Who Am I

I'm outrageous, sometimes heinous,
but very highly contagious.
I'm crazy, some so lazy,
won't stop till I push up a daisy.
I'm in my prime, since the age of nine,
not a word, I can't rhyme.
Can't show gain, without some pain,
my **** don't flush down a drain.
I'm a tease, I aim to please,
if I take your picture, you better say cheese.
I'm very fictitious, even more suspicious,
get me mad and I can very vicious.
I love my pen, write words if I can,
don't need you telling me when.
I'm a believer, an under achiever,
my heat could lead to a fever.
I love to scare, leaving you in despair,
no one will or ever try and compare.
I'm a cool guy, foxes think I'm sly,
on you, I will always spy.
I answer prayers, I fix all repairs,
no one will ever peel my layers.
My hairy ***, must be mowed like grass,
my ****** berries are worth more than brass.
Don't ever mess with me, your soul I will set free,
me, myself and I makes three.
See me standing, after my crash landing,
my vocabulary is daily expanding.
Eyes wide open, heart never broken,
not sure why, but I was chosen.
Why even compete, I can't be beat,
my name is on many of street.
I'm under rated, girlfriend is inflated,
all your wishes are very belated.
I'm the name of many towns,
conceited as it may sounds,
my spirit over you surrounds.

Never Forget Your Pills

Pretending to be normal,
its so hard when you're immortal.
In bed I'm called a god,
stand up for me and applaud.
Me more happy than a clam,
I'm more American than Uncle Sam.
I make your dreams come true,
I'm more famous than Playboys Hugh.
I love to flirt, I love to tease,
my goal is to always please.
I love being in the ****,
I'm just that kind of dude.
A few times I've almost died,
I get emotional and have cried.
Some say that I'm delusional,
I find that to be kind of disputable.
You try being so **** perfect,
coming from me, what do you expect.
Not my fault, I'm the best,
I live by the power of suggest.
I open so many closed minds,
if somethings lost, I give it a finds.
I make magic with my pen,
I'm smarter than the three wise men.
I have no more competition,
everyone failed the last audition.
Everywhere I go, I get praised,
happening so long, I don't get phased.
Some say i suffer from schizophrenia,
all I read is the newest encyclopedia.
Can't help having god like features,
back in school, I taught the teachers.
Today I forgot to take my medicine,
everything just written was irrelevant.

Death Of A Poet

Something happening to my brain,
feeling numb, feeling pain.
Blood dripping from nose and eyes,
feels like a blood baptize.
Coughing blood through the mouth,
maybe I'm on that highway going south.
Falling to the ground,
head spinning round.
Blood pouring out my ears,
it's time to face my fears.
Immortality has escaped my soul,
i can picture my six foot hole.
in and out a state of consciousness,
I was just another victim that's anonymous.
Nothing can save me now,
no encore, no final bow.
I'm too young to die,
blood is all I ever cry.
No tunnel, no light,
my body isn't taking flight.
Just laying in the dark,
above my head is a question mark.
Not the way I wanted to go,
so painful, so **** slow.
Wanted to die in my sleep,
counting some innocent sheep.
I guess it was just my turn,
my body, I want to burn.
Ashes spread across the land,
while millions of people salute and stand.
Remembering the good old times,
a brain tumor was my ultimate demise.
It happened so very fast,
all I can see is my darkened past.

Love Story

This is a love story of a different sort,
he was a ******, she was an escort.
He had the night off and feeling lonely,
eating his cheese, crackers and pepperoni.
Called a girl he once knew,
she is an escort, and making her debut.
She was there in an hour,
she was fat and he had no flour.
She told him fifty bucks, and I'm all yours,
she barely fit through any of his doors.
He said, I never knew you were a *******,
she said, I didn't come here for you to prosecute.
No, no he said that's not it,
I miss hanging out, I must admit.
They talked all night, and she charged no money,
life is strange and even sometimes funny.
They both quit their illegal jobs,
every night they would make love like Gods.
After a week they got hitched,
it was like together, they got stitched.
She found a job at a bank,
he started driving an oil tank.
She exercised and lost some weight,
he said, **** baby you look great.
They lived a happy middle classed life,
but very happy as husband and wife.
They had a baby, then another,
he was a good dad, and her a good mother.
They were living happily ever after,
till he died falling off a very high rafter.
Turned their lives into shreds,
no more stitches, broken was the threads.
After a while they moved on,
finally the numbness was all gone.
She hooked up with a new man,
kids chopped him up and stuck him in a can.
They didn't want a new daddy,
mommy got depressed and again became a fatty.

Can't Afford

Life is slowly falling apart,
can't even afford to go to Walmart.
Can't even afford the Dollar Tree,
no window to throw out my *** of ***.
Can't afford to pay my bills,
no money left for my bi-polar pills.
Can't afford to eat or drink,
I'm broke, is what I think.
No more water, no more electric,
I'm even to poor to be eccentric.
Can't afford gas or cable,
Yes, I am mentally unstable.
Can't afford to buy a pen, wrote this in blood,
in my tears, I'm drowning in the flood.
House is in foreclosure,
listen closely, you can hear the bulldozer.
Had to sell everything I own,
nobody will ever give me a loan.
I walk around in my underwear,
like Mother Hubbard, my cupboard is bare.
Not one job to be had,
can't afford to call my mom or dad.
Walls around are closing in,
no way out, I just can't win.
Can't afford to live, but afraid to die,
doesn't that make you wanna cry.
Can't afford to wipe my own ***,
lets see you try to use broken glass.
If misery loves company,
where's the rest of the people with no money.
Can't afford a hair cut, my hair is so long,
my life is like a bad country song.
Tried selling drugs on the street,
things went good till I got beat.
In conclusion, I so **** broke,
my life turned out to be one fat joke.

