I don't want to take your ******* anymore
I'm done being criticized and thrown against the floor
Stop SCREAMING
stop SCREAMING
The voices in my head are from your imagination
There's nothing wrong with me
You caused this agrivation
Telling everyone that oh, she's just sick
And I'm perfectly fine
And done with your ****
You keep saying that I'll be okay
But I've learned not to listen to everything you say
You just like the attention
Of having a ****** up daughter
Saying I'm too fat
To consume anything but water
At restaurants...
How am I supposed to feel
I don't know what feelings are real
All I know is that if the voices are really there
Their telling me to dispose of
All that feels unfair

rage is filling me
anxiety is thrilling me
this unmanageable want to rip my skin
is tearing me apart, like some internal sin
my soul is crying, my brain is frying
and now i must go
what i will do, even i never know

Isn't the city beautiful?
its perfect from the view i'm at
leaning over the edge of this building, with the wind blowing against the sides of my back
the ground looks so far away, its covered in people
like waves they sway
endlessly flowing, never really going anywhere but past
its amazing how fragile we are
we fall and shatter like glass
we must have our balance
or our lives could slip
we'd end up in a hospital bed, listening to the IV drip
if i fell from this height, into the water of those peoples lives
i would be but a rock, crashing into the waves
it would cause a sudden panic then their notice would just
float away

I am not immune to emotion
it strikes me like lightning
but can sicken me to my core
it can raise me
or beat me down to bleeding on the floor
when i'm open wide, with nothing left to hold
it can break me down to tears, and make my skin cold
i am weak, but so very strong
my mind says good, when my heart feels wrong
i'm not alright here,
i'm finding that in this world i have so much to fear
screaming is my sedation
and my mother gets this dedication
i was left alone when the most attention was required
all the wrong people were surely admired
I've been held by evil hands for far too long
now ill never know the difference between right and wrong

our skin is made to be shed
like a cocoon
and when we are free
we sprout out our wings, because inside we were all
butterflies,
this noose hanging is the key in my hand
that opens the door
to my darkest fairyland

Laying here with my eyes soaked
And my voice choked,
Quietly screaming "why can't she love me?"
"Why did he hurt me?" and "why did she have to die?"
Asking why, **** it, why?
My heart is beating, and with every pulse
I can hear a ripping noise
Like a seething bunch of hate is begging to rip out of my chest
But in this void, I am nothing but alone
Even here, in my own **** home
I feel so empty, and so ******* torn
My eyes are heavy and filled with scorn
Why must we feel?
I miss being younger, when the world wasn't so real
I can't do this **** it, I can't stay clean
In this ****** up life
We all need our own
Personal reality

Well, here we go
On another rollercoaster high, the other ones were scary
But I'm tall enough to ride
I'm standing at the gates now, waiting to hand my ticket
I'm afraid it's as scary as it looks and my heart begins to reach its limit
But everyone around me looks so **** pleased
It makes me wonder why the hell I am the only one who isn't happy
I've been on this ride before, I screamed and cried
And no one can say that with love, I didn't try
But I hate giving up, and I don't want to be weak
So strap me in, I'm ready for what I'm about to see

I cant even type what i want to say
because with whatever i type, you wont understand anyway
no one will get it
the words are silent on this page
such a pretty flower isn't expected to feel so much rage.

She's waiting for his call, and with it will come her feelings
He abuses her, hurts her and breaks her down
But when she hears his voice she can't help but cry
all the times she was taken off the ground, all the times he never told a lie
Why, baby, why?
Why did you change?
Was it something I did, anything I say?
Why, darling, why?
Answer me this, why did I become your powerless so controlled *****?
Why do you yell, why the frustration?
It seems your care has taken a vacation...
Im crying, and screaming
I want you back
I feel so lonely, I look so sad
I'm trying to move on, with someone good
But my heart is saying no
And my brain is saying I should
These feelings are so mixed
Like they've been put through a blender
I want my heart to be fixed
But the chances are slender
I need a cigarette and a second to think about this to give my stress a reduction
But my feelings are on the brink of my own self destruction

