ever since middle school my aorta knew it had found you, but you denied it for no more and no less of a quarter. you had nothing to offer except for a handful of broken promises and it was painfully obvious that you had set out to hand them to me. like a jigsaw puzzle i was to be left undone. there are pieces of me that are still scattered on the ground, waiting for you to come back and put me back together again. as time goes on i'm stuck, frozen on the idea that you and i could ever be together. its cold where i reside, on the outside looking in. you have the key to get inside, but you give it to anyone but me. i feel as if  i'm window-shopping for something i could never have. this one-sided love feels like stepping on sharp glass, never knowing where to go or step next. left or right? its a maze that never ends. when i'm positive i can find my way out, you throw me off. i think there's a spark but it turns out to be equivalent to a faulty 4th of July firework. i think it's time to put out the fire that never burned very bright, but if the ashes ever rekindle, you'll always be my light.

as i sit in the café alone, reading, and drinking hot tea
i look over and see his brown eyes staring back at me
he notices me and makes his way over to sit down
and in those brown gorgeous eyes, i'll surely drown
we talk for hours until the café has to close its doors
i jot down my number and make sure i've got yours
he takes my hands and says "we have to do this again"
and there are so many sparks between us, its insane
i immediately blush, nodding and saying "okay"
and i know it's pretty obvious im a goner anyways
you give me a sweet and tender kiss on the lips
i hear your voice telling me not to give you the slip
i smile and realize it will always be..
him
the coffee shop
and me.

1.)   make him coffee everyday and know exactly how he likes it

2.)   have a playlist of songs solely that relate to him (listen to it everyday)

3.)   know things about him that he doesn’t even know himself

4.)   pretend to sleep while he’s over (actually fall asleep)

5.)   lie about liking him

6.)   give anyone a chance (i mean him)

7.)   cry herself to sleep because she realized he wasn't the one

8.)   not realize every poem shes written lately has been about him

9.)   play the memories over and over in her mind

10.) never let him know how she feels because that would only complicate things

11.) give him advice, even if its not what she wants to say to him, but it’s for the best

12.) kiss his scars (she knows where he’s been)

13.) regret every word she never said (theres alot)

14.) always wish for him at 11:11

15.) always fall asleep faster when he’s by her side

16.) sing every song in the car off key with him

17.) kiss him and mean it (tells him she doesn’t)

18.) want him so bad it hurts and be content with being just friends (so she says)

19.) spend her nights lying awake retracing her lips because there once was a time he had kissed them

20.) let him call her and tell her that they’re better off staying friends (she’ll agree, hang up and cry herself to sleep)

21.) act like nothing has happened the next time she see’s him (maybe hug him a little longer than usual)

22.) close her eyes and take a deep breath (tell herself she’s okay)

23.) google the symptoms of a broken heart and realize her diagnosis is him

24.) know they’ll never be anything more but  stilll hope

25.) be by his side no matter what


(a.f.)

i can't stand all the lying society does
and all the while they do it just because
the words they say just to fit in
little do they know my patience is wearing thin
i think that they're all egotistical,
their stupidity has become a ritual
maybe if they opened their eyes
they to would be surprised
they got so caught up in life
yet their actions were in strife
balling my fist as they attack my flaws
that's fine by me because i can fight my own brawls
because i realize they have people pressuring them
and all the while just to fit in.

sitting in the car as it snows outside, thinking about you two
i mean i'd be lucky to just meet one of you
but how unfortunate i turned out to be
because i learned neither of you had an inkling of love for me

boys i've loved for some time
how come its been so hard to make them mine
how can i fall for two completely different guys
i seriously deserve a nobel prize

one of you will always be my cup of tea
the other will always be my drink with "no ice please"
but the story doesn't stop there
my heart realized this was something it couldn't bear

so forced to choose at my recuse
my heart turned out to be a bomb i had to diffuse
so i stepped out of the car and into the night
after hours of thinking in the pale moonlight

i knew that i had come to a conclusion
that neither boy would ever be my solution
i went home and threw myself into an oblivion of tears
because it sunk in that i'd lost the boys i loved for years

(a.f.)

how come we struggle with equality,
when everyones looking for lifes perfect quality?
society cuts down gays down and reprimands,
forced into silence by a government that doesn't understand.

why cant they can't marry?
i mean come on, is gay marriage really that scary?
people should be who they want to be,
not be hiding in a closet unfree.

it's not polite to point and stare,
seriously, why do people care?
they're the same as you and me,
their ****** orientation is just different to some degree.

society needs to take a good look inside,
we need to support LGBT pride.
because supposedly we are "free,"
but how come thats not how its been lately?

(a.f.)

i wonder why i'm here
maybe its my purpose to just disappear
i want to be free to do whatever i want
and lets be real its not that easy to be blunt
this feeling i have doesn't seem fair
i want to be happy, its not that i just don't care

i'm feeling like a puppet on strings
and i can't bear to wait 'til freedom rings
one way or another i'll find a way out
that's a promise, let there be no doubt

so many trials, hits, and misses
you go against my judgement and my wishes
i'm only so strong before i break
question is

how much more can i take?

(a.f.)