LE/DC

There's a lady we all know,
her ****, she loves to show.
She's buying the highway to heaven,
she only has a money account of seven.
Living hard, living tough,
loves *** that is rough.
Ain't nowhere she'd rather be,
she's living to be set free.
There's a note on the wall,
it's for her name to call.
In a bush by the swamp,
that's where she loves to romp.
She has no rhyme or reasons,
cause you know words have four meanings.
She's now on the stairway to hell,
she didn't fall, she fell.
No red lights, no school zone,
just a giant hole surrounded by stone.
A weird feeling she gets,
when she looks to the south,
no longer can she use her juicy mouth.
Ooh, it makes her wonder,
ooh, it makes her really ponder.
Nothing will slow her down,
her ******* have turned brown.
The devil's calling her to join him,
she starts singing her favorite hymn.
She could't afford the highway to heaven,
she barely had enough for a Slurpie from 7-11.
And as she zooms down the stairway road,
slow motion she wishes was her mode.
She's on the stairway to hell,
her soul she had to sell.
She's on the stairway to hell,
no stopping at that famous California hotel.

Been with a *****, been with a nun,
doing it in church seemed to be more fun.
Been with a mom, been with her daughter,
not sure which one was hotter.
Been with my friends sister, been with her twin,
after that three way my face had a grin.
Been with a princess, been with a queen,
they made me a sandwich and I was in between.
Been with a ******, been with a ****,
it was live, uncensored and uncut.
Been with a diva, been with a wife,
until her husband chased me with a knife.
Now I found someone special,
my love life is on a brand new level.
Gave up all my women, for one awesome lady,
she's more wholesome than Carol Brady.
All those other girls didn't mean a thing,
my new woman even got an engagement ring.
She drives me more crazy, than the others combined,
my little black book, I left very far behind.
On the day that we get married,
at our honeymoon hotel,
through the door she'll be carried.
Once I tell her about my past,
not sure how long the marriage will last.

Not Sure

Not sure about the future,
it gets no better, is the rumor.
Not sure about the past,
it sure did go by fast.
Not sure about the present,
right now, I'm popping a tent.
Not sure about the time,
how long do we stay in prime.
Not sure about me,
on that issue, I'll bargain a plea.
Not sure about you,
a friendship still under review.
Not sure how we got here,
someday we will all disappear.
Not sure what life's about,
but I can still make the girls shout.
Not sure about money,
having none, makes eyes runny.
Not sure about ***,
or when I'll get it next.
Not sure about the weather,
when it's cold, I wear my leather.
Not sure why I wrote this,
why are there holes in Swiss.
Not sure about what's real,
or why my skin I like to peel.
Not sure if you're aware,
if I loose my *****, I have a spare.
Not sure if any of this makes sense,
just putting in my two cents.

Rhyme Master

I'm a joke, I like to smoke, always broke,
sometimes I stroke, over easy, I like my yolk.
I'm a walking collision, always needing supervision,
my personality is a split decision,
I was sixteen when I had my circumcision.
I strive to go far, gonna reach for every star,
life can be very bizarre, my brain has a giant scar,
got my hand stuck in the cookie jar.
I'm on a secret mission, but with no ambition,
I hate tradition, don't believe in superstition,
I think I deserve more recognition.
Writing with my lucky pen, no ***** for poor Ken,
there were no three wise men, not now and not then,
I'm gonna be rich, but not sure when.
Forgot more than most will know,
I hate when I stub my big toe,
everyone sometimes will eat crow,
once a month a woman will flow,
I love to watch my ***** grow.
Haven't seen snow in three years,
if not for cable, we'd be using rabbit ears,
some movies put me in tears,
consider my rhymes souvenirs,
I like getting a buzz from drinking beers.
Hate the day, love the night, no need for a stupid light,
I hate to fight, with no teeth, it's hard to bite,
I do things out of spite, believe it or not, I'm white,
my future is about to take flight.
You never had a choice, I never had a Joyce,
my words are my voice, it's time for all to rejoice,
as I drive away in my new Rolls Royce.
I do as I please, as you all pray on your knees,
life is never a breeze,
can't eat hot wings without blue cheese,
living in Florida, I never freeze.
Will never own a gun, love having fun,
life has just begun, the loneliest number is one,
stick a fork in me, because I'm done.

Been
been cuffed
been stuffed
been shot
been forgot
been grabbed
been stabbed
been forty
been *****
been accused
been confused
been there
been square
been drunk
been sunk
been ******
been disowned
been eccentric
been athletic
been scared
been prepared
been lazy
been ****
been cruel
been cool
been everything
there is to be
except the man
that is me

Bi-Polar Man

In the darkest evening hours,
arose a man with special powers.
Stop a fast moving car,
uproot the biggest tree,
float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee.
Climb the highest mountain,
swim the deepest sea,
Drinks from the youth fountain,
the luxury of being free.
Take advantage, it only lasts a few days,
in walks depression, and its wicked ways.
No fun to crash and burn,
not knowing which way to turn.
Sleep all day, awake crying all night,
battle the struggle, with all your might.
Afraid to leave your own house,
too lazy to catch a pestering mouse.
Then the powers suddenly come back,
now it's time for the returning attack.
Playing Frogger on a busy street,
for the high score, you compete.
Jump the tallest building,
faster than a private jet,
dreams and goals, you're fulfilling,
spending money, bills you forget.
Once again, you start to crash,
head you begin to bash.
You are bi-polar man,
never was part of the plan.
One day happy, next day sad,
Now you're laughing, then you're mad.
Mood changes on the drop of a dime,
no perception of day or time.
On a schedule of pill taking,
these habits, no chance of breaking.
I happen to be a bi-polar man,
just doing whatever I can.

