30 Years Lost

I said no, you stupid little **,
not enough dough, so please just go.
I'm growing old, house filled with mold,
suffering from a cold, just got paroled.
Can't get laid, always underpaid,
I'm so **** afraid, life starting to fade.
Day becomes night, future not so bright,
don't know left from right, I do things out of spite.
Can't catch a break, all my friends are fake,
got bitten by a snake, body starting to ache.
Running out of time, down to my last dime,
no longer in my prime, at least I can still rhyme.
Life is just to tough, always in the buff,
can never get enough, I used to be hot stuff.
Hair is turning grey, I'm not the one to pray,
life is fading away, I still have more to say.
No one seems to care, my wife had an affair,
tied her to a chair, then I took all her air.
That's when I went to jail, got sentenced with no bail,
never got any mail, in life I sure did fail.
Thirty years lost, over the line I crossed,
would change things at any cost, my salad got daily tossed.
I now live alone, bracelet tied to my ankle bone,
can't even afford a phone, I've become an unknown.
Before the day I die, my eyes I'd like to dry,
I once reached for the sky, now I will say my last good-bye.

Three Steps

Time has come for a change,
give yourself a rearrange.
Take the old you and give it a toss,
become your own ******* boss.
Who cares what people think,
drive those ******* to the brink.
Make them bow at your feet,
don't you ever accept defeat.
No more kissing anyone's ***,
empty their tank, till they run out of gas.
Always do what you gotta do,
who the hell do they think they're talking to.
Be the master of your own destiny,
if a door is closed, just say open sesame.
It doesn't take brain, it doesn't take brawn,
if you get tired, don't ever yawn.
Now you're ready for the second step,
better hurry up, no time for a prep.
No longer will you take any ****,
in their face, give them a spit.
Lie, cheat and always steal,
who cares about how they feel.
Push the losers out of the way,
let them know you're here to stay.
Take the bull by the horns,
always take charge, never take turns.
If they don't approve to **** bad,
never subtract and always add.
Now it's time for step three,
take what you want, even if it's not free.
***** your enemies in the ****,
make them bleed, like they've been cut.
People in your way, just shoot them dead,
don't be afraid to chop off their ****** head.
You've now reached the point of no return,
these are the steps that you must learn.
Life is a survival of the fittest,
never leave behind any kind of witness.
In life you must always take charge,
then you will find yourself living large.
These three steps you must always follow,
if not you might not be around to see tomorrow.

800 Miles

My kids live 800 miles away,
do anything to see them everyday,
if only Santa would let me borrow his sleigh,
it sometimes feels like, I gave them a betray.
How I miss their beautiful smile,
last time I see them, well it's been awhile,
they seem happy with their life style,
if only I could walk that 800th mile.
Seeing them once year really *****,
but, I just don't have the bucks,
my life is in constant flux,
one month a year, I live in deluxe.
Fell behind in child support,
waiting to have my new day in court,
on the stick, I got the part that was short,
this is not a winning sport.
Sure we talk from time to time,
800 miles is a hell of a climb,
for eleven months, I pay for my crime,
**** , I feel like such a slime.
Catching up on what I owe,
I barely get to watch them grow,
all I eat is tons of crow,
to my kids, I now say hello.
My ten year old is named Amber,
she has style and plenty of glamour,
my eight year old Tyler, knows every answer,
sometimes their faces, I can't remember.
I know someday, we'll be together,
I'd be floating just like a feather,
no two kids I more treasure,
until then, I'm just gonna ride out the nasty weather.

9 Years

Blood dripping from the walls,
getting nothing but crank calls.
Doors squeaking like never before,
not a chance, you could ignore.
Doors locked, windows won't break,
the house is now beginning to shake.
Moans coming from the attic,
nothing has ever been this dramatic.
Hearing noises from the basement,
dead bodies rising from the cement.
All the food is covered with maggots,
what is causing all this madness.
Hiding in the bedroom closet,
my body they want as a deposit.
Are they zombies or vampires,
maybe ghosts creating empires.
So scared, I **** my pants,
my body parts will become transplants.
This is the night of the living dead,
house built on a cemetery, so the demons said.
They tore the closet door wide open,
I stood there without a single motion.
They start to eat me piece by piece,
I could see my soul release.
The blood from the walls was mine,
the years I've been dead is nine.
For nine years, I've hid from hell,
I always wondered why I always had a bad smell.

ABC

Aroused body,
coquettish dancing.
****** fondling,
groping hugging.
Intense jealousy,
***** loving.
Massage naked,
oral pleasure.
Quiet romance,
swingers teasing.
Unholy ******,
wet Xanadu,
voyeurs zooming.

A Bizarre Czar

You can call me the Grinch,
stealing Christmas was such a cinch.
Went to Whoville, and stole the toys,
crying was all the little girls and boys.
You can call me Ebenezer Scrooge,
my bank account and ***** is very huge.
Bah humbug to all you poor people,
if you only could see the size of my steeple.
I am mean, I am vicious,
unlike you I'm very ambitious.
I'll take your home, I'll take your car,
make your payments or I'll leave a scar.
Some call me the new ******,
but I'm stronger and much bigger.
I love to see chaos and destruction,
pretty soon, I wont need an introduction.
I'm a genius, who is insane,
I cause suffering, I cause pain.
All of you, are so far beneath,
too rule the world is my belief.
I rule the north, I rule the south,
don't you dare open your mouth.
I rule the west, I rule the east,
I used to be a catholic priest.
Before I take over this pathetic world,
a thousand pounds I once curled.
Don't you dare give me a reason,
especially during the baseball season.
Before I take everyone as my prisoner,
I need your consent with a signature.
Be prepared to be my slave,
I have become the latest rave.
People follow just like fools,
I take their money and their jewels.
I'm the leader of a new cult,
death to you all will be the result.

