I am not like others.
I am different. Somehow.
I think in a different way.
I speak in a different way.
I feel things strangely.
I see things in a different perspective.

I am deep.
I know things that other people don’t.
I see things in a way other people couldn't comprehend.
Things are strange in my eyes.
Everything has meaning. Everything is a symbol.
I see it. I see them.

I am sad.
No matter what I do there’s always something to drag me down.
Sometimes it’s nothing.
Sometimes it’s everything.
I cannot be free from it.
It follows me like a shadow.
It strikes when I’m alone.
When I’m most deep in thought.
When my mind goes elsewhere.

I am lost.
My mind is dark.
Yet I am enlightened.
I fall into myself.
I fall into my deepest thoughts.
They race around my mind.
So deep. So diverse.
So interesting. So different and wise.
Like I’ve lived several lives before.
All this goes on yet I can’t even understand myself.
I fail to comprehend my own thoughts.
My own mind. My own being.
Who I am is a mystery, even to myself.

I am not like others.
I am different. Somehow.
But maybe that thought is exactly what makes us the same.

He's got his taste now,
The storm is coming,
It's over now,
It's over,

I can see it now,
The storm is coming,
But I will run and run and run,
And you won't catch me,

I will run through the black,
I will run through the past,
And our present,
And my future,

I will not let this storm take me down again,
Run from the wind,
Untouchable,
Invincible,

And I will not let myself become cold again,
Run from the thunder,
Unstoppable,
Implacable,

He's got his taste now,
The storm is coming,
But I won't be caught,
I will not be caught by your storm.

Drive my heart into the ground,
My body into the ocean deep,
Drop my soul into the ravine,
You're good with pain anyway.

My mind wanders as I make my way,
Towards ocean water drifting,
In the light of an ending day,

My breath is slow as I descend,
Into water salty and warm,
Waves and currents which bend,

My thoughts race as a let my body go,
I hold my breath and submerge my face,
And the rest of me follows,

My eyes are heavy as I sink farther down,
Water getting chiller and light getting darker,
I tell myself to sink farther,

I don't want to be found.

When I cry myself to sleep at night,
I can't help but think:

This is the way it's supposed to be.

I never thought I'd have to see her like this so soon. So young. So cold.
I should have listened to her. I should have talked to her more. Seen her more. She always asked me why I seemed so distant from her, I always got frustrated and denied it.

Now she's the distant one.

We would argue often. About communication. Our feelings. Her feelings. She had a very hard life. A violent alcoholic father. She grew up untainted by her surroundings, but scarred. Chronic Anxiety and Depression. She would cry often, and get mad and angry for sometimes no reason. She said she didn't know why it happened; it just did, and that I couldn't understand. That made me angry. Even though she was right; I really couldn't.

I haven't had an easy life in the past few years, but it doesn't compare to hers. I didn't know what is was like to be as depressed as she was. To be as anxious as she was. She would always check up on me, because she always worried about me. I myself, just took it and never did it for her.

What a mistake.

I remember my 17th birthday. She was more excited than I was, and couldn't wait for me to finally see what she had done for me. She was adorable when she talked about it. I spent the day with her and she made me a homemade card themed my favorite video game, and a Key Lime pie from scratch. I love Key Lime pie.
How I wish we could make it together, one last time.

A couple days after my birthday, a package she ordered came and she was ecstatic for me to finally have it. They were custom made genuine dog tags. They had my information on one tag, and a personalized message from her on the other. Her message read, "KNOWING YOU HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE, AND LOVING YOU HAS MADE MY WORLD." I wear them everywhere, even to today.

But when her birthday came around, I didn't get her anything. Not even a card. She was really upset, and I felt guilty when she mentioned it, so I never did get her anything; I felt it was too late.

Whenever she was happy, she shined brighter than the sun. She smiled and laughed and was goofy. She would make up little songs about how much she loved me, and she would do anything for me. Now, I can only imagine how she felt when I left for the night, not doing anything for her.
I knew she had problems even before she met me. I knew she was chronically sad. I knew she had always been a rock, but had slowly started to erode and needed someone.

Why was I so selfish!?

I notice her mother is crying. Hysterically. They were so close. Her mom was so nice, always inviting me over and cooking for me even when they didn't have much food. Now, she looks like an empty husk of what she used to be. Crumpled on the floor, covered in her own tears, mourning the loss of her world.

My world.

Her younger brother sits with their dad, hugging and crying on each other, as well as the rest of her family. You can almost smell the saltiness in the air from all of the tears.

I've cried as much as I can. When I heard the news, I was in shock. I didn't want to believe she was gone. But eventually I screamed, bawled and raged at my loss. She was the only thing that mattered to me.

Now I stand here, silent and empty. My mind is numb, and all I can do is stare at her. Eyes closed, chest still, but still so beautiful. I had to battle with myself to even come and deal with seeing her like this. I finally move my stiff hand towards her curly hair and stroke it, and slowly move my hand to her shoulder. I imagine her opening her eyes and smiling at me with one of her beaming smiles. But I know it won't happen, and that's when the tears come.

I'll never see her smile, feel her lips against mine, hug her small body again. I can never hear her sweet voice again, telling me, "I love you" with a glow in her eyes.

Why didn't I show her how much she meant to me? Why couldn't I swallow my pride and be a little more caring and thoughtful for her the way she never failed to be for me? Why? I'm sobbing now. I collapse to my knees and rest my hand over hers. She's freezing. I rub her hands instinctively as if it will warm them up, but it doesn't.
I just want her to wake up. I feel as if it's my fault she's in eternal silence now. Apart of the world beyond, when I want her so desperately to be back here with me. I don't want her to leave me. I feel as if I can't live without her, she was the only one I'd ever truly loved, but in the end I failed her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I should have shown her more instead of using only my words!

I slowly stand up still covered in my tears, and stare at her sleeping body. I watch as one drips down onto her expressionless face. I use my thumb to gently wipe my tear away, just as I used to wipe hers. Now all I can do is think about what could have been, what I could have done, and what will never be.

"I'll miss you." I whisper through my sore choked throat, and kiss her cold forehead.

"I love you."

We were young in those days,
Cheerful and alive,
So full of innocent ignorance,
Silly in our minds,

You grew older,
I stayed young,
Young at heart but not at mind,
And I still can't tell which way you went,

You changed often,
Your looks; your style,
But you never stopped shining,
Radiating your beauty,

We were older now,
Your mind in other places,
Focused on more important things,
Too occupied to fit me in,

I missed you,
I missed you very much,
I was angry because I wanted to be young with you again,
Oh how I missed you,

The last thing I remember is saying goodbye,
Your long blonde hair flowing out the door,
But how could I have known that it would really mean it;
Goodbye.

If I had known,
I would have said more,
Embraced you,
Smiled at you and touched you.

Now I look at you in your bed,
Golden hair never to grow,
Pretty face never to smile,
And delicate chest never to rise and fall,

And I realize that all this time,
Maybe, just maybe,
If I had tried hard enough to reach you,
We could have been young again.