Second Chance

I hid from you long enough,
tides are high, waves are rough.
Ready for my crash landing,
energy forming from where I'm standing.
You're time is up, mine is just beginning,
two strikes, two outs, bottom of the ninth inning.
No one knows what will happen next,
I sent you a message, I hope its me you text.
Time is up you better decide,
I'm always here for you to confide.
I hurt you once, it wont happen again,
I hid my tears by crying in the rain.
All I ask is for a second chance,
please give me one last glance.
Cheating on you was not my intention,
you were distant and I needed attention.
She was an escort, it meant nothing,
I didn't know the blow would be so crushing.
You may cheat on me, if that's what it takes,
everyone will make a million mistakes.
Now I'm back pleading and begging,
I hope you're forgiving and forgetting.
If its no, I will understand,
as the Beatles sang, I wanna hold your hand.
I broke your fragile gentle heart,
I know that wasn't very smart.
After our talk, you walked away,
I killed myself that very same day.

You

Eyes are blue like the sky,
you're with me and I wonder why.
You became my best friend,
we'll be together till the end.
For you I'd do anything,
you're my queen, I'm your king.
I love you with all my heart,
when you sleep, you always ****.
My kids and you are all I have,
you love the way, I make you laugh.
You have a magical touch,
I love you so very much.
Even when life goes wrong,
all the bad things make us strong.
In the bed, we love to cuddle,
after ***, you leave a puddle.
We disagree on many subjects,
being in love is always complex.
Living together has many rewards,
our love making has won many awards.
You are so very beautiful,
even though you can be delusional.
We fight more than we should,
when I see you, I still get wood.
Money we don't have much of,
it doesn't matter cause we're in love.

Rambling

Life is good, life is bad,
sometimes happy, sometimes sad.
Drink a beer, smoke a ****,
listening to your favorite song.
Sometimes manic, sometimes depressed,
pop a pill if you get stressed.
Reach for the stars, follow your dreams,
when having a nightmare, silent your screams.
Drive around that bump in the road,
never play baseball with a live toad.
Think positive and always smile,
even when it feels like you're on trial.
When life seems way out of hand,
put your friends on the witness stand.
Life is never as bad as you think,
just remember the inside is always pink.
When you're happy, things will go your way,
life is a constant game, we must play.
First we're born, last we die,
always laugh and never cry.
I wish we all could be in the buff,
in an ****, is eight really enough.
When young, life is so **** easy,
meet the eighth dwarf, they call me ******.
As you get older, there are so many responsibilities,
but whatever you do, never doubt your capabilities.
I find nothing wrong with being a bit perverted,
my family and friends have never deserted.
Personally, I like being among the living,
except for that day they call Thanksgiving.
If you ever need me, just give me a call,
there is no problem too large or small.
These five words I say to you,
girls always love my fondue.

Hang Man

Demons come from out of the shadows,
to hang us all with wooden gallows.
Our time is up, on this land called Earth,
its all we've known since our birth.
Time to pay for all our so called sins,
while we hang, they stick us with pins.
After we die, we're thrown into a giant hole,
every second, you can see another escaping soul.
Is this judgement day about to begin,
maybe ****** moved back to East Berlin.
People linked with cuffs and chains,
they burn what's left of our remains.
One by one, we're put in a noose,
not to tight, but not to loose.
While you hang and gasp for air,
they skin you like a tasty fresh pear.
The hole is consumed with fire and flames,
the devil and his silly little games.
This must be the foulest stench,
they drink our blood when they need to quench.
So much smoke it blocks out the sun,
they eat our wieners with a bun.
You can see them laugh as we all hang,
like were some part of an old wild west gang.
Our planet is still dark to this very day,
in god we trust, should be in god we betray.
This so called god, didn't even lift a thumb,
to believe in him now, you must be dumb.
Earthquakes and volcanoes, destroyed what was left,
on this Earth, we are nothing more than a visiting guest.

Agony Of Defeat

Somewhere in the night,
lurking is a future fright,
it will soon be a scary sight.
A little boy in his bed,
bleeding from his little head,
parents find him, already dead.
911 the parents called,
their lives were forever stalled,
they watched his body, as he got hauled.
Mom passed out on the floor,
dad speechless, said no more,
tears followed them out the door.
He had a rare brain disease,
never again will their minds be at ease,
in life there are no guarantees.
Thousands of people came to mourn,
only three years ago, he was born.
they now live in total scorn.
Haven't been to work in weeks,
they lay in bed, no one speaks,
still blood on the child's sheets.
Family and friends tried to support,
but they all fell way to short,
they rather go to the final night court.
They took a suicide pact,
even signed a written contract,
somewhere in the world, this could be fact.

Storm

Darkened room, darkened sky,
no one asks or wonders why.
It's the calm before the storm,
temperature, getting a bit warmer.
Board up windows,
bolt up the door,
but still wanting more.
Storm clouds getting closer,
hands shaking like a composer.
Starts with wind and rain,
not easy to explain.
Thunder than lightning,
this all seems so exciting.
Running outside to check it out,
the end of the longest drought.
Funnels forming everywhere,
but you don't seem to care,
Not a clear sky in sight,
it's day, but it looks like night.
Back inside for some shelter,
family huddled all together.
All the dogs begin to bark,
living in the trailer park.
Storm passed by with no damage,
living in Kansas is such a challenge.
All the people in the trailer park,
get scared when day becomes dark.

In Three

Pain, agony and defeat,
why even bother to compete.
***, love and massage,
feels like a wet mirage.
Smelly, ***** and debris,
in the shower, we always ***.
Rich, fortune and greed,
something I desperately need.
Power, ego and narcissistic,
they all equal sadistic.
Deaf, dumb and blind,
makes you fall far behind.
Silly, weird and eccentric,
could it be all genetic.
Brunette, redhead, and blonde,
too each, I'm quite fond.
******, acid and coke,
I prefer, just to smoke.
North, East and West,
South I like the best.
Snow, rain and hail,
anything worse, time to bail.
Alone, sad and depressed,
life is nothing but a test.
Hard, easy and the beginners,
us survivors are the winners.

