This great pain that hovers over my head,
that rings in my ears and has me hanging by a thread,
dares not cease until i have gone;
until the sun stops rising at what could be dawn
when what was once dust becomes dust once more,
and when what was once locked becomes an open door,
I will be free from such mortal anguish,
and on such a foul earth i will no longer languish
oh, how i cannot wait for the day
that all the voices in my head go away

Come now, here
where the noise of the world cannot reach your ears
rest now, with me
so that I may soothe your pain and ease your worry
feel my heart, like a drum it beats
and it's rhythm is all for you,
listen now, dont just see
that if you were gone, I'd know not what to do

I don't want to be apart of the human race,
our heads are getting too big for such a small space,
our souls are lost now, never to be saved
because none of us deserve sanctuary if we are all still depraved

I like this
I love these,
small capsules of joy,
little tablets of dopamine
my sense of wonder is a chemical
without it, my mood would be somewhat epidemical
like a leash on an animal and a lock on a door,
they're here for a reason, so i must get
more

I can swim across a pond or the entire sea,
I can do all that is done onto me
I could run for miles or at least a yard
write a whole book or a ****** greeting card,
I could kick *** or have mine handed to me
I could make a buisness or own three
I am human, this is true
but i am great, and so are you
we may be mortal, but we are not grounded
the rules have been set but never bounded

Wrap your failures around my throat
Use my body to keep yours afloat
Take my eyes so that you may see,
That I'd do anything you'd ask of me

Instead of swinging, she rocked side to side
And instead of sleeping, she stayed up all night
Being alone can make you think
And your brain is an ocean
In which, you sink

I was happy once,
when her heart was still beating
It's funny how she was pierced,
but I was the one bleeding

No one listened,
no one believed
and now that the proof has surfaced
they all say they're proud of me

Open this door, and set me free
I want to know what it's like to finally see
Show me a new way, to feel alright
Make me feel okay
Help me sleep at night

I used to think that if i had just held on to you a little bit harder, you would never have slipped away.

I want to find something to conquer my anxiety
but this boring place has no originality
and im running out of choices from lack of variety

im tired of worrying about your opinion
im breaking and i dont care how dramatic i sound
i hate being afraid and being shut the **** down

why can the popular girl get sad but when i am its for attention
i dont need your love
just your ears
i need someone to take away my fears

theres just so much judgement and its all for nothing
but if i speak, im just begging for something
i tried to deal with it on my own but you all judged that too
can someone just tell me what i am to do

It is said that eyes are the windows to the soul
and, this is the truth
for i have seen the emotion that beats through your retinas
and the hazel green colored hate that consumes you,
every blink was another explosion of lies and every tear you cried
was for your innocence that died

and for the girl in the expensive clothes
i see the loneliness as it glows
her sight is weak but full of sorrow
dreading the day that is tomorrow

we're all hiding something inside our eyes
whether it is the truth or a daring lie
we all feel things to big to express
but our eyes provide a window
to see what we've depressed

All these dream catchers over my head as I sleep
And still
Nightmares run free as I lay in my bed
Trying not to scream
And feel so weak

I had always prided myself on my strength
The fact that I survived multiple abuses
And still didn't break

I told you about it all
The beatings I received
The ****
And the hopelessness I felt everyday

You promised me sanctuary and I was cautious at first
You gained my trust
And quenched my love thirst
You made me feel safe
As you slowly burrowed into my soul

The manipulation, like a slow acting poison
Rotted me from the inside out
And by the time it was obvious
I was already under your control
And already falling down

I always prided myself on getting right back up
But your hold on me and abuse
Was such a mind ****
And I'm stuck

Even after I broke free from you
The roots of your control were still buried in my soul
And to this day, you make me the weakest
And you make every ray of sunshine the bleakest

I'm so paranoid
And so confused
I mix up pure love
For someone trying to abuse
And I'm trapped here
Forever pretending to be the same old me
So strong and so brave
But my unbreakable heart is starting to cave

How am I expected to be okay
When you all tell me that there's something wrong with me?
How do i look for a solution,
When the problem in itself is blinding?
I'm stuck on the inside with no key
I can't open this door alone
So I guess, I'll never be free.

