I look to you,
You calm my nerves
Calm within
Calm on the surface

You and me
We signify peace
We represent unity
We are harmony

Together as one
One soul
One mind
When it comes to us,
Everything's fine

2/13/14
(a.f.c)

Driving through time,
Reflecting on memories
The flashbacks come
In a spiral of streets

All it takes is a whiff
Of sweet salty air,
To think of that day on the beach,
When love was in the air

Driving through time,
I think of you, It's
Enough to make
Me carsick.

2/11/14
(a.f.c)

I bite my nails,
I’m anxious with hunger
I can’t eat,
this will make me stronger.
I constantly starve myself
I eat bites here and there
anything to stop
the hunger pains of despair
I didn’t do enough crunches
I pray to Ana,
give me strength.
I ate too much at lunch
I have to lose weight!
I usually skip dinner
and go to be hungry
I pray to Ana,
make me thinner.
I lost my school dedication
to spending hours on the computer,
looking up thinspiration.
Ana’s Creed, Ana’s laws,
sentences to live by,
all pointing out my flaws.
I read them day by day,
Memorize them like lyrics,
they turn into my favorite song
Don’t do this, don’t eat that,
A moment on the lips,
a lifetime on the hips.
God, I look so fat!
Collar bones and thigh gaps become an obsession,
I know I complain,
But here’s a confession,
I love Ana.
and I know she loves me.
She always reminds me
how thin I should be.
She doesn’t take try,
It’s do or die.
She doesn’t take cant’s,
But she’ll always understand,
how difficult it can be,
to achieve perfection.
Night by night,
She leaves me exhausted,
She’s the voice inside my head,
She takes me in and fills me up,
with the lack of being fed.
She touches my soul,
and puts me at ease
She whispers in my ear,
Loving words, these:
     “Go to sleep,
       My darling,
       May you rest in peace.
       Dream of perfection,
       which you can achieve,
       Simply follow the rules,
       and listen to me,
       It’s effortless, you see:
                        Just
                           Don’t
                              Eat.”

(a.f.c)

But where I am
It's always warm
My soul is sad
Sad like winter
So what I want to know
Is why do I miss the cold?

2/16/14
(a.f.c)

Soft skin
Delicate veins
delicate emotion
delicate pain

One pinch,
and you feel so battered
one poke,
your soul could shatter

You feel so weak,
so worn and tired
all of your stressors
build up like a fire,
it burns everything away,
you find your heart is empty,
and you become numb to the pain

You feel so small
under this heavy weight
Everyone, everything
pulling you down
                 deeper,
                      deeper
                           …
All of a sudden,
you open your eyes
you’re skin and bones
and scars on flesh...

But you put on your mask,
and smile like the rest.


(a.f.c)

Winter
is so cold
you're so sad
you feel alone
drink hot cocoa
put on a sweater
go out in the snow
watch the darkness
feel it inside
it's only a season,
but all you want to do,
is cry.

Spring
is the start of something new
everything's bright
everything's fresh
you feel so happy
you feel refreshed
the sun is out
it warms your soul
finally out of
that ******* cold

Summer*
is bright and fun
fly a kite
get some sun
go the beach
eat a beach
feel the juices on your chin
go in the water for another swim
stay up late
sleep in later
a new guy,
summer love,
it's almost fatal.

Fall
is full of color
the perfect temperature
relaxing afternoons
drink some tea
cuddle like a cacoon
not too cold
not too hot
go for a run
take a long walk
it's never ending,
the time you're spending..

2/15/14
(a.f.c)

I slam the door,
and sink to the floor
I start to cry,
I can’t take it anymore.

It hurts so bad,
I feel like ****
It’s been so fake.
Love is for idiots.

But I loved you so much,
You were my favorite song.
And now that you’re gone,
I still can’t move on.

I’ve been so blinded,
My eyes were sealed shut
So when reality hit,
I wasn’t ready for it.

I finally open my eyes,
The lights give me a headache.
God, I only wish,
It hadn’t been so fake.


(a.f.c)

Who wants love?
We're all in a race for hate
No peace, no love
Is this supposed to be our fate?

Perfect little kids,
With smiles on their face,
But when they're alone,
Demons fill every space

Please our parents,
please society
Please, make it stop
Demons, cry for me

When will this end?
When our lives are spent?
When there's nothing left,
Except scars on flesh?

2/14/14
(a.f.c)

I sat there,
Longing for passion
But your love for me
Comes in rations

I have to gather up my ration points
Like a girl in the depression of war
I can save then for a while and
Get something really big
Or I can spend them here
Or there
It makes me want to spit

I deserve your love
We don’t have to be at war
If I have to work for one more hug,
I might not love you anymore.