A Boys Tale
Little boy with a train,
hiding from all the pain.
Daddy left, when he was five,
he took a very long drive.
Left mommy all alone,
how could someone disown.
Mommy got very stressed
not to mention very depressed.
Started popping many pills,
stopped paying all the bills.
The boy is the age of eight,
mommy goes out, comes home late.
Boy cries day and night,
in school, always in a fight.
Hasn't bathed in a week,
this boy is starting to reek.
Teacher finally called the mom,
your son is one stink bomb.
Moms condition is getting worse,
the teacher, she did curse.
Now mom is smoking crack,
on her son, she turned her back.
Social services, stepped right in,
in this tale, nobody will win.

Advice

Hair is turning grey,
getting older by the day.
Some days feeling so young,
it helps to be well hung.
Always running out of money,
darkest days can still be sunny.
Life is filled with ups and downs,
always stand on solid grounds.
Been there, done that,
sometimes falling a bit flat.
Nothing like a great big hug,
high on life is the best drug.
Good deeds never go unnoticed,
stay alert and very focused.
Good things happen, to those who wait,
sometimes luck, sometimes fate.
When it rains it always pours,
never go out on three hour tours.
Life is nothing but a beauty contest,
a pop quiz that turns into a test.
Not enough highs and too many lows,
sometimes life really blows.
Drinking alone at the bar,
not everyone can be a star.
Live each day as the last,
aging happens so **** fast.
Stay ahead of the competition,
time to break the old tradition.
Never take no for an answer,
even when battling cancer.
Always refuse to lose,
gave up giving up, is what I choose.

Agony Of Defeat

Somewhere in the night,
lurking is a future fright,
it will soon be a scary sight.
A little boy in his bed,
bleeding from his little head,
parents find him, already dead.
911 the parents called,
their lives were forever stalled,
they watched his body, as he got hauled.
Mom passed out on the floor,
dad speechless, said no more,
tears followed them out the door.
He had a rare brain disease,
never again will their minds be at ease,
in life there are no guarantees.
Thousands of people came to mourn,
only three years ago, he was born.
they now live in total scorn.
Haven't been to work in weeks,
they lay in bed, no one speaks,
still blood on the child's sheets.
Family and friends tried to support,
but they all fell way to short,
they rather go to the final night court.
They took a suicide pact,
even signed a written contract,
somewhere in the world, this could be fact.

Alaska *****

Walking down a darkened hall,
shadow standing oh so tall,
bumping into every wall.
Getting loud is the thunder,
toilet clogged and no plunger,
feel like Tarzan, lost in the jungle.
No electric from the storm,
no candles to keep warm,
all the flies, starting to swarm.
Food in fridge going bad,
living alone and feeling sad,
Alaskan life makes me mad.
Six months of pure hell,
cold weather makes ankles swell,
life *****, can't you tell.
Storm over, electric back on,
radio playing my favorite song,
the conclusion is now forgone.
Still no sun for seven weeks,
watching a marathon of Twin Peeks,
frozen water forming leaks.
Can't wait to move from Alaska,
move back home to Nebraska,
grow old and play canasta.

Aliens

No more birds, no more trees,
no more begging on the knees.
No more sun, no more moon,
it all happened on the sixth of June.
Aliens decide to attack,
they ate people like a Big Mac.
All buildings turn to rubble,
aliens hit the daily double.
No more animals, no more people,
not even a cockroach or a beetle.
Only darkness lingers over,
aliens became Earths new owner.
It only took a hundred years,
the sun suddenly reappears.
One man rose from the darkness,
no more did he have blindness.
Killed all aliens one by one,
lucky for him, he found a machine gun.
Now this man stands alone,
his whereabouts are now unknown.
Took a spaceship and is now missing,
looking for a new planet, to go fishing.
When ever there is injustice on a planet,
evil alien killer, is his talent.
This new movie,
comes out the sixth of June,
the first starting time,
will be at high noon.

Alone

Just one simple paycheck away,
never saved money for that rainy day.
Now I'm walking down the street,
begging you for food to eat.
Haven't shaved in a week,
looking like a bearded freak.
If you drive by, throw me a dime,
I ain't got nothing but time.
Built a fort in a tree,
wishing I had some lsd.
Clothes are torn, body covered in dirt,
I sure could use a brand new shirt.
I use leaves to wipe my ***,
stay away from that brown grass.
I take a shower when it rains,
with no soap, the dirt remains.
Looking for some needed assistance,
my life never had any kind of consistence.
I eat worms, I eat bugs,
I'd rather have some illegal drugs.
All I drink is animal blood,
my fort got washed away by a flood.
Now I walk the streets alone,
fighting dogs for their juicy bone.
I have no weapons to **** a mammal,
if you saw me on tv, you'd turn the channel.
Getting weaker by the day,
clouds over me are always grey.
Then one day I met you,
ripped her to pieces and made a stew.
Ate clam chowder for half a year,
she was fat and I showed no fear.
Me not knowing she had aids,
wishing now I had some razor blades.
Knowing soon, I'm about to die,
for my pathetic life, please don't cry.
Should have picked an animal with rabies,
cause I never was good with the ladies.

When I'm hungry, you feed me food,
our wedding vows, we recently renewed,
the *** is better after a good feud,
I prefer you only in the ****.
When I'm sick, you make me well,
marrying you, was an easy sell,
head over heals for you, I madly fell,
remember our first time, in that motel.
When I'm thirsty, you get my drink,
both our thoughts are always in sync,
you are my unsolved missing link,
I love when you give me that special wink.
When I'm naked, you give me clothes,
forever grateful, its me you chose,
you even let me pick my nose,
I love you from head to toes.
When I'm bleeding, you give me stitches,
together we went from rags to riches,
we scratch each others unbearable itches,
you cured all my faults and glitches.
When I'm *****, you make me ***,
you made this man from a ***,
just look at what I have become,
everyday spent with you, I am succumb.
When I'm down, you make me high,
with you, the limit is the sky,
anything you want, go ahead and buy,
you're more American that apple pie.
When I'm lost, you give me a found,
its always nice having you around,
before you, I was tightly wound,
saying I love you, requires no sound.