when you you kissed me softly, your lips brushing mine like flower petals intersecting in the breeze
Did you feel that second of absolute and completely silent feeling of ease?
As our blood coursed through our veins, it pumping and beating
When it was spilt, how it stained
The carpet in the living room of my old yellow house
your hands placed gently on the rim of my blouse
Did it feel heavenly when you struck me down, like some sort of master standing over me on the ground
Did the ropes you used to bind me, make you feel like a man?
Do you remember what it was like to hold my hand?
When you're forcing yourself on me, feeling my breath
Do you remmeber when this love was sweetly innocent?
Now it's ripped and torn like a seam
Only held together by a few threads made of lies
This stitch is not as simple as it seems
And I'll sew together our secrets until the day our love dies

You're as fake as glass diamonds
You once pulled me in with your beauty and charm
But lately I've been finding, that I don't want to be the ***** on your arm,
Always needing to be pet, and always begging to be fed
I'm not your **** toy, you were never a good boy
So why should I listen?
Just to see your glass glisten?
Yes, it's quite lovely, but not the real thing
I hope when you read this, your heart begins to sting
Knowing that I love you, but hate your company
How the hell am I supposed to feel when you've got your hands on me?
You apologize, while you beat me senseless
You take it all back, while choking me helpless
You throw a punch with your left hand
Your wedding ring crashing into my cheek
This type of thing I cannot stand, you promised forever is how long you'd be loving me
Oh, shining fools gold
How does it feel to have me locked away?
You want to be real so bad, that you capture the real thing
And when it tries to leave, you cannot understand or begin to see
Why a sugar crystal cannot belong to me
I want a love thats real, not all bells and lights
Not based on kisses or your unconquerable *** drive
I want a diamond, all crooked and imperfect
Not someone pretending to be flawless and gorgeous
You were a glass diamond, that got a showcase in my museum
I thought you were genuine, but you're just good at Disquises
But your true color shows when light reflects as the sun rises.

A real man wouldn't promise me his patience
Then lose it with a punch to my face
I don't want to be afraid
I want a man to make my heart race, out of love and not fear
I want a real man to hold me dear
Be near, and kiss me on my nose
One who never leaves, won't ever go
Who always knows
When I'm upset, or when I need to cry
But, baby please just don't be the reason why
I don't want to be afraid...
I just want someone to make me feel safe
Who holds my heart to keep
Never to break
Out of all the abusers in my love novel
I just want one who will be a rebel
And be my cuddle buddy
Someone who Doesn't think my pain is funny
I want a real man for once in my life,
Someone who won't make love feel like a constant strife

You were an ember of passion that fell out of place
That landed on ambition, and quickly caught flame
You vastly spread your high rising fire
Until you caught me with your burning desire
there was no trace of concupiscence,
But your infatuation was wrongly placed
You began to act with belligerence
When I told you I can't feel the same way
Now you're attached and your fire won't be put out
Only when I beg, and cry on the ground
You beg me to stay with a gun to my head
My options are stay or leave by death
I'm left feeling pugnacious,
Because I ******* hate this
I was once a gentle person who could never feel animosity,
Now I am broke under the weight that binds me
Let me go, chill this heat
Lower your flame and stop engulfing me

Do you like our fancy clothes?
and the way we carry ourselves...
just wait until the catwalk ends
and you go home, along with your friends
our makeup melts away
and our clothes catch flame
its the perfect ******* horror story
mom takes out her flask
and dad keeps trying to ask,
whats with you today?
brother gets locked away, like some kind of animal
and the sick part is
its his own **** decision...
camera flash
strike a pose
we're the perfect family
we don't really have cash
but you aren't supposed to know
with our make up caked on
and our fake diamonds
pretending to be strong
but we're always lying
i'm no better
i pretend not to care
but my doll face is cracking
and you cant help but to stare

She saw my cuts
i prepared for the screaming
but she didn't call me a ****
if anything, she was beaming
i saw love, i saw care
when i look at mothers eyes; that's not usually there
so i thought it was a lie...
but she acted fair
she grabbed the wound gel
and cleaned me up
told me it wasn't the right kind of stuff
that i should do when i'm upset
that if i'm sad, don't fret
she was there for me...
can you believe that ****?
i just couldn't believe
that i didn't get hit
i love my new mom
i hope the first gets better
regains her sanity
if god shall let her
they listened today
and it made the biggest difference
between and arm full of scars
and just being accepted.