Having secrets that cannot be told
Because my entire life is based on them
I am fools gold
Men call me a catch
But I am no gem
I cannot tell the truth
With the fear of losing them

let me cover you in the darkest cloak
made of pain and marijuana smoke
and let me lift its hood over your innocent mind
so you can search for the answers that i could never find
you can't imagine someone hurting so badly
but darling, this pain is my own
so many times i have fallen in love ever so madly
and then was stripped and skinned down to the bone
betrayal was my oxygen
and every breath i took was a stab to the back
And every bruise on my skin was a skill I lacked
I was never good enough, so I strived for silence, obedience and skill
but no matter what I did
I'm not good enough
Not good enough, still.

Every rejection falls on me like a tree collapsing to the ground
eventually i just hang my shoulders, giving up
and the only expression i can manage is an uncontrollable frown
how do i react to being thrown away?
like a **** uncut, missed by the mower
stuck here to sway
every beating or threat
hangs like a storm over my head
how do i breathe when hate and disgust is the only air around me
and how to i search when a cloth of greed is all i see
like a ticking time bomb shut down by a **** switch
I'm still ready to explode with no room to burst in
anger and a feeling of abandonment soaks up in my heart
making it heavy, and hard to start
so it just sits in a hollowed out cave
which is my chest
with no one to save it or let it feel caressed
i feel out of place
like an unfitting puzzle piece
but injected with hate
by all the people who left me
undeserving or apparently just not liked
a mothers love should be given without a fight

If you'll be my color I'll be your canvas
If you can be my island, we can be stranded
If you'll accept my love and return the favor
I'll give my affection in every flavor

Those eyes are so deep and remind me of hallucinations
so vast and soft, like a spiral trip
and the rims of your pupils are like the broken bottle
from which my alcohol dripped

I'm still here full of hate
But a young lady can't be in that kind of state
And I'm ready to call 'check mate'
Because these feelings have got me cornered and I'm about to break

It's not proper to fill your lungs with any type of smoke
I thought
As the clouds stung
And I began to choke

But being proper is a mainstream way of thought
If my personality was fake and could be bought
I would be nothing but an assembly lines product

You cannot define who I am
With a dollar bill
Or your tainted Uncle Sam
Who has grown so ill

I hear that they've made Bluetooth light bulbs
It's funny, like an idea in your head can connect to your phone

But, I am of one mind
And it is my own
I will not be dependent on this iPhone

My fun will not end when the battery runs out
Or have a limit on my volume for how loud,
My thoughts may scream,
Individuality

This is who 'I' am
Who God has created me to be

Hes my favorite song to sing
that means hes above these things
and hes brighter than me yet just as seen

Hes got eyes like coco
dark brown
and hes loco but keeps me sane
without his smoke smell i wouldn't be the same

oh baby, you shine
and ****, you're mine
all mine
i ain't sharing one inch of that bronze skin
because letting this angel go should be a sin

my religious baby
so sweet and connected
completely patient
collected

you keep my fire burning
and these wheels turning
sweet darling of mine
i do believe we're wasting time
lets go out and explore
be my diamond forevermore

oh ****, that smile gives me butterflies
and holy hell my baby's style is another reason why

hes mine

that's right
all mine,
and my baby loves me too
i do assume
sugar darling, baby what would i do without you?

I'm not sure when everything slowed down,
I blacked out for a second under this smoke cloud
And when I opened up my eyes
My chest felt tight
Something was wrong on this calm quite night
I saw you against my skin
Without my knowledge
Without permission
I attempted to scream but someone else grabbed me
It was in this moment, that I could not see
Only feel and the pain was everlasting
In my heart and of course physically
Have you ever felt so torn
That maybe this was all you were for?
i kicked and flailed but to no avail
I tossed and turned
Attempting to wake
When my eyes ripped open
That was all I could take
I sobbed until my face was soaked
This memory haunts my sleep with its cloak
What do I do when nothing's to keep?
Not even a young girls virginity...
How should I feel when I'm so torn up
When my nights are accompanied by a rapists touch
It's alright, I don't want pitty
I just want to move on
But I can't until, I'm out of this city

Shaking, and twitching
Like you're about to explode
Not knowing what to do
And not sure where to go
Balling your fists, and grinding your teeth
A raging fire is burning beneath
Like a tower made of playing cards and glass
One burst of wind and this structure won't last,
Look over your shoulder, someone might be following you
Be afraid of everything
Cause it's all that you can do
This is such a tight space, and your running out of air
And your entire face is tangled in your hair
What do you do?
How do you speak?
Your fast beating heart is feeling quite weak
Your hands quiver as you roll a few
Or fill your ****
Whatever you must do
Your brain is freaking out
So take it on a trip
You need to calm down
And get a grip