Am I Real

I'm north, south, east and west,
people think that I'm the best.
They say I am everywhere,
but am I even really there.
I created heaven and earth,
too Jesus I gave birth.
Some pray to me every night,
I'm what you see in the dead light.
People who don't believe are Atheist,
don't condone a boy and a priest.
*** causes people to say my name,
I cherish holding that claim.
Some people say my name in vain,
that makes my robe start to stain.
I **** people when it's their time,
sometimes even in their prime.
Some fear me, some worship me,
I'm sorry about the show Glee.
Whether you believe or not,
I hide in your blind spot.
Some people believe in more than one,
but really there are none.
If the real truth be told,
If I was alive, I'd be pretty **** old.
I am just a character of fiction,
so people just quit your addiction.
Science is the real system,
all I just offered was some infinite wisdom.

I'm north, south, east and west,
people think that I'm the best.
They say I am everywhere,
but am I even really there.
I created heaven and earth,
too Jesus I gave birth.
Some pray to me every night,
I'm what you see in the dead light.
People who don't believe are Atheist,
don't condone a boy and a priest.
*** causes people to say my name,
I cherish holding that claim.
Some people say my name in vain,
that makes my robe start to stain.
I **** people when it's their time,
sometimes even in their prime.
Some fear me, some worship me,
I'm sorry about the show Glee.
Whether you believe or not,
I hide in your blind spot.
Some people believe in more than one,
but really there are none.
If the real truth be told,
If I was alive, I'd be pretty **** old.
I am just a character of fiction,
so people just quit your addiction.
Science is the real system,
all I just offered was some infinite wisdom.

Angie

In the upcoming days that followed,
her shattered heart will become less hollowed.
I wish, I was there to hold you tight,
my special powers would make everything alright.
Something like this is so succumb,
its understandable to feel so numb.
Got the call from a mother crying,
calming her down, I was trying.
Loved ones will help this mountain you must climb,
the pain you feel will dull in due time.
Remember the good times you had together,
I know right now, you're more fragile than a glass feather.
Life is something no one will never understand,
if you need me, I'll come there and hold your hand.
Things like this, you never expect,
if there was an award for sister of the year,
it's you I would easily elect.
Sometimes life spirals out of control,
I'll be a shovel, to dig you out of this hole.
Each passing day will get a little bit better,
every time you get a chill,
people that love you will be your sweater.
Just remember you have millions that care,
if you're feeling upset or scared,
take a deep breathe of fresh air.
I am here in your time of need,
for you my heart is starting to bleed.
Just remember we all love you,
we have faith, that you will pull through.
Call me if you ever need to talk,
I'd come comfort you, even if I had to walk.
Do your best to ease your mind,
and remember we are only two steps behind.

Annoying

At night I hear neighbors dogs barking,
under my wheels, their dogs I'm parking.
In the night, I hear things that go bump,
I load up the shotgun, and give it a pump.
Jehovah witnesses knocking at the front door,
how I wish, I could bury them under my floor.
The car in front of me driving to slow,
my horn I give a constant blow.
The person in front of me at the store, taking to long,
some people on this Earth just don't belong.
Can't seem to get an *******,
even my hand got a rejection.
Roller coaster breaks down, right before my turn,
I've now reached the point of no return.
So many things make me annoyed,
maybe I need to visit Sigmund Freud.
Dinner not quite ready on time,
running out of things to rhyme.
No electric for more than an hour,
a woman that requires to much flour.
Watching movies I don't like,
My job is now going on strike.
Wiping my *** more than once,
wearing a hat that spells dunce.
Wife of ten years asked for a divorce,
things in life not taking the right course.
**** sites that make me pay,
my hair that is turning grey.
My beautiful children that never call,
girls that think my ***** is to small.
People that think their better than me,
having to pay for things that are free.
Things that annoy me is such a huge list,
just thinking about it is getting me ******.

Annoying Noises
waking up hearing voices
inside my deep dark mind
"where are the dead bodies
where is the hole
where is the shovel
did you **** all theses people"
could I have done such a thing
"I'll ask you again
where are the dead bodies
where is the hole
where is the shovel
did you **** all these people"
I can't turn off theses annoying noises,
why is it me hearing voices
"I'll ask you again
where are the dead bodies
where is the hole
where is the shovel
did you **** all these people"
since these voices
won't go away
then I'll make them
go away
The Trailer Park Paper
"two bodies found dead today
from what seems to be a double suicide
man shot with shotgun in mouth
woman found in bed with an empty pill bottle
lying right next to her
the oddest part of this case,
was a skipping album at a certain strange part"
"I'll ask you again
where are the dead bodies
where is the hole
where is the shovel
did you **** all these people"

Appreciated

Talked a lot for two long years,
shared some laughs, shared some tears.
Talked on phone, Facebook and Skype,
you lived up to all the hype.
Counted the days, til we met,
you are one hot brunette.
We fell in love instantly,
we're going down in history.
We make one hell of a couple,
every night, we love to snuggle.
You work all night and day,
while I just sit home and play.
You support, all that I go through,
you don't know how much I appreciate you.
We hug each other when we're sad,
calm each other down, when we're mad.
We laugh at each others jokes,
on Facebook, we give each other pokes.
Sticking together through thick and thin,
meeting you was my greatest win.
I cherish every moment together,
we ride out all sorts of weather.
I guess what I'm trying to say,
I love you each and every way.

