a m a n d a: Favorites

Sep 2016 a m a n d a

NV

i know only how to wear this body like an apology.
like i'm sorry i take up too much space.
like i'm sorry,
i don't feel small enough to fit into your hands.
i wear it like a sin.
like a prayer that never feels answered.
like confessions i keep trying to change.
i wear it like a broken commandment,
because i love thy neighbour,
but i hate myself.

Sep 2016 a m a n d a

*deep breathe in*

Sep 2016 a m a n d a

NV

*deep breathe in*

MY GOD,
I HAVE INHALED ABANDONMENT FOR SO LONG,
THAT ANY SCENT OF LOVE IN THE AIR,
MAKES IT HARD FOR ME TO BREATHE.
PLUS,
THE TANKS OF OXYGEN ALWAYS SEEM TO BE MIXED WITH A HIGH DOSAGE OF PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY,
AND I WEAR THE MASKS SO OFTEN,
I FORGET I EVEN HAVE THEM ON.

Sep 2016 a m a n d a

Neurotic Mess

Sep 2016 a m a n d a

Darby Rose

Neurotic Mess

Today it took me two hours
twelve markers
half a roll of paper towels
and seventeen redos
to fill a whiteboard at my place of work
Today I counted steps
in the sidewalk blocks as I walked
1
1, 2
1, 2
1
only having to backtrack and repeat
twice
Today I stood in the tiny wooden doorway
of my apartment's fire escape
for the entire duration of my cigarette
terrified to step foot on the steel grate
all for fear of the lightning in the distance
because after a brief ocular inspection
I was so certain
that there is no god ****** way this building
is up to code in that regard
Today I couldn't help but wonder
what ever has happened in my life
to once again trigger
these neurotic thought patterns
that plague me from time to time