I wonder if I had the choice would I
yell for time to travel way back?
I want it to so much now,
For time to slowly inch its way back.
Or to at least to avoid this situation,
To have never walked into this place.
Because now I'm not really living
While I'm watching you with her.
I watch as you kiss her neck.
And it makes me miss you so much.
And I should be living
Because I can hear the clock ticking over my head.
But this is what happens to me
When someone scoops out my heart
And leaves me with an empty heart-shaped shell.
It is the oddest feeling.
I think it might feel like death.
But why shouldn't you be blissfully happy,
with her?
I ask.
Maybe it hurts so much
And that is the reason
I don't want you to become two.
Or maybe it is
Because she was prettier than me,
Taller than I am,
Or skinnier than I could ever try to be.
I was never enough.
Not for you.
Maybe my heart is just broken.
Don't worry.
Because I realized that fairy-tales don't exist for every little girl.
And I'll just leave you with her
All wrapped up in your magical world.
You won't see me.
And I'll walk out of the door.
With a scooped out heart,
Only a shell of a heart
To leave you unaware and wrapped up in your own fairy tale.
And maybe someday I'll be able to look at those magical dust filled pages
Without a single pang of regret.
But for now my heart-shaped shell
Cannot take the pain.
And I can try to yell for time to quick click backwards,
In hopes the memories will erase forever,
So I won't have to remember you with her.

Moon winds pretend to know me
clouds steal the sky away
never knowing my name
Remove the veil
what game            
night stars
play

These words.
These seemingly futile words.
They're all I have.

These consonants and vowels
taking up space
in your full-capacity life.
It's all I can do.

All of my letters combined
are battling all of these
busy days that have you in
a choke-hold.

I'm doing this.
Because it's all I want to do.
To give you all of me.
Everything I am.
Everything I've ever been.
Everything I can be.
In the only way that I know how.

But, ****.
You have other things to do
than listen to some
silly little words.

In the late hours that feel like mornings missed
You'll find a mind busying itself with chaotic thoughts;
Shadows of the past, troubles of the present, and dreams of a brighter tomorrow.
The burden has shifted in years past
To grander futures and love yet to live.

Even with the fair change in weather I find sleep impossible.
To have traveled you must have once been somewhere.
From that point I've surely walked far
But the shadows that follow feel impossibly tall.
Every time you shine light unto them, new shadows form.

As a form of survival we do our best to integrate and homogenize.
You wear a smile, try to believe in it, and swallow your pride.
No matter how many times the people who love you try to shine light into your dark corners
You can never quite forget the way a brilliant light fades, and eventually vanishes.

With these pieces of history properly organized in my mind
I can begin to reconcile my experiences with the world around me.
Every person and interaction an opportunity to be an even brighter light to others.
I could do no greater honor to the memories I have of that light
Than to take in it's essence and share it.
That is the closest a human can get to living beyond death
And I plan to live a life worth remembering.

Branches

                   Father
                   he spoke soft, willowy winds
                   protecting
                   when harsh, the storms blew in


                   Mother
                   reached in, touching deep the soul
                   igniting
                   her love lit the world

I would liken you
To a night without stars
Were it not for your eyes.
I would liken you
To a sleep without dreams
Were it not for your songs.