision
as i told you
and you looked at me,
sick
sick
sickened
by my repulsivity and utter lack of love
for the girl that I had let waste away
in many a dream.
and still i work to frame a perfection i can doubt to have
in this lifetime and more
because if not perfect,
what left will i have to be?

and there is someone i love,
he, patient, while i not so.
**** the universe for making me so uncertain,
when what i failed to realise that i was always,
always certain of you.
there are stars within your soul, and you are my light.
you are my sun. my stars.
and i will do anything for you.
**** anyone who gets in the way.
mine.
such a small word, and yet it fills my heart to overflow.

what's a good way to say i love you?
what's the best way to really explain to you
the love that i feel for you?

maybe...

no matter where this goes
whether there's more in store for us or not...
you're not HIM,
you're not the villain in my story, and you'll always be far from it.
you could never hurt me the way  HE did.
and although your words carry more weight than HIS ever did,
not once have you ever weaponised your words against me.
and you're real to me.
you're real.
so ******* real.

even from here, you're real.

and although my selfishness is something i despise so often,
this agreeable warmth is something
i almost want to myself,
because as long as there is someone to love me,
there is also someone to save me.
and although you cannot FIX me,
you're still going to be there,
and you're still going to hold my hand through a rough patch,
and if i am possibly to fall,
you'll laugh, sure,
but you'll still pick me right back up.

its because you love me,
or whatever.

and tonight,
thats not so bad
and tonight,
i love you
and tonight,
you are so ******* perfect.

mon étoile.

if there were better words to say it,
i'd say it all.
were there a better way to show you,
i'd do anything.
but i love you.
i love
love love love love you.

mon
étoile.

all i ever pray for
with waning courage,
and a cracking voice,
is for someone to save me.
someone to hold onto me
and not let me go
because i am so
so close
to falling off the edge
and at this point
darkness springs to envelop me
and my happiness is swallowed
and drag me away...
I hope he drags me away
because hurting others is the one thing I'd rather die than do.
please. ******* save me. someone.
im begging.