A To Z

Awesome view,
beauty with eyes of blue.
Captivating her attention,
delusions of my intentions.
Ecstasy makes me so numb,
fingers gonna make her ***.
Ginger is her name,
heart is now a flame.
Illuminating light,
jeans so skin tight.
Kite is beginning to fly,
lights up a darkened sky.
Mom would be so proud,
noise in here way to loud.
Offered her to see my place,
punched me right in the face.
Quickly jumped to my feet,
right hook, not a good way to meet.
Soaked my face with an ice pack,
that was one hell of a whack.
Undeserving rejection,
vengeance is in my direction.
Waiting for her next response,
Xanax gave me a renaissance.
You just wanted a relaxing pill,
zealous, so she could chill

Ax To Grind

Blood dripping from the eye,
looks like Jesus starting to cry.
I stabbed you with a screwdriver,
blood gushing like a geyser.
Cut off your ears with some scissors,
blood flowing just like rivers.
Took a hacksaw to your nose,
felt so good, used it on tour toes.
I cut off your fingers with garden shears,
they were twenty bucks at the local Sears.
Chopped of your head with my ax,
I'm from the IRS, and you paid no tax,
We don't care if you have no money,
continue not paying and people become ******.
Burning crosses in your front yard,
I'm a white boy and kind of a ******.
When you run out of your house,
your home gets a gasoline douse.
In white robes we walk the street,
we sure hate the dark meat.
We're grinding the ole ax,
we're KKK and hunting blacks.
The problem is they fight back,
so we just give them some killer crack.
Blood dripping from the heart,
dragged the carcass to the local mart.
Hunting animals is what I do,
then I cook them in my famous stew.
Whether a shotgun or bow and arrow,
could be a bear or a helpless sparrow.
Sometimes a dog, sometimes a cat,
maybe a mouse, maybe a cat.
I'm a hunter on the loose,
how I love to **** a moose.
I use the skins as a rug,
I just killed an annoying bug.
I use my trusty ax to chop off their head,
now they hang above my king sized bed.
How I love to use my awesome ax,
whether for the IRS, hunting or torturing blacks.

Back Yard
Dug a hole in the ground,
for the bodies that I found.
Scattered in my back yard,
there severely bruised and scarred.
Two women and three men,
I put them there,
but I forgot when.
Family was a pain in the ***,
sliced them up with broken glass.
Grass never been so green,
I felt like a killing machine.
It was easy, it was fun,
I'm far from being done,
Don't knock on my front door,
or you will be no more.
Back yard now filled with dead bodies,
to me their all just carbon copies.

Bad Day

Woke up alone, with tears in eye,
this answer, I hope to find the why,
one night stand, never said good-by.
Lost my ten year job,
boss was as a rich snob.
Caught my girl with the neighbor,
super huge line at The Department of Labor.
Ran out of gas, had to push my car,
worst dinner ever at my local bar.
News filled with corruption and ******,
me filled with high powered bi-polar.
Doing shots with reckless abandon,
all this plus living in Camden.
A true New Jersey **** hole,
drugs everywhere except birth control.
My best friend died last week,
there goes our hanging out winning streak.
Tomorrow will be a year since my parents death,
everyday I still have to catch my breath.
Left the bar with as female,
bigger than any sized whale.
She sat on my face, and I said holy fat,
don't remember much after that.
Sneaked out of the hotel, before me,
having a bad day, wouldn't you agree,
went home, and lost the house key.
Cut myself breaking a window,
felt like a hooked helpless minnow.
Can't blame this on the rain,
or the disease in my brain.
This was a long time coming,
my nervous breakdown was forthcoming.
I think now, I know the why,
life ***** and I'd rather die.
I'm so much better than that,
Getting rid of my welcome mat.
Played country backwards, to get my life back,
nothing but torture and an occasional hack.
Well now i know the reasons why,
I'm just a regular fall guy.

Bad Day
When things seem rough,
life getting way to tough.
Feel like giving up,
drinking from a Dixie cup.
No food on the table,
been awhile since cable.
No money to be found,
too shy to make a sound.
Already ate dogs and cats,
lowering down to only rats.
Lost the house, and the car,
no more cookies in the jar.
Living now with mom and dad,
roof overhead, just be glad.
Looking for any kind of job,
tired of being a lazy slob.
Not a dime in the bank,
Only yourself to thank.
Burned all the bridges,
never was very religious.
All this happened in a day,
hoping soon to find a way.
Things could get no worse,
drug overdose, put you in a hearse.
Just another lost soul,
who had no self control.

Bad Day
today was a bad day
I'd like to forget
so much anger
so much regret
I lied to you
I lied to me
god threw away
my church key
I cheated on
my best girl
feel so bad
I could hurl
she punched me
in the face
I deserved it
I'm a disgrace
now my eye
is black and blue
she broke my jaw
now I can't chew
never have I been
more embarrassed
had to move in
with my parents

*******

Wouldn't change a thing, even if I could,
when I see her, I always sport a wood.
She is so very fine,
seeing her puts me on cloud nine.
Best *** I have ever seen,
hard to believe she is still a teen.
Between he thighs is the Bermuda triangle,
I get lost, but its something I can handle.
Smoothest skin you'll ever feel,
got turned down, but I applied for an appeal.
Hair is down to her ankles,
have to be careful when I light candles.
Our relationship is one of love and hate,
every topic is a heated debate.
She only likes me for my third leg,
to get her, I must always beg.
Our age difference doesn't matter,
I'm always on deck, to be the next batter.
She is not even old enough to drink,
but on the inside, its always pink.
She calls me her sugar daddy,
I always end up being her caddy.
She cheats on me every chance she gets,
but I still have no bitter regrets.
She moved in and steals all my money,
but she is more sweet than any kind of honey.
She is the most sexiest stripper,
I will always be the biggest tipper.
Then one day she was gone,
she used me just like a pawn.
She took my money and stole my new car,
she is now the biggest **** star.
The ***** never did pay me back,
now she is addicted to ****** and crack.
Tracked her down and got her rehabilitated,
she is now truly vindicated.
She lost the devil and found god,
well that's what she calls me, when riding my rod.
It truly is good to be the king,
she's now my queen, not just an expensive fling.

