Dear Myself,
It's been a long time coming,
I never wanted to have this conversation,
To admit the things I did to us after she left were wrong..
I tucked you away and treated you as a secondhand citizen in our shared mind.
I wanted to protect you, to save you, to keep you from being hurt again.

Dear myself,
I buried you and burned memories I had no write to destroy,
I did everything I could to help keep you from reliving those moments,
It is now that I realize,
I never helped move forward instead I forced you to sit in the memory of what had happened,
I denied you the ability to move forward, to grow, to become the man you will be.

Dear myself,
I believe it is time for you to come out as I take a backseat,
You will find the good in people where I couldn't,
You will see life for the adventure it is,
You will show me how happy we can be,
I've forgiven everyone else and allowed them to move forward with their lives,
Somehow I forgot to allow us to move on,

Dear myself,
I will always be here,
However you never needed me,
I needed you,
I needed you to stay in time with me because I felt alone,

Dear myself,
I pray for only the best for you, for us,
I know with time you will find what I could not,
I know now that a cold heart and a numb soul do not protect you,
Rather they keep you from love, passion, friendship.
They keep you from living and all I want for you,
Remember me?
I will always remember you and this journey we took.

Good-bye Myself.

Maybe, it's the way you smile,
Or maybe, its the way I could get lost in your eyes,
Whether it's soothing sound of your voice,
Or the way you care for so many people.
There's something about you,
About your mind,
About your soul,
There's just something that I _.

I'm not the man you deserve,
I'm not even the idea of him,
Just because I'm not something,
Does not, mean I can't become something,

Maybe, It's the way you say my name,
Maybe, It''s the way I feel ok being myself around you,
Maybe, It's the way that you are carefree
And yet always worried,

Your soul is so unique and dangerous,
I _ the idea of you,
I _ what you stand for,

Maybe, It's the fact that even she knew what you meant to me,
I can't count how many times,
She stopped me from talking to you,
Because she was afraid I'd leave for you.

I'm a fool for telling myself all that time I didn't _ you,
When the truth is I think I've __d you since I first saw you.
Maybe, I'm being stupid,
Maybe, I'm just realizing that I don't care and I want this,
Maybe, What I'm trying to say is,

That I'm terrified to say,
That,

N.L.K, I love you.

Call me what you will
I understand that the things you say are just words
I never understood the phrase actions speak louder than words
Until I was 19, heart broken and looking back at my life

You see I have a lot of great friends
Friends who are there for me when I need
Friends who worry even when I don't want them to

So call me what you will
Say what you want
Say that I don't care
Say I'm bad for her
Say I'm wrong

I don't care what you say
You see the problem with this world is we hang on what people say not what they do
I am not perfect in fact I am far from it

But I have one thing
One thing that most guys don't
I'm old fashioned
I make a vow or a promise and I keep it
So even after everything has gone and I am left
I will hold that promise
You see even if she calls 10 years from now
Even if I'm on the other side of the world
If I have a career
If I haven't spoken to her since that day,

The moment she calls I will be there because I promised I would be
I promised to always love her
To protect her
To be there when she needs someone
To be the thing that pushes her to do better when everyone else gives up

Call me stupid and childish but those promises mean something
They aren't words
They are actions

And your **** right I will push her
I will be there
I will love her
And I will protect her until the day I die
Doesn't matter who you are you will not hurt her without answering to me

Do you know what the word fine stands for
Fine.
Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional

Now I just want you to know before you read any further
I am fine

So let us begin

I am sorry
I am sorry that I was so closed
But I was only closed because I felt like if you saw my demon you'd run
Because the truth is since the day we met I have thought about suicide
You held that demon at bay without knowing it and I never wanted to put that kind of pressure on you

As it was
I was scared to lose you
To fail at a committed relationship
Before you I had never had one
I mean a true commitment not just where I say that a girl and I dating

I'm sorry that I didn't keep you happy
I'm sorry that your family lead me to believe they liked us together.
I'm sorry I wasn't the man your father would want you to marry

I am sorry that I was childish
Sorry you thought I wasn't committed enough
I am sorry that I missed my chance with you

Of all the things I could be sorry for.
And I know how long that list is

I want you to know..
I will never
Be sorry
For the fact that I love you the way I do
I will never be sorry
For that fact that I would fight for you any chance I got

And I will never be sorry
For the fact that I still hold hope for us

"Give me one last chance"
The words he will say
The words he will type
I am sure that he is not the only one to say them
Bound by this force,
This power
It draws them together
It holds them close
They are the things stories are written around.