Making No Sense

Young people cry,
old people die,
I just wonder why.
Babies are born,
men watch ****,
women are torn.
Some swallow,
soul is hollow,
I just wallow.
Read between lines,
always pay fines,
do it in the pines.
Think outside the box,
not all keys fit locks,
I'm more sly than a fox.
Breaking the chains,
everyone complains,
all that remains.
Met at the station,
in for the duration,
part of the creation.
Mind over matter,
thin over fatter,
brains always splatter.
Orlando and Dawn,
Hudson and Hawn,
is anybody really gone.
Food on table,
mentally unstable,
ready, willing and able.
Praying to God,
while laying sod,
two peas in a pod.
Football is gay,
Peyton better play,
Broncos all the way.
Nothing seems level,
born a rebel,
running with the devil.

Delusional Paranoia

Inside my head is a constant fight,
darkness covers the distant light.
All the meds are not working,
the smell of evil is slowly lurking.
Darkness fades to pitch black,
all I want is my old life back.
I need to change all my meds,
still running from the feds.
Help me please, get through this moment,
sick and tired of living in constant torment.
Moving state to state, town to town,
I'm just a like a king, who lost his crown.
Did I smoke a joint, or was it a bowl,
all the drugs have finally taken its toll.
My life used to be fast and furious,
now I'm lost and very curious.
My mind has wondered so far away,
should I go, or should I stay.
Is anything I'm saying making any sense,
or is my braid just to dense.
Not sure when things went wrong,
I used to be bigger than King Kong.
Then one day, my life fell apart,
black became the color of my broken heart.
In conclusion, maybe I have a delusion,
is there a solution to all my confusion.

Depends

Woke up, took my morning ****,
the toilet bowl, I sure did miss.
****** on the tile floor,
leaked to the bathroom door.
****** on my feet,
some made it to the seat.
Cleaned up and took a shower,
feels like I lost a special power.
****** again but on the curtain,
my ***** control, I lost for certain.
I guess it's time to **** sitting down,
then I noticed that my underwear was brown.
It was a massive skid mark,
hard to see when it's dark.
I guess it's time for Depends,
my man hood, I will defends.
Maybe this is just a phase,
my underwear, I set a blaze.
I hope this is a temporary problem,
this is making me feel less awesome.
Last night I **** and ****** my bed,
I bought a gun, cause I'd rather be dead.

My Letter

This is a letter, I'm writing to me,
with paper that came from a tree.
Over forty and nothing accomplished,
thought by now, I'd be smoothly polished.
Life didn't turn out like I thought,
I did everything that I was taught.
When younger, found love once or twice,
each time, I learned while paying the price.
Have two kids I love dearly,
not seeing them every day, hurts severely.
Never knew life would be this complicated,
too easily, I get so aggravated.
Snapping at the smallest thing,
just once, I want to be a king.
Met a woman, I love a lot,
moved to Florida, where it's always hot.
Been in two major car accidents,
surviving both was so miraculous.
I've had my share of nervous breakdowns,
lived in my share of lonely towns.
All I ask for is my chance of fame,
for fifteen minutes, I'd play the game.
At this moment, my life ain't half bad,
sometime's I feel like I've been had.
Done my share of bad things,
karma sometimes badly stings.
Been so broke, lived in the streets,
been so rich, followers actually read my tweets.
Now I live with my best friend,
I'm hoping till the very end.
A letter to yourself is a great exercise,
learning about yourself, can make you wise.
This will end my hand written letter,
try it sometime, I promise you'll feel better.

Just Words

swindle
fraudulence
deceit
scam
those words cheat us
happy
joy
fun
laugh
those words bless us
depression
sadness
hopelessness
suicidal
those words worry us
bewildered
baffled
dumbfounded
perplexed
those words confuse us
awesome
amazing
terrific
outstanding
those words are us
love
lust
***
passion
those words excite us
jealous
selfish
vindictive
desirous
those words envy us
all these words can describe
everyday feelings we all share.

Ten Doors

Behind door number one,
is a naked woman, tanned from the sun,
willing to do anything you say for fun.
Behind door number two,
green grass and a sky that's always blue,
and a giant house built just for you.
Behind door number three,
a toilet bowl, in case you have to ***,
and a brand new Hybrid SUV.
Behind door number four,
you get to pick your own lifetime *****,
if you don't like our choices, in the back we got more.
Behind door number five,
is your favorite rock band, who will perform live,
also an in ground pool, so you can always dive.
Behind door number six,
is all the secrets to all the magic tricks,
and we will also sew on two extra *****.
Behind door number seven,
at your death you will go straight to heaven,
never again will you feel any kind of depression.
Behind door number eight,
in no more long lines will you have to wait,
and your choice to live in any country or state.
Behind door number nine,
a lifetime supply of you favorite beer or wine,
and plenty of *******, so you can always do a line.
Behind door number ten,
the day you die, the how and the when,
all the money you want, but only in yen.
You only get to pick one number,
hurry up you're not getting any younger.
This is such a tough decision,
it may take time and a precise precision.
I just don't know which one to choose,
either way I cannot lose.
I think I will go Eenie Meenie Miney Mo,
and from there, just see how it might go.

The Ocean
The ocean, I like to go,
except days, when it might snow.
I like the ocean, colored blue,
jamming out to some Motley Crue.
Girls in a two piece thong,
no way, you can go wrong.
Laying towels in the sand,
lovers holding each others hand.
Boogie boarding on the wave,
these are things, that I crave.
Getting the perfect tan,
girls all drooling over one man.
Swimming in the warm gulf water,
with my awesome son, and my beautiful daughter.
Wet sand can make a castle,
hard to walk, wish I had a camel.
Getting wet, when you're hot,
a jet ski, I just bought.
Sunglasses on to scope the chicks,
put some **** in the brownie mix.
I love the ocean, for all the above,
don't get in the path of the water,
or you will get a giant shove.

