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 May 2017 Abigail C Bee
Max
If not for my sharpie
My wrists would have more scars
My sharpie is my substitute
For objects that are sharp

So instead of carving  my wrists
I draw on them instead
If not for my sharpie
I truly would be dead
Mike Hauser has inspired me. He told me I should post it so here it is.
 May 2017 Abigail C Bee
Max
Poetry
 May 2017 Abigail C Bee
Max
People wonder why
I write poetry

Poetry is a rapless rap
A beatless beat
An instrument free song

Poetry Is an express thing
And nothing you say is wrong

Poetry is not judgmental
It doesn't break others hearts

It helps you out
When you have doubt
It is a form of art

This is my canvas
My words are the paint
I make no masterpiece
But in poetry
there is no mistake

So to answer you're question
I'll be concise
I write poetry
because it is nice
I'm currently in a poetic mood
not asking for a lot,
but will you be the friend
of mine that I can just
casually fall in love with?
O.K
That'd be great. Thanks
 Apr 2017 Abigail C Bee
Max
Tears
 Apr 2017 Abigail C Bee
Max
I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes
I don't know why I wake up and cry
There are dreams I have that remind me of you
I am nothing without you
I don't know what to do
You would always protect me
Now I'm on my own
Now that I am without you
I'm all alone
You were my cousin and my only freind
But I know one day I'll see you again.

Because death comes to all
That's a natural thing
But yours came too early

Your life ended at only 14
But I'm strong
Because you'd want me to be
I'm not sure where to start
Not certain where's the end
I've got some observations
and some reservations....

Observation Number 1
Take care of yourself
Which seems complicated to do when all I can think about is...did that little girl sleep tonight, or did she stay up tortured by the images of her ******

Number 2
Competence is necessary
Of course I already knew this
But apparently in some it doesn't exist
Competence means knowledge it means understanding
Competence is knowing that this family didn't magically appear with issues
No, its been generations, cycles of people whose one commonality, other than DNA, is struggle
Struggle of addiction, struggle of poverty, struggle of depression, struggle to be happy
Competence means understanding that policies are also barriers to real change sometimes

Which leads me to observation Number 3
Policy
It's complicated, it's bureaucratic
It's sometimes diplomatic.
It's the reason we have registered *** offenders
But also the reason we had severe DFCS budget cuts
It's why my client can never seem to have enough money to provide for all 3 of her children

Reservations?
Am I cut out for this? Can I really evoke change?
Can I handle hearing about another 12 year old being abused?Can I really watch another child cry while they're separated from the mother that beat him unconscious?

Maybe it’s my passion to heal those who are broken
Maybe it's because for years I listened on the phone while someone I loved told me about what HE did to her over and over
Day after day
From age 10 until I'm not even sure when it ended
Maybe it's because I have my own story and troubles that I wish someone could've saved me from

But when I look in a child's eyes and see that longing for happiness
That longing for normalcy
I know this is where I belong

Here in social work
With the good, the bad, the ugly
The unknown
I can't let the fear of failure dominate me
I have too many lives to change
H-hard-working
A-absolutely hate life
Y-young
L-lazy
E-excited
E-especially a disappointment
I'm very lazy
Honestly though
I've been asleep too long
dreaming of nonsense
continuing to stay drowsy
and drunk on my dreams
Love is confusing
I really don't get it
Some days I really wish
That I could just forget it
Some days I feel like I'm normal again
That your out of my head
But  then one look in your ocean blue eyes
And that's it
I've fallen in love again
He's really In my head I guess.
I don't know what this poem will be about for you
or even what it will be for me
but hopefully it will help all of us*

Struggles
they are, sadly, a thing
Depression
that's also a character
how do we cope?
Humans run
we run to places that make us feel safe
music. art. writing.
little safe havens that we can all go to
and I hope that my writing can be one for you.
O.K
Obviously clumsy
Living with it well
Indecisive for sure
Very loud and over excited
Irreplaceable one of a kind
A** bad poet that pays no mind
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