For starters, I love you.
And every time I look at you
I ask myself how I got so lucky
I know I’m not perfect
I know I’m not much
And every time we speak I speak my thoughts backwards
My tongue ties,
Twisting, turning, tangling itself into a knot,
I can no longer speak.
I feel the need to explain myself
I answer the questions I convince myself you’re sure to be asking,
But are too nice to plainly ask
Like, “What’s wrong with you?”
I’m hyper focused on every flaw,
I put myself under a microscope.
Even now
I’m wondering if my tone of voice is acceptable
Maybe I should try speaking with more passion
Or less?
I’m hyper focused on my hair, is it okay?
My clothes, are they okay?
My personality, is it enough to keep you near when the days pass and my looks fade?
Or when I’m in the worst condition, will you stay?
Because truth be told I love you
And you speak you love me too,
But I can’t see how anyone could love me when I don’t love myself
How anyone could find perfection in such an imperfect being
Find beauty in someone like me
I question my self-worth.
But you already knew that,
And that’s one of the problems,
I don’t think I could ever leave someone who knows me so well
But maybe one day you’ll wake up and realize who I really am
That’s why I was so hesitant to get close to you
Because your re-assurance seems all to genuine
And I’m not ready to let go of my insecurities, don’t you see?
My sadness, it’s a part of me
It defines me
It defies me
It holds me back
But when all I’ve known is darkness and hurt
And you come in with the idea that it’ll get better
I never even imagined that concept.
And to be honest, It’s hard to believe someone like you can even dream of someone like me
And I’m sorry that I’m only me,
You deserve more
But all I have is my love
I hope it’s enough.