Me Being Me

Time is a wasting,
things I've been misplacing,
but still, I'm amazing.
Just playing possum,
love being gruesome,
but still, I'm awesome.
A bit ridiculous,
remaining anonymous,
but still, I'm fabulous.
At times very dramatic,
never enthusiastic,
but still, I'm fantastic.
Never ever cheerful,
down right dreadful,
but still, I'm wonderful.
Got no talent,
way to arrogant,
but still, I'm excellent.
Somewhat distant,
always very different,
but still, I'm brilliant.
Sometimes depressive,
a bit too excessive,
but still, I'm impressive.
No six pack abdominal,
mouth very washable,
but still, I'm phenomenal.
Always horrific,
never specific,
but still, I'm terrific.
Sometimes heartless,
live in total darkness,
but still, I'm marvelous.
I think you all get the point,
so go roll a big fat joint,
because like always, I never disappoint.

Every Ten Years

There is something in which I never speak,
my inner soul has become decayed and weak.
Just the thought will drive me insane,
blisters cover my heart and brain.
It's been ten long years, since that day,
I think about it, without any say.
Maybe it's time to let it loose,
I'm so hungry, I could eat a whole moose.
A angry beast lives inside my soul,
this time, I'm not paying any toll.
Shot my family with a gun,
it was easy, it was fun.
Getting the urge to **** some more,
that's why I married this stupid *****.
My new wife and kids have no clue,
all the things I'm about to do.
I'm starting to shake, starting to mumble,
legs getting weak as I start to stumble.
Grabbed my shotgun from behind the wall,
felt like the man from Walking Tall.
Old family buried in the back yard,
my head was dealt the wrong card.
Dug four new graves next to theirs,
I believe in keeping families in pairs.
Shot them dead in cold blood,
how I sure love a red flood.
I've been questioned, but never accused,
this is how I keep myself amused.
Five years later I get remarried,
there are more bodies to be buried.
I'm forty eight and getting old,
with each day, my heart gets more cold.
This time after killing my kin,
it actually felt like a ***** sin.
Can't go through this ever again,
killing myself, just don't know when.

When I'm hungry, you feed me food,
our wedding vows, we recently renewed,
the *** is better after a good feud,
I prefer you only in the ****.
When I'm sick, you make me well,
marrying you, was an easy sell,
head over heals for you, I madly fell,
remember our first time, in that motel.
When I'm thirsty, you get my drink,
both our thoughts are always in sync,
you are my unsolved missing link,
I love when you give me that special wink.
When I'm naked, you give me clothes,
forever grateful, its me you chose,
you even let me pick my nose,
I love you from head to toes.
When I'm bleeding, you give me stitches,
together we went from rags to riches,
we scratch each others unbearable itches,
you cured all my faults and glitches.
When I'm *****, you make me ***,
you made this man from a ***,
just look at what I have become,
everyday spent with you, I am succumb.
When I'm down, you make me high,
with you, the limit is the sky,
anything you want, go ahead and buy,
you're more American that apple pie.
When I'm lost, you give me a found,
its always nice having you around,
before you, I was tightly wound,
saying I love you, requires no sound.

Left For Dead

Ants crawling up my leg,
blood is what they beg.
Jack Frost nipping at me nose,
this is something I oppose.
Cat has got my tongue,
cigarette smoke fills my lung.
Woodpecker pounding my forehead,
all these animals need to be fed.
Alligators rip off my hands and feet,
my poor body is now incomplete.
Maggots oozing from my brain,
nothing stops them, even rain.
Vultures and buzzards,
tearing apart my carcass,
all these animals are in focus.
Bugs flying all around,
never seen something so profound.
Nothing is left, just bare bone,
how I died is still unknown,
in a swamp left all alone.
My skeleton hangs from a tree,
somebody had to do this to me.
Two weeks later I was discovered,
if they only knew,
how much I have suffered.
Never did identify my body,
I even head lined Hard Copy.
No heaven and no hell,
just darkness and time to dwell.

Diary Of A Serial Killer

My life began normal,
in a very small town,
I can't remember once ever having a frown.
I'm not sure how I became a mad hatter,
but who really cares,
and what does it matter.
My first **** was the guy who ***** my sister,
ever since then my brain has had a blister.
Now i **** people just for fun,
and never have I had to use a gun.
I randomly pick people,
from my local telephone book,
and it don't matter,
if you're a plumber, lawyer or a cook.
I stalk you for days,
I even go to your work,
I once even killed the local town clerk.
At every crime scene, I leave a small clue,
I mark their body, with a small tattoo.
I have killed twenty, maybe even more,
then I leave them ******,
on their own kitchen floor.
The cops can't catch me, I am way to quick,
I am harder to find, then Ole Saint Nick.
When the time comes, I will **** myself,
and maybe my grand kids,
can put my trophies on their shelf.

Mugging

Heart thumping at a rapid beat,
***** running down to my feet.
Getting mugged, gun in face,
the one **** day, I left home my mace.
He wants my money or my life,
wishing I had some kind of knife.
Slowly going for my wallet,
tears dripping like a leaky faucet.
Getting anxious, he ***** his gun,
should I submit or should I run.
Then I kicked him in the *****,
watching him as he slowly falls.
Grabbed the gun from his hand,
asked for his money, as he started to stand.
He said please mister, I'm out of work,
I said who cares you stupid ****.
He showed me his wallet, which was bare,
I could smell his **** in his underwear.
I told him to turn around and walk away,
he said till I get your money, I must stay.
Had no choice but to shoot him dead,
two bullets in his brainless head.
From the gun, wiped off my prints,
limped home like I had shin splints.
Went home and took a shower,
felt kinda bad as my soul became sour.
Closed my eyes and only saw red,
maybe I should have forced him to run instead.
I hate living in a state of misery,
from that day on, I felt kinda jittery.
Both of us at one point begged for mercy,
just a typical day in north New Jersey.

