There was something about her
I think it was the gloss of her eyes
Which proved she loved you as much as I did

My untouchable girl
All dressed in white
Asked me for an all-black wedding

No one's waiting for you, my dear
He's ten toes up and we're in love
Let him rest and come to bed

And maybe it was my fault
Loving someone who's heart
Had already been buried.

A few steps forward
Crash in the leaves,

Wisps in your hair
Bites on my knees,

Blood on my hips
Your wrists,

My back
Your scratches,

One night
Attaches,

Two souls
A racket,

I fall
You catch it,

My lips
Attacking,

Our bones
Are cracking,

A glimpse
Of him,

In you
I rest my head,

Your collar,
I'm dead.

All fair things are rotten inside
Infused grey bits of debris collide
Graceful wings waltz, their charm has ended
Into a wreckage of all things splendid

I've consumed all of your dark matter
Studying every piece of phantom amber  
In those remnants, I feel a hush
Like echoes from a decanter's rush

At times I do not trust my mind
My thoughts are often mixed with wine
I wonder: "what if I die?"
You tell me: "what if you don't."

October is the whisper I left in your hair,
The slow train that took my breath and took me home.
Our jaded arms and twisted tongues
Mumbling something just senseless enough
To prove some sort of makeshift love.
Prior days are gone although I seem to forget.
Makes me think of mossy eyes and suits with ties.

If I ever lost you,
I wonder if these buildings would begin to scare me too
If I’ll have to breathe when there’s no breaths left in me
If I’ll have to lose my way, my mind, a few more times before learning it’ll all be alright
I love you for every misunderstood understanding
And I’ll love you when nothing feels right

I'll notice your new shoes
And you'll notice mine
We will turn our heads down
And walk away
Diverging down the windy path
Sand blowing back at me
With a breath of bergamot and fig
I'll let out a light laugh
Remembering your notebook of scribbles
******, trying to recall stories to tell
You'll let out a sigh
Stopping yourself from turning back your head
There was nothing to see anyway
Waves will not stop crashing
And we will not stop walking

I’ve been scared of shadows and tall things in the night. Of speaking and of silence. Of all things profound and real—of everything that happens when we blink. “Put faith in the lord!” My grandma will remind me. “Let the divine protect you,” in between each molecule of madness, anti matter, and what not (I’ve never been good with science-y things despite my strong inclination [obsession] with medicine, and two chemists for parents).

I’m having those thoughts again. No! Not those thoughts. Just my mind has lost its brief aversion to all things angsty. My girlfriends have been bringing me tea and things of that nature. Blowing me kisses and letting me indulge in the fine art of the “melodrama.”

I think of love and what it takes. Perhaps it’s a convergence of the snake shedding of the exterior and a little spooky action at a distance. (Again! Please forgive me for my complete and utter lack of knowledge in these matters).

Or maybe love is purely the snake skin. Is my latter theory duller or more exciting than the former? “Find out next time on…”

Forgive me. I kid.

Is this a joking matter?

Remains to be seen.

When I think of love I think of all the priests in my life. Metaphorically, of course. You know I pray every night and all but I’m not like tight or anything with any priests. I think of the men I turn to for Judgement. “Father let me repent. Let me tell you all that is wrong with me and let me be your little mouse anyways!”

As I write, I wonder if that’s all it is. I will build up my world in a million ways all in six days, but let me have the seventh. Just build me a little cotton ball bed. Rest your thumb on my third eye. And call me your little mouse one more time?