He had that smile, the kind that makes you shake
And his voice was smooth like the water in a lake
His hands were soft and they caught me when I fell
He was just like a devil coming straight out of hell
He complimented every flaw
And told me it all
From I love you to I need you
And, what the hell did I do?
I let him in, I let him on
But he didn't get off after I told him to stop...
I screamed, but no words would come out
how the **** to begin to tell mom?
she'll just call me a *****, and say she was right
i want to forget and stop being up all night
i trusted this boy, but drugs altered his heart
i want to express, but where do i start?
i'll just bury it here, in the dirt where he did it
i'll do whatever it takes to convince myself he didn't.

when did it start?
When My friend said it was fun
It started as a habit, but now it's more like an art
It was better than holding back my screams
From when anger had filled me
I didn't mean to do it the first time
I was angry, enraged
And i just grabbed a blade
Watching the blood leak
I felt my anger begin to cease
When my mother called me fat
It was there to help with stupid crap
When something was in my system
And he wouldn't stop when I said no
It brought me up from feeling low
When Alex was killed
It kept my cup filled
It has been there for me to express my pain
It is the one thing that won't ever feel in vain
Daddy didn't want me
Moms too dead
Alex had to leave
And I'm lost inside my head
I don't know where the pieces went
Maybe their here under the flesh
I'm tired of all this childhood pain
I think it's time I start to express

light up
Lay back
Shut up
Not sad
Escaping the pain
By poisoning my brain
Altering the truth
Cause I can't handle what's real
Trying to forget you
Because it ******* hurts to feel
I am high
I am up
I am here
Trying not to give a ****
But the bruises on my skin and my soul
Are making me feel empty
And my being ice cold
I've just got to light up another
And few after that
I will forget my dark lover
And never go back

I'm so used to the touch of a man, but only the kind that comes with a back hand
I need a boy to hug me, somebody to touch me
I'm so afraid, I don't know how to ask
Because in this day in age, it's a difficult task
To just reach out and grab someone because tears are forming in there eyes
It's like hoping for sun with clouds in the sky
Just, ******* hug me!
So I can cry, I can't do it without you asking why
I'm trying to be strong, so I cannot be weak
What's so wrong with you just helping me?

Everything was fine and silent
We just walked and we both were smiling
But then we turned the corner and his patience just snapped
One second, peace, then his hand is wrapped
Around my wrist, restraining my movement
Tell me, please, what do you do when
He threatens to choke you,
You think he's joking, but then he grabs hold of you
What do you say, when no words will come out?
And you're begging him please, let me go right now
You wonder if he can see it in your eyes
But staring into his, makes you cry, cause all you see are lies
About how he would love you, and never lay a hand
But lately these promises are harder to understand...
I didn't know what to do, when he dug his thumbs into my hips
I thought he was proud of me for not cutting my wrists
but, he's showing me that's what he wants
Calling me a *****, and treating me like some ****
He makes me hurt, and he tells me to cut
But, I can't do what he tells me...
So he hits me instead
All this aggravation, would make you wish you were dead.

He used to caress my skin as his lips brushed my neck
But now all he wants is my mouth on his d----
He pulls my hair, never for my pleasure
Calls me his little *****
And hits me when I quiver
What am I to him?
Just a hole to fill
This feeling within, is like the urge to ****
But, my soul walks with God
And my arms are much too weak
If I wanted him dead, the chances would be bleak
I need to find a way, a way to be free
But the *** is an anchor that is drowning me
I'm tied to him, because blackmail comes in picture form
The anger inside of me, is brewing like a thunderstorm