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I understand how you couldn't be there
For school or sports
I understand that you couldn't be there for Christmas or my birthdays
You were working
Always working
But you know what I don't understand
How you couldn't at least call or stop by
Even if it was just for a few minutes
And when you do
You yell and scream
Telling me about how I'm not good enough
That I am a failure
A waste of a good name
My life plays in front of you
You didn't hear my pleading and crying
Where the hell have you been
Have you been well?
Getting everything you wanted?
You don't seem to notice when I'm hurt
When I skip a meal
Yet I still notice when you are tired and feeling down
That's the problem here
I've been there for everything you do and try for
I supported you even when I knew you would fail
You haven't done ****
You don't see when I am unhappy
You don't notice when I don't come out of my room for days
I am never going to be the best there ever was
It is just not going to happen
Just like how you aren't going to be there for me
I get that now
You won't be there for me
And I won't be there for you
So, *******
 Jan 2014 Amal Chambers
Kareena
Happiness sneaks upon us when we least expect it
It appears without an appointment
It arrives without warning

At some point you find yourself lost in it
And wonder how you ever got along before

Happiness is an all-encompassing cloud
It steals sorrow like a thief in the night
It brushes the shadows aside

Happiness cannot be sought after
Because it will just disappear

But when you least expect it
Happiness comes
And it seeps into the cracks of your life

It ascends into the darkness
It banishes the blackness

And you have brought these feelings upon me
The utter joy that can't be put into words
By simply being who you are
For someone special
 Jan 2014 Amal Chambers
Jacqui
Fear and panic sweep over me.
I need to move
but I'm paralyzed by my need for normalcy.
One pop of a pill and it will drift away,
and I will sleep.

But sleep is for the weak,
or is sleep for the week?
That's what my body
bounces back and forth between.
There is no middle.
No start.
Eventually an End.

The inner meaning of desire
bounces from my heart to my head,
as if it is the ball in a pin ball machine.
I try to fight off this anxious feeling,
though it is a chemical imbalance in my brain.
Why do I fight with the chemicals in my body?

I fight to feel normal.
I fight to not rely on a simple pop of a pill that my doctor gives me.
She tells me to take it when I need it, she trusts me.
Sometimes I feel that trust is too much.
Because this anxiety is a metaphor for life,
and I know that problems cannot be solved, by one simple solution.
I fight to be strong.
1/9/2014
Strange strings of thought.
Thoughts of loyalty and love,
thoughts of friendship and of ambition
and my condition;
thoughts of submission of subtraction and addition.

Unravel the secret of the continent,
oh how you are persistent.
The road uncoils and I uncoil down the pavement.
Off i go.
Twisted days of golden glow.
Off I go, into the black hole
of the road.
It seems wrong that out of this bird,
Black, bold, a suggestion of dark
Places about it, there yet should come
Such rich music, as though the notes'
Ore were changed to a rare metal
At one touch of that bright bill.

You have heard it often, alone at your desk
In a green April, your mind drawn
Away from its work by sweet disturbance
Of the mild evening outside your room.

A slow singer, but loading each phrase
With history's overtones, love, joy
And grief learned by his dark tribe
In other orchards and passed on
Instinctively as they are now,
But fresh always with new tears.
I don't even know you
and you don't know me
I'm not even sure you're real
or just imaginary
only in my dreams
do I ever see
that frown on your face
and it's overwhelming beauty
it always makes me sad
that we can not be
because your just a dream
your only temporary
and just like a dream
you've faded from my memory.
Lying in a flower patch
Staring at the sky
Wishing you were here with me
But its just me, myself and I
Never had the courage
Was always just too shy
You always looked so pretty
With that sparkle in your eye
I miss you so much
And I let out a sigh
But I just want you to be happy
To you I'll never lie
I had always hoped
That I would be your guy
My phone starts to ring
My ringtones "Pumpkin Pie"
I listen to it ring
Before I pick up and say "Hi"
I turn around just like you said
And almost start to cry
You run to me and give me a hug
You don't want to say goodbye
This place just means so much to you
And its easy to know why
Because without you we're like flowers
We'll all just wilt and die.
I've been used, cheated, manipulated;
I've been through it all.
Eventually
It starts to take a toll on you.
I will never forget all of the sadness
That people have caused me.
The sleepless nights
Crying alone in my bed,
holding my teddy bear,
And wishing that there was someone to hold me.
But there isn't,
And there never will be.

© Fully Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Rebekah Fleck.
Not sure if I am finished or not yet.
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