a m a n d a

a m a n d a Aug 2016

******

I stopped
making art
for you
because you
****.

and that's
the extent
of my savagery.

a m a n d a Aug 2016

(sometimes)

my favorite
wine glass
broke today,
shattered.

faded purple glass,
heavy in my hand
a crackled texture.

i was
careless.

i put it too
close
to the
edge.

i remember
buying it.
choosing it.
only buying
one,
because i
am just one.

i'm mad at
myself
for becoming
attached
to a
piece of
glass.

because all
my favorite
things
break,
crack,
fall away.

and now there is
glass in
my foot
to remind me

of all
the things
i place
too close
to the edge.

a m a n d a Aug 2016

ghosted

i am
a rare and
beautiful bird.

elaborate.
distinctive.
wise.

i watch you
out of
the corner of
my eye

and i see
your tricks

i see
your games

you forget
that i can fly
(an aerial view)

and i know
exactly
what you
are up to.

a m a n d a Aug 2016

|who are you |

for a long time
i didn't know
that the sun
was a ball
of flaming
gas spinning
in outer space.

and i can't
remember
what i thought
it was
before i knew
the truth.

things unknown
become
known.
the truth
revealed
so
s l o w l y

reality
constantly
shifting
blurring
becoming clear

you are like
the sun.
living in
my mind
so bright
so beautiful

but no matter
what i do
i cannot
figure out
if you are
known
or unknown
to me

are you
a mysterious
light
in the sky?

or are you
the sun?

a m a n d a Aug 2016

oh, canada

why you gotta be
so cool,
canada?

i'm jealous of
your
classy
***

acting all cool
and level headed

i mean, ****...canada
why you gotta
play me
like this?

a m a n d a Aug 2016

zucchini on the floor

i feel nothing.
i say nothing.

i see the trap
you have made

and i
will not
be caught.

a m a n d a Aug 2016

true blood

tears used to come
so easily to me.
just under the surface,
a running stream.

now,
a simmering wreckage
that erupts

straight from
the bowels of the earth
exploding from my eyes
and throat

and i cannot think
i cannot move

i fumble for something

i call out

but no one is there

and i think
i can't
go on

my face contorts
a rising scream
i crumble into
myself

i blow into
a tissue
and see the blood
and cry
because i didn't know
i was so colorful

days stack
upon days and
i find myself
talking out loud
alone
surprised at the sound
of my own voice,
that i even have one

eventually the hysteria ends
all the devices are charged
99%

and it all
slowly starts again

the guise
the cover up
the churning
the emptiness
the suspicion

and it
cannot be
stopped.

only pushed away

until all real things
come crashing
against you

and you have no choice
but to make the air frigid
crawl under
white fuzzy blankets
and
scream for the terror
the loneliness
the uncertainty
the displacement of peace
and withering away
of all hope.