the feeling of
Needing to be accepted is so
common; universal.
I am not special.
pleaselikemepleaselikemepleaselikeme
your Eyes judge me; My Soul is bared to you.
iAmSoftAndiAmDisgusting
I do not plead; I only suffer. spare no mercy.
I wonder many things. (when is it "too much"?)
I think on many things. (when is it "not enough"?)
thinkthinkthinkthinkthinkthink
and it ***** Me Into The Deep Dark-
...
Oh. A response.
(how silly of me)

ashes are the softest thing i ever walked through
softer than clouds
softer than rabbit fur
softer than Remi fur
white ashes are dead, black ashes can still burn
watching their skeletons appear as the carbon is all burned up
leave it for a day and check tomorrow
walk barefoot through the dry ashes
burn your foot on buried charcoal
still smoldering
I want to burn you out of my head until it’s all pale and dead forever
only then can I walk amongst your memories contentedly
There’s nothing left to hurt me anymore

no tomorrow. bad tomorrow- hate tomorrow.
tomorrow bad. tonight good. good you.

(in bluntest terms I can describe-  
with that little voice I always hide-
my day, my life, my train of thought,
lain out before you.)

I haven’t even loved anyone since you
I used others to try and feel better
Maybe if I try I will love them
And I never truly did, I think
(I don’t even know anymore)
I’m cruel and heartless, truly
using others to try and pull away from you
so just try and forget it.
you know you can’t.
You were even aesthetically pleasing when paired with me
first in many things, you and yours were my people
i can’t believe i still write about you
think about you
care about you
Love you
are you like a brother? or are you like a lover?
either way, you were the closest to me
Even today I’m still trying to pick the bits of you out of the most of me
where does your influence end and my life begin?
I can’t let myself date someone else until i feel a love for them, a real kind of love
(like the one i feel for you)
I’m still waiting to feel
using others to try and fill in the gaps doesn’t work, but for some reason i still want to do it