The seemingly impossible

They have what others spend their entire lives looking for
They have love
In its purest form

Love does not mean that emotion you feel towards someone
Love is the commitment you have made to someone
It is that forever,
The until death do us parts
And the I do's

Love is not a noun
It is a verb an action that can not be anything but an action
To love someone with your entirety
To love and know that you are loved

To hear the words of hate come from their mouth and understand that they are not hate but compassion
They yell these words because they care about you because they love you

Time will pass
People will change
We will wish we lived in a fairytale

Unexplainable things happen everyday
Stories come to life in their purest form

The girl who just wants a man to chase after her gets it
The boy who wants to give the woman of his dreams the world gets to

When you love though you look past these things
When you love, material possessions mean nothing and all the chasing in the world will get you no where
Unless you truly understand this

It is not the memories that you make or the things you have
But rather people you have with you
For love there is no greater gift than the person who loves you by your side

As with all the greatest gifts in life
You must be patient and wait for love to come to you

A long road
A long winding road
Ever changing and shifting
Our past is more cluttered than most people's future
Our relationship is beautiful and powerful and threatening

We failed the first time
In that time apart we grew and we matured
We became better people
Finally time drew us together again

We failed a second time
Not because we are destined to fail
But because we are destined to be better
We have yet to mature to the age where we grow as one

We still live seperate lives and we still have goals that are similar
But we are traveling through this life at different speeds
I believe in the phrase third time is the charm

So like the movie goes
I will wait
I will write
And I will hold faith that what is meant to be will be.
I have faith that this is not our ending

This is our growing
You will explore the world and make it your own
When you are ready
The white house with blue shutters will be waiting for you

The smell of burning rubber
The sight of tail lights
The echo of the fading acceleration

That's what I want
I want to hit the freeway at 120
And leave it all behind

It doesn't seem to matter what I do
Because if I leave you behind
I'll be dead on arrival

Under these stars
You fall asleep
So you lay in your bed

You think about your perfect life
While I'm a hundred miles away by now
I can't leave this behind


You lay in your bed just quiet and content
Now you think I'm mad
I wish I could look in your eyes and show you how I felt
Unwrap my soul and feel the heat it once had
You'd see that I can't be mad

This soul is burning cold
Lost in a world without a light

Reality sets back in and I'm 2 minutes from your house.

The way to her heart,
Is through respect,
You want to love her,
You need to love her friends,
You need to love her family,

Before you ever ask her,
Ask her father,
Show him,
That you are the man that respects him,
That you respect his daughter,

Get his permission to date,
Get his permission to be serious,
Get his permission to marry her,

Wherever life takes you,
Wherever loves takes you,
Respect her,
She is fragile,
She is precious,
She is the most valuable thing that you will ever have.

Love her as if you would never love again,
Kiss her as if it is your last,
Hold her as to comfort her,
Look her in the eyes when you tell her you love her,

Respect the things she says,
Her heart only trusts so many times,
Don't use all your chances to make her happy or she will find someone who will,

As the quote goes,

Protect her like a daughter,
Respect her like a mother,
Love her like a wife.

Be

Responsible,
Empower her,
Support her,
Personalize her problems,
Enrich her life,
Communicate,
Together live life

Whether it be for a day
A month
A decade
Or eternity
He will wait for her
Those relationships you hear about in songs
Those relationships you see in movies
Those relationships you dream about in fairytales
They don't exist
In those stories you only see the good
You never see the tough
The hard
The parts that destroy relationships
You want a relationship to work
To thrive
To live in eternity
You have to work on it
You have to show the other that it means something to you

I know a lot of people who say that they want a relationship not a job
I'm sorry but a relationship is part job
You have to work at it
You have to practice
You have to get better
If you never work at it you won't succeed
If you don't succeed you will never know true happiness

trust me that it is worth the work
Worth the job
Worth the wait
It is worth all the things that you are scared of
It is worth risking everything for one person
Because true happiness doesn't just appear
You work for it
You prove that your worth it
And then it happens
And it makes you fall harder

So he will stay
He will wait
He will be there
Because she makes him happy
Happy in a way that no one can ever make him
Happy in a way that no one can ever take from him

I waited once
I will wait again
M.L.G

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This poem is stupid
But I love you

A young man
As I sit here and think about life
I think about age and religion
I think about *** and ***
I think what's to come and what has gone
I think about what has shaped me
I think about who has shaped me
I think about the person I am becoming
I think her face
Her smile
Her gentle voice
The twinkle in her when she can't wait to tell you something
The softness of her touch
The way she hides her ears even though they are cute
I think about her
I think about the future
I think about where this is going
I question whether I'm good enough for her
I question if I'm everything she wants a man to be
I wonder if it will be enough
If in years down the road she will still love me
As I sit on our bed
Thinking about these things
I look up and she catches my stare
She see deep into the very soul
She sees my thoughts and feelings
And with that look she says I love you
She takes my breathe and before I can get the words out her lips touch mine
The words turn into thoughts as she kisses me
"I love you, and I'm gonna marry you"

