What music
slowly covers
the background-
of twelve cylinder
nostalgia
and new age
conformity?
Blends with
the whispers
of the breeze
and the
child's laughter?
Where are we
now that
the Greasers
run the town?
Their style,
their swag,
so appealing.
What comes
if it when,
the canine
shivers
and the
heaters are loaded?

Unacknowledge recognition.
How could I be pushed to succeed-
by something so oxymoronic and invisible?

The spontaneous outbursts of appreciate,
do they make it worth while?

I strive to show them-
my best,
I strive to be their best-
I go unnoticed,
still in silence.

I race faster toward my goal,
chants of praise thunder in my head,
still not good enough,
but I feel better now.

Where am I to run to,
when I no longer-
have the beauty of gratitude-
spoken or unspoken,
to fuel my broken heart?

Do you ever,
Look at me when I'm not looking?
With longing and love and affection?

Do you ever,
Day dream of holding my hand,
In places we could only dream of?

Do you ever,
Gush to all your friends,
About how deeply in love you are?

Do you ever,
Think perhaps,
I am the luckiest man in the world?

Because,
Do I ever?
Every moment of every day.

Lately, though,
I feel as though you don't.
It hurts.

Please understand,
There will not be a place and there will not be a time,
There will only ever be a here and now.

You must understand-
There will be a breakthrough,
You will have a dawn.

I understand,
you cannot see your breakthrough-
You probably don’t feel your dawn,
but one is waiting.

Could you understand?
You can make your future happen,
and you will be able to fix your problems?

We can understand,
You might not be happy,
You might feel like crying,
But we can help you through this.

Will you understand,
Without you there will be no end,
Without you there will be no help?

I beg you to understand,
Because if you cannot live through,
I have no hope to survive.

"Did they get you to trade

your heroes for ghosts

hot ash for trees

hot air for a cool breeze?"

-Pink Floyd







Walk down the narrow strait,

walk and eat the organic greens drooping off of the intrusive branches,

the intrusive branches of flailing trees that seem to leap like angry giants,

angry giants that block the path before you.



Absorb the sun as you swallow your pride.

Swallow your pride and soon you'll kiss your cares good-bye

I wish I knew.

I wish I knew,
the distance from me to you,
Heaven, how great could the distance truly be?

Perhaps,
are you sitting right next to me,
a heart en face, but invisible to my mortal eye?

I believed you to be a necessity,
my heart, my secrets,
kept under lock and key,

taken for granted,
sickness doesn't mean death.
I am sick too,
does that mean I can join you?

My only dilemma is my promise to you,
how hard the battle is sometimes,
but I will stay here,
and pray you are waiting for me somewhere.

I cry over potential,
seen and unseen,
used, unused, and abused.
Ripped from the grasps,
wrapped in chains sunk with Osama,
Judas runs with his desires,
taking the lowly potential.
see what i mean?
there is no truth,
nothing honest, nothing pure.
I cry over potential.

Nothing comes out quite even,
My hidden Lucifer always appears flights ahead,
While I settle into *******,
Silently captured by my anxiety,
My prayers fervently surrendered
to the One I call my Almighty.
Reluctantly, I slide gracefully-
into a waltz with Lucifer,
Heals over head,
I allow him to sweep me off my feet,
but I find my heart more heavy,
more guilt laden,
than ever before.
All of the sudden,
I cry out,
My dearest Papa,
please take me away.
My eyes open, my fears release, I am in His arms.

How quickly my heart lightened as I return to my Fathers fulfilling contentment.

Who says heritage?
I came from a rib,
didn't you know?
or did I come from a ****** sightless fish?
The elders my parents have hidden me from-
they say we came to be by talented twins,
everyone playing their role.

Why can't I tell you?
I came from you!
you, too.
I created myself -
from dust I grew.
Strong and lean, I don't need protection.

My heritage begins with me,
for that is the only pure truth they say.

Where did you go?
Who am I now?

You are strength,
You are beauty,
You are courage.