I Write About
I write about money,
I write about fame,
I write cause I'm funny,
I write about my shame.
I write about dreams,
I write about drugs,
I write about screams,
I write about thugs.
I write about you,
I write about me,
I write about poo,
I write about ***.
I write about blood,
I write about satin,
I write about mud,
I write about hating.
I write about ****,
I write about pain,
I write about escape,
I write about strain.
I write about ****,
I write about death,
I write about unborn,
I write about breath.
I write about devil,
I write about god,
I write about mental,
I write about fraud.
I will write about anything,
a girlfriend or a fling.
****** and molesting,
greed and possessing.
I write about anything I want,
I'm so good, I often flaunt..

Mamma's Boy

There was a man, his name was Tom,
forty five and still lives with mom.
I guess you can say, he's a mamma's boy,
morning, noon and night, plays with his favorite toy.
Mom don't let him go out on dates,
Rosie and her sisters, are his only mates.
Has naked posters on his bedroom wall,
stares at under age girls at the mall.
Loves movies that are ****,
been that way, since he was born.
Hangs out at every school park,
targeting his next victims every mark.
Tried it once or twice in his cellar,
tied them to an old plane propeller.
He buried them after he had his fun,
only girls between ten to twelve,
made him shoot his favorite gun.
Missing person posters turned him on,
he considered himself the preteen Don Juan.
Then one day his mamma died,
Jekyll is gone, it's now only Hyde.
He went on local web chat sites,
all young girls got wanted invites.
With no mom, things got easy,
my stomach is getting a bit queasy.
In a months time, maybe twenty girls,
promised them dolls with clothes and pearls.
This small town was in an uproar,
if you needed girl parts, he had the store.
Near by neighbors noticed an ungodly smell,
police came and found and an under ground hell.
Everyone thought this man was strange,
after his mom died, they noticed a change.
They strung him on a giant pole,
while parents played Whac-A-Mole.
They hit that human pinata till it exploded,
his blood and guts became unloaded.

Two Words

Wolves howl
cats meow
people prowl.
Cigarette smoke
Facebook poke
me broke.
Blonde hair
blank stare
better beware.
Phone rings,
bee stings
needless things.
Darkened rooms
evil looms
life zooms.
Authors write
feeling light
future bright.
Forget past
never last
happens fast.
Bloods red,
damaged head
you're dead.

I Want You, You Want Me

I want you
you want me
side by side
why don't we
people are same
where ever you go
some move fast
some move slow
good and bad
in everyone
been that way
since life begun
we learn to live
we learn to give
I want you
you want me
our dying love
sets us free
hold me close
hold me tight
then I know
it will be alright
we fell in love
while in the army
now we live
in perfect harmony
we both got locked
in a darkened box
now we can't stop
******* each others *****

Love is more than hugs and kissing,
its when their not around, you're missing.
Love is more than naked massages and ***,
its when every five minutes you have to text.
Love is more than passion and affection,
its when two people have a magic connection.
Love is more than saying I love you,
its a strong commitment you must pursue.
Love is a special bond between two people,
if closely related, it could be illegal.
Love is more than kissing each other goodnight,
its making up after each and every fight.
Love is more than butterflies in the belly,
its no being afraid of use some petroleum jelly.
Love is more than buying a dozen roses,
sometimes love is right under our noses.
Love is more than having a big wedding,
each day it seems to be spreading.
Love is more than an attraction,
its finally getting some satisfaction.
Love is more than being with til the end,
you also must be each others best friend.
Love is more than a burning flame,
feeling for each other must be the same.
Love is more than a myth or a theory,
sometimes its so scary its eerie.
Love is more than a roll of the dice,
its like being on a permanent paradise.
Love is more than sharing the same bed,
love is everything and more,
than I could fathom or be said.

Marine Corps

Seconds become minutes,
numbers are only digits.
Minutes become hours,
our love, bloomed like flowers.
Hours become days,
the Marines made us go separate ways.
Days become weeks,
my eyes sprung many leaks.
Weeks become months,
I'm home, while you're doing stunts.
Can't wait to see you again,
each letter we send, is with the same pen.
The year is about to end,
can't wait to see my best friend.
Months turn into weeks,
there will be no kissing on cheeks.
Weeks turn into days,
finally no more **** delays.
Days turn into hours,
so excited I took two showers.
Hours turn into minutes,
our love has no limits.
Minutes turn into seconds,
time is now of the essence.
I heard a knock at the door,
it was the Sargent of the Marine Corps.
Couldn't help but shed a tear,
after all I waited a whole **** year.

Are you lonesome tonight,
did you and your hubby have a fight.
You know you're always welcome here,
I will wipe away any kind of tear.
Take your coat off and stay awhile,
hang here with me, til you reconcile.
It doesn't matter how long it takes,
people always will make mistakes.
Is that your husband banging on my door,
screaming come out you two timing *****.
I just called the local police,
don't want my landlord to break my lease.
I warned you not to marry that creep,
you take the bed, on the couch, I will sleep.
We have been friends a very long time,
I would give you my very last dime.
I hated when we drifted apart,
you broke my unbreakable heart.
When we met, I loved you from first glance,
if you weren't married, would you give me a second chance.
Are you lonesome tonight,
would you cheat on your husband out of spite.
Is your heart filled with pain,
you could always hop on my happy train.
Then you slapped me in the face,
I was called out going to first base.
When you said no I felt so rejected,
that is what I kinda suspected.
Now my apartment is bare,
I'm alone and standing there.
I guess hitting on her wasn't so bright,
cause now I'm the one who is lonesome tonight.