I'm sick
I'm crying, sad but not dying
I need a release
Something to calm my nerves
A chill pill for my head
But something that works,
I'll roll up my cure and light it up
Inhale my prescription
To make the stress stop,
all my problems can be solved
And my anger will dissolve
Because there is no reason to hate
When I fall back
And self medicate

The smoke looks like pillows surrounding me
Comfortably
As I exhale the negativity
That i see
And that I feel,
The numbing drug slows down what's real
It's like my lungs have been filled with warmth
A feeling of bliss that calms my soul
And as I feel the rough skin across my arm
I conclude that this pain is too old
So I'll light up my joint
A representation of the stress in my head
And slowly get the point
That all is well, forget this feeling of dread

We were born two years apart but grew together
we cried about boys and the book i tried to write
the one without a plot, nothing was right
when i lost my train of thought,
we fought, of course the way that sisters do
but we never failed to tell each other
"i love you"
you had dreams and so do i
about going to the moon
reaching for the sky,
you wanted to heal people
and i wanted to teach,
both of our dreams were within reach..
until you fell and he caught your soul
but i never knew these problems would unfold
now i have a story that will have feeling
i can write with emotion instead of fiction
like the wallpaper in our attic peeling
and the road against your car doors friction
like the glass on your windshield when you crashed
mom was crying when i asked
where you were
but you were gone, and i understood
he was taking you places that i never could
so dear, man in the clouds that i cannot see
do me this favor,
and take her to the moon for me.

He got up and said only one thing
a sentence spoke with no love
only hate
while i cried on the ground
unable to orate
he looked at me with hollow eyes,
as i bled on myself
and continued to cry
he uttered those words with a bitter tongue
as i wiped my tears
he said
"you done?"

Smoke it,
bake it,
or just bake yourself
hot box,
police knocks,
eyes redder than hell
feels like you're dreaming
do you got that good leaf?
do you smoke that good ****?
the kind that make you feel fly
with only one hit
what do you take with it?
maybe, a dose of reality
or rather, a shot of remorse?
a pinch of regret
for all those now closed doors,
smoke that good leaf,
bake in that garden,
feel the release
for never being pardoned

It mixes well with alcohol,
keeps me high so i wont fall
i don't want to think
i want clouds in my brain
like the sky has fallen on my mind
and has driven me insane
forget these feelings or feel them even more
i just want to forget
that you ever existed
forever gone
not to return
evermore

I'm strong all year
i try to be everyone's friend
but today i feel like nothing will be good again
Tuesday doesn't exist, its just a slot in time
it belongs to your soul now,
the only true love I'll never find
your heart was good,
but your actions were dumb
you, stupid girl
why did you have to leave me here
to grown old alone and numb?
Tuesday doesn't exist
because you don't either
if i can't have one, i want neither
you're in a box
your skin is ash
you're made of powder and all questions asked
i kissed you goodbye
your skin was cold, you were a child once but now that memory's old
goodbye, my love
my idol
my friend,
i'll give you what i promised when i see you again

forever maybe
i might be back, but i wont be alone
i've never loved truly, and i've never had a home
so, darling listen
i am so sorry,
but love never lasts,
im only ever a **** and men always wear masks
so listen long and listen good
i do not love any man
because ive lost the only man i could

i saw you there, you smiled like the sunshine
and played without a care,
you were happy here, in this place of fairies and rainbows
i wanted to stay with you but you said i had to go
this place wasn't for the living, the above ground walking around
people like me,
so i woke up and left, awaiting another visit from you for me to see
missing you by day, but
loving you in my sleep

All switched around
and all mixed up,
my head is spinning
and my heart is ******
i thought i knew what i wanted and from who
but my so sure heart, exploded
when i saw you....