I am lost,
I am hurt,
I am no one.

Come find me,
Sally.

How fast can my feet run?

Not on a treadmill,
But across the expanse of the world,
Above the hills and below the valleys,
Into the caves and onto the sandbars?

I am bad at apologizing,
It is not that I do not feel remorse,
sometimes I feel it's undeserved.
If you wrong me,
why I am I the one who regrets?
Why do I feel this all?
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I am sorry.
I swear to Heaven, to Hell, and back.
I'll be better next time.

You make me feel beautiful.
Your eyes smile as I watch them-
they glide up and down my body
I have forgotten my insecurity-
You see past the overgrown hair covering
my underarms and my *****.

You make me feel ****.
Your kisses trail, covering my lips,
my chest, my stomach, my ***
I have forgotten my insecurity-
You see past my blemished skin, my pores,
my pimples, my scars.

You make me feel strong.
Your hand caresses my ***, sliding up the
small of my back, resting on my stomach
I have forgotten my insecurity-
You see past the darkness in my soul-
the pain, the shame, the burden.

With you, I am naked and exposed-
You make me feel beautiful.

No fear?
Words escape from a deceitful heart,
through dishonest lips,

I am repulsed at the thought of everyone seeing my despair,
My deepest worries plastered across my face,
like a billboard done for free,

My first prayer in the morning,
Dear Lord,
Do Not let me fear,
for I know I am being childish,
Your plan is my guide,
but my heart cannot comprehend,
I am not alright,
please stop my tears every night.

I meander through my day,
hopes of seclusion to hide my pain,
apprehension sets in as the world approaches,
I cannot hold tight to God's own promises.

This mortal life, prevents me from grasping reality.

I pray consistently for Your arms to hold me,
there only my Fears released.

I hate this,
this,
Everything

My words came out better once,
When I was younger,

My body moved better once,
I am older

How did I fall behind?
The world never became interesting,
In fact,
I lost my intensity as the world grew more lame

My creativity is subsiding,
I barely see potential
And for what?

I lost myself,
Without a gain

I am submerged in mediocrity,
And it's myself

Who are you?
I no longer can recognize,
if the smile is shining- even in your eyes.

                               I miss the days,
                               of laying on a hotel bed,
                               making commitments, fearless promises.

I wish I'd say, leave me alone.
But I hate not knowing,
having you lost,
what I once loved?

angst.
teenage angst.
outgrown in a day,
one day,
a birthday,
they say,
now you're an adult.

I love him,
I love him
I promised to wait

I love you,
I love you,
He has changed already

I love him,
I love him,
No matter the change

I love you,
I love you,
I would capture the moon for you

I love him,
I love him,
Conversations of marriage

I love you,
I love you,
Give fate a chance

I love him,
I love him,
I am too lucky to stray

I love him,
I love him,
I am not looking

I love you,
I love you,
He doesn't love you

I love him,
I love him,
I promised to wait

Practice, practice, practice,
Write, write, write,
Write until you can no longer hold the pen,
You will find your voice.
Cliche, cliche, cliche.
The monsters come out from behind my eyes,
Fear fear fear,
Don't wake you,
Don't wake you,
Don't wake you.
What the Hell is going on?

Through these photographs,
you can see,
I am happiness,
through these photographs,
you can see,
I am never hurt.

I love too passionately,
but I will never cease to do so.


I am quick to fall in love,
with mindless diddlers,
who have much potential,
but no motivation.


I am first in line,
to save the most weak,
because I need saving too-
I save the rest.


I have come to accept,
I want nothing else,
than to love too passionately.

I
      Have
                     Grown
                                       So
                                                 Comfortable.
I have grown so comfortable with lies,
The lies I have told myself,
Lies I have used to console and soothe my soul
But,
My heart aches with the truth.

I
      Have
                     Grown
                                       So
                                                 Comfortable.
I have grown so comfortable with lies,
The lies I have told myself,
Lies I have used to console and soothe my soul
But,
My heart aches with the truth.