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I am not heartbroken.
I'm broken.
You see, you'd need a heart to have it be broken.
But the naive immature person that I am,
I flung it around like it were a dancing ribbon
And whatever it touched, I fell in love with it.

But the thing is,
I wasn't always like this.
I loved---foolishly
I got obsessed
Got attached
Got denied
I was denied the love I should of had.
Because I never felt wanted
I never felt
I felt
Unwanted.

My dad died when I was 11
But he was dead long before
Because he taught me the crucial thing about love--
You don't need love to have a family.

You don't need to have love.
You don't need to love
You don't need love
You don't love.
Don't love

The messy thing about love
Is you see it everywhere
Our world revolves around it
And maybe that's what's eating me inside.

I'm obsessing over love
I'm attached to love
I'm denied love.

I want someone to just hold my hand because they want to.
I want someone to kiss my eyes because they only want me to see the beauty in this world.
I want someone to laugh when I fall but gracefully pick me up and wipe me off.

I want someone.

I want.

I want to feel love.
I want to love.
I want love.
I love
Love.

Because without love--- I'm just a fool with a pen in my hand trying to find comfort in what I don't have.
3 A.M.
Still wearing her new dress
Mascara stained down her face
She opened the door and began
Walking outside, down the street
Nowhere to go
Just walking
She wondered what it would be like
To be void of the ability to hear
Silence
She wondered how it would feel
To be blind to
Destruction
She wondered if it would be nice
To be numb to
Feeling
Anything
So she closed her eyes and
Covered her ears and
Held her breath
But she still saw, heard, and felt
Everything
I thank the universe each night for the stars
because I know you will always be under them
at the exact moment i find myself
laying awake beneath them
wishing you were here to share my blanket
but no
I would hate for you to see me crying
Some nights I like to take a drive.
A drive downtown and into the back roads.
To take a breath of the night sky
Trust me the air is different.

With every inhale there is this sense of hope.
Nothing you get during the day.
It's like this air is filled with your dreams just floating in the night sky, waiting for you to inhale it and remember what you really wanted to do with your life.

To look up to the stars and feel small again with the reassurance that this small town girl is nothing compared to the galaxy that lays above her head.

That fear of what lurks in front of you , because during the night you don't know what is staring back at you, what is waiting for you, what is watching you.

That sense of hope, that sense of fear, is what I go driving for in the midnight air.
My mouth is a sawed-off shotgun;
A cannon,
it speaks,in shells;
It lights cigarettes.
It attacks
and reacts
with flawless accuracy
and technique.
My mouth is a pin-pulled grenade;
A landmine and
there's no
way to know
when it
will blow.
So count each breath
as a blessing
now,
and decide
how you are going
to let go.
Watch your step, kid.
Lies will not soothe
a healing or broken mind.
Not now, not ever.
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