Hate/Love

Hate Pepsi, love Coke
hate crack, love to ****
Hate country, love rock
hate boring, love to shock
Hate to ****, love the ***
hate stupid, love wit
Hate football, love wrestling
hate knowing, love guessing
Hate violence, love ***
hate calling, love to text
Hate snow, love rain
hate blood, love pain
Hate cleaning, love cooking
hate darkness, love looking
Hate running, love driving
hate death, love surviving
Hate *******, love ladies
hate the nineties, love the eighties
Hate past, love now
hate to deny, love to allow
Hate the Exorcist, love Freddy
hate shaking, love steady
So many thing I hate,
like always having to wait.
So many things I love,
my life, I'm proud of.
Hate you, love me
hate to argue, love to agree
Hate alone, love company
hate happy, love grumpy
Hate standing, love to sit
hate swallowing, love to spit
Hate alcohol, love ****
hate failure, love to succeed
Hate to read, love to write
hate being nice, love to spite
Hate to stay, love to go,
hate above, love below
I think you get my point,
now go smoke a big fat joint.

Presidents

Washington, Adams and Jefferson,
had *** with slaves just for fun.
Madison, Monroe and Adams,
I'm sure had secret madams.
Jackson, Van Buren and Harrison,
not sure how they ever won.
Tyler, Polk and Taylor,
before elected lived in a trailer.
Fillmore, Pierce and Buchanan,
should have been shot from a cannon.
Lincoln, Johnson and Grant,
each once had a cotton plant.
Hayes, Garfield and Arthur,
sinking fast with no life preserver.
Cleveland, Harrison and again Cleveland,
both of them killed at least one Indian.
McKinley, Roosevelt and Taft,
all too fat to float on a raft.
Wilson, Harding and Coolidge,
should have jumped from a bridge.
Hoover, Roosevelt and Truman,
wondering if they were even human.
Eisenhower, Kennedy and Johnson,
neither of them can still run.
Nixon, Ford and Carter,
not sure which one was smarter.
Reagan, Bush and Clinton,
shot, stupid and a Monica.
Bush and now Obama,
one was dumb,
and the other looks like a black llama.

Long Road

When I was born, the mold was broken,
people see me and they become frozen.
Sorry for my big ego,
you better let go my Eggo.
Some say I'm a bit conceited,
not very often, I get defeated.
Sometimes it goes the other way too,
you try your foot in my shoe.
Stressed, blessed and always depressed,
no matter what I do, I'm always impressed.
I'm cocky with no confidence,
falling down then getting up,
made me who I am today.
Can't always get what you want,
just make sure, you have what you need.
I always do what I want,
when it's good, I like to flaunt.
I'm amazing in the most awesome way,
trying always to have a great day.
My girl keeps me under control,
she's my heart and my soul.
I'm outrageous and contagious,
I wish I was a bit more courageous.
After a life of pure hell,
I proudly admit,
I'm doing well.

Burn In Reality

Welcome to the promise land,
enter people and take my hand.
Nobody helps, nobody cares,
friends are just like musical chairs.
It's a selfish and cruel world,
at a young age, you see it's unfurled.
No one seems to have enough money,
the government laughs, they think it's funny.
The ones you love, stay very close,
in glass houses, always wear clothes.
Shooters and drugs on every corner,
don't wanna be a victim or a mourner.
In this world, it's a dog eat dog,
going blind from all the dense fog.
All you can do is try your best,
don't let yourself get obsessed.
We all done some bad things in our life,
people are always stabbing you with a knife.
Play with fire, and you soon will burn,
what others do, is not your concern.
Look in your soul, what do you see,
is this how, you want to be.
You can decide your own fate,
choose it soon, before too late.
Always work and never play,
reality *****, is what I always say.
Hear no evil, seek no evil,
maybe it's time for a reality retrieval.
Is life fact or is it fiction,
let's bring back the crucifixion.
Reality bites, just ask Winona Ryder,
for your kids be a good provider.
Reality shows are just a joke,
after fifteen minutes, they too are broke.
The older you are, the worse it gets,
everyday you're hit with a defensive blitz.
We are all burning in Reality,
Hell will be just a simple formality.

Treat Me Bad

I like to be treated bad,
slapping my face, won't make me mad.
Smack my *** with a whip,
in frozen water, I'd skinny dip.
Hit me with your stupid car,
watch me as I fly real far.
Go ahead and kick me in the *****,
push me over Niagara Falls.
Shoot me with your favorite gun,
I'll just get back up and start to run.
Stab me with a knife in the back,
I'll dull the pain by smoking crack.
Hit me with a baseball bat,
make me eat a rabid rat.
Squeeze my ***** and bite my ****,
make me a watch a boring chick flick.
I'll eat liver that is raw,
punch me hard and break my jaw.
Throw me through the toughest window,
use me as bait, just like a minnow.
Chop off my fingers and my toes,
I'll find a way to wipe my *** and pick my nose.
Whatever happens, I will survive,
I may be late but I'll eventually arrive.
Toss me from the tallest building,
I'm always ready, able and willing.
I love torture, I love pain,
I run with the bulls, when in Spain.
I love when people yell at me,
I'll eat your **** and drink your ***.
I've been tarred-and-feathered,
that was a moment, I truly treasured.
I've been bloodied, I've been bruised,
offered band aids, but always refused.
You might find me a bit strange,
but I'm homeless and will do anything for spare change.

Just The Way It Is

Sitting watching the time go by,
tears dripping from my eye,
another day wondering why.
Can't handle another day of this,
memories that I can't dismiss,
falling deeper into the abyss.
Nothing ever goes my way,
so many bills left to pay,
this all sounds so cliche.
Hazel eyes turning black,
can never get any slack,
maybe it's time to see my quack.
Life on a downward spiral,
not a person left to dial,
down Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Up ***** creek with no paddle,
life is nothing more than a baffle,
riding a race horse with no saddle.
I'm bewildered and dumbfounded,
with my demons, I'm always surrounded,
can't move, feels like I'm grounded.
With each passing day, it gets worse,
somebody please break this curse,
wishing life would go in reverse.
Start over from the beginning,
go back to the very first inning,
can't stop my head from spinning.
Wanna die, but to afraid,
pro's and con's, I have weighed,
like usual, I am dismayed.
This thing called life, I just can't figure,
the hole I dug, can't get no bigger,
no guts to pull the trigger.
Instead, I will just go on living,
never taking, but always giving,
can't fathom any type of meaning.
As I bid you a fond farewell,
my secrets, I will never tell,
life sure is a living hell.