With her I see
With her I hear
With her I taste
With her I say
With her I feel
With her things are different
With her I take things I granted
With her I worry
With her I'm scared to lose
With her I smile
I laugh
I dream
I talk
With her I see a future
I see the future not just a future
I see the big house with plenty of land
I see the mountains of Tennessee in the back ground
I see her riding horse with our youngest child
A baby boy
With soft dark brown hair
And the deepest shade of brown
I see my daughter Sophie riding up next to her mother
I see maci that little girl with the most perfect sandy colored ***** blond hair
I hear Bentley as he comes around the house with his four wheeler
I see the smiles on their faces
With her I don't even have to close my eyes to dream
With her I live my dreams
With her I am my dreams
I close my eyes at night and I can't wait for morning because having a second with her is worth more than a minute alive
With her I feel vulnerable
With her I feel open
with her I feel love
With her I feel safe
And with her I see a future
Is where I want to spend my life

The first thought in morning is there she is
The last thought at night is there she is
Each precious moment between those two I dream
I see a future
A happiness that shadows even this
A happiness that brings tears to my eyes when I think about it
A happiness I find myself questioning because I can't understand how something makes me happier than I already am
I can't comprehend
I don't follow what is happening
Where my dreams lead or what my mind does
All I do know is that every moment with her beside me is precious
Every minute text is a gift
And every thing that people take for granted is something that means more to me than life
She makes me smile
She makes me laugh
She makes me feel even better than I thought she would
Ahe loves me and I see it
And I'm happy
With her
It is just her
Her and I
Her and I verse the world

The way she looks at you when you wakes up in the morning and takes your breathe away
The way she crawls up against you and lays there for what seems like forever
The way she rubs your belly and leaves soft kisses on your skin
The way her soft voice penetrates deep to the soul
The way she says I love you
The way she she wraps her fingers around yours
The way she trusts you
The way she gives everything for you
The way she thinks she has to ask when you were already doing something for her
The way she looks when she comes out of the bathroom ready for the date
The way she makes you think
The way she makes you feel
The way she lets you in
The way she keeps giving everything
The way she falls asleep
The way she makes you worry
The way she breathes
The way she is

Silence speaks louder than words so that's what I leave you with.

He sits in his quiet room
He misses the happiness
He misses the fights
He misses the things people don't pay attention to
He misses the way she turned to mush when she saw a baby
He misses the twinkle in her eyes when she looked at him
He misses the smile she had when they talked about the future
He misses the incredibly small things
The things he wishes people paid more attention to
The things that make someone fall so far in love that they can't escape
The way a person feels safe in ones arms
The way they breathe so softly when they are dreaming
The way a person just being in the same room calms everything
The way a person says cole slaw
The way a person can dream about and describe their future so vividly
The way a person can ask you anything and you can't help but tell them
The way they frown when they are mad
The way they want to frown when they are mad but can't because your their
The way you make things better
The way they take your breathe away when they aren't are there in the morning
The way they change everything
And as he sits and thinks
All he can find himself thinking about is
His
Eternal
Rapturous

I wish
I wish I had
I wish I had said I love you more
I wish I had told you what was on my mind
I wish I had shown you that we we're special
I wish I had you back
I wish I had more time
I wish I had us
I wish this wasn't the way it is
I wish I had shown you our future
I wish I had shown you our apartment
I wish I had shown you my dreams
I wish I had shown you the very depths of me
I wish I had shown you that the small things were my favorite things
I wish I had told you that the far idea of looking at Sophie with your eyes made me smile instantly
I wish I had told you that the idea of maci with your ears made me cry
I wish I had told you that the idea of watching the Bentley Colton Sophie and maci grow up was the thing that kept me moving forward
I wish I had told you how many nights I laid in bed looking at the ceiling thinking about how nice our future was
I wish I had told you how perfect it felt when you rested your head on my chest at night
I wish I had shown you how much it ment when you looked at me
I wish I had shown you how much it meant when our fingers interlocked
I wish I had shown you more of me
I wish I had more time
I wish I had you
I wish I had
I wish
1<3
U

Alone
Alone with nothing but thoughts
Alone in this room
Alone in this car
Alone in this crowd of people
I am alone with the thoughts of us
Going over and over and over again
Trying to find where things went wrong
Trying to find where everything fell apart
Trying to find the moment I lost
When I lost the only thing that mattered
When I stopped making her happy
When it ended
So I lay here
So I write
So I think
So I apologize more times than she knows
So I pray
So I think
So I wish
So I dream of every little moment we had together and every moment we should of had
...
She asked me to be more open
She wanted to know everything about me
She would of been scared by my darkest secret
She would of looked at me differently
She would of run away and hid
...
It's just like before
It's just like the last time
The last time I was truly alone
I could scream to the world and they still wouldn't hear me
I could cry for help and no one would come
So I lie here with my thoughts
Wondering if it should of ended the last time
If I should be gone by now
Wondering why I'm still here
If God has a reason
I scream out my thoughts and there is no response but silence
I'm beginning to lose myself
Beginning to question myself
Beginning to feel the dark inside myself
That deep power that I held beneath for so long
The part of me I never wanted her to see
The part of me who fears nothing
The part of me the world would make a demon out of
It's just like last time
My inner demon wants it to be the last time
But I have hope
Hope from somewhere unknown
Hope from the tiniest memory of the way her eyes looked at me
Hope that there is a chance
Hope that the darkness can stay deep
Hope that she would understand why I couldn't tell her
Hope
Hope is the last thing this tortured soul has
Hope is strongest thing this tortured soul has