I'm leaving again
moving to a new place,
away from my friends and the love i thought i'd chase
but this is what life wants and even though it hurts,
the show must go on and i must
make it work

she is gone
dead, like the trees
so is my innocence
and everything that defines me
I've indulged in another addiction
it brought me pleasure as another self infliction
I'm paving my path with experiences and faults
and my vehicle is constantly coming to a halt
but the ride is comfy, warm like liquor
smooth like smoke, and makes my heart race quicker
i am gone
dead, like her soul
forever drifting
dreading the day i become old

please, don't hurt me
Don't throw me away
I'm so tired of feeling worthless everyday
I don't want to be someone else's ****
I am not a toy
But, I always find myself being used by some other boy
You're so great, but I'm waiting for the pain
I'm waiting for the abuse to once again drown my brain
You make me happy, that doesn't happen often
So please don't hurt me like I'm nothing

It's been years
But the flame has not been put out
The pain has not ceased
And I still have doubts

Bright lights, autumn moon
Spinning circles and lively tunes
In this beautiful wonderland
Of rides and games
I can see though it all
To the pride and shame
Under these rollercoasters, tucked under the tape
Is the fading memory of some girls ****
Such a lovely place, turned into a hell
While everyone plays around, she screams for help
And in these game booths, are pits of lies
Con artists with cunning eyes
They don't just deal cards
They've got liquor at hand
And they won't be afraid to sell it by the can
It's crazy how in such a wonderful world
It isn't even safe to be a girl
All the majestic things that fill our cave
Hide only the monsters we choose to evade

Do you ever just think about
How messed up this world is,
And how patient its creator must be
To continue this, but we will never see
How much we take for granted,
We are parasites to this floating rock of water and life
But we are only human, and when it comes to taking
We are always ready for another slice, even when the bread is still baking

I feel alone
even though, i am surrounded
i feel neglected
but no one will listen
these circus lights glisten
as i spin around and around
this ferris wheel is like my brain
my mind spins, it slowly rotates
and even though
it is slow,
it is maddening
to feel such repetition
such a binding contrition
i feel so disconnected
so unplugged
turned off, shut down
and dead because
im flying high under the ground
with no light, no sound

There is a hole in my story
Filled with empty space
This endless Galaxy
Burning straight through my brain
How can I be empty
But everlastingly vast
These brilliant stars set me aflame as they pass
And as my skin turns to ash
My soul begins to freeze
And, instantly, in a flash
I am staring into a mirror
That doesn't reflect me
I am nothing but a void in this slot of time
Just substance taking up space
just existing, never alive.

I'm dreadfully sorry, dear
but i no longer care about you,
or anyone for that matter
or anything you do
I'm tired of trying to no avail
this hopeless love never prevails
i have found that at my age, men don't want you for your brain
it is only a minor thing
but not when you're just a fling
it is only a one night stand
and the next day, they wont hold your hand
it is only being me
never loved
only seen

Twigs crunch and crinkle under my feet
as i walk along this straight side line
the wind blows and moves the leaves like frightened rabbits rushing along the grass
i can hear the faint, rough, slide of car tires against the roads asphalt
i inhale and breathe out this calming cool air
this is autumn
this is the fall of leaves on my hopes and dreams
the blow of wind against my life about to begin
and the quiet stroll along the road to my happiness

Can you hear me as i am breathing
feeling
such an emotion
broken, like the moon
i am discovered and have never been nurtured
i have never made good choices
even here, listening to the voices
inhaling these chemicals
and not confiding in these evangelicals
just kiss me, and take my poison
and as i manipulate
you will not just stipulate
never loving me
no one ever wanting to see
i am not crazy, just a bit bizarre
and to this ongoing hell
the end is very far

He doesn't love me, but how does he feel?
i know i cant see things that aren't real
but i can emote, emotions that are fake
hard to realize and easy to break
i'm not sure if he wants me still, or if it was a one time thing
but, trust me when i say I've had my fill, when it comes to being just a fling

All the butterflies are
Gone,
And I'm left here alone, by myself to move
On,
I've been feeling less magical
Less up, and I'm feeling radical
Every breath feels slow
Searching for this thing that I will never know,
I want to feel something
less,
Or maybe just nothing
Tell me, what do you do with yourself
When no one wants anything to do with you?
How am I supposed to feel
When I feel like I've got everything to lose?

Lips and fingertips
Brushing together
Between the autumn trees
So easy it is, to fall in love under this rainbow of
leaves

Pretty little flower
all soft and bright
smooth curved petals flowing so lightly
perfect little bud safe when closed at night
but such a delicate daisy isn't good at fighting
and when the great big storm rolled in
this soft little flower didn't have a strong enough stem
her roots were torn out, and her leaves all fell
sending this tiger lily right down to hell