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Mar 2021 · 144
Left behind
Ai Luan Mar 2021
What kind of a sick tragedy
Is it that I am always destined
To be the one that looks back
And watches silently
While you are always the one
To walk away from me?
Oh how i wish I could tell you
To stop but how can I?
When you don't even realize it
Yourself,
You don't even notice
how you are slowly
Leaving my side
Everyday Every night
I feel you leaving
Burning the bridges
between us forever
And I can only stand and
Watch as what we had and
Could have had all burn down
Together with all that we have
Now here I stand in silent acceptance
Holding the ashes of what we once were
Feb 2021 · 368
Set in stone
Ai Luan Feb 2021
I saw the end in your eyes
Before it even began
But I still yearned for your love
And though I saw the end coming
I still leaned into your warmth
Only to watch you as you slipped away
Our love was never set in stone
And now I pay the price all alone
Feb 2021 · 308
Mountain of lies
Ai Luan Feb 2021
Why put a smile and say 'everything's fine'
when it's not?
Why say 'it's alright'
when it's clearly not?
Why say you're okay
When you're falling apart?
Why lie and say 'it'll get better'
when you know it's not?
Why do constantly hide your pain behind this mountain of lies?
Feb 2021 · 195
Hopeless
Ai Luan Feb 2021
You made me confused
Was it love or just a game to you?
You made me so dizzy
Was it real or a just a dream?
One look was all it took for me
To fall all over again in this
Hopeless love with you
It's been long since you left
Even so I wait here for you
Who will never come back to me
Feb 2021 · 271
Your Smiles
Ai Luan Feb 2021
I am in a constant search
for things that remind me
of you and your pain.
people tell me I'm
tormenting myself
but what is love if not pain?
I yearn to drown your sadness
even if the waves of pain
engulf me in the end
all that will never matter
as much as your smiles
Feb 2021 · 138
Beauty
Ai Luan Feb 2021
That day while waiting for you,
you showed me
A million fireflies instead
Yesterday while searching for you,
You showed me
the brilliance of The city lights instead
Today, while looking for you,
You showed me
the brightest of stars instead
Everyday you show me
something beautiful
Instead of you
But don't you realize
Nothing in existence is
More beautiful than you
These days I have been going out everyday to see the moon but instead I kept seeing other beautiful things and this just came into my head it's messy but it'll do
Feb 2021 · 150
Never Again
Ai Luan Feb 2021
Maybe it was my fault
Maybe it was yours
But finding faults
Will never bring back
What we once had
Feb 2021 · 163
Beyond these walls
Ai Luan Feb 2021
I miss your gentle voice against my ears
Your warmth on my body
Your lips on mine
I miss you more than anything
But I had to let you free
These days I feel you by my side in bed
Like those warm Sundays,
we've spent in each other's arms
I feel your shadow behind me
Leaving small touches of your warm hands on me
I wonder if it's my time to meet you again?
Even at the doors of death
I stand unafraid for I know
Beyond these walls
Awaiting me are your welcoming hands
Feb 2021 · 120
Some days
Ai Luan Feb 2021
Some nights I wake up
Just to feel your warmth
Beside me
Some days I feel like
I hear you calling me
Most days I feel like
You are still right
beside me
But at the end of the day
I always know it will
Never be the way
It was before
Feb 2021 · 580
Tragic stories
Ai Luan Feb 2021
Stories make us all
even you and I
some more tragic
than the other
Feb 2021 · 96
Losing you
Ai Luan Feb 2021
Losing you wasn't even the hardest part
It was knowing that I'd
Never meet another who
Would know me like
You did nor love me
Like you did
It was that feeling of losing
Something so close to you
You are not even you anymore
Feb 2021 · 133
Unshed tears
Ai Luan Feb 2021
As I gaze at her
Looking right through
Her boundless sorrow
And oceans of unshed
Tears and
A single raindrop fell
And I knew she's finally
Letting it go all the pain
All the sorrow and importantly
The weight of a million
Unshed tears
Feb 2021 · 118
First meetings
Ai Luan Feb 2021
What we had can be explained
In a few words but
The feeling of first meeting you ..
No amount of words
Can put that feeling into words
But only if first meetings would
Last forever
Feb 2021 · 200
Unknow valley
Ai Luan Feb 2021
As I walk towards
this dark valley
I fear I might regret but
There no way
To turn back
For the moment
I stepped In my fate
has been sealed
And so I walk to
My uncertain fate
Memories and ashes
make these walls
They look at me and
Whisper asking me
To come over
And so here I walk
into the Unknown valley
to my uncertain fate
Feb 2021 · 87
Unsaid words
Ai Luan Feb 2021
It hurts
It pains as it
Pushes it's way out
While I stand here
Looking at you
Who I cannot see
Only Hoping that these
Words that tore apart
My throat just to be free
Reach you all the way
To where I can't
Feb 2021 · 107
Memories of the dead
Ai Luan Feb 2021
The dead leaves behind
Nothing but memories
That pains the hearts of all
That they touch
While moving with the wind
Looking for the home
they left behind hoping
To find their lost memories
They brush every person
they passed in hopes of coming across
A fragment of their own
Feb 2021 · 104
Lost in time
Ai Luan Feb 2021
Here I lie in this ocean of tears
Waiting for you
who can never return
Missing the days
Lost in blurred memories
Looking for a soul
Lost in time
Feb 2021 · 98
It'll be alright
Ai Luan Feb 2021
You tell me every day
Over and over again that
I'll be alright that everything
Will change one day even tho
We both know it won't
You still lie every day in hopes
That I find the peace that
you so desperately in need of
As well
Thoughts
Feb 2021 · 85
'i understand'
Ai Luan Feb 2021
There are times when
no matter how hard you explain
People won't get it, they say
"It's okay I understand"
but do you really tho?
If you did why would you still do
The things that pain me?
This understanding you speak of
are just mere words.
We as humans don't even understand ourselves and how
Are you gonna understand me?
Yet another human who can't find peace

— The End —