Desire paired with loneliness
Is quite the ugly pair
Light the rooms inside my heart
My guts exposed threadbare

And I ponder, And I ponder
All these mountains with no view
And my wanderlust takes over
While my troglodyte subdues

Desperation paired with insanity
Is quite the gruesome two
You foam at mouth and commiserate
With hallucinating beasts inside of you

And I float there, And I float there
In this vat of carcinogens strong
Perfect aim meets jugular
My cat and mouse shan't take too long!

Reason paired with logic
Is a fable wrapped in dreams
There's people who are sane out there?
No neurosis bursting at their seams?

As I sit here, As I sit here
Etching brainsick into stone
The faces of my personal Rushmore
A mocking comfort (I'm not alone!)

Enmity paired with self-affliction
Are the volcanoes I prepare
No need for collusion or invaders
I'm my own Cotopaxi terror!

FELICITY
By Alan Stallsmith

In search of felicity
I befriended despair
Drudging up past demons
That I should have left there

These memories haunt
These insecurities roar
Sometimes my mind
Doesn't know what it's for

I grasped so tight
My hands they bled
I slept so long
This life's a bed

Awaken! Awaken!
Demand brand new!
Take action! Take action!
This can't always be you!

These days haven't ended
And the clock's hands still move
And this life is a train
Conducted by you

So in meeting felicity
I looked in the eyes of despair
Said "Thanks for the memories.
But I no longer live there"

NIGHT SKY'S LAMENT
By Alan Stallsmith

Remember the time Charioteer seemed to be our own?
We knew its galaxy path by memorization as a secret only the two of us shared.

Remember when we soared high with Birds Of Paradise?
Oh how the spectrum would leave us breathless as the Winged Horse trotted quietly across the sky.

But these days I only taste the smoke of Dragon.
The Water Serpent pulls me under lonely ocean.

And I would grab constellations for you as they light up the night but your eyes as distant as Andromeda and Berenice's Hair is now covered in shame.

For I can no longer try to tear you from Cassiopeia's shallow spell because Vanity has become your Northern Crown.

So I reminisce instead, with broken compass in hand, a shard of hope that Perseus will bring you back to me, exactly as you were when the universe began.

EPIPHANY
By Alan Stallsmith

My bedroom. The sight of half empty glass and appetite of full sorrow stomach. I touch nothing and am crushed by everything. The rain. The wind. The silence. I wonder onto the balcony of memories, close my eyes, and jump headfirst.

Your statue towers over my house and casts shadows upon the walls I've built. I reach out for your hand and touch the sharp end of things you've said. The lies. The placebos. The promises. I wonder down the staircase into the basement of my heart.

Your eyes haunt the four chambers and tear me into two. I cling to the mirage with red hands and white knuckles. The euphoria. The safety. The inferno. I wonder up the staircase of my mind.

Your statue's fragments are shattered upon my front lawn. Bitter pill. Agonizing loneliness. Nostalgia. I wonder to the burn pile of my soul, strike a match, and set ablaze your madness.

I will not allow you to **** me anymore!

I will not allow you to transform my life into an airless, strangulating deja vu!

I will not allow your existance to be my woe!

I bid thee farewell!

Epiphany as burden melts like butter. The smell of rain! The sound of wind! Silence isn't a bad thing when your mind's been so loud for so long! I always hated the walls that I built around me anyways!

The sight of half full glass and appetite of an empty stomach. I reach out my hands and touch the freedom on the greener side. The truth. The hopefulness. The joy. I wonder up the staircase of my mind and open the window.

UMBRAGE
By Alan Stallsmith

There's umbrage,

in loneliness

I feed off its sad

As an oxygen

laced with

Stubble of little glass

My unattainable muse

Photographic

In my mind's memory

Keeps me yearning

Exquisitely alive

And killing me

Mad

With desire.

Asylum

And you melt me like wax
Into a statue of need
Molded by the intensity of those eyes
For my bones weren't built to endure
The sprains and the broken

The lunacy of my psychosis
Is something I cannot explain

And you cut me like blade
Into a monument of pain
Slit to reveal a barren land
For my senses aren't quick to wed
The difference between love and apathy

The fervor that is my lonely
Is something I cannot restrain

And you choke me like noose
In a room ever so empty
Decorated by walls of fable
For brother folly and insane
Meet sister obsess and possess

The wildfire that is my mad heart
Is something I cannot contain

COZY CONVERSATION OVER COFFEE
By Alan Stallsmith

And I'm acclimated to sabotage
With my very own hands
Who needs enemies?
When I have me. Understand?

I craft my own jail cells
With very fine steel
I build my own graveyards
The sarcophagus is real!

Now I don't mean to boast
But I undermine well
And when it comes to subterfuge
I am the reason Rome fell

I've mastered the art
Of public smiles and covert pain
For when someone needs consoling
You know this guy is game!

I try to dress to impress
To be disguised as a yuppy
I'm the guy who cries wolf
When it's an adorable puppy

Flawless self-affliction
It's an addiction of sorts
Healthy and beaming?
Or suffering for sport?

I'll paint you a beautiful picture
Of rainbows and golden sun
Then I'll secretly torch it
And scream "What have YOU done?!"

Oh my dear friend!
Look at the time!
Thanks for letting me vent
But I don't want to whine!

This coffee is amazing
It's just the boost I was needing
It's a shame about your arms
Never leave a lesion bleeding!

I have a psychiatrist appointment
Glad my self awareness is great
At least the weather looks grand
I really hope I'm not too late!

So just remember I'm happy
I have never been better
And I brought you a gift
I hope you like sweaters!