I am the foolish clown
Clumsily tripping through my life
Stumbling in public
Befooled I am
By my silly big shoes
Slip on a bannana
The whole world a laughter
Big buttons , bonkers hair
How do I dare
But I always need to share

Isolated I feel , Encaged I am
For this is the circus
Ring of my life
As the world is my audence
I am incircled with their laughter
Long lines of cackling heads
And long pointing fingers
Stare ,
layer apon layer
Filled up to my ceiling
I need a way of dealing
With these heavy loads of laughter
Painted on me like plaster

As I shade my face white
To hide my red flush
Painting a great smile
To hide my hidden hurt
But tears betray me
As they spill my make up
For I am the capital
Of false welbeing
My humilated heart
Bursts and springs
Into a torrent of tears
My eyes seek the ground
Away from the world
While my body embraces
A waterfal shape
For I am the new Niagra

As a young clown
My many tears held
In my giant belly
Fall and drop away into
An ocean of compassion
Where the love for the world
And myself are found
As I grow older I realise
There is nothing more
Healing than the laughter
Of your silly self
As my giant hollow belly
Resonates with a cackling Echo
As it becomes a cathedral
Of consuming Laughter
As I always laugh harder
Holding the world in my belly
A feathers tickle turns me to jelly
It laughter becomes my
Fulfilling devotion devotion

How they hold the center stage
While spreading their
Compassion an laughter
How I wish to understand
The tears and Laughter
Of a BEAUTIFUL CLOWN

I reject  God as he dances around
In his heavens in his expansive freedom
While the neglected human spirit
Remain chained to the confines
Of this world
While he sits back
Overlooks
With a neglectful apathy

All Gods drop away in my mind
As I turn my back on the Lord
I bow to the power of human spirit

Engulfed and surrounded
By the darkness of their mortality
I still see the defiance in their stair
Engulfed by a face of fear
Eyes shine bright like two
Sparkling stars in the dead of night  
Saying NO NO NO
To the darkness

TRAPPED TRAPPED TRAPPED
Deep down in their darkness
Buried under under under
FAR FAR FAR
From any heaven above
As they feel no God down here
BLACK BLACK BLACK
Pitch blackness , Coal
Crushes with an engulfing fear
From every side
Birth presses from below
And death presses from above
Compressed into an inescapable
       DARKNESS!!!

But the human spirit
Relentlessly fights back
Abandoned by God
It defiantly pushes back
At the darkness deemed to
Destroy it
Atoms of the soul
Unify themselves into
Perfect alignment
As they become an
Impenetrable army
That stands firm and says
No to the darkness
YOU SHALL NOT PASS

Crystallized under great
Pressure the soul
Becomes the perfect diamond
As nothing is stronger , harder
Greater than the human spirit

Even though my wounded pride
May wish to shower its havoc
And share its discontent
Spreading battles over many dark lands
Seeking its vengeance
As the sweet taste of the enemies pain
Would serve as the greatest aspirin
As breaking the smile of my
Gloating enemy , for my failure
Would quench the hatred in my heart
Like a thousand harsh winter
For that is where I stand
In a frozen land

Dare I melt the sea's of my frozen heart
As i sit in such silent peace
Though I may incline not to enter
The harsh world of relating
Where ego's smash against my heart
Alpha's roaring over my meek self
Leaving splinters in my bleeding heart
As they trample over me
Dispel yourself
For i seek the silent blissful path
Worthy yourself greatly , you may do
But I am a weary soul
Who grows tired of daily battle
And bored of your disrespect
Come only if you rest

Rest I must in Gods heart
And seek his help
Melt my heart Oh LORD
And cushion me in this world
As God you may be my parachute
And drain my vengeance
For its toxins , poison my blood
And spill me into darkness
A warming heart brings new remorse
To my violent soul
Shining a new light on all my errors
I seek forgiveness in the Lords presence
As I seek the new

Melting sea's renew memory's
Of broken hearts
The flow of new loving essence
Caress my many forgotten parts
Like a wet kiss from lost Love
Bringing tears and joy
In the same breath
Keep Away Keep Away
For I bath in the Love
Of lost nostalgia
Though the Love of lost lovers
Had raised me
That the stars were sprinkled
And sparkled in my heart
They felled me Like the giant Red Woods
Of California
Though I lived in the shadows
Of such heights
I seek the new
As I thank all the love of all lost love
With all the grace I can humbly offer
For their heights will become
My Stepping Stones

All dressed up for the ball
I remain locked away
From the dancing floor of love
Marooned on the side lines
As couples dance and swing
Within there completed circles
Am I to sing on the roof tops
Dance naked in the rain
What will it be
For them to see

As I silently beg
like a lost child
I wonder around a giant maze
Desperately looking for the center
And only find many dead ends
Searching with a fear
As a chasing Minotaur
Is on my back
As every romantic triumph
Dissolves into a chaotic car crash
I throw myself into
A swamp of disgust