Hey man, listen to my groove,
sit down and please don't move.
Can you feel the fresh air,
blowing through your blonde hair.
Feel the rhythm in my soul,
can't be stopped, I'm on a role.
Diamonds and pearls, can't afford,
around my neck, tighten the cord.
Seeing you through the dusty sand,
come with me, take my hand.
Listening to the words you say,
stalking me like your prey.
Running myself out of time,
convicted of a violent crime.
Love is what I'm guilty of,
rain pours down from above.
Walking down an endless road,
sending a message in Morse code.
beep, beep, dot, dot, dot,
someone smoked all my ***.
Love for you, will never die,
your husband gave me a black eye.
As I wonder where you are,
after the punch, life became a blur.

Been
been cuffed
been stuffed
been shot
been forgot
been grabbed
been stabbed
been forty
been *****
been accused
been confused
been there
been square
been drunk
been sunk
been ******
been disowned
been eccentric
been athletic
been scared
been prepared
been lazy
been ****
been cruel
been cool
been everything
there is to be
except the man
that is me

Before
Before light, is the darkness,
before happy, is the sadness.
Before walking, you must crawl,
before standing, you must fall.
Before winning, you must lose,
before advancing, you pay dues.
Life will never be easy,
when it is, it's only briefly.
Before pleasure, there is pain,
without pills, you go insane.
Before thunder, there is lightning,
life can be very, very frightening.
Before you bend, you must break.
some people real, most are fake.
Life is what you make of it,
the rest is just total *******.

Before The Show

Before the show begins,
I have a poem, by an anonymous poet.
Arguably the greatest poet alive.
" Looking out my window,
I see rain, trees and a fence,
I bet so far your in suspense.
Fence is brown, leaves are green,
I'll admit it's a beautiful scene.
Reality is, the world is hell,
witches have put me in a spell.
Just when things are going right,
sunshine becomes the darkest night.
Never have I seen such dark,
like a helpless jogger in the park.
Life is good, life is bad,
I've had my share of both.
So much ******, so much ****,
molesters always seem to escape.
Then I think of all the good times,
and how you love all my forced rhymes.
Then I look back outside,
life again seems so simple.
The brown fence never looked so good,
rain all of a sudden doesn't look that bad.
Life is like a roller coaster,
no more missing persons on a poster.
This world has many winding roads,
life is better when shooting loads. "
And this concludes the poem of the day,
now the regular show may begin.

Being Modest

So you think you know me,
but you don't have a **** clue,
I'll chop you up and put me in my stew.
You stupid selfish *******,
the things I can do never have a glitch.
I always have the perfect plan,
I'm the side kick and the front man.
You only know a little of a portion,
of my minds total distortion.
I come and go as I please,
if you ever meet me, get on your knees.
Whatever I write, you always read,
if you don't, I'll make you bleed.
Trust me, you haven't seen my best,
wont be discovered, til I'm laid to rest.
Never doing what I'm told,
more contagious than the common cold.
You all wish you could be like me,
to all the locks, I have the key.
I don't run, I don't hide,
things I've done, you always let slide.
I'm a god, I'm a king and a genius,
I have more followers than the evil Jesus.
You all wish you had my talent,
but I'm sure your efforts are very gallant.
Don't mean to be so conceited,
but being awesome deserves to be repeated.
I can move mountains, and walk on water,
with each day, I get more hotter.
If you try and slow me down,
your white underwear will turn brown.
If you soon don't jump on my bandwagon,
I'll burn you more than a fearless dragon.
I can heal people with a single touch,
maybe I think of myself to much.
Well maybe I do, what do you care,
all my secrets, I will never share.
I have an ego, I can't control,
long ago I sold the devil my soul.
If what I'm writing is to offending,
this is how my poem will be ending.

Best Friends

I've lost my best friend,
thought we'd be together,
til the very end.
Been together for five long years,
if only you could see all my tears.
We'd sit on the couch and watch tv,
you even came with,
when I had to ***.
No bad, only good times,
this is worse than any hate crimes.
Thought I saw you by the door,
pushing your buttons, I adore.
Is that you, on the table,
come home, I miss my cable.
Searched the house, and found nothing,
I was hoping, she was just bluffing.
Dug deep into my ugly couch,
with that extra deep hole,
and there it was, among other things,
my long, lost beautiful remote control.
Don't you dare ever leave me again,
or you'll be Barbie,
and I'll be Ken.

Best Friends

I always get you what you need,
case of beer and a bag of ****.
You can count on me, to hook you up,
a cute kitten, or a small baby pup.
I'd give you a liver, or a kidney,
I'd even clean out your ***** chimney.
I'm more than happy to mow your grass,
for a price, I'd even wipe your hairy ***.
Got no car, I'll give you a ride,
I'm very honest, and I never lied.
I'll buy you a ticket, to see your favorite band,
if ever drowning, I'll bring you to dry land.
I'll buy you dinner, I'll buy you drinks,
hang with me and no more jinx.
If drunk, I'll tuck you in bed at night,
to all my parties, you'll get an invite.
You can borrow all my money,
dry your eyes when they're runny.
I give you the best advice,
always free, never a price.
I listen when you have problems,
I give you many of random options.
I'd give you my last cigarette,
let you borrow my classic corvette.
I hook you up with super hot chicks,
I'd give you anything from my bag of tricks.
We've been best friends since first grade,
through your troubles, its me who stayed.
I know someday you'll return the favor,
if he only knew his naked sister is my screen saver.