At some point in our life we grow up
We get jobs
We pay bills
We deal with responsibilties
We age
We mature
Some of us go to college
Some of us skip it
Some of us end up working mcdonalds
while others invent facebook
Some live paycheck to paycheck
Some bask in the glory of never having money problems
Some buy their happiness
Some find their happiness
Some make their happiness
We cover ourselves in make up
We hide behind the faces that we show the world
But know matter what happens to us in life
One thing always remains the same
...
That one thing is
The fact that no matter what
We are human
We are unique
You are human
so remember
you
are
Unique

So it begins,
The gates of hell open,
I've lost control,
My hands deal damage to anything within reach,
But the pain I feel shows that I'm only damaging myself,
I'm sick of privacy invasion,
Disgusted by the loss of respect,
Even my music no longer calms me,
The only thing that can control the outbursts,
Lies,
5 days away,
So I say again,
Move out of my way because the Hellfire storms,
The molten ash,
And demonic thought upon which I shall,
Build an empire of frustration,
Flush through my hands, fists, and feet,
I can no longer control my inner thoughts,
My inner most demons,
Released upon this world,
I fear I am a danger to the ones,
I love,

Sick of temporary Solutions,
Fear is the only solution,
So once again the gates of hell,
Open....

Two seconds pass between the moment,
I leave your driveway and the moment,
You text me "I miss you",
Two minutes before,
I miss you in my arms,
Two hours,
My mind starts to drift,
It is better to drift,
To set my mind free,
Allow the demons of my mind to escape,
To watch them tear down my world,
Rather than to realize that I can't see you,
It's been two days or is it two weeks,
Time doesn't seem to matter anymore,
The only perceptions I hold true,
Are the moments I'm with you,
The moments your gone,
And the moments when I realize that dreams come true,

I see your beautiful eyes,
I lay in bed next to you,
But sadly the last thing on my mind,
On a cold Saturday night,
Is,
Tomorrow I have to lose you,

Two seconds pass between the moment,
I leave your driveway and the moment,
You text me "I miss you",
Two minutes before,
I miss you in my arms,
Two hours,
My mind starts to drift,

He promised her he'd never leave,
He promised her he'd never hurt her,
He promised her she was his life,
She promised him shed never leave,
She promised him shed never hurt him,
She promised him she was her life,
He lived his life and kept his promise,

One morning he woke up and she was gone,
She promised she'd never leave but the note said different,
With a bottle in one hand,
A gun in the other,

He pulled back the lever,
And whispered "To the last day, that was the promise",

The click the bang the world crashes,
He watches as the work turns to ashes,
Game over right there this love story said and done,

Eyes open wide,
She's at his side,
He wakes her up to tell her he loves her,

Commitment is a 10 letter word,
But he can spell it with 4,

The best type of relationship is a friendship,
The strongest friendship is a bond,
The strongest bond is love,
So is it just my simpleton opinion,
Or would the strongest love all start with a friendship,
A simple hello,
A bond that two people begin to build without intention,

He fell,
She fell,
They fell together,

Six years of their lives passed before they got up,
Together,
Stronger,
Ready to take on the world with each by their side,

The strongest relationship is friendship,
The strongest friendship is a bond,
The strongest bond is love.

This is not my tradition,
The words I speak no longer mean,
The things I say,
I feel the fire of the engines,
The sudden force upward and downward all at once,
This feeling could tear a man apart,
The atmosphere lies before me one second,
Yet behind me another,
My body is on it's way to find my mind,
But something stronger stops it,
A brilliant light,
A star,
A sun,
A heart,
The universal heart pulls me towards,
As I find myself gravitating towards,
The heart takes over,
My mind echoes through space,
I hear the cries,
But it is to late,
I am a habitual insomniac by instinct,
I lose myself,
Lost a drift,
Days,
Weeks,
Months,
Years,
The poetic comatose has taken my life and soul,
I awaken,
To see not a second has passed,
To see the end,
To see the crash,
The final good-bye,
The doom of a habitual Insomniac

It's you and me,
Nobody ever told us,
But nobody ever had to,
We've been meant to be since the day we met,
Love seems inadequate,
Forever doesn't feel long enough,
Your like a blessing from god,
Your a lesson from life,
Your the girl I love,
Your are the girl I've seen hurt so many times before,
Hurting stops now,
I'll take your pain if you take my name,
Because tonight my heart isn't sure what it feels,
It feels like it's exploding and imploding together,
It feels new,
It feels needed,
It feels you,