I am the old romantic steam
Engine all run out of puff
Stationed on the platform of self
I am just a novel excursion
For the kind soul to play
Placed so so far away
In an antagonized frustration
I hammer the last nail into
The coffin of the other as all
Thoughts and dreams of a
Partner die buried in the ground
Bare foot on pebbles
I wobble in the thought
Of a life with aloneness

As many beasts surround me
Wishing to devour my happiness
Like a T-REX! I stand tall
And I gobble , them all ! up
YUMMY YUMMY
For my heart reins
Like a king over all
As it is my heart that sparkles
When the music plays
With many dashes and flashes
Fluctuating colors within my heart
I am a walking road show
A disco fever
With the Minotaur slain
I find the center of my maze

No longer at the mercy
Of the fickle other
Released from the confines
Of my political mind
A million jack in the boxes
Spring out of me
As I am surprised
By the many treasures
The Lord placed in me
As many ring and sing
All birds collect in me
In the end the old romantic
Finds his steam and iron strength
Puff puff puff into the country I chug
As i whined myself into Gods beauty

The death of the other
Can be the beginning
A deeper adventure
Into your sweet self
So off we all chug

Finding myself dismissed
For my slow speed
And small size
I see there is no use for speed in the eternal
As there is no use for size in the infinite
For I have the tortoise way
As God has given me this glorious shell
That the world may throw down
Its smugness and contempt on me
For it just rattles like rain of a roof
As I draw my head in
I hear the pitted patter
Of the world's pain softly
Raining down on me
I relax in the warmth of my own shell

They may keep their childish ways
Their one upmanship
For I do not seek the high road
But the low
Where my heart brushes with earth
And I feel close to God
For I love the earth so much
That I did not choose to be born
On two legs and tall
But on four legs and small
With my heart as close
To the earth as possible
For I love the earth so much

Bound to the earth I appear to all
As they laugh and chuckle
In their disregard
As I am humbled by the earth
And my own limitation
But God rewards me with long life
As he does many gentle souls
For I will be hugging the earth
When they are long gone
And their empires have fallen

Listening to the whispers of a tortoise
Will bring you great joy
For seldom will such love be matched
As they guard the earth
With their warm heart
And shield it from the harshness
Of the World
With their beautiful shell
Where underneath an intimacy
With the earth is fostered
and can only be known
By the beauty of a tortoise

Please do not ring
For your eyes sting
As I see the many failures
The shadows in your eyes
For I seek to hide
From the many mirrors
Of this world
Please pass me by
Dismiss me
For your presence hurts
My very wishes
Splitting my heart in two
And the blessing of others
Chisel my brow
Aged by my own hope

I star gaze into
The world of relating
Never has a breath of love
Felt so far away
But there is a beauty
In the midnight black
As I gazeee
The love between stars
Dances and plays
But as day turns to night
I switch of the light
Feeling the gravity
Of this earth
My heart seeks
An unconscious sleep
Where my head rests
In the soil of my mind

For I am a solitary saxophonist
Who echos his song across
The still silent lake at night
Stirring the leaves of the willow trees
Who stretch over the moon lite lake
Slowly I tread
Into the dark lake at night
The murky waters of my mind
Descending the waters of fright
Where devils and demons
Lurk out of sight
Where I seek to meet
The dwellers of the deep
To hear their hidden screams
Releasing the sounds
Of the forbidden wounds
That haunt the twilight night

As the world seeks to draw
Me into their petty quarrels
Their childish fights
As they play
Pitta patta , pitta patta
Bakers man
So that they may find their hands
I bath in the warmth of God
Protected by the many showers
Of many disappointments
That are sprinkled on many a love
As I seek a deeper silence
Where the world flees from
I seek to find a solace
As I bring much company
To the many painful parts
Searching to cushion them
With a gentle love
Harvested from the oceanic realms
One we all may find
If we simply care to look

Taking breath to feel
The great aloneness
Can be a nervous task
But our many demons and angels
Will all be found
Standing close so very close
Hand in hand cheek to cheek
One the doctor ,one patient
So finding the treasures of our deep
Will bring you a great new sweep
As we wipe my feet clean
Before I enter another soul

Bereft of all dignity
Stricken with wounds of humiliation
My shield of honor ripped away
As I am trampled under foot
And dragged for all to see
Bellowing screams steal
The dark caverns of my belly
Like a thousand lost souls
Leaving my mind destitute

Fearing the worst
And Sensing the forces of pride gathering
As he searches for an allie
The soul cries out
NOT TONIGHT , NOT TONIGHT
The soul sinks into solitude
And prays for silence
But all is lost
As pride rings the trumpets of war
For freedom has joined his side

The heart splits in two
Half a heart cries for lost love
All dreams like caged birds set free
Released into the vast blue skies
By the powers of freedom
The soul watches powerless
As they drift away
While the other half roars
like 10 Hungary Lions

Pride picks up his shield of honor
And defiantly stairs
Into the eyes of fate
Carried forward on the chariots of freedom
That know no boundary
Between life and death
The enemy shudder
As with his last breath
He spits in there face

Broken free he now floats
Freely , on the cool winds
With all the caged birds
He has now set free