you can lie to yourself
you can wake up in the morning
and you can smile because
you no longer feel the warmth of
his skin on your skin
you can sing aloud
in the name of independence
and you can spread your arms and your legs
to take up all the space in bed
yes, you can do these things

but your dreams will never lie
the colors of nighttime leave no
room for falsities
and try as you might
you cannot push away the boy
who you sing to when the
world is asleep
because he is the boy your heart wants

he looked down at me
and all i could think was
boy
boy do i miss you
and how can you speak like
we are strangers
how can you speak like
you don't know me
when i love you still
i love you still.

dear grandma,

i could not fit into my jeans, yesterday. the new ones with a rip in the knee and stiching on the pocket. it's been a year and my waist has grown another inch and grandma, i got scared. i got so scared i broke one of my rules and looked at the old photographs. yes, the ones i promised i wouldn't look at but grandma, listen to me. i was a wisp of a person. my frame was like a fading memory, the kind that you know won't hold on for long before it falls away. i saw a picture of myself like that. and grandma, i cried. but not because it was sad. i cried because i want to be that fading memory of a person again. hell, i cried because i was prettier, then. i cried because i am not hungry anymore. i cried because my cheeks are full and my thighs graze when i walk. grandma, i cried because i lost the only part of me that i loved.

And if you are to love,
Love as the moon loves.
It doesn't steal the night,
It only unveils the beauty of the dark.

And if you are to love,
Love as the rain loves.
It doesn't wet the bodies,
It only washes the sad dirt of the souls.

And if you are to love,
Love as the wind loves.
It doesn't drift away,
It only cleanse you to the core by invading through each pore.

And if you are to love,
Love as the sun loves.
It doesn't radiates heat,
It only pours its warmth on you to enlighten your way.

And if you are to love,
Love as the star loves.
It doesn't delightfully twinkles,
It only reminds you that not even death can separate two hearts.

And so forth,
if you are to love
Love as the whole universe
& not just a part of it.