My heart races,
My fingers tremble,
My mind goes blank,
I feel as though I am falling,
But something keeps me from moving as I fall,
Something... or Someone,
It's her,
Her brown hair so delicately frames her beautiful face,
Behind the glasses lie soft, delicate brown eyes,
Her body lays on the bed next to mine so delicately,
She seems to almost float above the bed,
She rolls herself close to me and wraps my arms around her,
She looks deep into my eyes,
I can't help but to take a deep breath,
I gasp as if I can't breathe,
..
..
..
She's taken my breathe away,
She kissed me,
We lay in bed together,
Her head on my chest,
My arms around her,
I know in that moment that...
this is what I've been waiting for....
...this is...
...love...
I lose my breath again before passing out with her

This is my invitational suicide,
My final coup de grace,
I can't handle this anymore,
I stand so close to the edge leaning over thinking about it,
My mind screams yes,
But my heart says no,
To wait...
The thought runs through my mind,
again,
It never fails to stop me at the last moment,
Just when I want to give up,
When self-Immolation and penance seem to be the only answer...
She runs through my mind,
Her deep brown eyes and soft brown hair catch me everytime,
No matter how fast I fall after I jump she catches me,
She tortures me,
She is the reason I live when I wish to die,
She is the reason I know my life is worth living.

If I were to allow my heart to eclipse,
I fear that it would cause your apocalypse,
The blackness in my heart would render itself human,
The blackness in my mind would become the blackness in your eyes,
I fear to leave because I know it might hurt you,
But I know if I stay we both might end up hurt,
I'm okay with that chance if you are,
To leave would **** me but could save you,
Fate has intertwined us to one calling.
Locked in each others lives with a decision to make,
Our feelings have become ineffable,
Moments spent together seem like dreams,
While moments spent apart are complete nightmares,
The line between friendship and relationship is no longer clear,
We continue to cross back and forth,
As if we know this bridge is here but don't believe the time has come to cross it,
Our bonds have become stronger than diamonds,
But our words cut like lasers digging deep enough to hurt but not enough to show,
As I write these words I can't help but to think two things,
One is where will we go,
Two is I hope you don't leave,
Because I'm not ...leaving...what...we...have...

I know we said we would wait but I'm worried,
Worried that as we spend time apart we will fall apart,
I would rather shut off out minds than shut out our hearts,
Because they say its stupid to act off emotion but everything feels right with you,
If being together makes us both happy why shouldn't we follow our hearts,
I know I would rather have a butterfly effect than be trapped in the prisons of hellfire mentality,
I want you to be the beat to my heart rather than to leave you with a keeper,
When I'm with you the world doesn't seem so upside down,
But when you leave it doesn't feel like my world,
Instead I feel trapped inside a suicide complex,
To insist that I leave would be like saying that I'm not a poet,
I wish for never ending days rather than those sour good-byes,
Because the pain I carry sometimes makes me feel like I am the wrong piece of two,
Now this may just seem like an explosion of poetry but it's really just a wish until the end,
Because you aren't like the others,
Our secrets will become our masterpiece,
Now just trust me with your heart and I'll trust you with mine.

Most artists create masterpieces from paint,
Or from clay,
Or stone,
Some even create musical arts,
But I want to show you I am a different artist,
I do not work with a material,
I do not create something you can see,
I am a poet,
I am not bound by rules, laws, or expenses,
I am not a writer,
I do not publish great novels,
I do not seek great reward,
The only bounds I must follow,
Are that of the words in my mind,
Until I exhaust every word I have the ability to create anything I want,
I have no need for materialistic possessions,
But rather the only thing I seek is that my words will touch someones heart,
While other artists create masterpieces,
I create emotion,
And there is,
No masterpiece like mine.

Before I begin I want to ask a question.
How many of you here have secrets you would never tell anyone?
.
.
.
Now if you know who I am,
You know I've recently taken to asking questions,
Before I let loose my rhymes and rhythms,
Before I allow my words to do the walking.
.
.
.
I can understand if you all have secrets that you won't tell anyone,
I do not mean the secrets that you trust to your closest friends or your spouse,
I mean the secrets that will die with you,
It is in human nature to always hide things that we are afraid of,
Some hide them for the simple reason that they do not trust others,
Some hide them because they cause to much pain,
Some hide them because they wish that part of their life had never occurred,
Now if you do not fall under one these three main categories there are hundreds of other reasons,
But for you people that do I understand,
I hide my secrets from everyone because I do not trust them,
To trust them would mean to allow someone else with complete control over my darkest secrets,
Over my life,
I hide secrets because I am afraid of what others will think of me,
Because society has taught us that we have to fit in,
That we cannot be different,
I hide things because of the pain that it brings me just to think of,
Let alone speak of,
Could you imagine if I told people and they brought it up by accident,
I hide things because I myself do not believe,
Or wish not to believe that things happened,
Idiotic stupid things,
Things I never thought I'd do,
So if you ever think that you are the only one with secrets,
Just think of this poem,
And think of this,
If no one in my life new that I wrote poetry until 2012,
What other secrets do I hide.

