Silence you are a curse meant only for wicked wicked men.
why do you treat me as though i were some such person?
that i should be banished to Siberia and left to live forever cold and never alone, always with crushing frozen winds howling in my ears!!?
why do you hate me Silence?
god i must sound like such a whiner, a complainer, a stupid spoilt ungrateful brat.
should i say thank you? thank you for holding my insides in you fists and twisting!? yelling at me YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH!? WELL IF IM NOT ENOUGH THEN HELP ME !

help me.
help me sort the thoughts in my head into organised files.
smart. shallow. self deprecating.
god !
"you have to stop hating yourself so much!" you say whilst your eyes, like daggers, stab into my heart and mind, chipping away at my naked insecurities.

it's the silence that does these things to me.
beautiful serene silence that splits my mind and shakes my very being till the sound of my footsteps is so loud i. can. not. breath! !!!!
WAKE ME UP IN HEAVEN !!!!

wake me up in heaven god, so i can hear your gentle words talk me back to quiet calm serenity with out silence.
that i may lie forever listening to the song of angels filling this hole in my soul.
the hole where soft becomes panic and tap tap tap becomes pain pain pain make it stop!
make. it. go. away. god.
sing to me.
sing me awake and out of this silent nightmare.