when i want to remember
what it feels like
to be happy,

i close my eyes and
imagine your face.

and it never fails
to make me
smile.

then comes the return
of the sadness
of your absence.

what does it mean
when you want to
peer into the eyes of
your closest kin
and ask,
"d o y o u *recognize me?"
\"who am i???"\
"what am i like?"
because you quite simply
don't know the answers anymore?
is that ok to ask?
cuz it seems like
it's not.

self-ejection
isolation
q u e e n
a self-imposed
hibernation

slick paranoia and
wild string thoughts

i want to\b a c k s p a c e\
moonwalk
like windows closing
in succession
in a burst of
d i s b u r s e m e n t

this reality is
really a strange
derivative
of the
original

so,
sometimes,
i end my day
by rolling onto my stomach
closing my eyes
listening to Amazon play

and i imagine myself
a happy reptile,
sunning on the rocks
until tomorrow,
by the glow of
my macbook.

you break promises,
and say things you
don't mean.

yes, you.

even you.

how do i know?

i can see it
in your eyes.

you don’t know me
can’t even see me
no matter the noise
i make.

and i’ve recently
come to believe
this is all
for the best.

my beauty
has no ties to
the length
of my hair
or the
size of my waist.

and neither does yours.