Some people say I'm a genius,
Some say I'm a natural born writer,
Some even go so far as to say I'm a poet,
But see that is not how I see it,
The way I see it
Is not that of writing or poetry,
But rather expression of emotion.
As I stand at work I begin to assemble phrases, words, and lines,
Because to truly write you must feel,
You must freely write your emotion,
To write the truest thing you must learn to let go of your darkest secrets,
You cannot let someones opinion of your poetry change you,
Because your poetry is your emotion incarnate,
Allow the words to flow from your mind to your pen to paper,
Allow an internal combustion of words because while others create masterpieces,
I create emotion.

Let's take a trip,
Let us enter into mentality,
Thoughts and dreams become scrambled,
Ideas and concepts blended and fused together,
Ideals and beliefs lead you right to the edge,
And then abandon you like childhood dreams,
You become trapped in your mind,
Your mind turns your own creativity against you,
As the bricks and cables you once used to build your world,
Turn on you and begin to assemble into the prison from which you cannot escape,
As you begin to memorize the pathway,
They close and rearrange behind you,
When you finally give in to your mind,
It transforms your prison into reactors,
The cogs of your mind turn faster and faster,
Your strength becomes stronger than your mind,
You begin to break the bonds that once held you,
Just in time for your mind to explode,
You cannot even begin to recognize yourself,
As rage and fury pour from you all other emotion lost,
In a Hellfire of Mentality.

I wanna start by asking a question,
How many of you feel love struck and heart lost,
I speak in a manner which breaks the normal bounds of formal poetry,
.
.
.
I sit at the kitchen table on Facebook,
The hands on the clock approach midnight,
For the last two days I have pondered a question my friend asked me,
It was stuck in my mind,
The cells of my mental prison,
Awaken,
They fire off thoughts, ideas, concepts, and questions to answer this question,
The echo they create is similar to that of a prison,
This question was solved for my friend but had a much deeper meaning to me,
Now when asked "Will you wait for me?",
What exactly does that mean,
In my case it means so much,
Now out of all these echoes,
One small one stuck out,
A whisper,
Repeating,
And repeating,
And repeating,
Like a broken record,
The idea that I must remove myself,
.
.
.
The appearance of unfaithfulness is stronger,
Than the thought, concept, or action,
Over the last five years,
I have fallen in love with my best friend,
She knows exactly how I feel and,
She admits that there is something,
Something,
Between us,
She admits although she has feelings for him,
She cannot help but second guess herself,
Over the last five years though,
I have given her reason not to,
I have given the appearance of unfaithfulness,
But...that stops now,
I have realized that "Will you wait for me?"
In my case really means "I will be with you but not until I know you won't hurt me."
.
.
.
I promise that I would never hurt her,
But I have broken that promise more than anyone,
Yet although she has 1001 reasons to leave she doesn't,
It is from this that I reason that neither of us wants to leave,
The thought of life without her is deadly,
It would take a genocide of heart,
Or a suicide of mind,
To make me leave,
Because this is where you left me,
This is where you will find me,
At the crossroads of what could be,
And the downfall of me.

She is the sun in the rain
She is the light in the dark 
She is the beat to my heart
She is more beautiful than a van gogh
More intricate than a 1000 piece puzzle 
More radiant than the sun
She is stronger than steel
But more fragile than glass
She is amazing in every aspect 
And
Well
.
.
.
She is the girl I love

Why do you love me?
That's what she always asks me
Well I finally came up with an answer I like
And its not that your smart funny cute ******* every guy says no
I love her because ..
Well because shes different 
Because she doesn't share the same thing all the other girls do 
Because she's not any other girl that why I love her

Detectives
They solve mysteries
One day I want to be a detective 
So that I can solve the mystery 
Of what could be 
Between you and me

Graduation
It comes so fast
Even when we know it is coming 
It never seems to come fast enough
Until that moment when it finally arrives 
And then it kicks in and we all wish we had more time
We are flooded with emotions 
From anger and sadness
To excitement and joy 
Saying goodbye to friends isn't hard
But saying  goodbye to the ones we've grown close to
The ones we've become brother and sisters with
The ones weve entrusted with our lives 
Those are the ones that are difficult to say goodbye to
If I had to say one thing about graduation I'd be torn between saying congratulations we did it 
And wishing that I could rewind time and spend all that time with those close to me again 
But I guess my finals words are goodbye to my class 
And
Let's not let go just yet to my close friends

