You're​ a little hater, short and stout-
Hear you scream and watch you pout-
You're not a child, You are old-fashioned
Your attitude is nasty, You're nasty as mold

My eyes have turned away, looking down
Deep into the ground.
Staring blankly forward, or up into the sky.
Eyes turnaway.
These eyes that dont want to cry.
My ears have closed
to block out the sound of the seemingly endless verbal assault.
What have i done?
Am i at fault?
Careless words lead the insecure to suspect us all.
I should have kept the wall up.
Now it will crumble and fall

Happiness is only as subjectivebas others allow you to embrace it.
Happiness is never total- absolute-,
Nor held , nor attained.
Happiness is transient  and flees from us all.

Your transparency is indecent to me. I would rather hand you a cloak to keep it from my eyes.
I can see right through to your core like a potato bug.
Hideous.
Like an embryo of evil. Foul and naked to my soul.
I can see your soul and it is not black.
It is empty. Transparent.

Cool and crisp is the air to breathe.
Frail and colorful discarded leaves.
Autumn is quiet as November falls.
I hear this whisper as it calls.

I whisper back like a hidden friend behind a wall.
The wind picks up hushing my words.
It strolls away from our conversation and settles up above the palms.
I feel no need to feel the breeze, it's usually too intense.
Placing its disarrayed claws on others possessions and. Tossing them into the air. Like it has no regard for anyone. It doesn't care.
If this non visually materialized life form has no warmth or delightful scent of fresh lost yet familiar vision to bestow, then I just as well have no great bond to it and will go.
I feel alive and vibrant as the sun.
I am loved. I walk in the eclectic self knowledge of My Father and His Son.
I am the only soul I see. I am the only one.
November has fallen by the roadside but couldn't take my soul.
December prepares me. December is divine. December is Mine.

I am nothing to no one, no one that I see.
I am remembered enough for who I meant to be.
My life just could not hold me,
Nor claim meor name me
Your fleeting weak two faced so called love can not hurt, shame defame nor rename me
I am delated of heart, but not of spirit.
So peddle onto other shores
Where the Sun hits your back.
Dont  Stay
Golden.
Dont Go Back.
Carry on.

My mind and thoughts are twisting. Resisting to believe.
What they suggest
Is the worst.
Its 3 am and im still awake.
This might hurt but i won't let it ache.
The vague and double talking belongs to those who forsake. You wait for me you could not stay  waiting.I was late.  go wherever. Wherever i went you  we're not there so we waited for you but I don't think really that you care you are somewhere else with something else surprise visits lead to shock I don't want to hear what my mind talks so I went away I went alone far away where I call home. I forgot  mine there.you 're probably with one who stalks you through your/their phone. I will drive . I will walk ,but I will not pursue you. I will never stalk .you

Lesions from battle
Scars of attacks
Legions of Infiltrators
Knife you in the back.
No one is left simple, pure or devout.
Capturing the unsuspecting before they. Could run out.
Run. Run. Run out and away. There is no love for you here today.
It comesfir you when it pleases,  not when you are deserving.
This long life of mine feels so disturbing.
Im tired of defending my borders and standing face to face with tyrrants.
I should just fall indefeat, et i never have stayed down.
I have felt the urge to stay on my feet.

I don't know where my head's at I don't have a clear free line all I know is that I'm coming up from behind I got to get back in the race the one I did **** from when I wandered away I've been lost and distracted all these years I'm not much more to say but even though I'm not awake yet I know I am alive as I'm jumping in feet first I will plunge but not dive avoiding unneeded injuries I'll commit to a plan to stand undivided without a man

I can feel it calling.I am aware of its caress. I am calm,  nearly peaceful,unblinking. No feeling of distress. my eyes are gazing blankly into nowhere to escape where I'm at.  how symbolic is each gesture each word that I've spat?
I'm already engaged, promised to my biggest fan. not here or there or anywhere in this land. Yet still he reaches out for me and I offer back my hand. I can hear him calling. I can feel his caress. I am peaceful. unblinking . wandering into my death.