2/12/14
(a.f.c)

Don't look outside,
It's fire and rain.
Block your ears,
If you want to stay sane

The demons, they crawl
and fly and roar
They're looking in the windows
They're coming through the floor

You can't escape them
They have their hold on you
You can try and run
But soon they're in your head

You're not yourself,
You're depressed and sad
You have a rage you can't contain
You have anger you can't tame.

The demons, they whisper
they tell you things to make you afraid
You're gone, gone from earth
You transported to space

You can't control anything
It's like it's left to chance,
But soon nothing is worth it
Your life is left to a trance

The demons, they cut you
They slice you and burn you
They pull your hair
They fill you with despair
Fight if you dare,
But you don't even care

They wear you down to the core
They drain happiness out of every pore
Your brain is blank
And your insides are at war

Your slipping down, down through the floor,
Where the demons originally came from
There's nothing left to care for
So you let them win,
Your head starts to spin
The thought of what you're about to do
At least it's not them, but you
You can only control this one thing
The shot fires with a ring,
and you start to sink,
down,
     down,
Down to meet your demon king.


(a.f.c)

It's two am
and the thoughts consume me
the thoughts of you
are pulsing through my head
Just like my heart beats for you

For you, forever
Or at least that's how it's supossed to be.
Clearly things change,
but you're still all I see
your face in my eyes
your touch in my dreams

I'll forever think of you
and what we used to be.


(a.f.c)

I’m an artist
My tool of choice
is my razor
my favorite medium
is my blood
my canvas
is my thighs..

My work of art
is full of emotion
My work of art
always pleases me
I’m an artist
and this is my masterpiece.


(a.f.c*)

One day I was happy,

Before I knew it, life was a mess
And all of a sudden
I felt a noose around my neck.

My Lord thy God,
He lifted me up,
And now I look down,
Down upon you, my love.

You look so beautiful,
Living your life,
Living in peace,
Finally out of strife.

From above, I watch you smile,
From above, I watch you cry,
I know that life is hard,
But darling, you always shine.

I know you miss me ,
I know you think of what we shared,
If only when I was living,
You had shown how much you cared.

Maybe if I had known,
I wouldn’t of done what I did,
Maybe you could’ve  saved me,
You could’ve kissed my lips.

And that’s how we’d stay,
Together at last,
You belonged with me,
My future, present, and past.

But there is nothing I can do,
Nothing to do but wait,
Until the day you come to join me,
Babe please! Don’t be late!

You can see me in the sun,
You can hear me in the rain,
“Darling, come to me,
   I want to touch your face.”

There’s only one thing to do,
The only thing you can think of,
So you take the tie of a shoe,
You make a loop,
You tie a noose..

You can hear me calling,
“Come, baby,
    I’m just beyond the horizon.”
You can feel the falling,
You can almost feel me there..
“Don’t look down baby,
    Don’t be scared.”


(a.f.c)

I lay down in silence
I wish I were dead.
I wish I could hear
The words you never said

I wish it was easier
I wish you loved me no matter what
But now, because of you
My wrists, just like my soul,
are covered in red cuts.

These cuts,
they comfort me..
This blood, those scars,
remind me
of who you really are.

This pain,
you caused..
I wish it was easier..
But,
I wish I were dead.
They haunt me,
The words you never said.


(a.f.c)

A slave to the memories
Bound by the ankles
My mind is always overseas
The flashbacks take over me.

What the ******* take me for?
My mind and heart are always at war
You don’t even have a clue
I’m gonna go tie a noose
Hang myself over all my troubles,
Try to save me,
    don’t be subtle.

You can cry and you can try,
Hey, don’t stress it,
I’ve already been dead inside.
Ain’t that a kick?
It don’t even matter,
So when my soul starts to shatter,
Don’t act like you didn’t know,
Saig will come and steal your soul.


(a.f.c)

All it takes
Is a short plane ride
And now I'm gone
On the other side
Of the world

Away from you,
Away from my favorite chair,
Away from all the memories we were going to make
And the future we had planned together

Now I'm gone from my home,
I'm on the other side
Of the world,
and I'm alone

And maybe you forgot about me,
Maybe you forgot how it was always us or we.
Not one or another,
Together forever

And I miss you, I do
But maybe this is good,
and being independent will help me grow,
And maybe I won't come back.


(a.f.c)

My heart grows heavy
with longing for you
And oh God, I pray,
That you miss me too

My mind wanders off
To the very best days,
when we were young and it was summer
I can still see you face

Your tan skin gleaming in the sun
that peeked through the trees
your blue eyes glistening
as they stared at me

I can still hear your voice,
and the words that it whispered
I can still feel your touch on my cheek
But sadly enough, it’s only while I sleep,


In my dreams.


(a.f.c)

Our love could be poetic,
full of imagery.
Picture us together,
you and me

Can you imagine the light?
The lights, the sparks, the flames
But where there is fire
There’s bound to be pain

So what happens to us?
We burn into ash,
and all of a sudden,
We’re a thing of the past.


(a.f.c)