I feel like glass
No that's wrong because you can still see reflections in glass
I feel like air 
No that's wrong because you can still see light through air
I feel like words
No that's also wrong because you can at least hear words when they are spoken
I guess that I am vacuum because when you look at me it's like nothing is here 
But wait 
I dot blame you directly for that I blame him
Yes your boyfriend if that's what you want to call him 
From this point in I'm going to call him your keeper 
Because although you feel he loves you
last night the things I saw were not love but anger in his eyes and fear in yours 
As I resisted the gut wrenching feeling to express to his face the emotions that flowed through me I held back in contempt
I held back to protect you from being hurt that I would do such a thing to him and keep him from ******* and complaining to you
Now I may not understand love 
But I have a pretty good idea and when I can be told from the other side of the country by the last person in the world I woul expect to say this 
That he does not love you but rather loves the feeling of controlling you for him it is like a drug he gets that high when he knows that you do what he wishes 
He gets a high from knowing that even when he ***** up that you will forgive him in the morning an not because he deserves it but because you fear him leaving 
I understand that you love him but his love for you faded long ago for him now it's just empty words he says to keep you on his hook
The way I look at you is in fear that I may never show you what love really is and that you will be stuck listening to his twisting words as he continues to control your life
That shouldn't be  my problem but it is because I love you and I fear for when he lets go 
A man very close to me once told me that a man who controls a woman's life is no real man and that a man who allows her to live her how she wants and is still there for her is the man she truly deserves
Now I'm not saying I'm better than him
But I am saying that he controls you I've seen it your friends have seen it your parents have seen but we all kept quiet trying not hurt you but I believe know because he has left that although this may hurt to read that it is time someone showed you the difference without him being able to twist it
I believe that now is the time when you must wake up and realize that he does not love you but loves controlling you 
I hope you realize that he's just trying to be your 
Keeper

I will forever love you MLG

"our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure,
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us,"
Marianne Williamson wrote those words in 1992
To me those words are still some of the most inspirational words
Have you ever heard of a suicide complex 
I'm willing to bet you have just not called a suicide complex 
Yes I mean suicide and no I do not mean a complex suicide 
That kid that you saw today walking down the hall thinks about killing himself everyday and doesn't because he can expect great things to come from his life
Why?
Maybe not because he is smart or charismatic or hard working but because he has beaten death,
Yes he continues his life because he believes that he is a beacon of hope for the hopeless,
That girl that everyone calls a ****
Has never once done a ****** thing
She has never thought of being sexually active 
She has held onto her boyfriend longer than any of you 
She has considered cutting her wrists and saving the trouble of ******* and name calling
But she doesn't because she knows there are people who love her while the people who call her a **** or ***** are just jealous because they don't have the life she does
That **** that everyone loves once thought about shooting up the school he once thought if no one would remember him for anything other than being that fat kid in 5th grade that he should be remembered for killing everyone he hated
But what changed
He found his calling
He found his sport and he is popular
In school he sticks with the jocks and outside he hangs out with the outcasts because they were with him before he was popular
I once thought about ending my very existence
I had never done anything important and probably never would
And I never believed people when they told me I would do great things with my life
I want you to know two thing about me 
I'm tired of pretending
I'm terrified of it ending
But because of you I will never let it end

Words unspoken 
I have left many words unspoken for the simple reason I never thought they'd need to be said
Every picture is worth a thousand words and every second I spend with you is a picture
Imagine if had said every word I could to you 
Imagine what I would say if I say I love you know what would I say if I could speak 1 thousand words for every second I'm with you 
A new poem every second
A new album every minute
A new feeling 
Haven't you ever left words unspoken that you wish you could say 
What about those half sentences you start and never finish
What about when you go to say something and end with nevermind
What about those texts you send that say can I ask something and instead of asking the real question you ask one you already know the answer to 
What about
What about
His words unspoken
My words unspoken
Their words unspoken
Everyone has them but only I wish I could tell you mine as badly as I wish I could 
Because every word unspoken is jump I never took

The only you I see
Fighting and bickering
Argument after argument 
You and him "love" each other but always fight
You say it's his fault
He says it's mine
He reacts by pointing the blame elsewhere
Because he is not strong enough to accept that he may be the real reason
His insecurity and untrusting 
His compassion is his greatest strength and most powerful weakness
He loves you so much hes afraid to take blame 
To take blame would mean he was wrong
To be wrong could mean losing you
He's upset because you still hang out with me
He's scared because he knows I love you 
He's scared because he knows I accept when I **** up 
He's scared because I might be the man he could never be
He's worried you will leave the man he is for the man 
He could be
The man
That I am
Because the only you that I see
Is the you in tryoust
Is the you in yous
Is the you and me
You will always be the better part of us
But I will always try to better part of me