Best Friends

You are my best friend,
be that way, til the end.
My life is so great,
we met when we were eight.
You lived on the same street,
just a matter of time, before we'd meet.
I was the new kid in town,
you helped erase my frown.
We played doctor at age of ten,
I was in love ever since then.
We were voted prom king and queen,
******* at age eighteen.
Got married, day after graduation,
our honeymoon was summer vacation.
We went to the same college,
bot having the same knowledge.
I have the greatest wife,
we have the perfect life.
Then it all fell apart,
you tore out my bleeding heart.
Took her life and off she went,
I tried everything to prevent.
There was nothing I could do,
she left me with ***** of blue.
Cancer was the reason for her departure,
lots of pain and tons of torture.
Now the kids live with me,
cancer has now set her free.
I begged her to stop smoking,
now my spirit is badly broken.
Took some time, but we got over,
I found myself a new four leaf clover.
Met a stripper from Santa Fe,
we got married without delay.
Our teenage boys both agreed,
they approved of daddy's ***** little deed.
Now I have a new best friend,
you should see the way she can bend.

Not meant to be offensive to any cancer victims,
I respect you all so very much just the way the story played out.

Best Week Ever

Just had my best week of all time,
I'm 42 but still in my prime.
Spent some time with Brittany Spears,
I left her begging and in tears.
After a night with Beyonce,
she wanted me to be her fiance.
Just one night with Pink,
now she can't even blink.
Had a date with Katy Perry,
she asked me to pop her cherry.
Spent some time with J-Lo,
she was more sloppy than a joe.
Rihanna likes to play rough,
**** she looks good in the buff.
Me and Fergie ate some black eyed peas,
then we were joined by Alicia keys.
Had a blast with Taylor Swift,
we did it on a ski lift.
Avril Lavinge wanted it never to end,
now she wants to be her boyfriend.
I turned Miley Cyrus back into Hannah Montana,
its a secret what we did with a banana.
Me and Kesha sang her hit Tik Tok,
then she ****** on my clock.
Selena Gomez is a witch no more,
I turned her into my little *****.
Carrie Underwood won't slash my tires,
the heat between us started some fires.
Gwen Stefani left the singer from Bush,
she loved the way I smacked her ****.
Lady Ga Ga showed me her poker face,
with her I reached every base.
Me and Lita Ford kissed each other deadly,
then she sang me a **** medley.
Madonna said I was her best,
we spent no time dressed.
I was man enough for Sheryl Crow,
let me tell you, she can really blow.
As the week ended, I had Shakira moving her hips,
then I woke up and it was an **** with Gladys Night and her Pips.

Better Than You

Anytime, anyplace,
I will kick you in your face.
Anyhow, anywhere,
I will leave you in despair.
You name the place, tell me the time,
there isn't a word I can't rhyme.
Not a chance, I will loose,
your words leave a mental bruise.
I'm gods gift to the pen,
you have smaller ***** than Ken.
Don't hate the player, hate the game,
by now you all know my name.
I'm not a poet or a rapper,
just a rhymer, writer and a scrapper.
I entertain you with my catchy hooks,
it helps that I have sensational looks.
You're nothing but a fudge packing **** pirate,
oh I'm sorry, was that supposed to be private.
You can't mess with the rhyme master,
what a shame you turned into a disaster.
I've taught you everything you know,
but I left out the part how to properly flow.
You were my pupil, you tried to go alone,
like Medusa, I turned you into stone.
The **** you write, no one reads,
to me everyone eventually concedes.
You're like Pepsi, I'm like Coke,
I'm an unsolvable riddle, you're just a joke.
As I stand here waiting for the duel,
the longer I wait, the more I fuel.
I see you lurking in the shadows,
you're heading right for the gallows.
This is your last chance to surrender,
I commend you for trying to be a contender.
But as I suspected, I'm better than you,
I left your underwear brown, and your ***** blue.

Beware
is there anybody out there
if so, please beware
body starting to twitch
brain is getting a glitch
blood boiling high
things starting to go awry
people are about to die
ran out of medication
no longer under sedation
look out world
here I come
it doesn't matter
where you're from
the color of your skin
very big or very thin
it doesn't matter
young or old
just do as you're told
find me the right pill
I really don't wanna ****
it's a habit
I can't break
I'll chew you up
like a fat juicy steak
find me now
help me out
or the last thing
you'll hear
is you shout

Big Daddy

They call me big daddy,
two soft buns with an extra long patty.
Bacon, lettuce, tomato with extra mayonnaise,
women say it's the latest craze.
Tastes so good, it melts in your mouth,
I just love when a girl goes down south.
A foot long hot dog with a bulging vein,
there is no one higher on the food chain.
Some use ketchup, some use mustard,
either way it comes out custard.
Whipped cream with a cherry on top,
if you're a ******, I'll give you a pop.
They call me big daddy,
it's so big, I had to hire a caddy.
I put all **** stars to shame,
they're not even playing the right game.
Even a loose girl feels so tight,
women think I'm black, but I'm really white.
I can't wear shorts it hangs so low,
my third eye just loves to grow.
They call me big daddy,
all my pants are extra baggy.
Girls pay me just for a look,
it's more thick than the New York City phone book.
Don't be jealous that it's so big,
women hire me for their *** toy gig.
Mom must have had a three way,
with John Holmes and Nick The ****,
girls pay me just for a lick.
They call me big daddy,
I've had every girl in Cincinnati.
Sorry to say but this story is fiction,
brought on by my sudden *** addiction.

