what if thoughts floated like clouds
above our heads
would yours show a clear blue sky
and mine a treacherous storm
would you run for shelter from the rain
or would you be brave enough to get a little damp

Words washed over me:
past the point of no return,
catching clarity at the elbow.

Arms limp at my sides,

a pugilist after 8 rounds with Ali,
suddenly realizing
he had been conserving his energy
while I hurled hay-makers
at uplifted gloves,

none of my hate hit home.


She spoke the knock-out blow
     or, the ghost of her voice...

"You have to admit to yourself
that ******* a stranger's
the only way you can hide anymore."

You only start listening
    after exhausting your arsenal.

The void of
       my mouth
swallowed her sentiments.  

  I took up the
      empty husk of her heart
  to make it my home,
            just to have a memento--

holding on to anything.

     On the ropes,
  disoriented,
skipping chapters to
  take in the denouement
only to forget the characters' names.




But I couldn't ignore how
she closed the door;

Gently-
not a slam
screaming passion, energy.

No.

The door and jamb met resignedly--
children who can no longer play with one another.

I met a girl under the quivering black water
washed by the icy sharpness of drowning.
She looked up at me, silent, faceless,
without identity. Breathing salt
from the river with a frozen voice.

Tiny electric eyes scanned
the colossal reservoir with a desire
to escape the surface of watery
dark weeds and coral twig.

The prickling ache of sleepless
blood stuck inside me as I stared
into the maelstrom of identity
swimming in warped silence.

Now I sit, spiderlike, waiting.
The cauldron of night dragging in my veins.

Michael,
we talked about your wedding today.
you came to me, and enjoyed hearing you
telling me some personal things.
i now know the date of your wedding,
that you are only inviting family,
and that you want my advice on
where to spend your honeymoon.

i miss talking to you everyday,
but... its what needs to happen.
i am slowly falling out of love with you,
but... its what i need to do.

as always,
with love,
r

At 3a.m.,
some poets are waiting
to catch the peeling paint
on the ceiling
as if they are shooting stars.

At 3a.m.,
some poets yearn a talk
on the kitchen counter
with a butcher knife right beside
so they can slice their heart,
to heart.

And I, at 3a.m.,
whisper my dreams to the pipe
and ask for the rooster
not to wake me from my trance tonight

It does not matter to me
if the sun ever collides with the moon at 3a.m..
And I think that, perhaps,
I was never a poet.

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom.

[PART 1]

**** everyone that’s ever been a friend of mine
Everyone that I ever loved until the end of time
So sick of sunshine, nothing but black clouds in my mind
I Sit seeing signs knowing that sometime soon it’s time
Seems we find a man stained with blood, spinning insane ****
Disaster’s in my lane but like Tech I pin and frame it
Don’t blame it on me when you embrace the inner furry
Spitting hurried words in a flurry, speaking absurdly
Has it occurred to thee, none of you could ever hurt me?
Absurdity, I feast on emcees, no obstacles for me
Illogical, living life like a beast, it’s mythological
Must be biological, the way I ****** methodical
Psychological warfare from one who never fought fair
Pathological nightmare, drops bodies without a care
Dare any soul to try and comprehend, this is the end
Once I begin, they all cry and slowly die from within

[PART 2]

**** everybody who ever passed anywhere near me
Everybody from my past who cared and yet still feared me
Nobody shed tears for me, or ever lent an ear to me
So now it’s clear to me, none of you are sincere to me
I disappear into madness filling my words with a blackness
No amount of cannabis can ever undo this sadness
Don’t ask me about my past; don’t think you’ll get past the mask
This just might be the last time you’ll EVER hear from my ***
Demons in mass and alas, I’m tangled within their grasp
Surpassed my peers and alas, I got no angels to ask
I’m mangled in my mind and it’s worse now that I’m all grown
Evilness in my bones plus I gets no rest in my dome
But I’m home at last with this pent up anger being shown
I’m alone; not a gang banger but I still hold the chrome
Come off my throne and try and comprehend, this is the end
Once I begin, they all cry and slowly die from within

And now (once again) tonight the same arguments ignite…..
Who the **** has the right to tell us we’re wrong when we fight?!
(once again) Today is filled with rage, violence in the air
Got me beating on your *** telling you nobody cares
On your life I swear, you **** up again,  best be aware
No other violence we shared before will ever compare
(once again) here we go making amends, but it’s pretend
Knowing it depends on when I get to drinking again
Still she defends me to her friends when they ask what she’s thinking
When it transcends words and she’s getting beatings without blinking
(once again)) got cha blaming yourself,  feeling so ashamed
It’s a sick game, because of you *****, look what I became
Still, I love you too much to let you leave, so you duck and weave
Such a naive woman, I care and so therefore you receive
What the **** could you hope to achieve if you walked away?
And what kind of life could you conceive if you didn’t stay?

[PART 1]

Can you picture planting seeds in the hopes they breathe?
Deceived by a world they never got a chance to see
Conceived by mistake, so unforeseen what we create
In a dreamlike state without a gleam of hope for fate
Waiting to grow, another rose that's choose not to bloom
So it's doomed to never know what lies beyond the womb
Consumed by circumstances and never had a chance
Couldn't finance this new life so they halt its advance
I understand it's for the best, and no fault to confess
So rest your head and release the pressure in your chest
Couldn't blame her but couldn't answer if I'd do the same
No train of thought, still so unsure of what would have came
Never got a name and never got a resting spot
Only got a drop of a life that had to stop
The talk of a silent voice who didn't have a choice
A sacrifice by design with no time to rejoice

[PART 2]

Though upon conception we had our own perceptions
Stressing if we could give this child both of our blessings
So many questions, would you get to grow? Am I wrong?
But I’ll never get to know and so I carry on
So much pressure on my brain about what would of came
How could something the size of a grain cause so much pain?
Aimed to give you more but there was no future in store
A life of living poor, held back by to many doors
My attempt at apology, I wished you better
Never thought I’d talk to you like this, through a letter
So here we sever with teardrops as you disappear
And it's clear, I never thought this is where it would steer
Endeared with love to the life that the whole world forgot
Hoped to rise above to give you things I never got
It's written for the silent voice, didn't have a choice
A sacrifice by design with no time to rejoice

I like talking to you about the weather
because you are far enough away
for it to always be different
from me,
yet close enough so that
what was once yours,
slowly becomes mine.