Judgement Day

In the evening of the dead,
people will be losing their very head.
Judgement day will now arrive,
only the good people will survive.
Darkness has covered all the land,
this was something very well planned.
One by one, bad people will suffer,
blood rising higher than a gusher.
Non sinners get to watch the torment,
it's turning out to be quite the event.
Bodies of water are turning red,
millions of people were so misled.
The day is forever gone,
the night will never again dawn.
It soothes the pain of wasted years,
kissing away the left over bitter tears.
No one ever thought this would happen,
the Devil is now the captain.
It's just to bad he lied,
that fateful night when everyone died.
The good people and the bad,
all you morons have been had.
Demons and ghouls now rule,
the Devil can be so **** cruel.
The darkness stayed till the end of time,
they spared me, because I can rhyme.
Plus, I'm that ******* Devil,
nothing about me is on the level.
You silly fools, what did you think,
it's just my paper and my silly ink.

To All The Girls

To all the girls I've liked before,
I'm gonna be rich, while you stay poor.
None of you would go out with me,
because I was so **** ugly.
You said we could be friends,
you drive a Toyota, while I drive a Mercedes Benz.
To all the girls I've liked before,
I even got turned down by the town *****.
Girls would only use me for a ride,
they took my dignity and my pride.
Sometimes I would just roll the dice,
they always said, I was way to nice.
Now I'm here telling you,
to **** on my creamy goo.
To all the girls I've liked before,
go away, stop banging on my door.
Where were you, when I was young and alone,
out with someone with more muscle tone.
All these girls know who you are,
in my head you left a scar.
Well how do you like me now,
most of you on drugs and look like a cow.
To all the girls I've liked before,
years ago you used to ignore.
Now all of a sudden you all want me,
sorry ******* but my love ain't free.
I have found a girl that loves me a lot,
I do want to thank you for all you taught.

On Schedule

Went through the tunnel, to find the light,
wore sunglasses, future was so bright.
Things sure are going my way,
on schedule with no delay.
Everyone gave me a smile,
that only happens, once in awhile.
Nothing today is gonna go wrong,
on the radio is my favorite song.
Around me the world will revolve,
not a problem, I can't solve.
I know the answer to your question,
just using the power of suggestion.
I sure feel like a winner,
even had my favorite dinner.
Squeezing by every road block,
on schedule according to my clock.
Knowing soon I'll crash and burn,
up ahead will be a wrong turn.
That's when ecstasy becomes reality,
part of my unusual mentality.
Can only be so high, for so long,
I just have to play along.
Feeling like a gutter ball bowler,
on schedule is my bi-polar.
Setting in is a dark depression,
these episodes happen in succession.
Afraid to leave the house,
feeling lower that a baby mouse.
Then again I see that shinning light,
on schedule is again becomes bright.

I Can

Here I am the man you want,
jiving, rhyming with an occasional taunt.
No one does it better,
I can even knit a sweater.
I can rock, I can roll,
I can strut, I can stroll.
I can win any event,
not a thing, I can't invent.
I can cure any disease,
I can shoot the breeze.
No one can walk in my shoes,
being me, I have nothing to lose.
I can be the most interesting man in the world,
I can make straight hair become curled.
I'm all that and a bag of chips,
you should see how I do back flips.
I can be rich, I can be poor,
I can install your front or back door.
Jack of trades, mastered them all,
I can be short, I can be tall.
My **** will never stink,
get too close, eye will turn pink.
I can rule, I can dominate,
for President, I can nominate.
I can laugh, I can cry,
but I never seem to know why.
I can do whatever I wanna do,
unfortunately, I choose not to.

Second Chance

Don't take more than you can lend,
before you break, you must bend.
Mind at ease, heart close at hand,
before you realize, you're swimming on dry land.
Hoping life was easy, but it turned into hell,
on the past, don't ever dwell.
Can't please somebody,
till you please yourself,
our love just sits on a dusty shelf.
Believe or not, I have no plan,
my dreams got tossed in the can.
Somehow I must bounce back,
like a rubber band, leave me some slack.
I'm gonna give up, giving up,
no more drinking from a Dixie cup.
I just got one thing to say,
my golden mug is on the way.
I'm not just gonna lay down and die,
gotta give living, just one more try.
I deserve a second chance,
just one more harmless lap dance.
Someday's, I feel like I've had enough,
but is life really that **** tough.
Tired of getting a quick fix,
I just need to change the mix.
Can do anything, I put my mind too,
it works for me how about you.

The Mayor

Adding up all the dead bodies,
most are just carbon copies.
After awhile they all look the same,
only difference is their name.
I have them written in a log book,
all those lives that I have took.
Forty people missing from this town,
all men whose lives were down.
No one expects when you're the mayor,
I even help look for this evil slayer.
Hope you're not male and thirty,
or you're about to get *****.
It's my face you last see,
only death will set you free.
Wearing a mask, I walk the streets,
I even keep all the ax receipts.
I put a bag over your head,
I listen as they beg, shut up I said.
Then we go on a long ride,
not once have I broken stride.
Then it's off with the mask,
now it's time for the ****** task.
If I pass a cop, I smile and wave,
off we go to my secret mayor cave.
Then I grab my trust ax,
always covering my tracks.
Chop them up into bits and pieces,
you should see as the blood releases.
Body parts start to fly,
and I don't even know why.
I'm just a small town lonely mayor,
taxes, they are not a payer.
People in the town in an uproar,
if they don't shut up,
they'll also get the cave tour.