“kitty”. sixteen,5′ 11″,white,*******.

ducking always the touch of must and shall,
whose slippery body is Death’s littlest pal,

skilled in quick softness.  Unspontaneous.  cute,

the signal perfume of whose unrepute
focusses in the sweet slow animal
bottomless eyes importantly banal,

Kitty. a *****. Sixteen
                            you corking brute
amused from time to time by clever drolls
fearsomely who do keep their sunday flower.
The babybreasted broad “kitty” twice eight

—beer nothing,the lady’ll have a whiskey-sour—

whose least amazing smile is the most great
common divisor of unequal souls.

you did, all across the hallway
on the bathroom floor
and on the glass shower door
eye shadows flooded like the money
in your bank account baby

fake love hip swing under palm trees
land of milk and honeys
you did, yeah, that's how american women do it
it's what makes you human
it's what makes you beautiful

vulnerable, lost, all over the internet
and you did it for a BSN
all the while they tell you you're beautiful

i live on the idea that everyone i love
will be just like you.

you.
such an absurd thing you are.
are you still out there thinking about me?
i wonder what it would be like
if you loved me as i loved you.
could we work past the hurt
the betrayal  
the pain we caused?

do you think of me today?
i need to know.
i pass in the halls and can't help but want you to stop.
to wait for me.
to pick me up and take me far away from
where we could be each other.

i need to know if you ever loved me.
actually, love is a strong word.
deeply admire.
oh, how i admired you.
if anything,
you were the first person i “loved”.
if i stay on this trail of hate,
you will be the only one i “love”.
  
i gave you every part of me.
even though you couldn’t do the same.

do you remember when i stayed up
listening to you rant about your day?
we would just talk.
i think we annoyed my sister whose bed was next time mine.
but i never cared.
it was just me and you.
i swear i fell even harder when i heard you laugh
or even when you cried.

you never cried in front of me but i knew you did.
you were always hurting.
i could never heal your hurt,
or even distract you.
was it a problem with me?
was i just not the right one for you?

i think it was a good thing we didn't work.
but right now, i think it still stings.
very slightly, but the hurt is there.
maybe someday i will find something to distract me completely from this sting.

maybe we could meet up again.
and we could love again.
the feelings might not be as strong,
but maybe this time,
we can love a new way.
would you be okay with that?
could we finally be together in some altered universe?

the least you could do is to stop
looking
so ******* cute.