I've traveled to where I have not been.
I have eloped to where I must not.
It's perfect here. Not too cold nor too hot.
I have to pay for my excursions, folly is never cheap. But I'm working so feverishly, I have sown, so shall I reap.
I'm pleased. Ultimately fortunate, I settle into my loft. While some of the old remnants tangled on, while they grimace and scoff.
I am easily satisfied, yet I ponder greater things. This is where my head is at. Contrasting the Hater Beings.
I know this because they confess to me, what abhorred thoughts they compel.As well, people are human and these beings are not.
I rid myself of these remnants, refuse of the past. I will rebuild and cleave tothat which does not last.

Forgotten Ones like daisies in a jar.
Wilted, desiccated, without atar.
Our intention was never to wander away. Our love still remains but their love decays.

How could it not? Once they lay saturated in the blood of our love,
while we hustled away in a darting whirl. Your forgotten ones; we're they boys or girls? We're they soldiers, husbands, wives, or daughters?
We're they abandoned, neglected, slaughtered?

We forgot them and they forgot us. Twitching in our own abyss. We are the ones so distraught by these thoughts.
But weren't we the cause for losing what we sought?

All that remains are paper tokens,
Potpourrie petals, petrified skeletons of. Love we forgot on a shelf.
These are the things we can't ask ourselves.

I was down for you
and you sold me out.
I kept getting friend requests
But you said have no doubt.
Believe in me is what you said.
I believed in you and was left for dead.
Waiting in indio-500 miles from where I moved to.
To start a life for me and you.
But it's all me now after all the money I spent.
And that last $100 I just sent.
I only got love for those who love back.
I only got Faith in those who keep their word. I have faith in myself.
It's what I've learned. Keep your secrets hidden
I'll be in the light.
Keep your word or someone will take flight.
You can be you I won't stand in your way.
But be aware I do what I say.
Hard to comprehend for people like you.
Just what people like me will say and then do.
It *****.
***** to be you

It seems to me
just as it seems to be-
My Life will not entertain Harmony.
...not by choice...
I'm  oblivious to quarrels.
I'm  incompetent to debate.
Bound in Fate.
...my Unheard Voice...

Fated to be Alone.
Not Lonely.
Only Aware that I am the one and only One that will pick myself up, after Your Day in My Sun.

This Life of mine keeps struggling, I must once again lose,
Because I've  refused to accept,
this Life that I choose.
I Choose to be partnered, but I Am Not.
Again.Alas.
I'm  Abandoned as I.  Have abandoned this Love that you ******* Crushed.
I will stand where I Am, until I wander away...
...not finding the voice for what i must say.
I will regret not the partig.
...the Parting Out of my Life...
...like an old truckto be dismantled and sold as a salvage.
Lost.

I am unpaired in this Bond,
Bound in Fate

Have I any poems left?
Have I ANY words to share?

I do not dare.
I fear that all that might be left is -Despair.

I want to be a light , a hand from Our Lord
Yet all I mutter from my mouth is an overflowing shore of discord.

I go on with a flickering of this Light,
but I bow in sub human shame for the peril of my insight.

Blemished, scarred in the gulf that was once my heart,
I no longer bear the audacity of my gifts to impart.

I am dull in my consciousness, I chose this,I do recall.
I was blind or foolish, to believe I could jump yet not suffer the fall.

I unknowingly offer foul gifts to those in pain.
I was in the guise from myself . This is the place I looked inward to share my honest intention. There I was engulfed  in the wretchedness of what I had become. I saw who I am now. I was so deeply saddened by this realization.

There I sat, driving  but not looking, as I so often do, in word, while my eyes searched outward to fall inward, imploring for trust. I wanted someone to see my distrust in myself was as pure and new to me as it crept to the light, given by you.