Bi-Polar Man

In the darkest evening hours,
arose a man with special powers.
Stop a fast moving car,
uproot the biggest tree,
float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee.
Climb the highest mountain,
swim the deepest sea,
Drinks from the youth fountain,
the luxury of being free.
Take advantage, it only lasts a few days,
in walks depression, and its wicked ways.
No fun to crash and burn,
not knowing which way to turn.
Sleep all day, awake crying all night,
battle the struggle, with all your might.
Afraid to leave your own house,
too lazy to catch a pestering mouse.
Then the powers suddenly come back,
now it's time for the returning attack.
Playing Frogger on a busy street,
for the high score, you compete.
Jump the tallest building,
faster than a private jet,
dreams and goals, you're fulfilling,
spending money, bills you forget.
Once again, you start to crash,
head you begin to bash.
You are bi-polar man,
never was part of the plan.
One day happy, next day sad,
Now you're laughing, then you're mad.
Mood changes on the drop of a dime,
no perception of day or time.
On a schedule of pill taking,
these habits, no chance of breaking.
I happen to be a bi-polar man,
just doing whatever I can.

Blank Stare

No response to the question,
dumbfounded was the impression.
Not one word or even a nod,
just sat there looking odd.
Maybe a cat got the tongue,
from the chair expected a sprung.
Nothing but a blank stare,
it was like no one was there.
Not words heard very often,
maybe tired from exhaustion.
Eyes wouldn't even blink,
soon in it had to sink.
Just frozen like a cube of ice,
said it once, said it twice.
A body just stuck in motion,
like being hypnotized by a potion.
Tried everything but couldn't move,
the condition would not improve.
Not even a gasp for air,
like no oxygen left to spare.
Maybe dead, maybe alive,
not even c.p.r. would revive.
Couldn't see a soul escape,
should be covered by a drape.
Something strange here is happening,
this whole time, I was talking to a mannequin.

Blinded
blinded by light
blinded by night
blinded by beauty
blinded by cruelty
blinded by you
blinded by me
blinded by two
blinded by three
only one has the power
over me, you do tower
deaf to your sound
saved me when I drowned
headed for a certain death
you gave me an extra breath
opened my blinded eyes
and I saw your face
suddenly dying
didn't become a race
once blinded
now I see
your love
set me free
as I floated
to the sky
looking down
I waved good-bye

Blood

I love blood gushing from the head,
blood is always the color of red.
I love blood dripping from a finger,
a small *****, that likes to linger.
I love blood from a toe,
watch as it starts to flow.
I love blood from a nose,
it flows just like a garden hose.
I love blood that isn't mine,
best friends will often combine.
I love blood from a hand,
surely it wasn't planned.
I love blood from feet,
taste of it is so sweet.
I love blood from an arm,
it may hurt, but no harm.
I love blood from a leg,
crack it just like an egg.
I love blood from a neck,
vampires can cause a red wreck.
I love blood from a ******,
whether from U.S.A. or from China.
I love blood from the ****,
yes I know that sounds kinda heinous.
I love blood in your ****,
I put it on my cheese, that is Swiss.
Can't get blood from a stone,
unless it hits you in the bone.
Blood is thicker than water,
nothing like a good slaughter.
I'm a vampire who is a stud,
lets face it folks, I love blood.

Blood
Only takes a tiny slash,
walked into a blood bath.
Watched as the blood did splatter,
screams made the windows shatter.
Blood over here, blood over there,
had no time to prepare.
Blood on the ceiling, blood on the floor,
all blood red and very pure.
Heads hanging on some hooks,
all people with good looks.
Time for ugly to reign supreme,
hell with that expensive ****** cream.
Pretty faces are a thing of the past,
I killed the first, I'll **** the last.
Ugly people pay me money,
soon as they see the blood runny.
Rich people get the best,
poor people beg for the rest.
Blood drips in the cracks in the floor,
ugly people demanding more.
The bodies are tough to hide,
ugly cops let me slide.
I guess I could have molded a mask,
but how I love a ****** task.

Bone Loan

Like always I'm sitting home,
my hair, I'm giving a quick comb.
Girls call me on the phone,
always knowing, that I'm alone.
They only call for just one thing,
I stare at my phone, waiting for that ring.
They always call begging for money,
saying please and calling me honey.
I don't ask or care what it's for,
they always know, it's time to be my *****.
They think about it, but the answer is always yes,
hundreds of girls know my address.
It doesn't matter how much they need,
they're hungry and I got the right feed.
The girls that call never change their mind,
they only call when their in a major bind.
When they arrive, they tell me a price,
I have six positions on my lucky dice.
I'm so generous, I let them roll,
to break the ice, we smoke a bowl.
We talk, we laugh we get undressed,
life is fun being on house arrest.
Now their money they must earn,
I'm the sugar daddy, and their butter I churn.
Before they get their money, first they must moan,
this is what I like to call my famous bone loan.

*****

I like *****, I like ****,
before you touch, you must get permits.
Nothing like a nice pair of assets,
oh how puppies make nice pets.
Bazongas are ***** that are large,
strippers and hookers, will always charge.
Nothing like the perfect *****,
but only on the perfect woman.
******* are yummy dark or white,
but first you must wait for an invite.
Some girls even have a third ******,
do not squeeze says Mr. Whipple.
I don't mind girls on the itty, bitty, ***** committee,
on a carpenters dream, I show no pity.
They could be called a bust, some call them cans,
a woman's squeeze box, all men are fans.
Chesticles is a term I have never heard,
but everyday, I learn a new word.
I like cones, I like jugs,
girls with big ones, I give hugs.
Al Bundy loved calling them *******,
at the restaurant, I wish I was one of the recruiters.
A girl with a nice set of knockers,
might find herself with unwanted stalkers.
Fergie sang about her lovely lady lumps,
a good set of melons, still give me goose bumps.
***** always come in a pair,
why do bra's, they have to wear.
Even men who smoke lots of crack,
still can appreciate a good sized rack.
I don't care if there fake or real.
in a crowded room, I always cop a feel.
Girls love showing off some cleavage,
I wish I lived in a ***** village.
Babies need breast milk to make them stronger,
if the mom is hot, they may do it longer.
In conclusion, I love *****,
with whipped cream or melting ice cubes.

