Silence speaks louder than words so that's what I leave you with.

He sits in his quiet room
He misses the happiness
He misses the fights
He misses the things people don't pay attention to
He misses the way she turned to mush when she saw a baby
He misses the twinkle in her eyes when she looked at him
He misses the smile she had when they talked about the future
He misses the incredibly small things
The things he wishes people paid more attention to
The things that make someone fall so far in love that they can't escape
The way a person feels safe in ones arms
The way they breathe so softly when they are dreaming
The way a person just being in the same room calms everything
The way a person says cole slaw
The way a person can dream about and describe their future so vividly
The way a person can ask you anything and you can't help but tell them
The way they frown when they are mad
The way they want to frown when they are mad but can't because your their
The way you make things better
The way they take your breathe away when they aren't are there in the morning
The way they change everything
And as he sits and thinks
All he can find himself thinking about is
His
Eternal
Rapturous

I wish
I wish I had
I wish I had said I love you more
I wish I had told you what was on my mind
I wish I had shown you that we we're special
I wish I had you back
I wish I had more time
I wish I had us
I wish this wasn't the way it is
I wish I had shown you our future
I wish I had shown you our apartment
I wish I had shown you my dreams
I wish I had shown you the very depths of me
I wish I had shown you that the small things were my favorite things
I wish I had told you that the far idea of looking at Sophie with your eyes made me smile instantly
I wish I had told you that the idea of maci with your ears made me cry
I wish I had told you that the idea of watching the Bentley Colton Sophie and maci grow up was the thing that kept me moving forward
I wish I had told you how many nights I laid in bed looking at the ceiling thinking about how nice our future was
I wish I had told you how perfect it felt when you rested your head on my chest at night
I wish I had shown you how much it ment when you looked at me
I wish I had shown you how much it meant when our fingers interlocked
I wish I had shown you more of me
I wish I had more time
I wish I had you
I wish I had
I wish
1<3
U

Alone
Alone with nothing but thoughts
Alone in this room
Alone in this car
Alone in this crowd of people
I am alone with the thoughts of us
Going over and over and over again
Trying to find where things went wrong
Trying to find where everything fell apart
Trying to find the moment I lost
When I lost the only thing that mattered
When I stopped making her happy
When it ended
So I lay here
So I write
So I think
So I apologize more times than she knows
So I pray
So I think
So I wish
So I dream of every little moment we had together and every moment we should of had
...
She asked me to be more open
She wanted to know everything about me
She would of been scared by my darkest secret
She would of looked at me differently
She would of run away and hid
...
It's just like before
It's just like the last time
The last time I was truly alone
I could scream to the world and they still wouldn't hear me
I could cry for help and no one would come
So I lie here with my thoughts
Wondering if it should of ended the last time
If I should be gone by now
Wondering why I'm still here
If God has a reason
I scream out my thoughts and there is no response but silence
I'm beginning to lose myself
Beginning to question myself
Beginning to feel the dark inside myself
That deep power that I held beneath for so long
The part of me I never wanted her to see
The part of me who fears nothing
The part of me the world would make a demon out of
It's just like last time
My inner demon wants it to be the last time
But I have hope
Hope from somewhere unknown
Hope from the tiniest memory of the way her eyes looked at me
Hope that there is a chance
Hope that the darkness can stay deep
Hope that she would understand why I couldn't tell her
Hope
Hope is the last thing this tortured soul has
Hope is strongest thing this tortured soul has

At some point in our life we grow up
We get jobs
We pay bills
We deal with responsibilties
We age
We mature
Some of us go to college
Some of us skip it
Some of us end up working mcdonalds
while others invent facebook
Some live paycheck to paycheck
Some bask in the glory of never having money problems
Some buy their happiness
Some find their happiness
Some make their happiness
We cover ourselves in make up
We hide behind the faces that we show the world
But know matter what happens to us in life
One thing always remains the same
...
That one thing is
The fact that no matter what
We are human
We are unique
You are human
so remember
you
are
Unique

So it begins,
The gates of hell open,
I've lost control,
My hands deal damage to anything within reach,
But the pain I feel shows that I'm only damaging myself,
I'm sick of privacy invasion,
Disgusted by the loss of respect,
Even my music no longer calms me,
The only thing that can control the outbursts,
Lies,
5 days away,
So I say again,
Move out of my way because the Hellfire storms,
The molten ash,
And demonic thought upon which I shall,
Build an empire of frustration,
Flush through my hands, fists, and feet,
I can no longer control my inner thoughts,
My inner most demons,
Released upon this world,
I fear I am a danger to the ones,
I love,

Sick of temporary Solutions,
Fear is the only solution,
So once again the gates of hell,
Open....

Two seconds pass between the moment,
I leave your driveway and the moment,
You text me "I miss you",
Two minutes before,
I miss you in my arms,
Two hours,
My mind starts to drift,
It is better to drift,
To set my mind free,
Allow the demons of my mind to escape,
To watch them tear down my world,
Rather than to realize that I can't see you,
It's been two days or is it two weeks,
Time doesn't seem to matter anymore,
The only perceptions I hold true,
Are the moments I'm with you,
The moments your gone,
And the moments when I realize that dreams come true,

I see your beautiful eyes,
I lay in bed next to you,
But sadly the last thing on my mind,
On a cold Saturday night,
Is,
Tomorrow I have to lose you,

Two seconds pass between the moment,
I leave your driveway and the moment,
You text me "I miss you",
Two minutes before,
I miss you in my arms,
Two hours,
My mind starts to drift,