I was tricked or complacent in maintaining my spirit.I found myself in the bright headlights of the sun offering foul fruits to another without even blinking.
I am sooo far off my course. I have not been thinking. Even my kindness is infected.I have not sought to assure my friend from the distrust and fear of who I may now be. I am afraid of the vision but I know that I do not believe that I am well enough to have trust.
I may offer a refreshment thinking its juice. But the fact is I may equally blindly offer a cup of rust. It is for their light i am thankful to have the sight to crawl out of this oblivion
that i have been living in

So sad to let her go
Yet she has already gone
Gone far too long with her resentful heart and her damning words.
I am better off left to the birds.
They have gathered to pick at my flesh.
So transparent are their compulsions
So enlightening for me to see and hear.
I no longer hold her dear.
Conjurors of cruelty gathered to pick me apart. Unwanted users give me discord while they want. Spit in my face
You are weak and problematic.i am better off to have not created you

Those in power
Should act right
Be ethical
I have no respect for you now
I gave my all
You gave me the boot
I am cut off
You lie and exile me
I should have known
Petty Petty liars

replaced by many unaware of each other you should go back and not be my lover I'd hooked for more but more of what the sharper the blade the deeper the cut

The crash test dummy-
Eternal, immortal mockery
if a mummy-
The poster child for " Don't Do This "
an unnatural being that makes no sense to be,
all the lessons learned a little too late.
like a fourth little piggy, with dandelion spindrils, hoping to build my house.
Like a lion dressed like Mickey Mouse-

I'm so old, but I'm too immature to see, the mockery of life being played upon me.
Run! Run! Run as fast as you can, and the hockey stick is set forth upon my path-
Wreck, Scramble, Brush myself off, while all the Decents
point and scoff.

Pardon the interruption, but I must scream
Wake me up from this unrelenting dream.
The one where I thought everything would be all right.
The one where I'm wrong again.
You're always mad and yelling at me.
But not anymore. Not anymore will you see me.
I had to ban you from my life.
But now you pursue me in the cold of the night.
I've locked my doors.
Locked them up tight.
It took all my might.
All you needed to do was just act right. I'm sorry.

Have I no master no authority to hear it here too I think this must be partially true and escape servant like a surf I've abandoned the land the places where I come from no not who or where to demand another others feel my place pity for one another no need to spit in my face October 29th 2019

Have you ever loved someone and it felt like Christmas?
Loving them you felt Christmas
Magical and peaceful.
The greatest joy.
Someone I love now and will go on loving for the rest of my days told me this same thing. I know this feeling!
My love leaped. I wish this moment we could forever keep. But now I am old and have lived my life.  My Christmas is late. It already passed. Yet in my heart it will last. When you finally stop trying to make something broken work, true love will find you. And it will hurt. Because you are out of time.
With one foot in the dirt.
Tricked again by life.
You must finally surrender yet never give up is all I've remembered

The Cooperatives; unknowingly work together.
Hit after hit, blow after blow.
Further away from my goals.
This time, I won't fight. I won't do my all, to win.
Their foul actions work against my win. To react to their betrayal, would also be a sin.
I am not seeking a tainted resolution. I will wait, unresponsive, to their pollution. I will rise up when God sees fit.
I will overcome all of this ****.
I had a hand in it, I know this to be true.
But a friend is a friend, so what am I to do? Crush them? Break them? Plot and devise? No. I seek not this answer, this I also despise.

I speak my own language I form my own words I have no predecessors descendants nor have I any news to blurt.
I constantly moving trying to find a world in which to relate I am often unheard misunderstood and ensnarled in debate.
my utterings are useless except to my own ear those people who detest me I do not fear.
I fear myself I am my own worst enemy I often cancel myself but to no avail I end up homeless jobless x exiled to jail as much as I succeed is as much as I fail.
I speak my own language I have my own tongue the world is crude to all, even to it's young.
October 29th 2019

I have alienated myself. All alone now. As I should be. Nothing interests me. No one enthralls me. No one angers me. Pride and indignation are all that I have  I wish I could go back to the humble me for now my pride is false and my humility was true. I wish I never met you

I have no breath to breathe life into anything else I have no desire to guard my own health I don't have any ideas that I will pursue I have my empty life and it ***** to be you just a pun from when I was young use is proud and free not wise as they perceive themselves to be but I prefer it to fight here right now life that is help I mean although I don't hold it I'm detached emotionally people are tricksters untrue to their cores they scramble of vengeful unloved hordes I'm better off alone cuz I can do whatever I want I'm here alone