I say the wrong thing,
In perfect moments.

My failures wait for me,
In the reflection,
Every morning.

Nightmares dance
Through my mind.
Pictures, motion pictures.
Often black and white.

My voice taunts my body.
I see every imperfection,
My voice will remind me,
To look,
Before I can forget.

My breath escapes me.
There is no room for air,
In,
Me.
I cannot inhale.

I cannot inhale.

Just a stroll along the moonlit river,
A train's bridge,
Far above the little town.
She talks of new horizons, so familiar.
"All of the open space,
You can see the horizon from here."

A long distance, and short time ago,
She saw no horizons,
She explained to him.

No opened glittering sky.
Smog and dust and steel mountains,
In the way of clarity.

True love trespassed on a train's bridge.

He falls through the nightly routine.
A hard day of work,
It's been a rough week.

They climb into bed,
Slide in between the sheets.
The lights are out.
"Come snuggle with me."

They fold over one another,
Pieces in a perfect puzzle.

She sleeps along side him,
Or so he believes.
He holds her,
In the dark silence.
And pushes the stray hair,
From the frame of her face.
This is what it feels like,
To be cared for.

And every worry,
Embedded in her bones,
Melts away, in one sensation.

In this perfect moment of peace,
She feels complete.

He holds on, and emotions run deep.

Even when,
Neither one has said anything.

There was a day when I hated myself,
I hated my life and what my failure represented.
But you woke me up.
You pushed me everyday to love myself.
And still the things I hate,
You find a way to love.
You picked me up.
You made me weightless in the sun.
I had no choice and I couldn't resist,
I had to open up.
You brought this light into my vision,
Convincing me to make my dreams happen,
Concentrate that will to hate,
And make it work for me.
I can never fail to death,
With you to catch me.
I lived a life that made me scared of,
Nothing.
But for whatever reason,
Meeting you was terrifying.
Trusting you was petrifying.
You held my hand while I faced the fear,
You kept patience and maintained a pace.
You didn't throw it back at me,
Or rub it in my face,
Like a ***** who couldn't keep it together.
You saw that big-girl fight in me,
You held onto her and made her free.
You brought her back to me.
There is nothing I could do to repay you,
For saving me.
But I will love you everyday,
And I will fight like hell so YOU can see the day,
Where every one of your dreams,
Become our reality.
Baby, I'm not going anywhere.
We're a team,
Watch the doors,
I'll man the windows,
And lets **** any ******,
Who tries to infiltrate.

I sit here in the corners,
Trying to make sense of what I don't have.
He fumbles with his keys telling me,
"Shut the **** up, and get over it."

And the only one that gets it,
Is my Lana del Rey.
And all my love is living miles away.
I'm sitting alone.

He comes home from that midnight walk,
To the bar strip. (A bit tipsed.)
I haven't moved from this spot and he tells me,
"Get the **** up now, get a ******* grip on it.

"Crying all the time isn't going to fix it."
Oh, but I want to be perfect.
Ignore the puke underneath the toilet rim.
I must have missed it when I cleaned my messes yesterday.

But you've always ignored that anyway.
And Lana is the only one who gets me,
Singing,
Me and God, we don't get along.

Crack another beer,
Lemme see that little plastic baggie.
Oh, tell me this is pure.
I'll let you love me if this gets me high.

Burning the foil,
My body reacts to the odors,
This is how you treat your baby right.
I grip my straw tight.

The world will think I'm pretty,
And this ****** up love will be okay.
My heads in the sky and I'll never die.

Grim Reaper's can't reach this high.

Hot water showers over my skin.
Desire burning through our flesh.
Lost in the plastic curtains,
My arms drape over his shoulders,
Steadying myself upright with his,
Bones to lean into.
One foot steadied by the ledge of this,
Claw tub.
His fingers are lost in the lips,
Around my ****.
All I have to do is remember,
To breathe easy.

Pressure building within.

Skin burning red from,
Either the rush from under our skin,
Or the steady stream of boiling water.
Minds racing like rush hour.
Steam clouds the mirror,
Two shadows dance behind the curtains.
******.
******.
******.

His words encourage but,
I do not hear him behind,
The blood pounding in my ears.
I do not have the will,
To stand alone.

He holds me in perfect place.
Leaning into him,
I give it all in.
My body bursts wide open.
I can't feel my body hold him.
I am in suspension.

Fingers running up and down the walls.
Layers of dirt and crusted blood,
Build up in my fingernails.
These hands are not so frail.
Open sores and little motivation.
Climbing out from the bottom of this hole,
Gave bruises and cuts.
But I'm never going to give up.

And so the efforts may bring on weakness,
So tired.
But I look up to see the sunshine.
I see the inches bring me closer to,
The open air.
I chose to hold my head up.
Because if I look down,
If I look down to see the bottom,
I made into a home,
I'll forget to find the light.
I'll forget to fight for daylight.