Fury and rage
Hate and anger
Joy and happiness
Pain and desire
All great feelings at the right time 
But what about at the wrong time
The time when all you need is a clear mind and instead your feelings through themselves at you emotions fly like planes during pearl harbor 
Rage and fury become happiness and joy which turns to pain and suffering your mind says one thing your heart says another but your hands take control and you begin I write
Write
Write 
Write things you never imagined you'd say
Write things that blow people away
Write things that no one would ever know about you 
things you never wanted people to know about you 
Things
Things
Look at me, an explosion of words and phrases poems and feelings thoughts and expressions emotions
Pour out of me like the falls of niagra pumping and churning thousands of thoughts effortlessly pumping ideas from my mind to my paper 
An explosion of poetry 
An explosion of emotion
An explosion of my inner self
An explosion I tried to hide from the world

Red 
A vibrant shade 
A strong color
Used to depict so many things 
A color with a use other than just brightening life
Red is for love in roses
Red is for freedom in the us flag
Red is for stop while driving 
Red is for enemy in all my games 
Red is for her. 
The color that shone brightest on her 
The color that always made her beauty more beautiful
The color that i have come to know as joy 
As blush
As hearts and love
.
.
. 
And yet the color red
Is so dark 
So mysterious that you cannot explore every possibility 
Every direction which it takes
Every form it follows
.
.
.
Red is the brightest of colors 
Red is the darkest of colors
Red is the color I see before fading to darkness 
And enteral slumber

A world not so upside down

Has your world ever felt completely upside down
Like everything you do is wrong
Yea we all get that feeling
But I can promise that 
When you find someone special enough
Someone close to you 
Someone that means the world to you 
Your world won't be so upside down 
Two words: ******* 
Can ruin an entire day 
But three words :I love you
Can make a life so much better 
So to all those out there that seem lost
Seem forgotten 
Seen unimportant 
Just hold on its worth it
Trust me I did for 5 years 

M L G

What is your nightmare?

Is it being hurt left behind forgotten 
Maybe it's that clown or heights
Maybe it's having the person you care so much for leaving you 
Maybe it's death

Mine is her
She controls my life I do everything I can to make her happy 
I stay away from girls she doesn't like and talk to ones she does
I make friends with hers but what if
That isn't enough what if 
She just left and disappeared
What if I had never met her ? 

Where would I be now where would I be 5 years ago would I still be the guy I am better question would I still be 
She saved me so many times and she has no clue 
I love her
That's what people are starting to tell me
Why is it wrong to try for so long
Is it frowned upon because I'm "obsessed" or am just trying to show how I feel
How she makes me feel
How I 
Want
To
Make
Her 



Feel

I
Love 
You

MLG

Almost five years ago she was the first one to say hello to me,
Who would of known that such a simple thing like one word could change your whole life,
Here I sit writing this five years later,
Two days after our biggest fight,
She said hello and I said hi back that was all,
The spark of the best friendship that I've ever had and it started with hi just because I was new,
Her and I have been through so many things,
From helping her realize the controlling boyfriend she had when I met her to dealing with the new one,
From being friends to best friends,
I go everywhere with her and I never really thought much about it,
I always had feelings for her and sometimes I expressed them other times I felt  best not to,
I never thought she understood,
Until two days ago during our biggest fight,
She said I can't be your friend any longer,
When I asked why she said,
Because I can't be near you without wondering what we'd be like together,
Funny how things seem to work,
I guess that maybe when life throws you a lemon it's really just not quite ripe enough to give you candy,
It's funny to think that when she said "hello" she started my....
...
my butterfly effect.

My life never seemed so dark until six days ago,
You walked right by as if I had never existed to you,
I was your closest friend and now I don't know what to think,
Everything I've known for so long is changing because,
He speaks his words like the serpent in the bible,
Changing everything you used to know and making it seem like the world is backwards.
The saying when one door closes another opens is usually true,
But it seems like there is a delay on my door.
Maybe I'm just trapped in your world,
Like a shadow,
Seen but uncared for during the day,
Vanishing in the night,
I am just the shadow in your night.

Where should I try begin,
I guess I might as well say my life fell apart again,
And you just watched as my world began to cave in,
I guess five years didn't make a difference when it came down to it,
He convinced you to walk away with his words of hate,
You said it was my fault but all I ever did was watch out for you maybe,
Just maybe that's what I did wrong I tried to protect you,
I tried to save you from what I knew he would do,
He controls your life like a parent telling a child what to do,
He always says it is your fault when he screws up and says it won't work out if you talk to anyone he doesn't approve of,
Watching him spend the last two years tearing you from your friends and pushing us away,
He has made you dependent on him because you can't turn to us now,
It really doesn't matter anymore now though,
Cause you won't listen,so
What should I do,
Where can I go,
I guess I'm just
the
wrong
piece
of
two.

Procrasti....
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Oh yeah I was suppose to say something wasn’t I,