A pencil dive, when you're half way down into the cool deep,
finally realizing how bad you need air.
Then it becomes a struggle, a battle of  pushes and pulls.
It would be some much easier to give up but as your lungs shriek
in despair you know its the last thing you can do.  
So you get over the five seconds of struggle and
you make it back to civilization again.  
You continue this somewhat insane pattern of
deprivation and struggle just to remind yourself
how much you love the taste of air

The funny thing is,
No matter how hard I fall
I miss your cold touch

I live a life of broken glass.
Pastoral wash of pastel fading,
I sliver the shards out
bit by inch.

Failing the grand design,
Chords at a continuous off-key,
cadaverous melodies I sing bittersweet.

Black seeds into somber trees,
hung gaily with swinging limbs-
as if a Christmas lynching
had left me there to watch atop
the hillside copse.

Teen angst poetry
dribbled in red pen.
Well, ideally.
I only have black type.

In fact, I never have experienced
teen angst. I only have
the perpetual piece of blackandred
corners me alone

The beast beneath my bed ceases
whenever daddy checks
but I never had a daddy
only a mommy valiantly battling the
blackandred demons her daddy
never scared away either.

and in the
end we feel nothing nothing can
touch us. We are the empty rusty
pail crying out from the Dripdripdrip of
our loneliness because no one comes in
because, in the foggy glass, no one can see each other
and coldandclammy jostling elbows
do Not touch- NeverNever

We hope the redhot heart of the
lovers we hold so closely will defrost
our windshields to the world and let in
Lightlovehopejoyhappiness
Contentment

AND THEN
I have hope enough
that the monsterinmycloset
cannot grip my dangling elbow. Hope that the steep
fall of bladeandblood and littleroundpills
Always stays a few feet away

I call and pray for stray sunbeams.

Later- I pull
out the quicksilver shards of glass
from my eyes and under my polluted
fingernails.
I shrug off their sodden coats.
I won't borrow burdens. Anymore.
So that my light may shine encore
Abeaconpillar of radiance
Est deus in nobis

Was on a peak,
Now we are going downhill.
Thinking about ******* around,
Just to see how hurt you would feel 
We were in the heavens,
now we  are in the ground
And I'm still the one feeling like a clown
I put you on a throne and gave you a crown
Worshipped your every move 
I even gave you Cinderella's shoe
Now I'm just sitting here like a fool
Where do we stand? I have no clue

Whatever force pulled together
the scattered particles,
cultivating them,
causing their mass to envelope itself,
sharing its existence endlessly

Until the perfect moment:
When every unknowing particle
trembled with the promises of endless possibility
and the underlying terror that accompanies irrevocable change

When all they had ever been
would be washed away by a great light
shrouded in mystery

A light
that turns through the darkness, piercing
and imparts new existence
in accordance with things unseen

Yes,
I like you.

I've liked you
For
A
While

And
Yes,
I Talked to you
About
Your
Girlfriend

And
Yes,
I
Almost
Set
You
Up
With
My
B­est
Friend

And
Yes,
I
Text
You
Every day
Even when
You don't
Text back.

Yes,
I like you.

Please don't try to understand.