Brain Warp

Heart is a pounding,
shadows are surrounding.
Clock is a ticking,
my nose I'm picking.
Trying to keep control,
smoking a big fat bowl.
Smoking the moments when,
the darkness comes again.
Let's do the brain warp today,
it's really the only way.
Pass to the left, pass to the right,
don't forget to bring a light.
Knees feeling kinda weak,
people think you're a freak.
A pelvic ****** causes pain,
you start to go slowly insane.
Let's do the brain warp today,
if need be, I will have to pay.
It's so dreamy,
fantasy equals creamy.
Starting to sweep the nation,
so high, I need a translation.
Do what you want, mind will flip,
soon you'll see time start to slip.
You're spaced on medication,
it's the greatest sensation.
Let's do the brain warp today,
whether you're straight or gay.
Well, I was walking down the road,
stepped on some jumpy toad.
Then some strange guy,
gave me the most evil eye.
He was driving in his truck,
I say to myself, what the ****.
I was getting paranoid,
he must be on a steroid.
Let's do the brain warp today,
nothing else left to say.

Burn In Reality

Welcome to the promise land,
enter people and take my hand.
Nobody helps, nobody cares,
friends are just like musical chairs.
It's a selfish and cruel world,
at a young age, you see it's unfurled.
No one seems to have enough money,
the government laughs, they think it's funny.
The ones you love, stay very close,
in glass houses, always wear clothes.
Shooters and drugs on every corner,
don't wanna be a victim or a mourner.
In this world, it's a dog eat dog,
going blind from all the dense fog.
All you can do is try your best,
don't let yourself get obsessed.
We all done some bad things in our life,
people are always stabbing you with a knife.
Play with fire, and you soon will burn,
what others do, is not your concern.
Look in your soul, what do you see,
is this how, you want to be.
You can decide your own fate,
choose it soon, before too late.
Always work and never play,
reality *****, is what I always say.
Hear no evil, seek no evil,
maybe it's time for a reality retrieval.
Is life fact or is it fiction,
let's bring back the crucifixion.
Reality bites, just ask Winona Ryder,
for your kids be a good provider.
Reality shows are just a joke,
after fifteen minutes, they too are broke.
The older you are, the worse it gets,
everyday you're hit with a defensive blitz.
We are all burning in Reality,
Hell will be just a simple formality.

Bus Or Bust
do you remember
standing at the door
reaching for the stars
pockets filled with dreams
bound for success
but fame is farther
than it seems
I was with you
when you hopped on the bus
you told me
nothing left to discuss
you made up your mind
as you left for Hollywood
I saw darkness as you left
the life you knew
wasn't gonna be good
take that bus
and leave me far behind
people out there
will not be so kind
you begged for mercy
when things got too tough
hate to tell you so
but I said it would be rough
I'll be there
soon as I can
I'll always be
your back-up man
we'll spread our wings
and you'll soon see
that we control
our own destiny
next time take me with you
forever we'll be like glue
stick with me
and you'll know why
no more buses
will ever pass us by

Calender Girls

Miss January, keeps me very warm,
make me glad, that I was born.
Miss February, covers me from snow,
oh man, can she really blow.
Miss March, knows her wrong from right,
never had a *****, so **** tight.
Miss April, is a famous **** star,
she likes to take things a bit to far.
Miss May, gives me an all day smile,
all month long, we walk the mile.
Miss June, looks good in Daisy Dukes,
I'm waiting on the line of Bo's and Luke's.
Miss July, blows me a birthday kiss,
she likes to hold it while I ****.
Miss August, wears a bikini thong,
then we smoke a big fat ****.
Miss September, wears a back to school skirt,
not sure if she even owns a shirt.
Miss October, likes to trick or treat,
her body tastes oh so sweet.
Miss November, lets me fill her turkey with stuffing,
at first I thought she might be bluffing.
Miss December, likes to sit on my lap,
her sweet ***, I like to slap.
I love, I love, I love my calender girls,
triplets with the youngest one in curls.
I love my calender, that hangs on my wall,
it makes my ***** stand so tall.
Even though it's all my imagination,
my train always leaves the station.

Can I
can I speak with no tongue
can I listen with no ears
can I smell with no nose
can I walk with no legs
can I write with no arms
can I brush with no hair
can I see with no eyes
can I eat with no teeth
hang me on the wall,
call me modern art
even with no body parts
I can still do what I want
I can do anything,
if I put my mind to it
I was born with no parts
but I can still do more than you
I refuse to give up or quit
you ask can I, I say yes I can

Can't Afford

Life is slowly falling apart,
can't even afford to go to Walmart.
Can't even afford the Dollar Tree,
no window to throw out my *** of ***.
Can't afford to pay my bills,
no money left for my bi-polar pills.
Can't afford to eat or drink,
I'm broke, is what I think.
No more water, no more electric,
I'm even to poor to be eccentric.
Can't afford gas or cable,
Yes, I am mentally unstable.
Can't afford to buy a pen, wrote this in blood,
in my tears, I'm drowning in the flood.
House is in foreclosure,
listen closely, you can hear the bulldozer.
Had to sell everything I own,
nobody will ever give me a loan.
I walk around in my underwear,
like Mother Hubbard, my cupboard is bare.
Not one job to be had,
can't afford to call my mom or dad.
Walls around are closing in,
no way out, I just can't win.
Can't afford to live, but afraid to die,
doesn't that make you wanna cry.
Can't afford to wipe my own ***,
lets see you try to use broken glass.
If misery loves company,
where's the rest of the people with no money.
Can't afford a hair cut, my hair is so long,
my life is like a bad country song.
Tried selling drugs on the street,
things went good till I got beat.
In conclusion, I so **** broke,
my life turned out to be one fat joke.